Dead and Gone
by Dauntris
Summary: Gang Story! I take no credit for chapters 2-10 or any of the songs used in this story. Rated T/M for language, drugs, and violence. Divergent and all characters belong to Veronica Roth. My beta reader is Wolfie30. No lemons. I have no personal experience. Everything is researched. If asked to be taken down, I will. No exceptions. Maybe HEA. (On Hiatus)
1. Prologue

_**DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL OF IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!**_

* * *

(Tris POV)

 _"Ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone  
And ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone_

 _Ever had one of dem days, you wish woulda' stayed home  
Run into a group of niggas, getting they hate on  
You walk by, they get wrong you reply  
Then shit get blown  
Way outta proportion, way past discussion  
Just you against them, pick one then rush 'em  
Figure you'll get your head ?  
That next, they don't wanna stop  
There now they bussin', now you gushin', ambulance  
Rushin' you to the hospital, with a bad concussion  
Plus ya hit four times, plus it hit ya  
Spine paralyzed waist down, now ya wheel chair bound  
Never mind that now, you lucky to be alive  
Just think it all started you, fussin' with three guys  
Now ya pride in the way, but ya pride is the way you  
Could fuck around, get shot die any day  
Niggas die, every day all over  
Bull shit dope money dice, game ordinary hood shit  
Could this be, 'cause of hip hop music  
Or did the ones, with the good sense  
Not use it, usually niggas  
Don't know what to do, when their back against the wall  
So they just start shootin'  
For red or for blue or for blo' I guess  
From Bankhead or from your projects  
No more stress, now I'm straight  
Now I get it now I take time to think  
Before I make mistakes, just for my family's sake  
That part of me left yesterday, the heart of me is strong today  
No regrets I'm blessed to say, the old me dead and gone away_

 _Ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone  
And ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone_

 _I ain't never been scared, I live through tragedy  
Situation coulda been dead, lookin' back at it  
Most of that shit, didn't even have to happen  
But you don't think about it, when you out there trappin'  
In apartments hangin', smokin' and rappin'  
Niggas start shit didn't, next thing ya know we cappin'  
Get locked up, then didn't even get mad  
Now think about damn, what a life I had  
Most of that shit, look back just laugh  
Some shit, still look back just sad  
Maybe my homeboy, 'till be around  
Had I not, hit the nigga  
In the mouth that time, I won that fight, I lost that war  
I can still see my nigga, walkin' out that door  
Who'da thought I'd never see, Philant no more  
Got enough dead homies, I don't want no more  
Cost a nigga his job, cost me more  
Ida took that ass-whoopin', now for sure  
Now think before I risk my life  
Take them chances to get my stripe  
A nigga put his hands on me alright  
Otherwise stand there, talk shit all night  
'Cause I hit you, you sue me  
I shoot you, get locked up, who me?  
No more stress, now I'm straight  
Now I get it now I take  
Time to think, before I make mistakes  
Just for my family's sake  
That part of me left yesterday  
The heart of me is strong today  
No regrets I'm blessed to say  
The old me dead and gone away_

 _Ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone  
And ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone_

 _I turn my head to the east  
I don't see nobody by my side  
I turn my head to the west  
Still nobody in sight  
So I turn my head to the north  
Swallow that pill  
That they call pride  
The old me is dead and gone  
But the new me will be alright  
I turn my head to the east  
I don't see nobody by my side  
I turn my head to the west  
Still nobody in sight  
So I turn my head to the north  
Swallow that pill  
That they call pride  
The old me is dead and gone,  
But the new me will be alright_

 _Ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone  
And ooh, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just trying to find, my way back home  
The old me, is dead and gone, dead and gone"_

There goes my favorite song on the radio at the club. _Great job, right? Especially at sixteen years old._ At least I don't have to be one of the strippers. I just serve drinks behind the bar. I've always loved this song. I'm hoping in the future, the old me is dead and gone. But, my future isn't looking so bright right now and I can't give up anything that I'm doing right now. I have to take care of myself. I'm pretty anti-social. I don't trust anybody. I live alone in my own apartment in the damn ghetto and I'm pretty sure nobody would want to interfere with anyone around. Fuck, I can't even look anyone's way. Even if it's just by surprise. They'll skin you alive.

I hate getting to the part of the song that says "Time to think, before I make mistakes. Just for my family's sake". _Yea, it's too late now_. _Because of me, my parents are dead. And to clean up my mistakes now? For their sake? My parents wouldn't care anymore, I'm sure. I was the cause of their death. They can't love me anymore._

I sigh as I finish wiping down the last table for the night. I walk to the back room behind the bar and dispose of the rag into the basket needed for washing. Peter Hayes takes care of that. God, I hate working with him. His appearance is really different from his personality. His appearance gives off angelic features even though on the outside, he's an asshole. He is tall with dark, shiny hair that always gleams. He has a wide, white smile, his nose is long with a narrow bridge and his eyes are wide and dark green. However, those looks are very misleading. He is extremely cruel, jealous, and ambitious.

 _What the hell am I saying? I shouldn't even be talking crap. I'm no better myself._ I have a narrow face, grayish-blue eyes that are wide and round, and a long, thin nose. I have straight blonde hair that frames her face, a long neck, and knobby-knuckled hands. The only thing interesting about me is the three ravens I have tattooed on my collarbone. I got them for each family I left behind. My mother, Natalie, my father, Andrew, and my brother, Caleb. Well, Caleb left me behind but I deserve it.

And talking about attitude? Well my attitude is no better. I'm probably the dumbest, selfish person you will ever meet but I could care less. You will never get close to me or in my life so it's not a problem for me. So yea, I guess I am selfish and what's worse is I was born not to be **.**

I'm nothing pretty. Nothing special. Just there. Alive and breathing. Even though I'm struggling to stay alive.

My name is Beatrice Prior but I only want people to call me Tris. Well, beside when I'm doing my dirty work. My clients only will address me as "Six". Yea, I know, stupid name but I need something so that can't get the cops on me. I decided the name "Six" because each one is the memory for the only people I cared for in my life. My mom, my dad, Caleb, My neighbors Susan and Robert her were my friends when I was younger, and a school friend I had when I was younger, Christina. However, I haven't seen her in years. Once I turned sixteen, I dropped out of school and ran away. I know in the beginning I said I was sixteen but now I'm almost seventeen. _What was I supposed to do? Stay at school and be noticed for the selfish person I am? While your family can no longer be there for you?_

You may think it's nothing. It's only been half a year. Yea. Well it's also been half a year since I secretly got an apartment on my own, have hidden from the cops, and gotten my own jobs. I may live in a bad area but at least it's affordable and as long as you fuck with no one, you won't get hurt. We don't rat each other out unless you want to get hurt. I'm happy that's all I have to worry about because I don't hang out with anyone. I don't have to worry about the rest; prostitution, gangs, shootings, etc. But I do have a dangerous job I guess.

You think I would just be able to make my money to live just working at the bar? Ha! I have my own side job which gets me butt loads of money. I'm a drug dealer. I'm very careful with who I deal with, however. In this area, I'm the place to go for drugs because I only make the best. Although, not everyone gets it. If I don't trust them or somewhere along the line, I won't give them drugs and I never get caught with the police or cause any problems with anybody else around here.

I know what you might be thinking. But wouldn't they know already and rat you out? Truth is, you can be known for it around here but rumors spread through fast. And not every one of them is true. So if someone I didn't like were to come up to me, I would just act like the whole time I didn't know why they were talking to me and acted like I'm an innocent person with no drugs.

I take off my work clothes and change into my regular clothes. That's another one of the reasons I hate working here. Someone could see me changing and I could do nothing about it. I can't demand them to do anything or get forceful. I would take the clothes home to clean them but this this place is owned by my cheapskate boss and he would never settle for us losing any of the clothes. Or so he says…I just think he's a sick fuck.

I jump up when I hear Peter's malicious voice behind me. "About done, Stiff? Hurry the hell up. By you taking too much time, you're wasting more of my time and I have to stay here longer than you. I have plans tonight."

Stiff. God, I hate that nickname he has for me. It's a way of saying that I only live one way and don't do anything fun in my life. I just live a boring life to him. Yea, well at least I don't have as big of a chance of getting shot unlike him.

"Whatever, Peter. The only "plans" you have is to go be a sick asshole and fuck a prostitute. I wouldn't be surprised if you have STDS." I say and roll my eyes.

I can feel the tension in the room and as I look to Peter, he has a deadly glare on his face and I can see the heat radiating off of him. "At least I can get in bed with someone." He bites back.

He's so childish. I breathe in deeply to keep my cool as I lace up my shoes. I throw my work clothes at him and walk out. "Bye, asshole." I say as I grab my tips from the counter and leave the bar.

I pull my hoodie on as I get outside and pull my hood over my head. I have to make one more stop before I go to my apartment. I pass the train tracks and take a detour three blocks away from my apartment to see one of my clients. I don't use alleyways unlike other cliché and stupid first-timers or other drug dealers. I meet every client at the same run down, abandoned building. That way, our conversations can be private.

I start to jog since it's almost midnight and well, the hood comes alive at night. Parties, drugs, drinkers, car races, rap battles, you name it. I'm not going to lie though; I did love watching the rap battles. People seem to believe that leads to violence but that's bull. It can but it normally doesn't unless you get two violent enemies together. Besides that, it's all cool between everyone and even though they insult each other, they understand it's nothing personal or they know just not to take it that way.

I reach the building, knock on the door six times, and it opens. "Hey, Six. Where's the drugs." My client asks.

His name is Tyler and he is a muscular man. He's ok looking to me. I've never been one for caring about looks. It's always been about personality and no one has ever caught my eye to be a love interest or something. _Love? Am I even capable of that?_

Most people like him don't seem to take me seriously once they meet me but thanks to the rumors, whether they are believed or not, I've made a name around here and at sixteen, I could brag. But I'm not stupid enough to do that. Plus, I'm not one for attention.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Show me the money first. You know better." I say in my authoritative voice.

He sighs and takes out his money, handing it over to me. I count $200 and nod. "I can give you an eight ball." I say.

"You're too damn expensive." He huffs.

"Would you rather trust me or some beginner around here?" I ask as I hand over the baggy of cocaine. I don't even know why I surround myself with drugs. I don't use them and the smell of them gives me a damn headache. But like I said, it pays. And it pays well.

"You're as much of a beginner as anyone else here." Tyler says, crossing his arms and tilting his head slightly.

"And I've done a better job than most so far." I say with a smile as I walk out of the building.

I jog the three and a half blocks back to my apartment. It would let all of the steam off of me from the day so far and I enjoy running. As I run back, I watch as all the prostitutes come out, the guys, the drinks, the yelling. When I get to my complex, I walk up the steps and unlock my door. I walk in, lock the door, and throw myself onto my bed. I'm so, damn, exhausted. I hear the shouting outside as my lids start to close but I've gotten so used to it now. It's a lullaby.

* * *

I groan as I hear my annoying loud alarm beeping. I peek my eyes open to see its 7:00 a.m. I slam my hand down on the alarm to shut it off and the rickety wooden night stand beneath it, rocks a bit. I throw my comforter off of my body and sit up unwillingly. My muscles are so tense from sleeping on this hard mattress and rickety springs. I roll my neck and stretch my arms to pop my muscles in my neck and back.

I jump up and go to my bathroom. I turn on the water, brush my teeth and strip of my clothes before getting in the shower. It takes way too long to get just warm. Not hot, warm. I relish in the only moment I have of serenity during my whole day as the water hits my back.

After taking a shower, I dry up and get dressed in my grey tank top and sweatpants. I dry my hair and brush it out before putting my hoodie on and pulling the hood over my head. I grab my keys and walk out of my apartment, locking it behind me. I walk down the stairs then start running to the bar once I hit the ground. I usually have about fifteen minutes to get there and change so I hurry as fast as I can.

Once I get to the club, I go behind the bar and speed walk to the back and change into my work clothes which Peter put in my bag for me. I have no problem with that because I know better than to put any cash or valuables in my bag. I quickly change clothes and wipe the sweat off my forehead with my hoodie. I put on some deodorant then go out to the bar.

I seriously hate the clothes my boss has us wearing. He tried to get us all to wear these revealing dresses but that doesn't work for me. And not trying to brag, but me having to work for you, means a lot. So he decided to "grant" my wishes. At least the clothes he has me wearing is better but it still makes me mad. _Why does everyone have to be so horny and look at women's bodies like meat?_

My clothes consist of a tight crop top and a flannel shirt wrapped around it so it's showing my belly. That's the only part of me anyone will be seeing if anything. Then I put on my black, leather jeans. I put my hair up in a bun so it doesn't get anywhere. And don't forget the nametag. The only name I allowed on there of course was "Tris".

I take a deep breath and put on the best smile I can. When I go out behind the bar, everyone is always so surprised because it's a girl working behind the bar when they should be working on the pole. Only the guys work behind the bar. But they certainly haven't met me. I won't take shit from any of them and if they want me to work for them, we do it my way.

I'm not going to lie, I get annoyed by guys that whistle and always call me over. Those guys are the ones that like "taking control" women but they won't ever get in my panties. They can go straight over to the strippers who will bend to their will. Apparently, I seem to come off as a slut because they think I'm someone that would easily have sex with them. They could care less about looks. They just want a reliever and I know it.

I try to get through every day keeping my cool and keeping a smile on my face. Even though most of the times I just want to punch these assholes. They need to take it down a notch. As I'm taking orders and serving drinks, I always try to stay nice and calm towards the douches. Even when they give me the nastiest comments. Whether they're being mean or sexual. That's what people don't understand when it comes down to the case of being a waiter or something. They get all kinds of shit yet have to stay sweet like nothing bothers them.

And ohhhhhh the worst part of working at the bar is when a guy insists on drinking until he can barely see or sit on the damn chair and then I'm told to take care of them. _What the hell? I'm not their nanny._ They can take care of themselves. They are apparently old enough to drink out of their asses.

I go to the next guy at the bar and I hear a gasp escape me. _This man is hot. He is handsome._ He has a spare upper lip, and a full lower lip. His eyes. They catch me off guard. They are so deep-set that his eyelashes touch the skin under his eyebrows, and they are dark blue, almost black. He has a small patch of lighter blue on his right iris, right next to the corner of his eye. His hair is dark, almost black and he has a bit of stubble on his face. I can see a small scar on his chin. He seems quiet, self-possessed, and intimidating. He is muscular, nothing on his body yields. He has a faint hallow beneath his cheekbone and taut, defined forearms. I can see a tattoo peering out of the back of his t-shirt. _What the hell? I've never studied someone as much as him and I've never seen this guy before._

He's not alone. He has a friend next to him chatting his head off. He is a light-skinned black guy with bright, brown eyes. His hair is short and black. He is as tall as the guy next to him but blue-eyes is definitely more muscular.

Score! I get to serve two hot cuties. Hopefully their attitude isn't bad because that would definitely kill all the hope I had for these two. Not in dating of course or getting close. That's a big no for me. But hopefully, they are as nice as they come off and I can finally have a day serving a nice person.

Blue-eyes' voice brings me out of my trance. His voice is deep and it rumbles, yet it's also low and smooth, almost soothing. "You good?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

I can feel the heat in my cheeks. Wow, I've already made a fool of myself. I cough to gather my courage to speak and look down for a second before looking back up at the both of them. "Sorry, my name is Tris. What would you guys like to drink today?" I ask and give a small smile. The darker one smiles at me but blue-eyes almost glares. It's weird. He glares yet his eyes still seem thoughtful. But he's still glaring. And my blush is getting worse by the minute.

"Two glasses of whiskey." The darker skinned guy answers for them both.

"Ok. I'll be right out with your drinks and the menu. If you guys would like anything to eat also?" I ask. _Please say yes. I could use the money._

Blue-eyes looks to the darker guy and he nods. "Sure." The darker-skinned one answers once again. God, how much I wasn't to hear blue-eyes' voice again.

I go to the fridge behind me and the two other workers and grab a whiskey. I grab two glasses, set them on a table, and pour the whiskey into it. I put the whiskey back in the fridge and bring back the glasses and two menus. They're small menus. We don't serve much. Just stuff like cheese sticks.

"What exactly is good here?" The dark-skinned one asks. He wants me to recommend something?

I bite my lip and look down, shaking my head a bit. I put a small smile on my face, trying to hold it in. "Nothing." I mouth.

"Foreal?" He asks.

"Yea." I say and nod my head a little, keeping my head down a bit. I can't let the boss, manager or the two other guys hear me talk crap.

"Is there something we can eat that won't kill us?" He asks.

"As long as it doesn't have meat, you're good." I joke but I'm actually serious. He seems to understand me, though. They both seem to look at each other as they go over the menus. "I'll give you guys some time and be back in a bit. Is that ok?" I ask with a smile.

The both nod to me and I smile before leaving. Now it's time for me to fake my smiles. A bunch of dudes that I can already see are going to be assholes.

I go to another guy and his buddy. I don't even have time to take in any of their appearance. They already seem like a bunch of arrogant pricks. "Hello, my name's Tris. What can I get you two to drink today?" I ask and fake a smile.

"How about you." One of them says.

"Sorry, I'm not on the menu." I say, trying to stay kind. Sometimes, it makes me want to cry because I seem to come off as a slut that a good quick fuck.

"Aww, that's a shame. What about later tonight? You gonna work the pole or come home with me?" He asks.

"Sorry, but I don't do the stripper thing and if you want someone to take home, you could wait and ask one of the actual strippers about that." I say.

"But I want you." He pushes.

"Unfortunately I'm not a whore." I say kindly but it apparent I'm pissed. Even to him. He takes the hint and backs off but not without a fight back.

"You sure look like one, wearing tight skinned clothes and showing skin." He says.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I change the topic. "So, have you found out what you want to have to drink?" I ask.

"Just send one of the guys to me. I don't trust a woman making my drinks." He snarls.

I roll my eyes and walk over to Brad, one of the guys I work with and he says he'll take over the two guys for me. I thank him and walk over to brown and blue eyes. "So, have you guys figured out what you want to order? If you want to order?" I say with a small smile. I'm just trying to get that other asshole off my mind.

"Yea, I think Four and I got it." Brown-eyes says.

I gasp. _Four? Why is his name a number? I didn't think anybody did that except for me. Has he heard of me? Does he know me?_

"Are you okay?" Four asks, tilting his head. Suddenly, his soothing voice calmed me down.

I nod my head and take out my notepad. "Uh-mm go ahead and tell me what you would like." I say.

"The quesadillas…without the meat." Four says.

"Alright, I'll have that right out. My name is Tris if you need anything." I say.

I take their menus and place them back on the pile then give the note to the chef in the back. I go on for a while taking others orders, making drinks, taking insults, and faking my smile to everyone else.

I hear the bell rings in the back and go back to get everyone's orders. I hand Four's and brown-eyes food last because I know they have patience. Even though I hate having to do that since they're good people.

Everybody seems happy at the bar so I lean against a stool near the back but still in front at the bar. I look down and take deep breaths trying to keep it together. I got through a day. It'll be fine. I look up at the clock behind me. It reads 8:50 p.m. Good, people will start getting done with their food and go watch the strippers. Thank God it's Friday. Thanks to the strippers, everyone takes their attention elsewhere and all I have to do is clean up the bar without any distractions then once the strippers are done, everyone has to leave anyways so I can clean while no one's here.

All of a sudden, the lights go dark and the stage lights come on. I grin. Finally! Everybody gets up to leave except for Four and brown-eyes. They stay but I don't have a problem with them. I'll just clean up around them while the other two bartenders leave for the night. As long as I don't have to put up with assholes, I'm fine doing my job.

I take all the baskets for the food, dump everything in them, and then take it to the back for the chef to wash then come out and take the glasses back too. I come back with a small bin I use to dump trash in and a napkin. I wipe everything on the bar off onto the bin then clean off the bar top with Lysol and a rag. All while doing this, I take the tips left for me at the bar. I take out the mop from the back and clean the floor behind the bar.

Once I'm done, I blow my hair out of my face and sit down on the stool. I pull the money out of my pockets and count it. Only $30. Hm, well that's all you get when you work at a bar like this that only serves assholes. I must have let a lot of men down today when I corrected them I was not a whore.

"Hey, Tris." I hear the familiar voice of brown-eyes say. I look up and raise an eyebrow. "Well, doesn't your attitude change when you're not working." I chuckle.

"I just don't talk as much in reality." I correct him but that's all I say. I won't say much more.

"Hey you're like Four here." He says nudging Four. "Always yelling at everybody when he's doing his job but in reality, wants nothing to do with anyone." Brown- eyes says.

I give a small grin then look back down at the cash I collected. " _Fuck._ " I think to myself. I need to go sell something soon. I'm running short. These apartments are $200 a month and I don't eat every day. I don't have the money for it. I try to eat only when I'm hungry so it doesn't affect me much but even then, it affects my health because I'm sure eating once every three days isn't that great.

"What was that?" Four asks.

I said that out loud. "Oh, um sorry. I was just…thinking." I say and bite down on my lip. _SHIT._

"Why don't you come sit over here with us?" Brown-eyes asks.

"No. I don't want to interfere. I'm fine, really." I say. I can't start a friendship. Whatever this is, I need to cut it off now.

"Tris, it's fine. It'd be cool to get to know you." He says.

I let out a breath of air. I can't be mean. Especially to them when they've been the brightness of my day so far. I just nod and take a deep breath. " _Just watch what you say_." I remind myself.

I pull the stool over to them, while keeping a bit of space between us. Brown-eyes decides to start the conversation. "So, sorry I didn't introduce myself but I'm Zeke. And I'm pretty sure you might have picked up his name already." He says with a grin and I nod.

After a bit of silence, he speaks up once again. "You're really not much of a talker are you? It surprises me. Even after that incident at the bar."

"You-you heard all of that?" I ask with wide eyes. Oh please don't tell me-

"Everyone heard you." He says. Yup.

"Did the other bartenders hear?" I ask.

"IIIIIIII think sooo?" He asks/states.

I run my hands through my hair, undoing my bun accidently. I decide to let it go and shake my head a little to let the hair fall and run my hands through it. Four is staring at me now with a different look. _Is that good? I'm worried now._

"Sorry, I didn't mean for you guys to hear that. I'm….not supposed to say anything like that." I say.

"Why not? He was being inappropriate." Four speaks up.

I shake my head a little. "It's just….the way it is. No matter what happens, I'm not allowed to resort to violence or talk back." I say. "Fake smile and sweet talk is the only way I can do my job." I joke. He doesn't seem to take it that way, though. "Four, its fine. I'm good at this. Nothing's happened to me and I've learned to put up with people's crap." I say.

"Well you shouldn't have to put up with them. Why can't they put other girls in here and give you a better job?" He asks. "Without stripping." He adds.

I bite my lip. "It's a business deal my boss and I had. This is a sexist place. We're only seen as tools. I won't work in those conditions, though and he wanted me to work for him. So, I got to be behind here, not stripping. It pays ok." I say with a shrug. _That sounds believable, right? Plus, I didn't lie. I just didn't tell the whole truth._

I'm saved from answering anymore personal questions when I hear a cheer and I look passed the guys to see that the girls are strutting out and to the poles. The guys are confused by the cheer and turn around to turn right back around again. I giggle. "You sure you don't wanna go speak to those girls? Instead of this one?" I ask.

"I'm not into whores either." Zeke jokes. "Plus, I got my own girl." Aww, that's so sweet. It brings a smile to my face. It seems to go away when I realize he didn't say we. _Does that mean Four uses girls?_ I can feel my face fall. _I thought he was different._

 _Oh, shut the hell up, Tris. You're such a hypocrite. Talking about a perfect man in front of you being totally different than who you thought while you just get worse by the minute the more someone gets to know you. Plus, what would a guy like him want with you? Shit, what would any guy? It seems to anyone you're a whore._

The cheering gets louder and louder the more we sit here. "I don't think we'd be able to talk much. Especially over the sound of them. You guys might want to get out of here anyways. It's not safe here at night." I say.

"Hun, we go through a lot worse every night. We know this place. This is safe compared to us." Zeke says. I scowl. What would they know of living in a place like this? I watch as Four elbows him in the ribs to shut him up.

I'm not going to push them on anything, though. I know what that's like. Not wanting to tell anyone. I mean, shit, I have absolutely no friends and that's because of my decisions to not get close or give any secrets.

Before Four can start a rant on him, I intervene. "Don't worry about it. I won't ask." I say and Four seems to visibly calm down. I look to Zeke and point a finger at him. "But you don't ever call me hun." I say and squint at him. I'm being nice but I'm serious about it.

Zeke puts his hands up in defense. "Geez, feisty." He says. I smile and yawn.

I'm so tired. Maybe I can just clean up after them and come back earlier in the morning to clean up the rest of the club. I'll ask my boss. I don't think he'll have a problem. I usually do this, especially on nights they have strippers out because I don't like staying outside of my apartment at night. "I think I'm going to ask my boss if I can leave and come back tomorrow morning to clean up the rest of the club." I say and stand.

"Don't you think you break your back enough?" Zeke asks, incredulously. I chuckle.

"No. It's a way of survival." I say simply then clean up their area before going to the back and asking my boss about it. Of course, he has no problem since he knows I'm always on time and do my job.

I go to where I change and change back into my grey tank top and sweatpants then pull my grey hoodie over me. I walk past the bar and Zeke calls after me, "Hey, wait!" I turn around to look at him. "Don't we have to pay?" He asks.

"It's on the house. Thanks for being my favorite customers!" I say with a smile then walk out of the club.

It's the least I could do for them. Especially since they probably won't be coming back since it's their first time here and the first time I've seen them. Plus, this will be the last time I talk to them. They may have been nice guys but again, I don't like getting close to people. I run home since it's already night and I want to make sure Four or Zeke don't find me. I get to my apartment, lock the door, and pass out on the bed, not bothering to change clothes.

* * *

(Tobias POV)

Zeke was able to somehow get me to leave the Dauntless compound and go out just the two of us. He said that since we were best friends we should be hanging out more and he's apparently heard of this club in another crappy neighborhood that we should try out.

I groan when I hear were going to a club. There's going to be whores and strippers. Of course, that wouldn't seem like a problem to most guys but girls find me appealing somehow and I can't get rid of them. However, I'd be lying if I said that's the only reason. Whores stick together and I don't want to see any I know. I use to take my frustration out on them and I'm ashamed of myself. I've always been a screw up and I just use girls like they're toys. Well, I guess that's why I belong in Dauntless. I've been a screw up since I was born and Dauntless is full of damaged. We take in the runaways, the addicts, the forgotten, basically, the streets. But we only take in the best. Our gang is huge and known to everyone. Everyone thinks we're just violent assholes.

I won't lie, many of us are but that's not what the gang is about. We're just like a big ass family since we don't have real ones of our own. Our gang runs together. We all work even though it's dirty work; robbing, selling drugs, beer runs, shootings, underground fights, gambling, rap battles, you name it. But we'll put money down on everything. We use the money to keep our compound running, giving jobs, apartments, etc. There are better jobs than what I mentioned. We can also work in the compound like leaders, tattoo artists, surveillance, etc. I'm an initiate trainer. Every year, Dauntless brings in new recruits and I teach them how to fight. If they pass initiation, they're in. If they don't, they go back to the streets and if there's a word out of them, we kill them. We're just a family that depends on each other. Nobody understands that.

Zeke meets me in the control room when I'm done with my shift and we take off to the club. We put our black hoodies on and pull the hoods over our head. We keep our heads hidden. If somebody sees a Dauntless, people get hurt. That's why it's smart to keep your mouth shut.

We arrive at the club at 7:00 and take a seat. I watch closely, taking in the whole club. It seems to be run by a man and all I see is men. No strippers, luckily. The weirdest thing though, is that there's only one girl here out of the whole club and she's working behind the bar with two other bartenders.

She entrances me. I can't get my eyes off her but I'm able to understand what Zeke is saying at the same time. "Stop staring." He says. It catches my attention and I look towards him to see him with a smirk on his face.

I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to him as he keeps talking. Although I'm responding, I can't stop myself from looking back at the girl behind the bar. She walks around like she owns the place even though she's a bartender and it's kind of hot.

She has blonde hair that's pulled into a bun and it shows off that long, smooth neck. She's also got creamy, pale skin. She's showing a bit too much of it too. She has a tight crop top on and a flannel shirt wrapped around it so her belly is showing. She also has leather black jeans on. Damn.

Once I decide it's enough, I turn my attention back to Zeke and we continue on with our conversation. "So I was thinking of getting a ring for Shauna…." Zeke says.

I smirk. "Oh my God, don't become a man. It would be an embarrassment for you to be part of that category with me." I joke with him.

"Asshole." He says.

"Nah, I'm just joking. I'm proud of you, man." I say with a grin and pat him on the back.

"Yea. I was just wondering when the right time to do it was…." Zeke trails off.

I hear a gasp and turn my attention to see the female bartender in front of us. She looks at me for about a minute. I raise an eyebrow. "You good?" I ask.

She seems to fumble then coughs a bit as I see red rise in her cheeks. I want to smirk that I gave her that reaction just by sitting here. "Sorry, my name is Tris. What would you guys like to drink today?" She says with a smile. Her voice is deep for a girl but not really deep and soothing nonetheless. I look into her eyes. They are the most interesting color ever. They're blue and grey and it's unique. They're beautiful.

"Two glasses of whiskey." Zeke answers for us.

"Ok. I'll be right out with your drinks and the menu. If you guys would like anything to eat also?" She asks. I leave that up to Zeke.

I'll just leave the talking up to Zeke. It seems like she is just going to be like every other girl, seeing a pretty guy and wants to have in his pants. Yea, that shit doesn't work for me anymore. "Sure." Zeke answers.

She seems to grow redder by the minute every time she looks at me. As she walks away, Zeke elbows me. "Dude. Stop glaring at her." He says.

"I'm not glaring." I say in defense.

"Yea, you are. That's why she's getting red and acting scared." He says.

I roll my eyes and watch as she moves around the bar, grabbing the whiskey and two glasses, pouring it in then getting two small menus. It seems like she knows where everything is. Like she's been working here since a child. _Does she even notice the looks she's being given? Or does she just learn to ignore them?_ I see her grab two menus and watch as she brings over the menus and drinks.

"What exactly is good here?" Zeke asks as he eyes the menu.

She smiles a little and looks down as if to hide her face. "Nothing." I see her mouth.

"Foreal?" Zeke asks.

"Yea." She replies, still looking down. _C'mon look up. I love seeing those eyes._

"Is there something we can eat that won't kill us?" He jokes.

"As long as it doesn't have meat, you're good." She jokes back. Zeke and I look over the menu for a bit and sometimes we look at each other as if to wonder why they serve some of this shit. "I'll give you guys some time and be back in a bit. Is that ok?" She asks.

We look at her and nod. She gives us a kind smile before moving on to take other's orders.

Once she's out of our area, Zeke starts talking. "Honestly, I don't want shit from here but for some reason, she seems like a…damaged person. She probably needs the money and seems like the only nice one here." He says quietly.

"Yea." I say as I nod my head and look up at her. "Just get something simple and easy. Without meat." I add.

As he skims through the menu, I look around and take in the bar. _Is there seriously not one other girl here?_ There's five poles for strippers behind us. _She doesn't do that? Right? I mean, where are all the other women that work here?_

I'm broken out of my thoughts and snap my head up when I hear something come out of Tris' mouth that surprised the whole bar. They all stopped to listen to her but kept a quiet conversation going.

"Unfortunately I'm not a whore." She says kindly but it's apparent she's pissed. Even to him. He takes the hint and backs off but not without a fight back. Hell, he's pissing me off. _What the hell did he say to make her respond that way?_

"You sure look like one, wearing tight skinned clothes and showing skin." He says. How dare he talk to her like that. Just because she's a woman and the only one at this club no less.

She takes a deep breath and tries to restart the whole conversation. "So, have you found out what you want to have to drink?" She asks.

"Just send one of the guys to me. I don't trust a woman making my drinks." He snarls. If we were in Dauntless, he'd be getting his ass kicked. And not just by me.

Damn, I guess she might not be what I thought she was. Maybe Zeke was right. Maybe she is damaged. But I could never, ever let her get involved with Dauntless. One stupid move and she could get killed. She's not a whore and she doesn't take being talked down to. I know she wants to snap back but I'm also sure she wants to keep her job. She apparently puts up with a lot of crap.

"So, have you guys figured out what you want to order? If you want to order?" She asks and brings back a small smile.

"Yea, I think Four and I got it." Zeke says. I wonder what he decided on.

I hear her gasp and she seems a bit distant until I get her attention. "Are you ok?" I ask.

She seems to get a bit red and bites her plump lip. "Uh-mm go ahead and tell me what you would like." She says, keeping eye contact with her notepad.

"The quesadillas…without the meat." I say.

"Alright, I'll have that right out. My name is Tris if you need anything." She says then scurries away quickly with our menus. I watch as she goes to the back then returns to take everybody else's orders. _What was that about?_

I hear bells ring in the back and watch as Tris runs to the back, bringing out orders as many as she can carry at a time. She gives us ours last and I watch as she goes to lean on a stool away from the bar and look up at the time. It reads 8:50 p.m. We need to get going soon but for some reason I don't want to leave. I could care less about when we get back.

When it turns 9:00 p.m., the lights go dark all of a sudden and I look around. Then, lights snap on from behind us and I turn around to see the stage is lit up. Everybody rushes over to the front of the stage and Zeke and I are the only ones left at the bar. Even the other two bartenders packed up their stuff and left. _Ah. So I guess there are other girls that work here. Just not as bartenders_. Yet, Tris is grinning. _Why?_

She cleans up around the bar and I can feel my lips turn downward. _Why is she the one doing all the work? And why is it just up to her?_ Maybe it makes her more money and that's a good thing, I'm hoping. I watch as she gets done with the last of it after cleaning around us instead of being an ass and making us leave the bar. Now I'm starting to feel bad. She's breaking her back and it seems we don't give a damn. _But I don't. God, what's happening? Why is this woman making me feel things? This is not me. I'm supposed to be cold, emotionless, Four._ She finishes mopping the floor then goes to sit at the stool away from the bar. She pulls out her money and starts counting it. I see her bite that damn lip again after she counts it all.

"Hey Tris!" I look to Zeke as he calls out to her. She looks at him and raises her eyebrow. _Ha!_ "Well, doesn't your attitude change when you're not working." He jokes.

"I don't talk as much in reality." She says with a small grin and looks down. I can't believe that. Especially after how well she works.

"Hey you're like Four here." He says nudging me. "Always yelling at everybody when he's doing his job but in reality, wants nothing to do with anyone." Alright Zeke. She gets it.

She gives a small grin again then looks down at her money and her attitude changes. It's like she's in her own world. "Fuck." I hear her mumble. _Oh no. Don't let a perfect mouth like that for dirty words._

"What was that?" I ask and raise an eyebrow. It almost sounds like I'm giving a warning. _What the hell am I doing? She's not an initiate._

"Oh, um sorry. I was just…thinking." She says and bits her lip again. _Uh huh. Don't slip up like that again, beautiful. Wait. WHAT THE FUCK?_

"Why don't you come sit over here with us?" Zeke asks. _What are you doing, Zeke?_

"No. I don't want to interfere. I'm fine, really." She says.

"Tris, it's fine. It'd be cool to get to know you." He says.

She sighs and seems to have a debate in her head before coming over hesitantly. She brings the stool over and sits opposite of us and a bit away to give us space.

"So, sorry I didn't introduce myself but I'm Zeke. And I'm pretty sure you might have picked up his name already." Zeke says and nods towards me. She smiles and nods a bit.

The conversation dies and Zeke brings it back up again. Damn it, Zeke. Let it go. I'm trying to. "You're really not much of a talker are you? It surprises me. Even after that incident at the bar." He says.

"You-you heard all of that?" She asks with wide eyes. Oh baby, we heard it all. And I admired what you had to say.

"Everyone heard you." He says. Yup.

"Did the other bartenders hear?" She asks.

"IIIIIIII think sooo?" He asks/states.

She runs her hands through her hair in a sign of stress but her ponytail holder pops loose and her hair comes down from the bun it was in. She sighs and shakes her hair, letting it all fall straight. I have to keep myself from gaping. She's even more sexy than before. I can't take my eyes of her. I wish she had her hair down this whole time.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for you guys to hear that. I'm….not supposed to say anything like that." She says. _Why should she be sorry? There's no need for her to think she did something wrong._

"Why not? He was being inappropriate." I speak up.

"It's just….the way it is. No matter what happens, I'm not allowed to resort to violence or talk back." I say. "Fake smile and sweet talk is the only way I can do my job." She jokes. I don't take it that way, though. "Four, its fine. I'm good at this. Nothing's happened to me and I've learned to put up with people's crap." She says. God, I hate that name coming out of her mouth. Four.

"Well you shouldn't have to put up with them. Why can't they put other girls in here and give you a better job?" I ask. "Without stripping." I add. She's not a girl that needs to be treated like dirt.

"It's a business deal my boss and I had. This is a sexist place. We're only seen as tools. I won't work in those conditions, though and he wanted me to work for him. So, I got to be behind here, not stripping. It pays ok." She says with a shrug. Oh no. I know there's more to it than just that.

I'm about to ask more about it when I hear cheering behind us and we turn around to see the strippers strutting out on stage. I quickly turn back around. Tris doesn't seem to be phased by any of this, however. She giggles when we both look back to her.

"You sure you don't wanna go speak to those girls? Instead of this one?" She asks. Yes, I'm a hundred percent sure.

"I'm not into whores either." Zeke jokes. "Plus, I got my own girl." Ok. Stop being a suck up.

"I don't think we'd be able to talk much. Especially over the sound of them. You guys might want to get out of here anyways. It's not safe here at night." She says. I can tell she's trying to get away. Jesus, Zeke. You're really bad at reading body language.

"Hun, we go through a lot worse every night. We know this place. This is safe compared to us." Zeke says. I elbow him in the side. I swear if I wasn't around him most of the time, people would have figured out we were Dauntless in less than ten seconds.

I'm about to rant on him but Tris cuts me off. "Don't worry about it. I won't ask." She says and I calm down. She seems to know about not invading someone's privacy. She looks to Zeke and points a finger at him. "But you don't ever call me hun." She says and squints at him. She's being nice but serious about it. I have to stifle my laugh with a cough.

Zeke raises his hands in the air in defense. "Geez, feisty." He says. Yea, no doubt about it.

I watch as she yawns and the dark circles under her eyes are making me tires myself. "I think I'm going to ask my boss if I can leave and come back tomorrow morning to clean up the rest of the club." She says. No, don't leave yet.

"Don't you break your back enough?" Zeke asks, incredulously. _Yea, you think?_

She stretches and gives a small smile. "No, it's a way of survival." She says simply. _Why is this a way of survival for her? Is there no other way? And why does she have to work so much just to breathe?_ No offence, but this is a shitty club but I won't tell that to her or Zeke. She grabs our dishes and takes them to the back then cleans up our spot.

She walks to the back behind the bar and Zeke and I look at each other. I decide not to go over it in public. "You pay for food, I pay for drinks?" I ask him. He nods and we both pull out our money for when she comes back.

I have to stop and stare when she reappears from the back. She is really different from how she comes off. She's wearing grey sweatpants and a grey hoodie over her with the hood pulled over her head. She keeps walking, however and doesn't come to pick up our money.

"Hey, wait!" Zeke calls out and she stops and turns around. "Don't we have to pay?" He asks.

"It's on the house. Thanks for being my favorite customers!" She says with a small smile and speed walks out of here. _Not even a tip? She deserves something!_

Zeke and I decide to leave and with hopes she'd be outside where I can catch her, my mood goes down. I look around and she's nowhere to be seen. "She's definitely something different." Zeke says under his breath. Yea, she sure is.

"Yea." Is all I say. I don't even know if I'll see her again and we didn't even say one goodbye. Maybe it's not goodbye.

Zeke and I pull our hoods over our heads and decide to jog back to the compound. I check the time on my watch as we run. It reads 9:56 p.m. Shit, they may be mad when we get there. Oh well. Not like anyone has the balls to tell me what to do.

When we reach the compound, we take off our hoodies and we run up the stairs to our apartments. Both of our apartments are in the same hallway. "See ya tomorrow." Zeke says and goes into his apartment. When I turn to go mine, I see Amar standing at the front of my door. Amar is the man that trained me during my initiation and I'm lucky to have been one of his initiates.

"It's your first year here and you're already going around being stupid." He says.

I roll my eyes. "Ok. I already know what the lecture is about that you're about to give me but just know, that is going to take up time. So please, get on with it to the important stuff. I'm tired." I say.

"Well, you should've thought about that hmm?" He asks with a smirk. "There won't be any sleeping for a while. You need to get down to that training room and start getting things cleaned and set up. This is going to be your first year training initiates. They'll be coming soon. Probably in the next couple of days. So get your lazy ass down there and start doing your job." He says.

I sigh and go down the stairs to the training room. I spend my night cleaning up everything, setting up all the targets, setting up the mats, putting the guns together, sharpening the knives, putting up the punching bags, etc. There was so much shit to do. By the time I got done, it was 2:00 a.m. I barely have enough time to sleep before I need to go into the training room. Damn Zeke. I need to think of our plans before diving straight in.

I drag myself up the stairs and into my apartment. I lock the door and take a shower before jumping on my bed and falling asleep as soon as my head hit the people. Even in my dreams those beautiful, blue and grey eyes are haunting me.


	2. Alive and Here

**_DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL OF IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

 _2 years later_

(Four/Tobias POV)

'Cause sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak  
And when you feel weak you feel like you want to just give up

But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength  
And just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up  
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you want to just fall flat on your face and collapse

'Til I collapse I'm spilling these raps long as you feel 'em  
'Til the day that I drop you'll never say that I'm not killing 'em  
'Cause when I am not then I'm a stop pinning them  
And I am not hip-hop and I'm just not Eminem  
Subliminal thoughts when I'm stop sending them  
Women are caught in webs spin and hock venom  
Adrenaline shots of penicillin could not get the illin' to stop  
Amoxicillin is just not real enough  
The criminal cop killing hip-hop filling a  
Minimal swap to cop millions of Pac listeners  
You're coming with me, feel it or not  
You're gonna fear it like I showed you the spirit of god lives in us  
You hear it a lot, lyrics that shock, is it a miracle  
Or am I just a product of pop fizzing up  
For shizzle my whizzle this is the plot listen up  
You Bizzles forgot Slizzle does not give a fuck

'Til the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
'Til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.  
'Til the smoke clears out and my high perhaps  
I'm a rip this shit till my bone collapse.

'Til the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
'Til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.  
'Til the smoke clears out and my high perhaps  
I'm a rip this shit till my bone collapse.

Music is like magic there's a certain feeling you get  
When you're real and you spit and people are feeling your shit  
This is your moment and every single minute you spittin'  
Trying to hold onto it 'cause you may never get it again  
So while you're in it try to get as much shit as you can  
And when your run is over just admit when it's at its end  
'Cause I'm at the end of my wits with half the shit that gets in  
I got a list, here's the order of my list that it's in;  
It goes, Reggie, Jay-Z, Tupac and Biggie  
Andre from Outkast, Jada, Kurupt, Nas and then me  
But in this industry I'm the cause of a lot of envy  
So when I'm not put on this list the shit does not offend me  
That's why you see me walk around like nothing's bothering me  
Even though half you people got a fuckin' problem with me  
You hate it but you know respect you've got to give me  
The press's wet dream like Bobby and Whitney, Nate hit me

'Til the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
'Til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.  
'Til the smoke clears out and my high perhaps  
I'm a rip this shit till my bone collapse.

'Til the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
'Til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.  
'Til the smoke clears out and my high perhaps  
I'm a rip this shit till my bone collapse.

Soon as a verse starts I eat at an MC's heart  
What is he thinking? Enough to not go against me, smart  
And its absurd how people hang on every word  
I'll probably never get the props I feel I ever deserve  
But I'll never be served my spot is forever reserved  
If I ever leave earth that would be the death of me first  
'Cause in my heart of hearts I know nothing could ever be worse  
That's why I'm clever when I put together every verse  
My thoughts are sporadic, I act like I'm an addict  
I rap like I'm addicted to smack like I'm Kim Mathers  
But I don't want to go forth and back in constant battles  
The fact is I would rather sit back and bomb some rappers'  
So this is like a full blown attack I'm launching at 'em  
The track is on some battling raps who want some static  
'Cause I don't really think that the fact that I'm Slim matters  
A plaque of platinum status is whack if I'm not the baddest

'Til the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
'Til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.  
'Til the smoke clears out and my high perhaps  
I'm a rip this shit till my bone collapse.

'Til the roof comes off, till the lights go out  
'Til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth.  
'Til the smoke clears out and my high perhaps  
I'm a rip this shit till my bone collapse.

Until the roof (Until the roof)  
The roof comes off (The roof comes off)  
Until my legs (Until my legs)  
Give out from underneath me (Underneath me, I)

I will not fall  
I will stand tall  
Feels like no one can beat me"

I lift the bar off of me and onto the holder behind me. My arms are burning and I can feel the sweat dripping off my forehead. I sit up and wipe off the sweat with a rag I put on the side. I stand up and take off the two fifty five lbs. bumper plates on each side. I set them on the side where we stack the bumper plates.

People would think that I did steroids with the amount of weight I bench press but honestly, I just practice my hardest and try my best. It's hard to keep my motivation when Amar was always there to help me out and push me on but now I can only depend on myself. So far, Dauntless has made me even madder than before.

Dauntless thinks they have some business deal with the other gang, Erudite. I know there's something going on. I know that both Erudite and Dauntless have something to do with Amar's death. I could tell that a while before Amar disappeared, they were watching him closely. Eric, the new leader and the same guy who helps out with initiates, was the one I'm sure, that decided to notice Amar's divergence. Next thing you know, Amar disappears one day and it's said that he was "found by the train tacks". Bullshit.

Divergence is a costly thing here. Erudite convinces Dauntless it was at least. I'm Divergent myself and Amar told me to keep it a secret. If one were to find out your Divergent, you'd be dead and unheard of for the rest of your life. Divergence comes from this other gang called "Divergent". Other people are clueless as to what the Divergent is but those who are; are told all about it. Anyways, "Divergent" is the most powerful gang in the United States.

Divergent is almost like Dauntless, except they are better at choosing who joins them. Divergents have something special about them and I don't know what it is. Seriously. _What could be special about me?_ Divergent is the only gang that nobody knows where it's located or exactly what they do. They have some cases where they believe some of the murders of the worst murders are by Divergent. But nobody can prove it because Divergents leave no trace behind.

People who find out they are Divergent must keep it a secret because other gangs or their own gang will go after them and kill them. Or my theory. I think that the Divergents are given to the Erudite to study on. I'm sure that's part of the deal between Erudite and Dauntless. Dauntless gives Erudite people to test on and in return, Erudite gives us things to test everybody on. They also give us our drugs and weird chemistry liquids. I only know what some of them do.

I know you're thinking that Erudite gives a lot for just one thing but it's not just one thing. It's a lot of people's life for something we could possibly do ourselves so I still think Dauntless gives too much. This is a horrible deal and it needs to be stopped before there's a massacre.

I stretch and grab my water bottle before taking a drink. I head back to my apartment since I'm done working out for the day and take a shower. I get dressed in a grey sweatshirt and black sweatpants. Then, at dinner time, I head to the cafeteria to eat and meet Zeke at one of the tables.

Two years ago, Zeke married Shauna and I guess you could say they're a happy married couple. They seem to never fight and they're always happy and having fun around each other. Sometimes I wish that would happen to me but I've found no interest in any girl. No matter how pretty they are. That means nothing to me. Except those beautiful blue grey eyes that used to haunt my dreams. Plus, I guess I could say I'm happy single. Most of these girls are just sluts and the others are only close enough to be friends. I haven't trusted anybody with my secrets besides Zeke and he doesn't even know everything. _Putting that trust into a girl I could lose though? Ha! I mine as well slit my throat now and get it over with._

Zeke looks at me from across the table with a stupid grin on his face. I raise an eyebrow at him. "What are you planning?" I ask.

"God, is that how I come off to everyone?" He asks. I smirk and go back to eating my food just to mess with him. "Ugh that wasn't even what I was going to talk to you about." He says and I chuckle.

"No, not just you. Your brother also." I joke. "Then what is it?" I ask referring to his other question. Uriah is Zeke's brother. He is just as funny and immature as him. Uriah is a bit shorter and darker than Zeke but the kid does have muscle…and a drinking problem. I treat Uriah all the same, though. Zeke and Uriah depend on each other and I feel for them both.

"Wellllll the new initiates are coming in." Zeke says. _And?_ "I'm just wondering how you're going to put up with Eric without Amar here this year and without Max there to help out sometimes. This'll be your first time kind of being independent. I'm sure Eric is going to put up some interesting fights. Especially with some new eighteen year old girls coming in. It's going to be hard keeping everyone in check. Especially with that sexist asshole." He says. I really hate that Dauntless decides on eighteen for people to join. They corrupt their minds before they have a sense of staying away from us.

I look over to Lynn and see she has a smile on her face as she looks down. Of course she would be happy about something about this. She's one of those girls totally against sexism and she loves to hear others argue about it too. Lynn is very different from other girls in Dauntless. She has a shaved head, golden brown eyes, a delicate nose and full lips, with an eyebrow piercing. During her initiation, she shaved her head and started wearing saggy clothes because guys didn't take her seriously since she was a girl. She isn't that tall either. All aside, Lynn has a tough attitude and has a mischievous sense of humor. I'm also sure she's a lesbian and likes one of the other girls from her initiation, "Marlene". This is why I don't mind her hanging out with us.

I turn my attention back to Zeke. "I think I'm mature enough to not get into a fight with Eric. Plus, he may try to mess with me but once I let him have it, he'll know better than not to mess with me anymore." I say and sigh.

Zeke sucks in a breath. "Okayyyyy…just get someone to record when you finally do snap and decide to punch him. I'd love to watch him getting his ass kicked." He says.

I roll my eyes and finish up with my food. "I'll see ya guys later. I need to go sleep early when I have to put up with Eric and more initiates tomorrow." I say with a sigh. Zeke chuckles and I walk back to my apartment. I take a shower then go to sleep on my bed.

* * *

I hear my aggravating alarm go off and slap my hands down on it hard so it'll shut up. Great. I get to introduce initiates today. Worst of all, I need to argue with Eric again about this batch of initiates. I hop up and get dressed in my black sweatshirt, black sweatpants, and black combat boots. I run my hands through my hair and brush my teeth. I put on some deodorant and head out.

I walk out of my apartment and down to the training room. When I enter, Eric is not there luckily. At least I don't have to see him at the very beginning of the day, thank God. He's probably going to be late and seem like a badass as always.. I lean against the wall and watch as Dauntless start piling into the training room, waiting for new recruits. I look down at my watch. Any minute now.

I hear shouts from on top of the roof and I look up and see Max, our leader, pacing on the rooftop. After about five minutes, he stops, introduces himself then starts giving instructions. Max says. Most people would be scared and think in order to make it, you actually have to do it but really, for initiates, this really is their way into Dauntless. They just need to not overthink it.

I hear another incoherent voice from above then hear Max say, "Yes." Then he steps off of the ledge. The last thing I hear from him is, "Who knows?"

I take that as my cue to step away to wait for that person to fall into the net. I hear one more voice then six seconds later; a body comes flying into the net. The only thing I catch is long, blonde hair flying in the air. I hear them gasp and their body bounces off of the net until it falls back and stops.

I go to the net and put some of my weight into the side so that the net leans and the body rolls towards me. I notice it's a girl and grab her by the waist to help her down from the net and set her straight. When her blue-grey eyes connect with mine, my mouth drops open but I close it quickly. It's the girl from the bar. The girls who's eyes haunted my dreams. I can't let people know that I know her though. Or else throughout initiation, they'll accuse her of me favoring her.

She shouldn't even be here. _Who took her?_ This place is too dangerous for her. Please baby, run as long as you can and don't look back. She's not ready for this place and she's too fragile. She can't make it here. No, she will. And I'll make sure of it. _How the hell did she get in here anyways? What has she been doing!?_

"What's your name?" I ask. She seems a bit taken back but I keep a straight face as if I don't care.

"Um…" I hear her start but she quickly stops and thinks. _What was that? Is she trying to give me a fake name…or her real name?_ I thought her name was Tris.

I raise an eyebrow. "Think about it. You don't get to pick again." I say.

"It's….Tris. My name's Tris." She says. Yea, I already know that.

"First jumper, Tris!" I yell to the group of Dauntless behind me. I put my hand lightly on the small of her back and mumble, "Welcome to Dauntless." She gives a smile and walks out into the crowd.

I take a deep breath. I really hope the best for her. She should've never consented to coming here. She should've fought until she got away.

I return back to the net and pull all the initiates down. Even the Dauntless that grew up here with their family like brothers and sisters, for example, Uriah, he has initiation this year too. Once I finish pulling all of the initiates from the net, the rest of the Dauntless cheer and welcome them then leave. Lauren and I direct everyone to follow us into a narrow tunnel and Max joins us. We stop when it comes to different paths. Max leaves us to do our work and leaves down towards his office. It pisses me off that I have to put up with these shits on my own but it is something I'll have to get used to. At least there's no Eric. Eric isn't a trainer but volunteered to be one of the leaders who oversee everyone's training. He can't even do his damn job.

Lauren decides to take over, sensing my irritation. "This is where we divide." She states. "The one's that lived here are with me. I assume you don't need a tour of the place." She says with a smile then leaves with the initiates.

Most of the people this year lived here so I'm only left with nine initiates. The initiates are Edward, Peter, Will, Christina, Molly, Tris, Drew, Al, and Myra. I can already tell some are going to be easily influenced and some trouble makers. It's time to shut that shit down now.

"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four." I say.

"Four like the number?" Christina speaks up. I knew she'd be an outspoken one. I smirk.

"Yes. Is there a problem?" I ask.

"No." She says.

"Good. We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-" Of course, I get cut off again by the same girl. I guess she's not going to have a very good start here.

She snickers. "The Pit? Clever name."

I walk up to her and lean my face in close. I narrow my eyes and stare at her for a second. "What's your name?" I ask deadly quiet.

"Christina." She squeaks out.

"Well, Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their gang." I hiss. She may not know what gang that is but they all eventually will. "The first lesson you learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" She nods.

I back off and start off toward the end of the tunnel. Everyone is silent so I think I got my point across to everyone. I push the doors open that lead to the Pit. The Pit is the life of Dauntless. It's an underground cavern that nobody can see the end of it towards the bottom. There's an uneven rock wall surrounding all around it that's several stories high. We have places built into the wall for food, clothing, supplies, and leisure activities. Narrow paths and steps carved from rock connect with them. There are no barriers or fence to keep people from falling in.

Panes of glass form the roof of the Pit and above them; you can see building over towering us. That was a smart idea when people built this place. Other people would just see it as an ordinary building but really, it leads underground and nobody knows what this building is except for Dauntless. It keeps people from letting curiosity getting the best of them. Sadly, if people were to be stupid and let curiosity get the best of them then decide to come in, they'd be killed.

Blue lanterns dangle at random intervals above the stone paths. They grow brighter as sunlight dies. They're those light detector things you see at a lot of people's houses.

All around us, there are people everywhere being their obnoxious selves. Drinking in the daylight, smoking in the corners, causing havoc, you name it. It's all just Dauntless chaos.

"If you follow me, I'll show you the chasm." I say and I direct them to follow me. The floor to the chasm has an iron barrier. When we approach the railing, I hear the roar of the fast-moving water crashing against the rocks. Unlike others, I find it a nice place to hand out. The water to the right is more chaotic and it strikes the wall, spraying water up towards us.

"The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" I shout over the water to make sure I have everyone's attention. "One daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned." I say and look towards all of them. They all seem to have a bit of fear in their eyes. Yea, well maybe you should've fought instead of deciding to join. You had your chance.

I lead them to the dining hall and it's full of people everywhere. When we enter, every Dauntless stands, applauds, stamp their feet, shout, anything to make noise and make the initiates feel welcomed. Dauntless are crazy ass people.

I leave the initiates so they can go to the tables, make new friends, whatever. I look around but I don't see Zeke or any of my friends. I sigh. I'm going to have to be surrounded by idiotic recruits. I find a section of a table that's empty and decide to sit there. I grab a plate and grab buns and a burger from the middle of the table where they set everything then put ketchup on it.

I hear someone sit down next to me and look to my left to see Tris. I start to get mad that she's being suspicious but then I notice Christina sitting on the other side of her and I calm down. Good. She's not depending on me.

I watch her as she copies Christina, grabbing a bun and the burger. "You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina teases her.

"No it's not that. It's just, my parents were vegetarians and I've never had one. I mean, I've never really had meat before but I don't think I'm gonna stay like that all my life. It's just how I was taught when I grew up." Tris says with a small smile.

"No wonder you left." Christina says, referring to her family.

"Yeah. It was just because of the food." She says, rolling her eyes.

I suppress a chuckle and smirk as I listen to their conversation. I should stop doing that. I decide to just mind my business and keep eating my food.

The doors to the cafeteria open and everyone is the room becomes quiet. Eric decides to finally join in a do his job. A little too late now, asshole. He looking around the room and I have to keep myself together just to not jump up and beat the shit out of him.

"Who's that?" I hear Christina ask. I look to her.

"His name is Eric. He's a Dauntless leader. I answer.

"Seriously? But he's so young." She says, incredulously.

I give her a grave look. "Age doesn't matter here." I say, simply.

I can already tell what she wants to ask, " _Then what does matter?",_ but I give her a look not to press on it. Eric's eyes stop scanning the room and he starts towards me. Back the fuck off. He drops into the seat next to me and I remember to keep myself calm. He doesn't say "hello" or anything just decides to be his asshole self and ask, "Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" He asks nodding toward Tris and Christina. He could care less who they are but I can tell what he's thinking when he looks Tris up and down. I want to punch him and tell him to keep his distance from her. But I can't do any of this and I can't just show I'm an asshole like him.

"This is Tris and Christina." I say. Christina looks straight at him but Tris looks down, not meeting his eyes.

"Ooh, a Stiff. We'll see how long you last." He says. Tris seems to get pissed about it and look at him but she keeps to herself. Eric won't take his damn eyes off of her.

Eric tries to act casual and taps his fingers on the table. "What have you been doing lately, Four?" He asks.

I lift a shoulder. "Nothing, really." I say. I want this conversation to end already.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up. He requested that I find out what's going on with you." Eric says.

I look at him for a few seconds before saying, "Tell him that I am satisfied with the position I currently hold." I say.

"So he wants to give you a job." Eric says,

"So it would seem." I say. _Did you not hear me dipshit?_

"And you aren't interested." He pushes.

"I haven't been interested for two years." I say.

"Well, let's hope he gets the point, then." He says. He claps me on the shoulder, a little harder than a friendly one and I send a glare his way as he stands up. Get your hands off me, asshole.

A few seconds later, Tris speaks up. "Are you two…friends?" She asks. _What happened to the reserved girl? The Stiff?_

"We were in the same initiate class." I say.

"Did you run away too?" She asks. Too far.

"I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions." I say coldly referring to Christina. "Now I've got Stiffs too?" Ok, maybe that was too far too.

To my surprise, she keeps it up. "It must be because you're so approachable. You know. Like a bed of nails." She says flatly. Oh baby, you're messing with the wrong person.

I stare at her, expecting her to look away from my dominating stare but she looks straight on, challenging me. _Why does she have to be so stupid?_ Heat rushes to her cheeks, though and I know I've won. She's worried about what will happen. If the tension will ever break and what will happen after.

I decide to let it go this once since this is the only problem I've had with her. "Careful, Tris."I say. I think of what could happen. She's too curious to be here and sometimes, she lets it get the best of her. She could get hurt.

I hear someone call my name from another table and see Zeke. Thank God. I leave the table and decide to walk over to the table and sit down next to him.

"So, how did it go?" Zeke asks.

"Well, without help, having Eric and these initiates, I'm probably gonna kill myself by the end of their initiation." I joke. Zeke chuckles.

"That bad?" He asks.

"Let's see. I have a Dauntless leader and trainer that decides to show up when he wants and decides he can be late to anything. Then he decides to be inappropriate and eye some girls. I also have some trouble makers a.k.a. assholes, a curious Stiff, and a Candor." I say.

Zeke laughs at the way I use the nicknames on them. "A curious Stiff? What kind of shit is that?" He asks.

"I don't know. One minute, she's silent as ever, not testing anybody then next thing you know, she asks one question then starts firing them then talks to you like a Candor then decides to challenge you." I say.

"Who's the Stiff?" Zeke asks and her looks over to the table.

"Well, this is the best thing ever. Do you remember the girl we met at the bar a couple years ago?" I ask.

"The one you couldn't get your eyes off of?" He asks with a smirk.

"Sure, if that's how you see it." I say, not wanting to argue about that.

"Well yea." He says.

"That curious Stiff, is her. She probably hates me now because well, shit happened." I say.

"What did happen?" He asks with a grin. He's getting a kick out of this.

"Well, let's just say, our….. whatever what was at the bar, is now turning into her thinking I really am just a total asshole. I swear Zeke. You thought you understood her then. That's bull." I say and he starts laughing. I roll my eyes.

After dinner, I leave to my apartment and leave the rest up to Eric. No matter how much I hate for leaving the initiates with Eric, I have to. He needs to do his job and the initiates need to understand how important he is to Dauntless even if later they are to hate him. I just hope he doesn't try anything on Tris or mess with the initiates. The kinds of things I know he could get away with make me shiver.

* * *

(Tris POV)

I wake up and look at my alarm clock to see its 10:00 a.m. Shit! _Why didn't I wake up?!_ I jump up and get ready as fast as I can and run out of the door as fast as I can. The train is going to make me late if I don't make it towards the train tracks before it starts going across. I run as fast as I can but when I'm about fifteen feet away, the train comes speeding around the hill.

I try to run as fast as I can but the train cuts me off and I stop as fast as I can. "Fuck!" I scream and tug at my hair. My boss I going to kill me and it's not like a have a phone to call in or something. I'm losing money right now and I really need it.

I huff and start to spin around trying to think of a way to get to work faster. It's going to mean nothing going right now if it means going into the even worse streets I don't know about. All of a sudden, I'm snapped out of my thoughts fast when I see two bodies appear beside of me. They must of jumped from the train. They grab me and I try to fight but they're both able to keep me from doing anything and throwing me into the cart then joining me.

"Who are you!?" I scream as I slide as far as I can away from them.

"We were sent to deliver news to you." One of the guys says.

"And you had to kidnap me for it!?" I say, irritation rising up in my body.

"We have a proposition for you." The guy says and I narrow my eyes.

"Yea, because now I'm going to trust whatever you say." I say, sarcastically.

"Well, if you let me explain, it will make sense." The guy growls. It seems he has no patience for me. The other guy just seems like a helper. He stays off to the side and doesn't say anything but that doesn't make him any less intimidating.

"Fine. Then say it." I say

"You heard of Dauntless?" He asks. Oh my God. Please don't kill me. Please. Please. Please. All I can do is manage a nod.

"Well we've been watching you closely.." I cut him off.

"You've been watching me!? How fucking creepy are you people?" I ask.

"Shut it! I don't want to hear any more out of your damn mouth." I decide to keep quiet. "Dauntless leaders have been watching you closely and they're very impressed. Since sixteen years old, you've been one of the best drug dealers on the street and after two years, even at eighteen, you're still making a living. We understand you're well known now, but the way you're able to keep it a secret of where you live, visit, etc. is amazing. And to the rest of the world, you can make things go your way and be the only girl bartender at a club. So, the leaders decided to make a proposition for you to join Dauntless." The guy says.

"And what's in it for me? Besides an even better way of getting me killed?" I ask.

"Well you see, the thing is, if you knew anything, you would know barely any Dauntless gets killed, no matter what rumors you here. We protect each other and we fight for each other. So really, you would have a better life and stop looking behind your back every ten seconds. We also have apartments in our compound, jobs, gym, cafeteria, you name it." He says. _Could this really be a better life for me?_ It sounds like a place where you can depend on each other. _Even if it wasn't, how long would I have to live anyway if I keep this up my whole life?_ I guess it's time to take chances.

"And what would happen once I join?" I ask.

"Dauntless leaders will have to explain from then on." He says.

"How can I trust you?" I ask.

"Seriously. I just named information a normal stalker couldn't provide you with. I also got you without anybody seeing me. Other people cannot see a Dauntless. We keep it low-key." He lifts up his sleeve a little to show a Dauntless tattoo on his shoulder. "You think a normal person would take the chance of having this tattoo and not getting killed." He asks.

I look down to contemplate for a moment. This is my only chance. This is the only way to get out of my apartment and live better but look where it's getting me. I'd be joining one of the worst gangs in the U.S. and possibly the world! I take a deep breath and nod my head a bit. "Okay."

"Okay?" He asks. I nod my head.

"I'll join. What do I do now?" I ask.

He grins. "Get ready to jump." He says.

"What?" I ask. He stands up and looks out of the cart.

"The building is coming up. You have to jump if you want to make it into Dauntless. Other initiates will be joining you on the roof soon." He says.

"Initiates? There's initiation!? Starting now!?" I ask, as I stand up and try to steady myself. The room is spinning now.

"Yes. Now get going and come over here!" He yells to me. I go up to him and he points to a roof top. "See that right there? Try to jump and land as steady as you can." He says.

"That's all the help you have for me?" I ask.

"That's all I can give you." He says with a shrug of his shoulders. _Seriously?_

I take a deep breath and go to the back of the cart. "Go now!" He yells. I run and jump as far as I can and I land on my feet but an awful pain runs through my shins and I wince. Then I fall forward, sprawled out of the rocks under my cheek.

I look back and notice other people jumping off the train. I stand up and wipe as much dirt as I can off of me. I bring my hoodie off my head and look around. I watch until everyone has jumped off the train. I gasp when I see the last person who jumps off. Peter. _What the hell has he done so bad that Dauntless wants him?_ No. I don't even want to know.

I look to my left at the girl dusting herself off as well. "You have a bad landing too?" She asks with a grin. I nod a little with a smile. She looks so familiar. "My name's Christina." She says, sticking out her hand.

"Tris." I say and shake her hand. Her name makes me think for a minute before it clicks.

Her smile gets even wider. "Tris! I knew you looked familiar." She says.

"I was thinking the same thing." I say with a smile. Wow, she really did change. She is tall, with dark brown skin and short hair. But she is so pretty. She is like a Dauntless dream girl.

"It's good to see you again." She says with a smile. I offer a smile back and nod a little. It's still kind of awkward. She wants to be friends but I'm so used to being on my own now and it's too much to catch up on and too many secrets I still don't want to tell.

I hear a wail and turn around to see a guy trying to comfort a girl who's on her her kness with her head in her hands, looking down over the edge of the building. "Rita. Rita, calm down. Rita-"

I walk towards the edge slowly and instantly my hand goes to my mouth at the view in front of me. There's a girl on the pavement below; her arms and legs bent at awkward angles, her hair spread in a fan around her head. I want to cry looking at it but I have to turn away. I don't want people to see me cry. Dauntless is safe. Bullshit. I just made a horrible choice.

I feel a burn on my elbow as I walk away. I pull up the sleeve of my hoodie and see that some skin is peeling off, but it's not bleeding.

"Ooh. Scandalous! A Stiff's flashing some skin!" I hear Peter yell. I have to clench my teeth. He knows how to get to me. I want to yell at him that I'm not a Stiff and I showed my skin at my damn job I worked at. But I also don't want people to know about my past. It's just a bunch of embarrassment.

My job. Oh shit. _What's going to happen? Won't my boss get suspicious and try to find me?_ No need to think of that right now. I have to worry about Dauntless now.

"Listen up! My name is Max! I am one of the leaders of your new faction!" Shouts a man at the other end of the roof. He seems older than most Dauntless. He has deep creases in his dark skin and gray hair at his temples. He's standing on the ledge like a sidewalk. Like he won't die from falling in as if he didn't just witness that girl fall to her death. "Several stories below us is the members' entrance to our compound. If you can't muster the will to jump off, you don't belong here. Our initiates have the privilege of going first."

"You want us to jump off a ledge?" A girl asks. She's a few inches taller than me, with mousy brown hair and big lips. Her mouth is hanging open.

"Yes." Max says. He looks amused.

"Is there water at the bottom or something?" She asks.

"Who knows?" He asks.

The crowd of initiates in the front splits in half, making a path for us. As I look around, I can tell no one is eager to go. They're all looking everywhere except for Max. Some of them suddenly become interested in their minor wounds or brushing gravel from their clothes. I look at Peter and see he's picking at his cuticles, trying to act casual.

I decide to step up to it. Mine as well look tougher than the rest now. Maybe it'll all go away one I show my bravery. _That's what Dauntless is all about right?_ Bravery. My confidence goes down just as fast when I hear snickers behind me.

Max steps aside and I walk up to the edge and look down. The wind snaps all my loose clothing around. The building forms one side of a square I'm on with three other buildings. In the center, there's a hole in the concrete but I can't see crap below it. I have to convince myself. I will land safely at the bottom. It's an entrance. _Right? Or are they fucking with us all?_

I take off my hoodie as steadily as I can. I'm wearing one of my more tight-fitted grey t-shirts and no one's seen me in this before besides Peter. That's the sad part. I ball up the hoodie in my hands and throw it at him as hard as I can. It hits his chest and I smirk. He stares at me, surprised. I hear catcalls and shouts behind me but I decide to ignore them.

I look down at the hole again. Don't think. Just jump. I close my eyes, bends my knees, and jump. The darkness surrounds me and my stomach tightens. My back hits something hard and the wind snaps out of me. My body flies up once more before stopping. My arms and legs sting from the impact. My body shakes and I cover my face with my hands.

I hear noise then look beside me to see a pair of hands reaching out. I grab them and the net tilts towards them. I start to roll off but they grab me by the hips to steady me and my feet reach solid ground.

I gasp when my eyes steady and my eyes meet his then I see who pulled me from the net. It's the guy from the bar two years ago. Four. And his friend….Zeke! They talked to me after my shift and really, the only people I did like.

"What's your name?" He asks. _He doesn't remember my name?_ Oh, don't be stupid! Of course he doesn't!

"Umm…" _Do I tell them my real name? Do I even trust them enough to know my real name? Is it okay to go with the name he knows?_

"Think about it. You don't get to pick again." He says with a small smile playing upon his lips.

"Tris." I say, firmly.

"First jumper, Tris!" Four yells behind us and it's then when I notice the crowd of Dauntless. He places his hand on my back and electricity shoots through my body. He leans down to me. "Welcome to Dauntless." He says loud enough for me to hear. I step down towards the Dauntless then watch as Christina falls and she stands next to me.

* * *

When all the initiates get to solid ground and the Dauntless crowd disappears, Four and another trainer, Lauren lead us down a narrow tunnel. It's so dark I feel like I'm lost until a shoulder bumps into mine. Circles of light start to appear and I feel safe again.

A boy in front of me stops suddenly and I slam into him, hitting my nose on his shoulder. I stumble back and rub my nose, trying to rid of the pain. The initiates have all stopped and Max, Four, and Lauren are standing in front of us with their arms crossed.

Max looks to Lauren and Four and nods then decides to leave. _To where?_ I don't know

"This is where we divide. The one's that lived here are with me. I assume you don't need a tour of the place." Lauren says then takes off another direction with her initiates.

Our attention turns back to Four as he gives further instructions. "Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four." He says in an authoritative voice. God, that's sexy.

"Four like the number?" Christina speaks up.

"Yes. Is there a problem?" He asks.

"No." She says.

"Good. We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-" He doesn't finish his sentence because Christina cuts him off again. God damn it, control yourself!

"The Pit? Clever name." She snickers.

Four walks up to Christina and leans his face into hers. He narrows his eyes and stares at her for a second. "What's your name?" He asks, quietly.

"Christina." She squeaks.

"Well, Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would've joined their gang." He hisses. "The first lesson you will learn from me is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?" She nods and he backs off.

I'm guessing that everyone got that because the room is deadly quiet. Christina walks next to me. "What a jerk." She mumbles.

"I guess he doesn't like being laughed at." I whisper.

I guess I should be careful around Four. I thought I knew him when we met at the bar but he's colder than he came off of. Maybe the alcohol helped him loosen up. But now, I know I want to stay away from his bad side.

Four pushes double doors open and we walk into "the Pit". "Oh. I get it." Christina whispers. No kidding.

It's an underground cavern that's dark and barely lit up by some blue lanterns and glass that lets some light come in from the roof. Smart. If they made it seem like an ordinary building, it wouldn't bring curiosity to this place because it seems like any ordinary building.

People are everywhere, dressed in all black, and causing Dauntless chaos. I don't notice any elderly people in the crowd. Surely there must have been people that grew up in this gang all their life because no one ever leaves. _What happens to them?_

I watch as a group of children run down a narrow path with no railing. I want to scream at them to slow down before they get hurt. I was brought up that way as a child. To be selfless and it caused me to always have worry for others. There's something amazing about Dauntless chaos though.

"If you'll follow me, I'll show you the chasm." Four says.

We follow him but I don't even realize where we're going as my vision focuses on his tattoo I saw once before peeking out from the collar of his t-shirt. He leads us to the right side of the Pit which just gets darker again. Then, I'm suddenly standing on an iron barrier. AS I approach the railing, I hear a roar of fast moving water.

I look over to the side and watch as the water to the left side is calmer and the right is wilder. The water crashes against the rocks and the water sprays upwards towards us.

"The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!" He shouts over the water. "A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You've been warned."

"This is incredible." Christina says as we move from the railing.

Four leads us across the Pit towards a gaping hole in the wall. The room behind it is well lit so I can see where we're going. It's a dining room full of people. When we walk in, everyone stands, applauds, and shouts. I feel welcomed. I feel like I belong here. I look to Christina and she smiles. I return the smile.

Christina and I decide to stay away from others and find an empty space. We have a mostly empty table but I realize Four is sitting there. I'm forced to sit between him and Christina. He looks at me for a second but then looks behind me at Christina and looks back to his food.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina teases me.

"No it's not that. It's just, my parents were vegetarians and I've never had one. I mean, I've never really had meat before but I don't think I'm gonna stay like that all my life. It's just how I was taught when I grew up." I say with a small smile.

"No wonder you left." Christina says, referring to my family. _What else would she mean?_ Everyone that comes here comes from the streets in which means they left their family.

"Yeah. It was just because of the food." I say and roll my eyes. I notice the corner of Four's mouth twitches.

The doors to the cafeteria open and everyone goes silent. I look over my shoulder and see a young man walk in. It's so quiet I can hear his footsteps. He has so many piercings in his face I lose count. His hair is long, dark, and greasy. That's not what makes him look menacing though. It's the coldness of his eyes.

"Who's that?" Christina asks.

"His name is Eric. He's a Dauntless leader." Four says.

Four gives her a serious look. "Age doesn't matter here." He says.

I know we both want to ask the same question. _Then what does matter?_ Eric's eyes land on our table and he starts moving toward us. My stomach twists and I feel sick so I place my burger down and decide I'm done eating. He drops in the seat next to Four and offers no greeting so we don't either.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me?" Eric asks, nodding to Christina and me. Seriously.

"This is Tris and Christina." Four says.

"Ooh a Stiff. We'll see how long you last." Eric says with a smirk. I hate that damn word. Stiff. I hate all these slang words they use on the streets here in Chicago.

I want to scream at him I will make it here but my words are caught in my throat. I turn my head away from him and try to act like he's not looking at me. It's starting to creep me out. It's like he's trying to read inside my mind. I don't want him to look at me ever again. It sends shivers down my spine. He taps his fingers against the table and it looks like he's trying to act casual but trying not to at the same time.

"What have you been doing lately, Four?" Eric asks.

Four lifts a shoulder. "Nothing, really." Four says.

 _Are they friends?_ No, they can't be. The tension between those two is radiating off of them. Even I can feel it. _But how would they be rivals if Four is a trainer and Eric is a Dauntless leader?_

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up. He requested that I find out what's going on with you." Eric says.

Four looks at Eric for a second before saying, "Tell him that I'm satisfied with the position I currently hold." Four says with finality.

"So he wants to give you a job." Eric pushed. _Did you not hear him? Why would you want to test him?_

"So it would seem." Four says.

"And you aren't interested." Eric says. Apparently.

"I haven't been interested in two years." Four says. _Two years?_

"Well, let's hope he gets the point." Eric says and claps him on the shoulder, too hard for it to be friendly as he stands. He finally decides to leave and I slouch. I didn't even notice he made me so tense.

I can't keep my curiosity from coming over me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I keep my life a secret so I should respect others choices but I can't keep from wondering. I must know. I'm just hoping nothing bad happens.

"Are you two…friends?" I ask.

"We were in the same initiate class. He transferred from Erudite." Four says.

I seem to have forgotten that this is Four and to be careful about everyone around me. "Did you run away too?" I ask.

"I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions." He says, referring to Christina. "Now I've got Stiffs, too?" He asks. OK, I may have went far but now he wants me to despise him.

"It must be because you're so approachable. You know. Like a bed of nails." I say flatly.

He stares at me but I don't look away. I know what he's doing. He's trying to see if I will challenge him and stare him in the eye. If I look away, it's a sign of submission. Almost like with dogs. That's what I feel like right now. I have a choice and I choose to challenge him. But his stare is so tense that I can feel the heat start to rush to my cheeks and I'm sure he knows he's won. _What will happen when the tension breaks?_

When it does, luckily all that comes out of his mouth is, "Careful, Tris." It still intimidates me though.

My stomach drops. Luckily, the tension is broken when another Dauntless member calls Four over from another table. When I look to them, I'm surprised to see who it is. It was the other guy, Zeke. I turn to Christina and she raises both eyebrows.

"What?" I ask.

"I'm developing a theory." She says.

"And it is?" I ask.

She picks up her hamburgers, grins, and says, "That you have a death wish." Maybe I do.

* * *

After dinner, I look around but don't see Four. He disappeared without a word. Eric takes us initiates this time and leads us down a series of hallways. He never even told us where we were going. We just have to trust and follow him. I'm not sure why a Dauntless leader would be responsible for a group of initiates, but maybe it's just tonight. Hopefully, we won't have to be left alone with him again.

At the end of each hallway, there are blue lamps and the rest is darkness. What a great way to trip and fall. I can't see shit around here. _Why is Dauntless so dark?_ No one was told to be quiet, but everyone is silent. Even Christina. I guess he scares everyone. Eric steps in front of a wooden door, steps in front of us, and crosses his arms.

"For those of you who don't know, my name is Eric. I am one of the five leaders in Dauntless. I am one of five leaders of the Dauntless. We take the initiation process very seriously here, so I volunteered to oversee most of your training." Eric says.

I want to throw up. He's going to be watching us. It's bad if a Dauntless leader watches you, _but Eric?_ Oh God.

"Some ground rules. You have to be in the training room by eight o'clock every day. Training takes place every day from eight to six, with a break for lunch. You are free to do whatever you like after six. You will also get some time off between each stage of initiation." He asys.

 _I can do whatever I want?_ I was never allowed to do that at home. I wasn't allowed to do it on the streets. Well, I kept myself from doing so or else I'd be doing some really stupid shit. I always had to be careful but I can be free. This is a whole new feeling.

"You are only permitted to leave the compound when accompanied by a Dauntless." Eric says. I guess that's how they're able to protect each other. That's smart. "Behind this door is the room where you will be sleeping for the next few weeks. You will notice that there are ten beds and only nine of you. We anticipated that a higher proportion of you would make it this far." He says. That makes my stomach drop, hard.

"But we started with twelve." I hear Christina speak up. I close my eyes, waiting for the reprimand. She seriously needs to learn to shut up.

"There is always at least one transfer who doesn't make it into the compound." Eric says like it means nothing. Like the person didn't lose their life on the first day they tried to change for the possible better. "Anyway, in the first stage of initiation, we keep those who lived here and the one's off the street separate, but that doesn't mean you're ranked separately. At the end of your initiation, your rankings will be determined in comparison with the ones who've lived here. And they are more advanced in this than you are already. So I expect-"

"Rankings?" The mousy-haired Erudite girl cuts him off. "Why are we ranked?"

Eric smiles and in the dark, it looks even more sinister than ever, like it was cut into his face with a knife. He looks like a fucking horror movie's main character. "Your ranking serves two purposes. The first is that it determines the order in which you will select a job after initiation. There are only a few desirable positions available." He says.

 _Why do I feel like the second purpose is something sick?_ My stomach tightens. I can tell something bad is going to happen.

"The second purpose, is that only the top ten initiates are made members." He says. And there it is. As I look around, it dawns on me that there's no damn way I'm making it through this initiation. I have no chance against these people.

"What?" Christina asks.

"There are eleven people with Lauren and the nine of you. Four initiates will be cut at the end of stage one. The remainder will be cut at the final test." He says.

So even if we make it through, six initiates will not be members. _What will happen to us then?_ I can see Christina look at me from the corner of my eye but I can't face her. I can't take my eyes off of Eric. As the smallest initiate, the Stiff, my chances are not good.

"What do we do if we're cut?" Peter asks.

"That's confidential." Eric says.

The mousy haired girl clamps a hand over her mouth and stifles a sob. I remember hearing about all the Dauntless deaths. I never expected them to do it to each other. I'm sure we all know what he means by "confidential". I remember what Four said when we went to the chasm. _Do people give up and commit suicide? Do Dauntless kill others by pushing them into there?_ Instead of crying like the girl, I suddenly feel colder. Harder. I will make sure I become a member. I will not end up like the rest.

"But that's…not fair!" A girl, Molly, complains. "If we had known-"

Eric cuts her off quickly. "Are you saying that if you had known this when the Dauntless were explaining little details in the train, you wouldn't have joined Dauntless? Because if that's the case, you should get out now. If you really think you can be one of us, it won't matter to you that you might fail. And if it does, you are a coward."

Eric pushes the door to the dormitory open. "You chose us. Now we have to choose you." He says.

* * *

As I lie in bed, I listen to nine people breathing. I've never slept in the same room with any guy before, but I have no other option. Besides sleeping in the hallway. Everyone changed into the clothes Dauntless provided us with but I stayed in my gray T-shirt and pajama pants that smells like home.

I used to have my own room. I could look outside a window but now here I am, in Dauntless. I'm underground and I'm oblivious to the rest of the world. I chose this life. One little no and it probably wouldn't have any more worries. But I decided to let my parents die. I decided to run away. I decided to make a living on the streets. And I decided to say yes.

I can feel the burning sting in my eyes as I think of my life before Dauntless, before I ran off to the streets. When I was home. When I blink, a tear escapes and I have to cover my mouth to stifle a sob. I can't cry around others. I need to calm down.

I'll be alright here. I can fend for myself. I can make a living. I can be the best. I can practice harder. I can do this. My hands shake and tears come faster now, blurring my vision and choking me.

 _Can my parents forgive me for all I've done? Would Caleb forgive me for any of this? Will I ever find him again?_ I match my breathing to the other initiates and try to calm down.

A strangles sounds interrupts the breathing and I look over to see one of the guys, Al, let out a heavy sob. He stuffs his face into the pillow to try to muffle his cries but it does no help. I want to comfort him but for some reason, all I feel is disgust. _How can someone who looks so strong act so weak? Why can't he just keep his crying quiet like the rest of us?_

Images of my mother start popping into my head. I can imagine the look she would be giving me right now for being this way. The corners of her mouth would be turned down, her eyebrows set low over her eyes, not scowling but almost tired. I rub my hands over my face. I hear Al let out a sob again. I decide to turn and face the wall. No one needs to know I don't want to help him. I try to sleep but every time I get close, Al wakes me again.

I wish I could take this all back. I wish I would've never cried out for help. I wish I would have never ran away, or done stupid shit, or say yes to Dauntless. I wish I could have it all back. I want my old life back. I want to see my brother and his stupid smiles. I want to walk back into the kitchen and greet my whole family who would always do stuff together. I want my mom and dad back. I want my brother back.

My problem is, even if I could turn back time, or fix everything, my parents would only be disappointed in me. And I would know that I didn't belong there. I would know that that perfect family did not deserve a daughter like me.

I try to stop over thinking and fall asleep. I grab the pillow and hold it around my ears to try to block out Al's crying. I fall asleep with moisture against my cheek.


	3. Afraid and Unsafe

_**DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL OF IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!**_

* * *

(Tris POV)

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight." Four says and presses a gun into my palm then moves on, without looking at me. "Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train so I don't need to teach you that."

Well, I don't exactly how to get on a train. You guys kind of threw me in there! And I don't know how to jump off a train, I was just told to jump off and my body went flying. I'm not surprised they want us to start of the day running but I was hoping I'd have more than six hours of sleep before running. I'm still really tired and it's hard just to keep my eyes open.

"Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time." Four says.

I stare at the gun in my hand. I've never shot a gun before and never have I expected to hold one. Well, it's possible I would've the more time I spent on the streets but I never thought that I would need one since my life was a secret but I guess I was wrong. It feels so dangerous just touching it. Like one wrong move and I could hurt someone.

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear. Therefore, each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental." Four says.

"But what…" Peter yawns and finishes off his sentence. "What does firing a gun have to do with…bravery?" Wow, I guess I'm not the only one who has a death wish.

Four flips the gun in his hand, presses the barrel to Peter's forehead. Peter was going to yawn again but he suddenly turns stiff and the yawn stops immediately. I'd be scared shitless too.

"Wake. Up." You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it." Four snaps.

Four lowers the gun and I can feel everyone slouch and calm down. One Four moves away from him, Peter's eyes harden. I'm surprised Peter stopped himself from replying. He usually always has something to say and argue about. For once, he's put in his place and it makes me want to laugh. And for once in his life, I can see Peter blushing. He's red with embarrassment.

"And to answer your question…you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself." Four stops walking at the end of the line and turns on his heel. "This is also information you may need late in stage one. So, watch me."

He faces the wall with the targets. There's one square plywood with three red circles on it for each of us. He stands with feet apart, holding the gun in both hands, and fires. The noise is so loud, my ears are bleeding. I look around the initiates to see that his bullet went through the middle circle.

I turn to my target. My parents would never be happy with me firing a gun. They would rant about how guns are used for self-defense, if not violence, which is selfish.

I push my parents away from my mind. I set my feet shoulder-width apart, and carefully wrap both hands around the handle of the gun. It's heavy and hard for my arms to lift away from my body, but I don't want it anywhere near me. I squeeze the trigger, slowly at first then harder, cringing away from the gun. The recoil of the gun sends my hands back, towards my noise and the noise makes my ears ring. I stumble backwards and I quickly reach my hand out behind me for balance. I look at my target and see no holes in it. I look around but I don't know where my bullet went. Anywhere but the target.

I keep firing and trying and trying but it's no use. None of the bullets come close to the target.

"Statistically speaking, you should have hit the target at least once by now, even by mistake." A boy beside me, Will, says grinning. He's blonde with shaggy hair.

"Is that so." I say, keeping from sounding pissed.

"Yeah. I think you're actually defying nature." He jokes.

I grit my teeth and turn back towards my target. I'm going to at least try to stand still and stop stumbling. If I can't master the first task they give us, _how will I make it here?_ I won't even make it past stage one.

I squeeze the trigger hard and this time, I actually stood still. My hands went back but my feet styed planted. A hole appears at the edge of my target. I look to Will and raise an eyebrow.

"So you see, I'm right. The states don't lie." He says and I smile a little.

It takes me five rounds to finally hit the middle of the target. When I do, a rush of relief falls over me. I'm awake, my eyes open, my hands ready, and I'm ready. I lower the gun slowly. There's so much power in controlling something that can do so much damage. Or in controlling something, period. Maybe I do belong here.

* * *

By the time Four calls out break for lunch, my arms are aching and my fingers are giving me problems straightening. I massage them as I walk to the dining hall. I sit down next to Christina and I notice she invited Al to sit down with us. Every time I look at him, I remember hearing his sobs at night and they replay in my head. I keep my eyes off of him. I can't look at him.

I move my peas around with my fork. I can't eat right now. I'm overthinking as always. Eric and Four have implied the training will be hard but I didn't expect it to push us beyond our limits. _How can I get through to the next stage?_ All I can do is hope for the best. I haven't had a problem with anyone here but that still doesn't make me feel safe. _What if I let my guard down and something terrible happens?_

"Oh come on. You don't remember me?" Christina asks Al while making her sandwich. "We were in Math together just a few days ago. And I'm not a quiet person." Well that's definitely true. _How many people does this girl know? And they went to school while living by themselves on the street?_ They have more courage than me.

"I slept through Math most of the time. It was first hour!" Al says with a chuckle.

 _What if the danger doesn't come soon? Then will it strike later, years from now, and I don't see it coming?_

"Tris." Christina says, snapping her fingers in my face. "You in there?"

"What? What is it?" I ask.

"I asked if you remember ever taking a class with me. I mean, no offense but I don't remember hanging out with you in class. We talked outside of school, but besides that, you were more reserved and kept from others so I wouldn't notice if you really were in my class." She says. Wow, that didn't sting.

I stare at her as if she should be telling me this. I don't remember crap and I refuse to.

"Sorry, am I being rude?" She asks. "I'm used to just saying whatever is on my mind. Mom used to say that politeness is deception in pretty packaging."

"I think that's why our gangs don't usually associate with each other." I say, referring to her being called "Candor", with a small laugh.

"Can I sit here?" A voice says and taps on the table. I look up and see its Will.

"What you don't want to hang out with all your nerd buddies?" Christina asks.

"They aren't my buddies. Just because we were in the same streets doesn't mean we get along. Plus, Edward and Myra are dating, and I would rather not be the third wheel." Will says.

Edward and Myra sit two tables away. They're sitting so close, when they cut their food, their elbows bump each other. Myra pauses to kiss Edward. I watch them closely and I feel really weird about it. I never payed attention to PDA in my life or anyone kissing.

Edward turns his head and presses his lips to Myra. Air hisses between my teeth. _Why am I getting so mad?_ It's not like I want that. Another part of me wonders what it would be like to have someone's lips against mine.

"Do they have to be so public?" I ask.

"She just kissed him. It's not like their stripping naked." Al says with a frown.

"A kiss is not something you do in public." I retort.

Al, Christina, and Will give me all the same knowing look and smile.

"What?" I ask.

"Your Abnegation is showing." Christina says. Great, now she's comparing me to one of the other gangs. "The rest of us are all right with a little affection in public."

"Oh." I say with a shrug. "Well… I guess I have to get over it, then."

"Or you could stay frigid. You know. If you want." Will teases and his eyes glint with mischief.

Christina throws a roll at him as if to say to leave me alone but he catches it and bites it.

"Don't be meant to her. Frigidity is in her nature. Sort of like being a know-it-all is in yours." She says.

"I am not frigid!" I defend.

"Don't worry about it. It's endearing. Look. You're all red." Will says.

The comment only makes my face hotter. Everyone chuckles at me. I force myself to laugh but after several seconds, it comes naturally. It feels good.

* * *

After lunch, Four takes us to a new room. It's huge. It has a wood floor that is cracked and creaky and has a large circle painted in the middle. On the left wall, there's a green chalkboard. I haven't seen one since my Lower Levels teacher used one. Maybe it's something to do with Dauntless priorities: training comes first, technology comes second.

Our names are written on the board in alphabetical order. Faded black punching bags hang at three-foot intervals along one end of the room.

We line up behind them and Four stands in the middle, in front of us.

"As I said this morning, next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges-which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless." Four says.

I don't even want to think of life as a Dauntless. I just want to think about how to make it through initiation.

"We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other. So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt." Four says.

Four names a few styles of punches, demonstrating each of them, first in the air, then against the punching bag.

I catch on as we practice. The more I do it, the better I become. Almost like with the gun. I try to figure out how to hold myself and position my body like his. The kicks are more difficult than the punches. Even though he's only teaching the basics. Punching the bag is making my hands and feet sting. My skin is turning red. My kicks and punches are becoming weaker so the punching bag barely moves no matter how hard I hit it. All around me is the sound of skin hitting hard fabric.

Four wanders through the crowd, watching each one of us carefully. He's studying every damn movement. He stops in front of me and my stomach twists. _What am I doing so wrong that he had to stop?_ His eyes follow my body from my head to my feet. He doesn't look there, though.

"You don't have much muscle. Which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them." He says.

Suddenly, I feel his hand press to my stomach and all my breath shoots out of me. His fingers are so long that, though the heel of his hand touches one side of my rib cage, his fingertips still reach the other side. My heart is ponding so hard, my chest hurts. My head snaps to him and I stare at him wide-eyed.

"Never forget to keep tension here." He says, quietly.

Four takes his hands off of me and keeps walking. I can still feel the pressure of his pam even though he's gone. It's strange. No one had been able to make me feel this one. I have to stop and breathe for a few seconds before I can get back to practicing.

When Four dismisses us for dinner, Christina nudes me with her elbow.

"I'm surprised he didn't break you in half. He scares the hell out of me. It's that quiet voice he uses." She says, wrinkling her nose. It is a scary voice, but it's also sexy.

"Yea. He's…" I stop myself and look over my shoulder towards him. He is quiet and seems self-possessed but I'm still not worried that he could've or will hurt me. "…definitely intimidating." I finish my sentence.

Al turns around once we reach the Pit and announces out of nowhere, "I want to get a tattoo."

From behind us, I hear Will say, "A tattoo of what?"

"I don't know." Al laughs a bit. "I just want to feel like I've finally left my old life. Stop crying about it." When we don't respond, he adds, "I know you've heard me."

I purse my lips. "Yeah, learn to quiet down, will you?" Christina pokes Al's arm. She tries to keep the conversation light. "I think you're right. We're half in, half out right now. If we want all the way in, we should look the part." She gives me a look.

"No. I will not cut my hair." I say but she still looks at me. "Or die it a strange color. Or pierce my face." I add.

"How about your bellybutton?" She asks.

"Or your nipple?" Will replies with a snort. I groan.

Now that trainings over, we can do whatever we want until it's time to sleep. This feeling is so foreign to me. It makes me feel giddy, though it may be from fatigue.

The Pit is full of people. Christina tells Al and Will that she will meet them at the tattoo parlor and drags me to the clothing place. I stumble up the path as she drags me by the hand, climbing higher above the Pit floor, scattering stones with our shoes.

"What's wrong with my clothes? I'm not wearing gray anymore." I defend.

"They're ugly and gigantic. Will you just let me help you? If you don't like what I put you in, you never have to wear it again. I promise." She says with a sigh.

Ten minutes later, I'm standing in front of a mirror in a dressing room, wearing a knee-length black dress. The skirt isn't full, but at least it's not stuck to my thighs. Unlike the first one she chose and I quickly shot down. Goose bumps appear on the skin on my arms. She takes the tie out softly from my hair and I shake it out from its braid, so it's hanging wavy on my shoulders.

All of a sudden, she's holding a black pencil. I give her a strange look. "Eyeliner." Is all she says.

"You aren't going to be able to make me pretty, you know." I say. She needs to know so she doesn't waist her time on me. I close my eyes and stand still when I notice she isn't going to give up. She runs the tip of the pencil along the line of my eyelashes. I imagine what my family would think if I was standing in front of them in these clothes. They'd be so disappointed. I feel sick again.

"Who cares about pretty? I'm going for noticeable." She says.

I open my eyes once she's done and for once, I have no problem at staring at my reflection. For once, it's not repulsing. It's going to be hard breaking the habits I've learned. I now have to be concerned about my physical appearance. It's hard to come to the fact about now I have to be selfish. But I will find new habits, new thoughts, new rules. I will become something new.

My eyes were a dull grayish-blue before but the eyeliner makes them piercing. Thanks to my hair framing my face, my features look softer and fuller. I'm still not pretty, though. My eyes are too big and my nose is too long. Although, Christina kept to her promise. My face is now noticeable.

Looking at myself isn't like seeing myself for the first time. It's like seeing someone completely different. Beatrice was the girl I found repulsing and unable to look at for two seconds. This is someone whose eyes claim mine and don't release me. This is Tris.

"See? You're…striking." Chrisitna says with a grin.

It is the best compliment she could give me. I know I'm not pretty, or beautiful, but I am noticeable. I smile at her in the mirror.

"You like it?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say with a nod. "I look like…a different person."

She laughs. "That a good thing or a bad thing?" She asks.

I look at myself again. This is a good thing. This is a brand new me. This isn't Beatrice, this is Tris. Leaving behind my Stiff identity doesn't make me nervous; it gives me hope.

"A good thing. Sorry I've just never been able to stare at my reflection this long." I say as I shake my head.

"Really? How come?" She asks.

I ignore her question and just over a small smile. "Let's go watch Al get tattooed." I say.

At home, my mother and I picked up identical stacks up clothing every six months or so...at a thrift store. It's easy to allocate resources when we get the same thing but everything is more varied in this new life. Dauntless gets a certain amount of money every month to spend. The dress is so expensive it costs just one of them.

Christina and I basically run down the narrow path to the tattoo parlor. When we enter, Al is already sitting down and a small, narrow man with more ink than skin is drawing a spider on Al's arm.

Will and Christina flip through books of pictures, elbowing each other when they find an interesting one. When they sit next to each other, I notice how different they are when you compare them. Christina is dark and lean, Will pale and solid, but both have easy smiles.

I wander around the room, looking at artwork on the walls. These days, tattoo artists on the streets are either always too high or too drunk for me to trust them to tattoo on me. I only found one good artist but he disappeared one day. I have never been in a decorated room before. Not even in my apartment. I had no money to make it feel like home. It makes the air feel close and warn. I could get lost in here for hours without noticing. An area of the wall catches my attention. It has saying on them but I don't find a saying I would want. But, I do find a font I want.

"Haven't seen you here." I hear a voice behind me. I turn to see a woman. Her hair is straight and black but in the light, I can see streaks of grey.

"My name's Tris." I say. "Do you work here?"

"I do. I just take a break to administer the tests." _Tests?_ "Most of the time I'm here." She taps her chin. "I recognize that name. You were the first jumper, weren't you?" She asks.

"Yes, I was." I say.

"Well done." She says.

"Thanks." I say. I touch the glass of the tattoo that I sort of want. I have the words but I want the font. "I wanted to ask…what do you mean by tests?"

"I'm not sure it would be wise to talk about it if they haven't told you yet." She says.

I purse my lips. She has answers. I know she does. She won't give them to me now, but I will have to find another way to make her tell me some other time.

"Want a tattoo?" She asks.

I do. I want a tattoo in that font. I want it to say "Dead and Gone". A song that motivates me and means a lot more to me than others think. I want a reminder of where I was, as well as a reminder of where I am now. Maybe there is a way to honor my old life and embrace my new one. I nod.

"Yes, I would like "Dead and Gone" in this font on my back shoulder." I say.

"Ok. My name is Tori if you need anything else. Take a seat." She says. She sort of reminds me of how it was when I was a bartender.

A reminder of my old life. Dead and gone.

* * *

 _Next Day_

"Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today." Four says. He steps away from the board and gives me a look. I look at the board and the space next to my name is blank. A knot in my stomach unravels. A reprieve.

"This isn't good." Christina says, nudging me with her elbows. Her elbow connects with one of my sore muscles and I wince. _Why not just punch me, yea?_

"Ow." I say.

"Sorry. But look. I'm up against the Tank." She says.

Christina sat with me at breakfast and earlier, she shielded me from the rest of the dormitory when we changed. I'm glad I've found a friend like her. Susan and Caleb were never really friends with me. They spent most of their time together. And Robert, her brother, just followed her around like a lost puppy.

I guess I really haven't had a friend, period. I had no one I thought I could trust and I was way too reserved to the world. I was taught to let the other person to do the talking most of the time. I barely got two words in. That won't happen here. I know more about Christina than I knew about Susan, and it's only been two days.

"The Tank?" I ask. I look at the board and see "Molly" written next to Christina's name.

"Yeah. Peter's slightly more feminine-looking minion." She says, nodding to Drew, Molly, and Peter on the other side of the room. Molly is tall like Christina, but that's where similarities end. She has broad shoulders, tan skin, and a bulbous nose.

Christina points to Drew, Molly, and Peter. "Those three have been inseparable since they crawled out of the womb, practically. I hate them." She says.

Will and Al are in the arena, preparing to spar. They put their hands up in fists near their faces to protect themselves, like Four taught us, and shuffle around each other. Al is half a foot taller than Will, and twice as broad. As I stare at him, I see his facial features are big. This fight won't last long.

I glance at Peter, Drew, and Molly. Drew is shorter than both of them but he's built like a boulder, and his shoulders are always hunched. His hair is orange-red.

"What's wrong with them? I mean, besides Peter and them being friends with him of course." I say.

"Drew is just his sidekick. I doubt he has an independent thought in his brain. And Molly…she's the kind of person who fries ants with a magnifying glass just to watch them flail around." Christina says and wrinkles her nose.

I'm brought back from looking at them when I hear a crunch. I look to the arena and see Al punched Will hard in the jaw. I wince. I look at Eric across the room and see he's smirking and turning one of the rings in his eyebrow. Fucking sick.

Will stumbles to the side with one hand pressed to his jaw and blocks Al's next punch with his free hand. Judging by his grimace, blocking the punch is as painful as a blow would've been. Al is slow, but powerful.

Peter, Drew, and Molly cast furtive looks in our direction then turn their head together, whispering. _What are they thinking about?_

"I think they know we're talking about them." I say.

"So? They already know I hate them." Christina says.

"They do? How?" I ask.

Christina puts on a fake smile and waves at them. I look down, my cheeks warm. I shouldn't even be gossiping. I hate when people do that anyways. I'm no better than those people at this point.

I turn my head back to the arena. Will hooks a foot around one of Al's legs and yanks back, knocking Al to the ground. Al scrambles as fast as he can to his feet.

"Because I've told them." She says through gritted teeth. Her top teeth are straight but crooked on the bottom. "I was always told to be honest growing up and I could care less about their feelings. Plenty of people have told me they don't like me. And plenty of people haven't. Who cares?" She says.

"I was just…taught not to hurt people." I say.

"I like to think I'm helping them by hating them. I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind." She says.

I laugh a little then turn my attention back to the arena again. Will and Al stare at each other for a few seconds, more hesitant than before. Will flicks his hair from his eyes. They glance at Four like they're waiting for him to call off the fight, but he stands with his arms folded, and an annoyed look on his face. A few feet away, Eric checks his watch.

Will and Al stall as they circle around each other. "Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break up for naptime? Fight each other!" Eric growls.

"But…" Al straightens, letting his guard down. "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?" He asks.

"It ends when one of you is unable to continue." Eric says.

"According to Dauntless rules, one of you could also concede." Four says.

Eric glares at Four. "According to the old rules. In the new rules, no one concedes." Eric says. And there's the tension. I stand frozen, waiting for a fight to break out between them.

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others." Four says.

"A brave man never surrenders." Eric shoots back.

Four and Eric glare daggers at each other for a few seconds. I feel like I'm looking at two different Dauntless. One is honorable and one is ruthless. But even I know Eric, even though he is the youngest leader, he has more power over Four and everyone in this room.

Al wipes the back of his hand over his forehead where bead of sweat are dotted on.

"This is ridiculous. What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same gang! I thought we looked out for each other." Al says, shaking his head.

"Oh, you think it will be that easy? Go on. Try to hit me, slowpoke." Will teases.

Will puts his hands up again. I can see what he's doing. I see determination in Will's eyes I have never seen before. _Does he really believe he can win?_ One hard shot to the head and Al will knock him out cold.

That is, if he's fast enough to hit Will. Al tries to punch and Will ducks each time. He dodges another punch, slipping around Al and kicking him hard in the back. Al lurches forward and turns to Will.

When I was younger, I read a book about grizzly bears. There was a picture of one standing on its hind legs with its paws outstretched, roaring. That's what Al looks like now. He looks pissed now. He charges at Will, grabs his arm so he can't slip away, and punches him hard in the jaw.

I watch as the light leaves Will's eyes. They roll back into his head and he loses all consciousness. He slips from Al's grasp and crumples to the floor. A cold chill rushes down my back and fills my chest. I can't believe this shit is what this gang would train its members to survive.

It's like Al blacked out when he knocked out Will. Now, he's back to his real self and he crouches next to Will, tapping his cheek with one hand. We all stand silently, waiting for Will to respond. For a while, he doesn't, he just lies there with an arm bent beneath him. Then he blinks slowly, clearly dazed.

"Get him up." Eric says. He stares with sinister cold eyes at Will's fallen body. Like a lion just found a dead zebra and he hasn't eaten in weeks. The curling of his lip is cruel.

Four turns to the chalkboard and circles Al's name.

"Next up- Molly and Christina!" Eric shouts. Al pulls Will's arm over his shoulder and drags him out of the arena.

Christina cracks her knuckles and for once, she looks pretty intimidating. I would wish her luck, but I don't know what good that would do. You have two stubborn people in a ring and expect them to give up. Christina isn't weak but she is much narrower than Molly. Hopefully her weight will help her.

I look towards Will and see Four has taken Will from Al and is helping him out the door. Al stands for a moment at the door, watching them go.

It's making me nervous that Four left. Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who likes to spend his time sharpening knives. I especially don't feel safe with Eric since when I first met him, he looked at me like a piece of meat. This dude wants me dead and I'm sure that's what he's hoping for throughout initiation.

Christina tucks her hair behind her ears. It's chin length but she pins it back with silver clips. She cracks another knuckle. Her intimidating state has left and I can tell she looks nervous. _Who wouldn't be nervous after watching Will collapse like a rag doll?_

If conflict in Dauntless ends with one person standing, I'm not sure what this part of initiation will do to me. I don't even know why we really have to learn this. Hopefully it's just to use on other gangs if they become violent. _Will I be Al, standing over someone's unconscious body knowing I out them in that state, or Will, lying in a helpless heap? Is it selfish of me to crave victory, or is it brave?_ I wipe my now sweaty palms on my pants. I don't want anyone to notice I'm nervous and not even fighting yet.

I snap back to reality when I see Christina kick Molly in the side. Molly gasps and grits her teeth like she wants to growl. A lock of stringy black hair falls in front of her, but she doesn't brush it away. Way to look like a fucking killer out of a horror movie. Now I'm scared for Christina. The look on Molly's face is clear she's pissed.

Al stands next to me, but I'm too focused on the fight to pay attention to him. I think he wants me to congratulate him. I'm not sure. _Does he want attention?_

Molly smirks at Christina. _The fuck?_ Run! Without warning, Molly dives with hands outstretched at Christina's midsection. She knocks Christina to the ground and pins her there. Christina thrashes around but Molly is heavy and doesn't budge.

Molly punches but Christina tries to dodge, moving her head side to side. Molly punches again and again until her fist connects with Christina's jaw. The nose. Then mouth. Blood runs down Christina's face and splatters on the side of her cheek. This is the first time I prayed for someone to fall unconscious. Christina can't take this pain anymore.

Of course, being the stubborn people they are, Christina screams and pulls one of her arms free. She punches Molly in the ear, knocking her over, and then she wiggles free as fast as she can. She bends over on her knees, holding her face with one hand. The blood is streaming from her nose, this and dark. It covers her fingers in seconds. She screams again and crawls away from Molly. I can tell she's sobbing by the shaking of her shoulders but I can't hear anything. My head is screaming, "Please go unconscious!"

Molly kicks Christina's side, sending her sprawling back. Al reaches out and pulls me tight to his side. I clench my teeth to keep from crying out. I had no sympathy for Al the first night, but Dauntless hasn't changed me by much. And I won't let it. I won't become a total cold asshole. Christina is clutching her rib cage so hard it makes me want to stand between her and Molly.

"Stop!" Christina wails as Molly is brings her foot back and is about to kick her again. Christina holds her hands out. "Stop! I'm…" She coughs. "I'm done."

Molly smiles coldly, making me cringe. It also gives me relief. She's done. I sigh and so does Al, his rib cage lifting and falling against my shoulder.

Eric moves slowly over to the center of the arena and stands over Christina, arms folded. My panic is starting to creep up again. "I'm sorry, what did you say? You're done?" He asks, quietly. It sends shivers down my spine.

Christina forces herself to her knees. When her hand comes off the ground, I notice a red handprint on the ground. This is gruesome. She pinches her nose to try to keep it from bleeding and nods.

"Get up." He says. He didn't yell like I would've expected him to do. I know if he would of yelled, it would be the worst he would do. But I know the worst is coming, and it's not going to be good. He grabs Christina's arm, yanks her to her feet, and drags her out the door.

"Follow me." He orders coldly to the rest of us. And we follow. No matter how much I'm sure any of us don't want to.

* * *

We stand near the railing of the Chasm. I can feel the roar of the river in my chest. The Pit is almost empty since it's the middle of the afternoon, though it feels like it's been night for days.

If people were around, I still don't think they'd help Christina. I have a feeling they've all been brainwashed and trained to be ruthless, cold-hearted, killers. I don't want to be one, though. And if that means they have to kill me, so be it. I'm also sure others wouldn't help because they wouldn't want to interfere with Eric.

Out of nowhere, Eric shoves Christina against the railing. "Climb over it." He says. My jaw drops open.

"What?" She asks, incredulously. It's like she expects him to relent, but her wide eyes and ashen face say otherwise. Plus, we all know he will not back down.

"Climb over the railing." He says again, more stern and deadly. "If you can hang over the chasm for five minutes, I will forget your cowardice. If you can't, I will not allow you to continue initiation."

The railing is narrow and made of metal. The spray from the river would just make it even harder to hold on. Even if Christina were brave enough to hang over the railing, _who said she would make it?_ Either she decides to hang over this and have a chance at initiation or death. Honestly, I don't know what the better option is.

When I close my eyes, pictures flash in my mind show her falling onto the jagged rocks below and I shudder. The girl who missed the roof was enough for me to almost lose all the food in my body.

"Fine." She says; her voice shaky.

She's tall enough to swing her leg over the railing, but her foot shakes. She's moving slowly and carefully. She puts her toe on the ledge as she lifts her leg over. Facing us, she wipes her hands on her pants and holds onto the railing so tight her knuckles turn white. She takes one foot off the ledge. Then the other. I see her face between the barrier. Determined. Her lips are pursed together.

Next to me, Al sets his watch. For the first minute and a half, Christina's fine. Her hands are still firm around the railing and her arms aren't shaking. I'm starting to think actually might make it and Eric doubted her.

But then the river decides to fuck up everything and hit the wall. Water sprays against her back and I hear the bang of her face hitting the barrier. She cries out. Her hands start to slip to where it's only her fingertips holding her body up. She tries to get a better grip but it's no use with wet hands.

If I help her, Eric will make me do the same. But I don't think I could live with the guilt knowing I let my friend die. _Will I let her fall to death, or will I risk my life? What's worse: to be idle while someone dies or be killed and know you did the right thing?_ My parent's would have no problem answering those questions. But I'm not my parents.

Christina hasn't cried since we got here. But now her face crumples and she lets out a cry louder than the roar of the river. Another wave hits the wall and splashes onto her body. Her hands slip again but this time, one hand falls from the railing. She's holding onto the railing with only four fingertips and my hear tis racing.

"Come on, Christina." She looks at him and he claps his hands. "Come on, grab it again. You can do it. Grab it."

 _Would I even be strong enough to hold onto her? Would it worth my effort to try to help her if I know I'm too weak to do any good?_

I know what these questions are: excuses. "Human reason can excuse any evil; that is why it's so important we don't rely on it." My father's words replay in my mind.

Christina swings her arm, trying to grab hold of the railing. No one cheers her on but Al tries. He brings his hands together and shouts, his eyes holding hers. It's like he's trying to make her forget she's holding on so she stops panicking or making it worse. I wish I could; I wish I could move, but I just stare at her and wonder how long I've been so selfish for. _Was it before Dauntless or did they help me become this way?_

I glance at Al's watch. Four minutes have passed and now I can't take my eyes away as I count down. He elbows me hard in the shoulder.

"Come on." I say but my voice comes out a whisper. I clear my throat. "One more minute." I say, louder, making sure Christina hears. She needs this push. She needs to know she can hold on. Christina's hand finds the railing again. _Really? You couldn't have found it earlier and not caused my panic?_ Her arms are shaking so hard, the railing is rattling a bit. I might be exaggerating. I feel like the world is shaking and so is my vision.

If she does slip, I will help her again. The guilt of letting her do this is already eating my alive. Another wave of water splashes against her back and she shrieks as both her hands slip off the railing. A scream launched from my mouth. It doesn't even sound like my own.

But she doesn't fall. She grabs the bars of the barrier. Now I think I'm going to have a panic attack or a heart attack. Her fingers slide down the barrier so much I can't see her head. Her fingers are all I see. Al's watch beeps and I look to it to see its reads "5:00".

"Five minutes are up." Al says, almost like he was spitting the words at Eric.

Eric checks his own watch, taking his precious time. He tilts his wrist and I want so much to tackle him over the railing even if I fell to my own death. When I blink, pictures of Rita's sister flash in my eyes again.

"Fine. You can come up, Christina." Eric says. Al hurriedly walks towards the railing.

"No. She has to do it on her own." Eric says.

"No, she doesn't. She did what you said. She's not a coward. She did what you said." Al practically growls at Eric.

Eric doesn't respond and it worries me. I hope he doesn't decide to put Al in danger either. I don't know who would stand up to Eric, besides Four. He was just trying to prove a point. He stood up against the corrupted minds of the Dauntless. Al reaches over the railings and is tall enough to grab Christina's wrist. She grabs his forearm with the other hand. Al pulls her up, his face red with irritation. I run forward to help. I'm too short to help much but I grip Christina under the shoulder and once she's high enough, Al and I pull her barrier. She collapses to the ground, her face still bloodied, her back soaking, and her body shaking like an earthquake.

I kneel next to her and hold her in a friendly manner. Her eyes look up to mine, then glance to Al. We all look at each other and catch our breaths.

* * *

 _Next Day_

(Four/Tobias' POV)

"The fuck do you mean? I was there. All they were doing was fighting. What the hell happened when I was gone!?" I growl out in frustration. Zeke doesn't look at all fazed. In fact, he has a smirk on his face.

"What the hell Zeke? Answer me!" I say. "Why are you standing there smirking?"

"I'm smirking because I saw something like this coming. You need to set Eric straight. These are your initiates not his. I told you something bad was going to happen." Zeke says.

"You think it's that easy? I can't take control over Eric. I can't tell him what to do. He's a leader of this damn gang!" I say.

"Doesn't seem like it's ever stopped you from setting him straight." Zeke says.

"Yea? Well this whole entire time I've had them, he's been the one basically running the training." I say.

"Beat the shit out of him. You knocked some sense into him last time." He says.

I sigh and run my hand over my face. "I'll speak to him. But…I don't see how this is going to help me in the future. He's stubborn as fuck." I say.

Zeke gets a big smile on his face. "I'm hoping for a fight. I want to see that again." He says.

"You know I don't like fighting. And especially after the last time I've fought Eric. Everyone thought I was the bad guy this time." I say.

Zeke shrugs. "So? The people you'll need will be on your side." He says.

That's true. I don't even speak to many people and I know the people that are always there for me, will be on my side if something like that were to happen. I still hate fighting, though. When I see someone lying on the floor, knowing I put them there, I just have images of my father flashing in my mind.

"I'm still going to try and not get into a fight first. I don't want to resort to violence first chance I get for everything." I say. He nods.

"Well, I have to get back to work; I'll talk to you later." Zeke says as he grabs his tray and takes off.

I put my head in my hand and think of what to do. I can't trust leaving Eric alone with the other initiates because I have to help another he helped become unconscious. I guess I'll have to go against Eric and teach them to help each other. _What would happen if a shooting was to erupt?_ They need each other. So what better way when they get beat up, send another initiate to help them to the infirmary.

I get up and take a deep breath. I'm going to have to pull myself together if I have to talk to Eric and not go full ape shit on him. I dump my tray and put it on the table then leave the cafeteria.

I jog to the training room so I can get to him before training starts. When I get to the door, I'm about to open it until I hear voices inside. I make it out as Max, Eric, and a feminine voice. I open up the door very slowly and quietly. I peek inside and see a lady dressed in blue. The Erudite gang. I knew something was going on. She has watery, gray eyes, like melted steel. Her face is attractive I guess. She has a layer of pudge around her middle and stretch marks on her knees. Her voice is like a razor's edge, harsh, like it's clustered with rocks and broken glass.

I listen to the conversation closely. "When would the shipment be in?" Max asks. _Shipment of what?_

"If you bought in now, it should be in within the end of this month. You can't rush it. Not like you guys have the brains to come up with something like this." She says, coldly.

Eric walks up to her, grabbing her collar. Max grabs his arm. "Eric. Back off." Max says. Eric lets his grasp on her shirt go and Max turns to her. "How do we know a hundred percent this will work and we're not wasting our money on you?" He says.

"I want to get rid of them just as much as you. Imagine if we combined our gangs. How unstoppable we'd be. We could even take the Divergents." She says the last part quietly. There is no fucking way they would put their gang's life in danger going against the Divergent.

Max bites his cheek. "I didn't say that I wanted to combine forces. I don't need your smart asses threatening my gang. This is a business deal. Nothing more." He says.

"So what you're saying is we're wasting our technology and serums on a gang that we can't even depend on?" She asks.

Max isn't getting anywhere with this and he can tell himself. "What is the serum supposed to do anyway? How do we know who this will work on?" He asks.

"Your third stage of training as you've told me, using fears against them all. If you were to see how they respond to them, you could know if the serum would work. If they aren't fully brainwashed and have that rebellious streak, then the serum will have no control over their bodies. However, if you've done well training them, you'll have a chance at taking over all of Dauntless. All their thoughts. Movements. Feelings. Well, not feelings. They won't have any. Not even pain." She says with a cold grin. _What the fuck?_

"I want you to show me in person first before I hand you the money. I need proof just not words out of a rival's mouth. We may work together but I would never put all my trust in you." Max says.

"Run the tests with me in there and if they are fully Dauntless. I will show you exactly how the serum works." She says.

"And after all of this…" Eric cuts in. "How will we confirm that no one will try to rebel against us after knowing that we took control over their minds and made them kill other people?"

"It's not a worry. They won't know. They won't remember anything. You can make up a lie once you shut off the simulation. And if it's not to work, we have memory serum. Wash everything out of their brains and you can start from scratch." She says.

Eric and Max look at each other. All I can see is greed in their eyes. I no longer see our big, Dauntless leader, Max. I see and idiot that wants power. And if killing is how he must get away with everything, he would be a serial killer.

Max gives a satisfied nod. "We have a deal." He says with the most sinister look I've ever seen on a person. Jeanine gives a sinister smile and they shake hands.

Fuck! _How will I protect these people?_ _I want to warn them but really, what have they done for me?_ Maybe I can just tell the people I care about. _But how will I tell Tris this without making it seem like I'm worried? Wait, why do I care?_ She's my initiate!

They start walking towards me and I leave the door fast, not caring if it makes a click or not. As long as they don't find out who was listening. I dart to the nearest hallway that doesn't go to the exit of the compound and lean against it, trying to hide myself in the shadows. I watch as Max and Jeanine walk out, oblivious and walk right past me. I let out a breath of air. I peek out and see Eric is not there. He must be in the training room.

I can't keep myself from hurting him somehow. _First one of my initiates now all of Dauntless?_ I don't fucking think so. I walk in, throwing the door open and walk over to him, grabbing him by the collar and punching him in the face. He has a stunned look on his face and I let him drop to the floor. "What makes you think you can take control over my initiate class then almost kill one of them!?" I ask.

He gets a small smile on his face then spits out some blood from the blow to his face. "We're going to be killing some in the end anyways." He says. I have to keep from having a look of disgust on my face.

"Doesn't mean you put their lives in danger now and kill them two days in. Nobody will even think its initiation anymore. They'll think that there'll be just one man standing." I spit. "Listen to me good. Do not interfere with my initiates. You will observe them. Nothing more."

"I don't think you have the power to tell a leader what to do." He says as he stands up. "You don't have the authority here."

"And what will you do about it?" I say, crossing my arms. "You gonna punch me?" I ask, getting in his face as he looks up to mine. "Last time I checked it wasn't you who got first in our initiation class or won any of our fights."

He looks like he's about to do something and I grin. "Hit me." I say. I want him to hit me. Just so I can kick his ass.

He is about to move his arm when the door opens and I look to see the initiates coming in. "You're lucky that they're here. They saved you a shit load of embarrassment." I say. He bites his cheek, from trying not to talk back and let everything backfire on him.

I look towards Tris and see she looks half down and half mad. _What the hell happened? Eric didn't do anything to her either, did he?_

I watch as Tris looks to the chalkboard with a scared expression on her face. I look to it and see next to name, there's "Peter". Fucking Eric! He knew how to get to me. Putting my weakest initiates against the stronger. I can't change it now, though. No matter how much I want to. I can't embarrass a Dauntless leader in front of new members. I'm not trying to risk my life now.

I watch as Christina shuffles in and I wince looking at her. She has a bruised face and it looks like she's trying not to limp. Eric really knows how to fuck with my initiates. I watch as she looks towards the board and crumples the muffin wrapper she was holding in her hand. If only that was Eric…

I think back to yesterday watching Peter fight. He beat his own "friend", Drew, in less than five minutes. I look towards Drew and see his face is mostly black and blue. I hate to say it, but I don't think Tris will be winning this fight.

I watch as Al walks up and enters into their conversation. Tris responds to Al and I watch as her cheeks become even redder. He better not be flirting with her. _Why the fuck do I care? What's happening!?_ Whatever. I can't worry about that now. I just am going to keep in mind that I will stay here for her.

I watch all the fights before Tris' and Peter's. My heart starts to pound as I circle names and watch as I come closer and closer to Tris' name. I watch Molly peel herself off of the ground. I look towards Tris and I can feel the fear radiating off of her. She's scared and there's no hiding it. Hell, I'm scared. I don't want her to get hurt and I don't want to come back tomorrow seeing her battered.

She walks into the arena hesitantly and I can't take my eyes off of her. Peter puts on a sinister smile and I feel disgusted. I know he's going to hurt her bad. I shouldn't be saying this crap. I need to have hope for her. She'll be ok.

"You okay there, Stiff? You look like you're about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry." He says. I want to punch this fucker. He always acts like he's the shit.

I lean against the door, looking at Tris' face with my arms folded. I suck in my cheeks. I need to calm down. I listen as Eric's foot taps faster and faster. I swear I'm going to cut off his damn legs. I have no time for his bullshit anymore. I hope my punch to his face leaves a bruise for everyone to see. Then I wonder what lies he'll make up about how he got it.

Peter gets into position, hands by his face, elbows bent, and knees are bent. He looks like he's ready to attack her or something. He's dangerous. "Come on, Stiff. Just one little tear. Maybe some begging." He says.

The thought of her begging, especially towards him makes me taste bile. She attempts to kick him in his side but I'm sure he saw that coming after all the comments. He knows how to mess with her. But it seems like she's acting out of impulse from something she's been saving over time. This anger in her has been building up and now I'm wondering what he's done to her. They haven't known each other for long. At least I think…

Peter catches her foot and yanks it forward, knocking her down. Her back slams hard on the floor. She pulls her foot free and scrambles to her feet.

"Stop playing with her." Eric snaps. I snap my head to him in rage. "I don't have all day." _Really? What life do you have exactly? Why were you playing earlier? Are you scared to punch me?_

Peter's mischievous look disappears. Suddenly, he sends a punch to her face and I watch as she moves her head to the side from the punch and holds her hand to her face for a second. She seems so off balance now. All she does now is try to stay away from him. She won't fight back. He moves in front of her and kicks her in the stomach, hard. I can hear the air fly out of her. She falls. "On your feet!" I want to yell at her. She pushes herself up but Peter is right in front of her view now. I know where this is going. I knew this was going to happen and I knew it wouldn't last long. Peter grabs her by the hair and tugs her up. He punches her in the face and I hear a crackle. Her only response is to try and shove him off. She slaps at his arms. Like that's going to help her. He punches her again in the ribs. I can't stand looking at her anymore. Her face is bruised and bloody.

He shoves her back down to the ground again and she tries to pull herself up but she fails at steadying herself. She coughs and finally drags herself to her feet. He kicks her in the side and she stumbles. She tries to throw a punch at Peter but she only hits his neck, nothing more. He grabs his throat for a second then smacks her ear with his palm.

I can't watch this shit anymore. I can't stand here, knowing I can't do anything and watch as her beautiful face turns battered. She should've never come here. She should've ran. _Why is she so stupid?_ She won't make it through initiation. She won't. No, I can't let that happen. I don't want her to fail and have to see her cold, dead body in front of me. But no matter how much I want to be here, that much I don't want to be here. I promised I would stay and never leave my initiates with Eric again. Especially her.

But I can't do this. I can't watch this anymore. I slam open the doors behind me and walk out.

As I'm walking down the hall, I hear a loud screech. It's not Tris' but it tells me something bad has happened. Of course something bad happened. It's Peter. I hear someone shout, "Enough!" I want to run back and gather her in my arms.

I want to. I plead for it. But I can't.


	4. Hiraeth and Limerence

**_Disclaimer: DIVERGENT AND ALL IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

(Tris POV)

When I wake up, I don't feel much. I must be tripping. The only feeling I have is my head feeling fuzzy. _Shouldn't I be feeling like hell considering I got my ass kicked?_ The only pain I have is the headache when I try to think straight.

"Is her eye black?" I hear someone say.

I open an eye and keep the other shut. I really don't want to move right now in case I may cause pain. I see that sitting to my right are Will and Al. Christina sits on the bed to my left with an ice pack on her jaw.

"What happened to your face?" I ask her. I don't seem to have a filter at the moment. I must be like Christina.

She laughs. "Look who's talking. Should we get you an eye patch?"

"Well, I already know what happened to my face. I was there. Sort of." I say.

"Did you just make a joke, Tris?" Will asks suddenly. Wow, I really must be carefree at the moment. _How can I be carefree when I'm in a bed injured?_ "We should get you painkillers more often if you're going to start cracking jokes. Oh, and to answer your question-I beat her up."

 _He beat her!?_ Oh, wait. No, but still. I thought they were two little flirtation devices that liked each other. I would've never expected for Will to lay a hand on her, even for initiation.

"I can't believe you couldn't beat Will" Al says, shaking his head.

"What? He's good." She says with a shrug. Mmhmm. Sure that's why you let him win. "Plus, I think I've finally learned how to stop losing. I just need to stop people from punching me in the jaw."

"You know, you'd think you would've figured it out already." He says with a wink. I smirk. "Now I know why you're not Erudite." He's referring to one of the other gangs. One I don't think Dauntless favors too much but they still seem like an ally. "Not too bright, are you?"

"You feeling okay, Tris?" Al asks. I take a good look at him and notice how much he's changed since the beginning. His eyes are darker, his cheeks looks rough, like if he didn't shave it, he'd have a thick beard. He doesn't even look young enough to be sixteen. He looks like…well…a man.

"Yeah. Just wish I could stay here forever so I never have to see Peter again." I say.

I don't exactly know what this place is though. I'm in a large, narrow room with a row of beds on either side. Some of the beds have curtains between them. On the right side, is a nurse's station. This must be the infirmary. The woman looks over at us over her clipboard. I've never seen a nurse with so many piercings before. But I guess this is all we have. _Why would gangs want to interfere with the public and let real doctors get into our personal lives?_ This is all we have.

The first time I went to a hospital was when I was six. My mother fell on the sidewalk and broke her arm. Hearing her scream made me burst into tears. Caleb took control of the situation and just ran to my father like no big deal. When we were in the hospital, I watched as they fixed her arm with care. But here, you just hope for the best. It's not a hospital, it's an infirmary with the best nurses you can get in a gang.

"Don't worry about Peter. He'll at least get beat up by Edward, who has been studying hand-to-hand combat since we were ten year old. For fun." Will says. _Does everyone here know each other? Did they grow up on the streets together?_ I only know Peter and Christina just a little but our friendship has grown. Christina's not Peter's. I would rather die than be friends with Peter.

"Good." Christina says then checks her watch. "I think we're missing dinner. Do you want to stay here, Tris?"

I shake my head. "I'm fine." Christina gives me a look and I already know what she wants to say. _Why don't you eat more?_ Well the truth is, when you lived your past two years having a hard time making money, you have nothing to buy food with and you learn how to get passed days without eating. So now, when I try to eat like an average person, my stomach makes me want to regurgitate everything.

Christina and Will get up, but Al waves them to go ahead. "I just wanted to tell you that you missed Eric's announcement. We're going on a field trip tomorrow, to the fence, to learn about Dauntless jobs. We have to be at the train by eight fifteen." He says.

"Fence?" I ask.

He chuckles. "Tris, we have a fence. Every gang has a fence. You didn't think Dauntless was just one building, right?" He asks.

I shrug. "I…never thought about it. I-I thought it looked like a normal place compared to when I was looking over it on the train." I say.

"It would but this area specifically is just for gangs. Cops know it. All of the public knows it. They just don't care anymore. We're people they can't help and aren't worth their time. We're outcasts." He says. That's a good way to put it.

I nod. "Ok. Thanks for telling me." I say with a small smile.

"And don't pay attention to Christina. Your face doesn't look that bad. I mean, it looks good. It always looks good. I mean-you look brave. Dauntless." He says. I can see the blush of embarrassment flooding over his cheeks.

His eyes skirt to mine and he scratches the back of his head. What a way to make this become awkward. I wish he would just leave the room. It was a nice thing to say, but he acts like it meant more than just words. I hope I'm wrong. I can't be attracted to Al. Nobody that fragile. I smile a little to show him no harm, hoping it will diffuse the tension.

"I should let you rest." He says and gets up to leave but I grab his wrist before he can start walking away.

"Al, are you okay?" He looks at me blankly. "I mean, is it getting any easier?" I ask.

"Uh…" He shrugs. "A little." He mumbles.

He pulls his hand free and shoves it in his pocket. This question must have embarrassed him because I've never seen him so red. I think he knows I think he's weak in my eyes. I don't want to be mean, but…he is. He is weak. I would be embarrassed too.

"I lost to Drew. After your fight with Peter. I took a few hits, fell down, and stayed there. Even though I didn't have to. I figure…I figure that since I beat Will, if I lose all the rest, I won't be ranked last, but I won't have to hurt anyone anymore." He says.

"Is that really what you want?" I ask.

"I just can't do it. Maybe that means I'm a coward." He says, looking down and shaking his head.

"You're not a coward just because you don't want to hurt people." I say. I don't even know if I'm speaking the truth, I'm just trying to be nice.

For a moment, we're both still, looking at each other. His eyes are boring into mine and I feel a shiver run down my spine. It's like he's trying to look into my brain and see what I really think. My honest answer is; if he is a coward, it isn't because he doesn't enjoy pain. It's because he refuses to act.

He gives me a pained look. "That's not really what you wanted to say, was it?" He asks. That was…blunt.

I don't know how to answer that. "I don't know. I don't understand my own thoughts at the moment, Al." I say.

"I think what you really want to say is bad. Yeah, it's already hard enough. I agree with what you really want to say." He says with a nod and walks out the door before I get another word out.

All I can think about is how I may have just lost a friend. I was trying to be nice but it backfired and he believes I only think the worst of him. _But don't you?_ All you ever think about is how weak he is. This is why I don't have friends. This is why I don't get close. Because everybody that gets close to me, gets hurt. Whether it's physically or emotionally.

* * *

The next morning, I'm woken from my nightmare by Christina shaking my shoulder with one hand and tapping my cheek with the other. _Why didn't I wake up? And when did I get back to the dormitory?_ I must have been really tired. She's wearing a black jacket zipped up to her throat. I don't see any bruises on her. _Did she fight yesterday?_

"Come on. Up and at 'em" She says.

I dreamt that Peter tied me to a chair and asked me if I was Divergent. _How would I have known?_ Plus I'm in Dauntless. _So how does that make me Divergent?_ I don't understand why I'd take the chance of rebelling against Dauntless. I told him no of course and he started punching me until I said yes. But I'm not! I touch my cheeks to feel water on them. I wipe them off with the back of my hands.

I meant to say something but instead all that comes out is a groan. My body is finally letting me enjoy the pain of course instead of the numbness. On the day I have to get up and do something. FML. Christina offers me her hand. I look to the clock and see it's eight. We're supposed to be at the train tracks by eight fifteen.

"I'll run and get us some breakfast. You just…get ready. Looks like it might take you a while." She says.

I grunt. I try to fumble in the drawer under my bed for a clean shirt without bending my waist. I'm happy Peter isn't here to see this. Once Christina leaves, the dormitory is empty.

I unbutton my shirt and stare at my bare side, which is patched with bruises. For a second the colors mesmerize me. My bruises are bright green, deep blue, and brown. Then it disgusts me. I quickly change and let my hair hand loose because I can't lift my arms to tie it back. Well, I wonder what others will think when they finally see my hair down. Others seem to prefer it that way.

I look at my reflection in the small mirror on the back wall and pause. I'm looking at a stranger. She's blonde, with a narrow face but that's where similarities stop. I don't have a black eye, split lip, or bruised jaw. I'm not as pale as a sheet. She can't be me. But she moves when I do.

By the time Christina comes back, with a muffin for each of us, I'm sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at my shoes. I'm going to have to bend over to tie them. I don't want to do it. Luckily, Christina notices, hands me my muffin, and crouches down to tie my shoes. Gratitude surges in my chest, warm and little like an ache. Maybe there is selflessness in everyone, even in Dauntless. Well, except for Peter.

"Thank you." I say with a smile.

"Well, we would never get there on time if you had to tie them yourself. Come on. You can walk and eat at the same time, right?" She asks.

I nod and I get up. We rush towards the Pit. I take a bit of the muffin. Its banana flavored with walnuts. I remember my mom baking bread like this to give to the homeless but I never got to try it. I was too old for coddling at that point. I ignore the pinch in my stomach when I think of her. I think of my mother and half jog, half walk after Christina, who forgets her strides are longer than mine. I hate being so short.

We climb the steps from the Pit to the glass building above it and bolt to the exit. Every time I step down, shooting pain sends up to my ribs but I ignore it. We make it to the tracks as soon as the train arrives, luckily. It's horns are blaring.

"What took you so long?" Will asks.

"Stumpy Legs over here turned into an old lady overnight." Christina says.

"Oh, shut up." I say, only half joking.

Four stands in front of us, so close to the tracks that if he just shifted an inch forward, the train would take his nose off. _Is he not scared of anything?_ He steps back to let some other get on first. Will hoists himself onto the car with some difficulty, landing first on his stomach then dragging his legs in behind him. Four grabs the handle and pulls himself in easily, like he doesn't have six feet of body to work with.

I jog next to the car, wincing at the pain shooting through my body. I grit my teeth and grab the handle. This is going to hurt like a bitch. Al grabs my under both arms and pulls me in the car with ease. Pain shoots through my side but just for a second. I see Peter behind him looking at me with a mocking smile and my cheeks burn red. Al was trying to be nice so I smile at him. I wish people didn't want to be so nice sometimes. Now Peter has more chances to make fun of me.

"Feeling okay there?" Peter asks looking at me with mock sympathy. His lips are turned down and he arches his eyebrows in. "Or are you a little…Stiff?" _Is it illegal to kill someone in Dauntless?_

He bursts into laughter at his joke and of course, like the puppets they are, Molly and Drew join in. Molly has an ugly laugh. She snorts and her shoulders shake. Drew's is silent, like he's in pain. They look so stupid.

"We are all awed by your incredible wit." Will says,

"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite, Peter? I hear they don't object to sissies." Christina says.

Four, who's standing in the doorway, cuts in before Peter can say anything. "Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?"

Everyone suddenly becomes silent. Four turns back to the car's opening. He holds the handles on either side of him, and leans out so most of his body is outside the car, with his feet planted inside. The wind presses the shirt to his chest. I try to look past him and see a sea of crumbling buildings which get smaller as we go.

Every few seconds, my eyes shift back to Four. I'm not sure for what. I don't know what I expect to see, or what I want to see. But I do it without noticing.

"What do you think is out there?" I nod to the doorway. "I mean, beyond the fence." I ask Christina.

"Amity, I guess." She says, referring to one of the other gangs with a shrug.

"Yeah, but I mean…past the Amity. What are we guarding Dauntless from?" I ask.

She wiggles her fingers at me. "Monsters!" I roll my eyes.

"The fence is only there to separate all the gangs. I see it as more of a wall than a fence. There's also Dauntless guards there to keep any other gangs from trespassing or from us trying to run away. We can leave to the public but we can't try to run." Will says.

"Oh, yeah." I say. I remember that my dad was one of the people who voted to get Dauntless out of our city. He could have gone for any of the gangs. But for some reason, he hated this one. I guess I really am a disappointment to my family. He said the poor didn't need more violence, they needed help, and his organization could give it to them. But I would rather not mention that now, or here.

"Oh, right. I bet you saw them all the time." He says. _What does he mean? Does he know about my old life?! How!_

"Why do you say that?" I ask, a little too sharply.

"Because you had to pass the homeless sector to get to school right?" He asks. Oh, thank God. He's right. On the streets, everybody had to because the schools were in the city and we were more pushed to the outside.

"What did you do, memorize a map of the city for fun?" Christina asks.

"Yes. Didn't you?" He asks.

Luckily, we didn't have to answer that. He must have gone to a high payed school. The train's brakes squeal, and we lurch forwards as the train slows. I'm grateful for the movement because it makes standing easier for me. The dilapidated buildings are gone and are replaced by yellow fields and train tracks. The train stops under an awning. _How big is this city? And how has no one ever discovered this before?_ I lower myself onto the grass, holding the handle to keep me steady.

Oh, now I get why Will said it looks like a wall. It's definitely as tall as one. I feel like we're treated worse than prisoners. There's a chain-link fence with barbed wire strung along the top. When I walk forward, I notice it continues on farther than I can see. Past the fence is a cluster of trees, most of them dead, some green. _Shit, where are we?_ This part of the city is so ugly. Milling around of the other side of the fence are Dauntless guards carrying guns. Ok, well this gang really is violent.

"Follow me." Four says. We start walking and I stay close to Christina. I don't want to admit it, but I feel safer around her. If Peter were to taunt me, I know she'd defend me.

I scold myself for being such a coward in my head. Peter's insults shouldn't be bothering me. I should be focusing on getting better at combat, not dwelling how bad I did yesterday. I should be willing, if not able, to defend myself instead of relying on others.

Four leads us towards the gate which seems as wide as a house and opens to a cracked road that leads to Dauntless. I remember seeing something like this when I went on business trips with my family. I guess nobody really thinks of this when they leave a city. People see weird crap all the time anyway when their out of a city. Another pinch in my stomach. I need to stop thinking of my parents.

"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you most likely will end up here." Four says as he reaches the gate. "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much. You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity's territory, but-"

"How exactly do we do that without getting caught?" Will asks. Exactly what I was thinking.

Four lifts a shoulder. "I suppose you'll discover that of you find yourself among them. As I was saying. For the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist that it isn't as bad as it seems." He says.

"Yeah. At least we won't be driving buses or cleaning up other people's messes like the homeless." Christina whispers to me.

"What rank were you?" Peter asks Four.

I honestly didn't expect Four to answer, but he looks levelly at Peter and says, "I was first." Ooofff course he was.

"And you chose to do this?" Peter's eyes went wide. _How come all of a sudden he looks innocent like I don't know what a terrible person he is?_ "Why didn't you get a higher job? Like a leader?"

"I didn't want one." Four says flatly. I remember what he said on the first day, about working in the control room, where Dauntless monitor our security. It's difficult for me to imagine him there, surrounded by computers. To me, it seems that it suits him better being in the training room.

I remember learning about these gangs while I lived on the streets. Dauntless has many varieties of jobs from guarding the fence to being a Dauntless leader. That sounds like the best option. The only problem is my rank is terrible. I'm probably going to be killed within the end of stage one.

We stop next to the gate. A few Dauntless guards glance at us but not many. They're too busy pulling doors, which are as tall as they are and three times wider, to let a truck in.

The man driving wears a hat, beard, and a smile. He stops just inside and gets out. The back of the trunk is open and I notice Amity are sitting among them. _My God, are we allies with everyone? If so, why do we all want to kill each other the next minute?_ I guess it's better that Amity aren't much about killing. They just steal and sell drugs and act like hippies. I see that the Amity are taking crates off which hold apples.

"Beatrice?" I hear my name and jerk my head to the voice. _Who the hell knows my name?_ I'm going to kill them.

I see a man with curly blonde hair and a familiar nose, wide at the tip and narrow at the bridge. Oh my God. Robert. Of all the places I thought he would be in his life, I didn't expect him in a game. Our enemy-ally no less. It makes me wonder where Susan is. _Did she join him too?_

Robert hops down from the truck. He wears a gray T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He hesitates for a second before he moves towards me. GO AWAY. DO NOT TOUCH ME. I want to scream but it's too late and he gathers me in his arms. I stiffen. I don't like affection. I don't want people to know about my past life. Please go away and act like you mistaken me for someone else. I don't move a muscle until he releases me. I move away and his smile fades when he looks at me again.

"Beatrice, what happened to you? What happened to your face?" He asks. Stop calling me by that name and fucking walk away.

"Nothing. Just training. Nothing." I say, basically snap. _Can't he take a hint?_

"Beatrice?" I hear a nasal voice next to me. Molly there with her arms folded and she's laughing. At least my name doesn't sound like a dogs. "Is that your real name, Stiff?"

I glance to her. "What did you think Tris was short for?" I snap.

"Oh, I don't know…weakling?" Oh, good comeback. She touches her chin. If her chin was bigger, it might balance out her nose, but it's weak and almost recedes into her neck. "Oh wait, that doesn't start with Tris. My mistake."

"There's no reason to antagonize her. I'm Robert, and you are?" Robert says softly. _Robert, would you like to get your ass kicked?_ Leave! You must be high as fuck.

"Someone who doesn't care what your name is. Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other gang members." She says. Ok, I don't care if I'm still mad at him but he's trying to defend me and Molly, well she's always a bitch. _Why not mess with her too?_

"Why don't you get away from us?" I snap.

"Right. Wouldn't want to get between you and your boyfriend." She says, walking away, smiling. I watch her with a glare and glance to Four. He's looking at us with a glare.

Robert gives me a sad look. "They don't seem like nice people." Yeah, he's high.

"Some of them aren't. Plus, it's a gang, Robert. Are you forgetting that?" I say.

"You could go home, you know. I'm sure the city will let you come back and take care of you." He says. HA!

"What makes you think I want to go home? You think I can't handle this or something?" I ask, my cheeks heating up with madness.

"It's not that." He says, shaking his head. "It's not that you can't, it's that you shouldn't have to. You should be happy." He says. _Has he forgotten why I left in the first place?_ My life stopped being happy two years ago. I don't give a shit about others anymore.

"This is what I chose. This is it." I say, firmly. I look over Robert's shoulder. The Dauntless guards seem to have finished examining the truck. The bearded man gets into the driver's seat and closes the door. "Besides, Robert. The goal of my life isn't…to be happy." I want to say just to be happy but the truth is, I doubt I ever will be. So it's better to just say that.

"Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?" He asks. I don't think he understands that I couldn't leave anyways. This is the only way to stop trying to mess with my emotions anymore. Dauntless will control me. And I will let it. I can't depend on myself anymore.

Before I can answer, he touches my shoulder and turns toward the truck. How dare he talk to me about changing my life for the better and trying to be happy. Look where happiness got him. He's so full of bullshit, I swear. He hoists himself up and the girl sitting next to him starts strumming her banjo. The truck starts and they drive back out the fence, carrying the banjo sounds and warbling voice away.

Robert waves to me. A picture flashes in my mind. _What if I joined that gang instead?_ A gang that values drugs and peace. I see myself in the back of the truck singing with the girl and laughing when I'm off-key. Climbing trees for fun, smoking blunts, always being happy. Happy. Right. That's bullshit.

The Dauntless guards close the gate and lock it behind them. The lock is on the outside. I bite my lip. _Why would they lock the gate from the outside and not the inside?_ It also seems like they don't want to keep something out; they want to keep us in. I kind of understand but really right now, I feel like I was thrown in a prison that has taken control of my life. If I want to get away, I'm dead. Nothing more about it. I push the thought out of my head. I need to stop worrying myself all the time.

Four steps away from the fence, where he was talking to a female Dauntless with a gun balances on her shoulder a moment before. I study her for a moment. She's beautiful. Most of the girls in Dauntless are beautiful and this stupid little voice in my head thinking Four is hot will get me nowhere except thinking of how different I am from other girls. In a bad way. He walks towards me and I gulp. "I am worried that you have a knack for making unwise decisions." He says when he's a foot away from me.

I cross my arms. I don't want to show him I'm scared. "It was a two-minute conversation." I defend.

"I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise." He says. _Why does he care?_ He furrows his eyebrows and touches the corner of my bruised eye with his fingertips. I jerk my head away but his hand doesn't move. Stop touching me. Instead he tilts his head and sighs. "You know, if you could just learn to attack first, you might do better."

"Attack first? How will that help?" I ask. I'll get my ass kicked anyways.

"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win." He says with a shrug and his hand falls.

"I'm surprised you know that. Since you left hallway through my one and only fight." I say, quietly.

"It wasn't something I wanted to watch." He says. _What's that supposed to mean?_

He clears his throat, breaking the momentary silence. "Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris." He says.

* * *

I crawl across my mattress and heave a sigh. It's been two days since my fight with Peter. My bruises are turning purple-blue. I'm starting to get used to the ache every time I move. Si I'm moving better, but I'm far from healed.

Even though I'm still injured, I had to fight today. Luckily, I was paired against Myra this time. She couldn't throw a good punch if someone was controlling her arm for her. I got a good hit in during the first two minutes. She fell down and was too dizzy to get up. I should've felt triumphant. But I can't when I punch a girl like her. I feel like a monster, not something Dauntless would be proud of.

The second my head touches the pillow, the door to the dormitory opens, and people come into the room with flashlights. I sit up, almost hitting my head on the bed frame above me. I squint through the dark to see what's going on.

"Everybody up!" someone roars. A flashlight shines behind his head, making the earrings glint. Eric. Surrounding him are other Dauntless I've seen in the Pit, and some I've never seen before. Four stands among them.

His eyes shift to mine and I'm frozen in place. I stare back and forget all around me that initiates are getting up and doing what they're told.

"Did you go deaf, Stiff?" Eric demands. I snap out of my daze and slide out of bed. Eric stares at me as I get out like he's expecting something. It sends a shiver down my spine. He's creeping me out. Christina stands next to our bunk wearing only a T-shirt. Her legs are bare. She folds her arms and stares at Eric. I wish I could stare so boldly at someone with hardly anything on, but I can barely do it with.

"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks. We're going on another field trip." He says. Great. _But why does he have to come?_

I shove my feet into shoes and start sprinting. I'm wincing as I try to keep up with Christina. A drop of sweat rolls down the back of my neck as we run up the paths along the walls of the Pit. We pay no attention to the members we shove past as we make our way up. I wonder how many frantic, running people they see on a weekly basis. They don't even seem fazed like they don't give a damn we just shoved them.

We make it to the tracks behind Lauren' group of initiates. Sadly, Lauren is not here. It's Eric. Next to the tracks is a black pile. I squint my eyes and can only make out a cluster of long gun barrels and trigger guards.

"Are we going to shoot something?" Christina asks in my ear.

Next to the pile are boxes which look like they hold ammunition. I inch close to read one of the boxes. It reads, "PAINTBALLS."

Paintballs. One of the most feared gangs are using paintballs. For initiation. I laugh.

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric shouts.

We rush towards the pile. I'm the closest so I snatch the first gun I can find, which ends up being heavy, but not too heavy to lift. I grab a box of paintballs. I shove the box in my pocket and sling the gun across my back so the strap comes across my chest.

"Time estimate?" Eric asks Four.

Four looks at his watch. "Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"

"Why should I, When I have you to remind me of it?" Eric asks, shoving his shoulder.

A circle of light appears on my left, ways away. It grows larger as it comes closer. It shines against the side of Four's face, creating a shadow in the faint hollow beneath his cheekbone.

He jumps on the train first and I run after him, not waiting for anyone to follow me. Not even my friends. Four turns to me as I fall into stride next to the car and he holds out a hand. I grab his arm, and he pulls me in like I'm five pounds. The muscles in his forearm are taut, well defined. I let go quickly without looking at him and sit down on the other side of the car. Once everyone is in, Four speaks up.

"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Lauren's group or as of now, Eric's group and my group. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same." The car sways, cutting him off, and Four grabs the side of the doorway to balance himself. "This is a Dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously." A big, bad gang playing with paintballs. This is as serious as it gets.

"What do we get if we win?" Someone shouts.

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask." Four says, raising an eyebrow. "You get to win, of course." I think the fact that Dauntless already provides people from the streets is good enough. No need to want more. It makes sense.

"Four and I will be your team captains." Eric says then looks at Four. "Let's divide up your group first, shall we?"

I tilt my head back. If they're picking us, I will be chosen last, I know it. It'll just add to my embarrassment.

"You go first." Four says.

Eric shrugs then looks at me. No. "Edward." Thank God.

Four leans against the door frame and nods. The moonlight makes his eyes bright. He scans over us briefly, without calculation and says, "I want Tris." _The fuck? Why?_

A faint undercurrent of laughter fills the car. Heat rushes to my cheeks. I don't know whether to dwell on being angry at the people laughing at me or flattered by the fact he actually chose me…and first.

"Got something to prove?" Eric asks with a smirk. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

Four shrugs. "Something like that."

I should be angry. I look at my hands and scowl. Whatever Four's strategy is, it's based on the idea that I'm weaker than the others. It gives me a bitter taste in my mouth. I want to prove him wrong-I have to.

"Your turn." Four says.

"Peter."

"Christina."

That throws a wrench in his strategy that I came up with. Christina is not weak. _What exactly is he doing?_

"Molly."

"Will." Four says, biting his thumbnail.

"Al."

"Drew."

"Last one left in Myra. So she's with me." Eric says. "Lauren's group next."

I stopped listening after they chose us. _If Four isn't trying to prove something by choosing the weak, what is he doing?_ I look at all of us closely. _What do we have in common?_ I know Drew and I have definitely nothing in common.

When they get through half of Lauren's group, I have an idea of what Four's plan is. Will and a couple of the others, we all share the same body type. All the people on Eric's team are broad and strong. Yesterday Four told me I was fast. This team is made of the fastest initiates, which is probably the best trait to have for a capture the flag game. I'm not sure what strength will do for you considering we're just using guns. I cover a smile with my hand. Eric is more ruthless than Four, but Four is smarter. They finish choosing teams and Eric smirks at Four.

"Your team can get off second." Eric says.

"Don't do me any favors." Four replies with a small smile. "You know I don't need them to win."

"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off." Eric says, biting down on one of the rings in his lip. It's like he's trying to keep from saying something worse. "Take your scrawny team and get off first, then."

We all stand up. Al gives me a forlorn look and I give him a reassuring smile. If any of us had to end up on the same team as Eric, Peter, and Molly, at least it was him. They usually don't mess with him.

I feel a small jolt of the train and see it's about to dip to the ground. And I'm determined to land on my feet this time.

Right before I jump, someone shoves my shoulder and I almost topple out of the car. I don't look back to see who it was. At this point, I don't care anymore. Before they can do it again, I jump. This time I was ready for the momentum the train gives me. I run a few steps to balance myself. Fierce pleasure flows through me and I smile. It's a small accomplishment, but I feel more Dauntless than I was.

One of Lauren's team members touches Four's shoulder. "When your team won, where did you put the flag?" She asks.

"Telling you wouldn't be really in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene." He says coolly. Ha!

"Come on, Four." She whines with a flirtatious smile. He brushes her hand off and for some reason, I find myself grinning. Wait. _Why do I care?_

"Navy Pier" Another one of Lauren's team members calls out. He's tall with brown skin and dark eyes. Handsome. "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel."

"Let's go there, then." Will says. No one seems to object so we walk east, towards the marsh which was once a lake.

"We're close to Erudite territory, right?" Christina asks, bumping Will's shoulder with hers.

"Yeah. It's south of here." He says.

We walk across the bridge. We need bridges because the mud beneath them is too wet to walk on. I wonder how long it's been since the river dried up.

Once we're across the bridge, I notice how the city changes. Behind us, most of the buildings were in use, and even if they weren't, they're well-tended. In front of us is a sea of crumbling concrete and broken glass. The silence of this part of the city is creepy, like I'm in a nightmare. It's hard to see where I'm going because its past midnight and all the city lights are off.

Marlene takes out a flashlight and shines it in front of us. "Scared of the dark, Mar?" The dark-eyed initiate from earlier teases.

"If you want to step on broken glass, Uriah, be my guest." She snaps and turns off the flashlight.

I realize that part of being Dauntless is being willing to make things more difficult for you in order to be self-sufficient. There's nothing especially brave about wandering dark streets with no flashlight, we did that beforehand, but we're not supposed to need help. We're supposed to be capable of anything.

I like that. There may come a day when there's no flashlight, no gun, or no guiding hand. And I'll be ready.

The buildings end right before the marsh. A strip of land juts out into the marsh, and rising out from it is a giant white wheel with dozens of red passenger cars dangling from it at regular intervals. A Ferris Wheel. A broken down one at that.

"Think about it. People still try to ride that thing. For fun." Will says. _Well, why not?_ Seems fun.

"They must be Dauntless." I say.

"Yeah, but a very lame version of Dauntless. Being as crazy as this gang is, they would take off the cars. You would just hang on tight with your hands, and good luck to you." Christina says.

We walk down the side of the pier. All the buildings on the left are empty, signs torn down and windows closed, but a clean kind of emptiness. Whoever left these places left them by choice and at their leisure. Come places in the city aren't like that.

"Dare you to jump into the marsh." Christina says to Will.

"You first." He responds.

We reach the carousel. Some horses are scratched and weathered, tails broken off or saddles chipped. Four takes the flag out of his pocket. It glows in the dark.

"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location. I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite," He says, referring to a gang which values intelligence. They are the makers of serums and do illegal experiments on people to make money. "but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."

He's right about that. _What good is a prepared body if you have a scattered mind?_ Will takes the flag from Four.

"Some people should stay here and guard, and some people should go out and scout the other team's location." Will says.

"Yeah? You think?" Marlena says, plucking the flag from Will's hand. "Who put you in charge, newbie?"

"No one. But someone's got to do it." He replies. Well, it is obvious they aren't getting along. I'll just stay out of this because I'm sure all the initiates are going to start arguing.

"Maybe we should develop more of a defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out." Christina says.

"That's the sissy way out. I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it." Uriah says.

As I was waiting for, all the initiates start arguing about what to do. They're voices are just getting louder by each passing second. Christina's defending Will's plan and Lauren's team members vote for offense. On top of that, they argue about who should make the decision. Four sits on the edge of the carousel, leaning against a horse's foot. He's looking up to the sky, where there's nothing there but a full moon peeking through a thin layer of clouds. He seems relaxed and his hand rests on the back of his neck. He almost looks comfortable, holding that gun to his shoulder.

I close my eyes and shake my head. _Why does he distract me so easily?_ I need to stop this.

 _What would I say if I could shout above the sniping behind me?_ We can't really act until we know where the other team is. They could be anywhere within a two-mile radius. Although, I can rule out the empty marsh. The best way to find them is not to argue about how to search for them or how many to send out on a search party.

I guess finding the other team is up to me since the others won't compromise. I look at the Ferris wheel. I have to climb as high as possible. I look over to see if anyone's watching. Nobody seems to notice, so I walk towards the Ferris wheel with my flashlight quietly, pressing gun to my back with my hand to keep it from making noise.

As I stare up at the Ferris wheel right below it, my throat tightens. It's taller than I thought, so tall I can barely see the cars at the top. The only good thing about this is that I'm pretty sure a Ferris wheel can support weight. Especially with as skinny as I am. If I climb it, it won't collapse beneath me. I just need to keep that in mind.

My heart starts to beat faster. So fast I can feel it. I can hear it. _Will I really risk my life for this-to win a game the Dauntless like to play?_

It's so dark I can barely find the rungs of the ladder somewhere on the wheel. I finally find it and stare at it for a second. Each support is only as wide as my shoulders. There are no railings to hold me in. It should be easy, though. It's just like climbing a ladder. _Right?_

I take a deep breath and grab a rung. It's rusty and thin. Now I'm starting to worry. The possibility of me falling just became higher. I put my weight on the lowest rung and jump to make sure it will hold my weight. The movement hurts my ribs and I wince.

"Tris." I hear a low voice come from behind me. It doesn't seem to startle me and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm becoming Dauntless and my mental readiness is something I'm supposed to develop. Maybe because his voice is low and smooth, almost soothing. Whatever it is, I look over my shoulder to see Four. He has his gun slung behind his back like me.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I came to find out what you think you're doing." He says.

"I'm seeking higher ground. I don't think I'm doing anything." I say.

I see his smile even in the dark. "All right. I'm coming." He says.

I pause. He doesn't look at me like my friends do, like I'm small and weak to be of any use, and they pity me for it. However, I'm sure if he insists on coming with me, it's probably because he doubts me.

"I'll be fine." I say.

"Undoubtedly." He says. I don't hear sarcasm but I'm sure there was meant to be some. I know there is.

I start climbing and when I'm a few feet off the ground, he starts climbing after me. He moves faster than I do because he's right behind me even though I started up first. Soon his hands start finding the rungs my feet leave.

"So tell me…" He says quietly, breathless. "What do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean, not the climbing."

I stare at the pavement beneath me. It seems so far away but I'm not even a third up the wheel. Above me is a platform, just below the center of the wheel. That's where I'll stop to look. I'm not even going to stress over how I'll get back down. The small breeze that brushed against my cheeks earlier is now pressing against my side harder. The higher we go, the stronger it gets. I hold on tighter as we go.

"Learning about strategy. Teamwork, maybe." I say.

"Teamwork." He repeats, it seems like to himself. A laugh hitches in his throat. It sounds like a panicked breath.

"Maybe not. Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority." I say.

The wind is getting stronger now. I press close to the white support so I won't fall but that's just making it harder to climb. Below me the carousel looks small. I can barely see my team now. Some are missing. They must have finally depicted a search party.

"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be." He says.

I'm not really paying attention to him anymore. The height is dizzying and I can't think straight. My hands ache from holding the rungs and my legs are shaking. I don't know why though. The height isn't scaring me. It's making me feel alive.

I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I'm about to fall. Or turn into liquid. Or burst into flames. Lost in my thoughts, my hand almost misses the next rung. Shit. I need to stop getting caught up on him. He'll never like you and you promised never to have feelings for a man. Love is a stupid thing. It's always been. Always will be.

"Now tell me…" He says through a bursting breath. "What do you think learning strategy has to do with…bravery?"

The question reminds me he is my instructor and I'm supposed to learn something from this. _But why is he taunting me on this here?_ A cloud passes over the moon and the light shifts across my hands. I can see a bit better now.

"It…it pressures you to act. You learn strategy so you can use it." I say. I can hear him breathing louder and faster behind me. "Are you all right, Four?"

"Are you human, Tris? Being up this high…" He gulps for air. "It doesn't scare you at all?"

I look over my shoulder to the ground. If I fall, I'll die. But I don't think I'll fall. A gust of air presses against my left side, throwing my body to the right. I gasp and cling to the rungs harder, my balance shifting. Four's cold hand clamps around my right hip, one of his fingers finding s strip of bare skin under my T-shirt. He squeezes, steadying me then pushing me gently left, restoring me.

If I lost air from that, I can't breathe now. I pause and stare at my hands. My mouth has gone dry. I feel the ghost of where his hand was. It sent sparks through me.

"You okay?" He asks, quietly.

"Yes." I say. My voice sounds strained.

I keep climbing silently until I reach the platform. Judging by the ends of metal rods, it used to have railing but not anymore. I sit down and scoot to the end so Four has somewhere to sit. Without thinking, I put my legs over the side. However, Four crouches and presses his back to the metal support, breathing like a maniac.

"You're afraid of heights. How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?" I ask.

"I ignore my fear. When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist." He says.

I stare at him for a second. I can't ever seem to keep my eyes off of him for an hour. To me there's a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear, like him. I notice I've been staring at him too long. I can't look away fast enough before he notices and says something.

"What?" He asks, quietly.

"Nothing." I respond, heat flooding to my cheeks.

I look away from him and toward the city. I have to focus. I climbed up here to find the other team, not to stare at him. The city is pitch-black but I'm sure even if it was light, I still wouldn't see very far. A building is in my way.

"We're not high enough." I say. I look up and see the wheel's scaffolding. Now this is dangerous. I can probably wedge my feet between the supports and crossbars to stay secure. Or as secure as possible. None of this is safe. _The hell am I saying?_

"I'm going to climb." I say as I stand up. I grab a bar above me and pull myself up. Shooting pain goes through my bruised sides but I grit my teeth and ignore them.

"For God's sake, Tris." He says.

"You don't have to follow me." I say, staring at the tangle of bars above me. I shove my foot into the space where the two bars cross and push myself up, grabbing another bar above me as I go. I sway for second and my heart starts beating so hard, I feel nothing else. Soon, I have my pace. I use my heartbeat so I can stay calm and have a rhythm.

"Yes, I do." He says. _Why?_ You don't.

This is crazy. A fraction of an inch of a mistake or a moment of hesitation and my life could be gone. So simply. Heat tears through my chest and I smile as I grab the next bar. I pull myself up with shaking arms and force my leg under me so I catch another bar. When I feel steady, I look down at Four. But instead of seeing him, I see the ground. My eyes are fixated on it. And. I. Can't. Breathe.

I imagine my body plummeting to the ground, smacking into bars as it falls, and my limbs broken and twisted like Rita's sister when she didn't make it on the roof. Four grabs a bar and pulls himself easily like he's sitting up in bed. He doesn't look comfortable, though. Every muscle in his arm is tense and standing out. It's stupid for me to think about when I'm a hundred feet off the ground.

I grab another bar and find another space to wedge my foot. When I look back into the city, the building doesn't block my view. I'm high enough to see the skyline. Most of the buildings are black against the navy sky, but red lights at the top of the Hub light up. They blink half as fast as my heartbeat.

Under the buildings, the streets look like tunnels. I must be delusional and too high in the air. For a few seconds, I just see a dark blanket over the land, just faint differences between the building, sky, street, and ground. Then I see a tiny pulsing light on the ground in the corner of my eye. I look towards it.

"See that?" I say as I point to it.

Four stops climbing when he's right behind me and looks over my shoulder. His chin is right next to my head and I can feel his breath. I get goosebumps and it sends shivers through me. I feel shaky like when I decided to climb this thing earlier.

"Yeah." He says. I notice a smile spread on his face. "It's coming from the park at the end of the pier. Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide some camoflauge. Obviously not enough."

"Okay." I say. I look over my shoulder at him. We're so close if we got any closer, it'd be too intimate for friends. I forget where I am. Instead, I focus on what I noticed two years ago at the bar. His mouth turns down naturally and he has a scar on his chin.

"Um." I say, breaking up…whatever this is. I clear my throat. "Start climbing down. I'll follow you."

Four nods and starts stepping down carefully. His legs are so long, he finds a space for his foot easily and guides his body between the bars. Even in this darkness, I can see his hands are bright red and shaking.

I step down with one foot, pressing my weight into the cross bars. The bar creaks beneath me and comes loose. It clatters against half a dozen bars on the way down and bounces on the pavement. I'm dangling in the air now and hanging on to the bars for dear life as my legs are swaying from the breeze. A strangles gasp escapes me.

"Four!" I say as loud as I can with the least bit of breath I have in me.

I try to find another place to put my foot but the nearest foothold is a few feet away. Farther than I can stretch. My hands are sweaty. I have nothing to wipe the sweat off of unless I want to let go and fall to my death. Pictures of Rita's sister flash in my head and I have to shake it out of my mind. But I can't. I will slip. I will die.

"Hold on!" He shouts. "Just hold on, I have an idea." That's great but…GET MOVING!

He climbs down as carefully and fast as he can. He's going the wrong direction. I'M UP HERE! I stare at my hands wrapped around the narrow bar holding my body. I'm holding on so tight, my knuckles are white. My fingers are dark red, almost purple. I will not last long. I close my eyes tightly. Better not to look. Better to pretend none of this exists. I hear Four's sneakers squeak against metal and rapid footsteps on ladder rungs.

"Four!" I yell. Maybe he left. Maybe he abandoned me. Maybe this is a test of my strength, of my bravery. I breathe in my nose and out my mouth. I count my breaths to try to calm down. One, two. In, out. Come on, Four. Come on, do something.

I hear something wheeze and crack all of a sudden. The bar I'm holding onto shudders and I scream through my clenches teeth. Trying to hold on is getting harder. The wheel's moving.

Air wraps around my ankles and wrists and the wind gushes up. I open my eyes, hoping for the best. I'm moving towards the ground. I laugh, giddy with hysteria as the ground comes closer and closer. But I'm picking up speed. If I don't drop at the right time, the moving cars and metal will drag my body and carry me with them. And when I get higher in the air, I will die.

Every muscle in my body tenses and I throw myself toward the ground. When I see the cracks in the sidewalk, I drop. My body slams to the ground, feet first. My legs collapse under me and I pull my arms in so I can roll as fast as I can to the side. The cement scrapes my face, and I turn just in time to see a car bearing down on me. I roll again and the bottom of the car skims my shoulder. I'm breathing like a maniac now. I'm safe.

I press my palms to my face. That was real. I don't try to stand because I'm sure if I do, my legs will collapse under me. I hear footsteps then Four's hands wrap around my wrists, prying my hands off my face.

He encloses one of his hands perfectly between two of his. The warmth of his skin overwhelms the ache in my fingers from holding the bars.

"You all right?" He asks, pressing our hands together.

"Yeah." I breathe out.

He starts to laugh all of a sudden. Then I do. With my free hand, I push myself to a sitting position. I realize how little of space is between us. Six inches at the most. The space is filled with electricity. I feel like the space should be smaller. I want it to be smaller.

He stands and pulls me up with him. The wheel is still moving, creating a wind which tosses my hair back.

"You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked." I say, trying to sound casual. "We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."

"I would have, if I had known. Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag." He says.

Four hesitates for a moment then takes my arm. His fingertips press into the inside of my elbow. He smiles at me and starts toward the carousel, where our team members guard out flag. I half run, half limp beside him. My body feels weak, but my mind is fully awake. Especially with his hand on me.

Christina is perched on one of the horses. Her legs are crosses and her hands around the pole holding the horse. Our flag is behind her, a glowing triangle in the dark. Three of Lauren's set of members stand among the carousel. One of them has his hand on a horse's head. Sitting on the edge of the carousel is an older Dauntless, scratching her quadruple pierced eyebrow with her thumb.

"Where'd the others go?" Four asks. He looks as excited as I feel, his eyes wide with energy.

"Did you guys turn on the wheel? What the hell were you thinking? You might as well have just shouted 'Here we are! Come and get us!'" The older girl says and shakes her head. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"

"The wheel doesn't matter. We know where they are." Four says.

"We?" Christina asks, looking from him to me.

"Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team." He says.

"What do we do now, then?" One of Lauren's group members asks through a yawn.

Four look at me. Slowly everybody then looks from him to me. I tense my shoulders, about to shrug and say I don't know. Then I get an idea. An image of the pier stretching out beneath me comes into mind.

"Split in half. Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag." I say.

Christina looks at me like she doesn't recognize me anymore. I wouldn't blame her. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I surprise myself at times.

"Sounds good." The older girl says then claps her hands together. "Let's get this night over with, shall we?"

Christina and Uriah join me in the group going to the right. Uriah's smile is bright against his bronze skin. I didn't notice before, but he has a snake tattoo behind his ear. I stare at its tail curling around his earlobe for a moment, but then Christina starts to run and I take off right after her.

I have to run twice as fast to match my strides to hers. As I run, I realize only one of us will be able to touch the flag. To hold it. But I realize it won't matter. It was my plan and my information that got us to it even if I'm not the one to grab it. Though I'm running out of breath, I run faster and end up being on Christina's heels. I pull my gun around my body and hold it in my hand. My finger is on the trigger, ready to shoot.

We reach the end of the pier, and I have to force my mouth shut to stop my loud breaths, We slow down so out footsteps aren't loud enough for others to hear and I look around for the blinking light again. Now that I'm on the ground it's a bigger range of area and easier to see. I point and Christina nods, leading the way to it.

Then I start hearing yelling. More people start yelling until it becomes a chorus. They're so loud, it made me jump. I hear puffs of air and see paintballs go flying and splats as the find their target. Our team has charged and the other team runs to meet us. The flag is now almost unguarded. Uriah takes aim and shoots the last guard in the thigh. The short girl with purple hair, throws her gun down in a tantrum.

I sprint to catch up with Christina. The flag hangs from the tree branch, high above my head. U reach for it but so does Christina so I stop mid-air.

"Come on, Tris. You're already the hero of the day. And you know you can't reach it anyway." She says. I'm taken back. _What the fuck?_

She gives me a patronizing look, the kind that people give to kids when they act to adult. Then she snatches the flag from the branch. Without looking at me, she turns and gives a whoop of victory. Uriah's voice joins hers and I hear yelling in the distance.

Uriah claps my shoulder as I try to forget about the look Christina gave me. Maybe she's right; I've already proved myself today. But there was still no need to make me feel like a child. Like I was below her. I don't want to be greedy. I don't want to be greedy. I don't want to be like Eric, scared of other people's strength.

The shouts of triumph become infectious. I can't help it. I join in and run towards my teammates. Christina holds the flag high and everyone clusters around her, grabbing her hand to lift the flag higher. I can't reach her so I stand off to the side, grinning.

I feel a hand touch my shoulder. "Well done." Four says quietly.

I shake my head. "I didn't take the flag." I say.

"It doesn't matter. I know who really deserved it." He says with a small smile.

* * *

"I can't believe I missed it!" Will says again, shaking his head. The wind coming through the doorway of the train car is blowing his hair every direction.

"You were performing the very important job of staying out of our way." Christina says, beaming.

"Why did I have to be on the other team?" Al complains with a groan.

"Because life's not fair, Albert. And the world is conspiring against you." Will says and I have to hide a chuckle. "Hey, can I see the flag again?"

Peter, Molly, and Drew sit across from everybody in the corner. Their backs and chests are splattered with blue and pink paint. They look dejected. They speak quietly; sneaking looks our way, especially at Christina. Well, that's a benefit of not holding the flag right now and showing off. I'm not one's target. Or at least, not as much as I was.

"So you climbed the Ferris wheel, huh." Uriah says. He stumbles across the car and plops next to me. Marlene, the girl with the flirty smile, follows him.

"Yes." I say.

"Pretty smart of you. Like…Erudite smart." Marlene says, referring to the other gang. I'm not going to lie; they probably are the most intelligent gang around or…ever. "I'm Marlene."

"Tris." I say. I should take the Erudite thing as an insult but really, it feels like a compliment.

"Yeah, I know who you are. The first jumper tends to stick in your head." She says.

It seems like forever ago since I jumped off that building. I'm so different now. I don't even know how I could've changed so much already. Dauntless changed me. Hopefully not all of me.

Uriah takes one of the paintballs from his gun and squeezes it between his thumb and index finger. The train lurches to the left and Uriah falls against me. I guess the lurch caused him to pressure down on the ball because all of a sudden, a stream of pink, foul-smelling paint sprays on my face.

Marlene breaks out giggling. I wipe some paint of my face, slowly then quickly smear it on his cheek. The scent of fish oil wafts through the train car.

"Ew!" He shouts. He squeezes another ball at me but the opening is in the wrong angle and the paint sprays into his mouth instead. He coughs and makes exaggerated gagging noises.

I wipe my face with my sleeve, laughing so hard my stomach is hurting. If the rest of my life is like this, loud laughter and bold action and the kind of exhaustion you feel after a hard but satisfying day, I'll be content. Not happy. But content. I'm not sure I'll ever be happy in my life again like I said earlier. Life doesn't like me that much. Uriah scrapes his tongue with his fingertips and I smile a little. I realize that all I have to do is get through initiation and this life will be mine.


	5. Effervescent and Scintilla

**_Disclaimer: DIVERGENT AND ALL IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

(Four's POV)

The next morning, I get the targets up for each initiate and set out knives. I try to not pay attention to the fact Eric is in this room with me but it's really hard considering all the tension in the room. It's like putting a member from one gang and one from the other in an arena and waiting to see who dies first. I decide to turn on the radio. I don't give a shit if he gets pissed off. It's clear that I never cared in the first place. I step towards the radio and turn it on. The music immediately starts echoing through the room.

"I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes  
Hate in my heart, love in my mind  
I seen nights full of pain, days are the same  
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain  
I search but never find, hurt but never cry  
I work and forever try, but I'm cursed, so never mind  
And it's worse, but better times seem further and beyond  
The top gets higher the more that I climb  
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger  
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a nigga  
But soon for a nigga it be on, mu'fucka'  
Cause all the bullshit, it made me strong, mu'fucka'

Pick the world up and I'm a drop it on your fuckin' head, yeah  
Bitch, I'm a pick the world up and I'm a drop it on your fuckin' head  
And I could die now, rebirth motherfucker  
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker  
I'm gone  
Motherfucker, I'm gone

Uh, I know what they don't wanna tell you  
Just hope you're heaven-sent, and you're hell-proof  
I-I walk up in the world and cut the lights off  
And confidence is a stain they can't wipe off  
Huh, my word is my pride  
But wisdom is bleak, and that's a word from the wise  
Served to survive, murdered and bribed  
And when it got too heavy I put my burdens aside

So I could pick the world up  
And drop it on yo fuckin' head, haha  
Bitch, I'm a pick the world up  
And I'm a drop it on your fuckin' head, yeah  
And I could die now, rebirth motherfucker  
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker  
I'm gone  
Motherfucker, I'm gone (I'm gone)

It hurts, but I never show,  
This pain you'll never know  
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold  
And frostbit I've become, my back's against the wall  
When push come to shove, I just stand up and scream "Fuck 'em all"

Man, it feels like these walls are closing in  
This roof is caving in, up its time to raise it then  
Your days are numbered like pages in  
My book of rhymes, got 'em crooked, boy  
This crooked mind of mine got 'em all  
Shook and scared to look in my eyes  
I stole that fuckin' clock, I took the time and I  
Came up from behind  
And pretty much snuck up  
And butt-fucked this game up  
Better be careful when you bring my name up  
Fuck this fame, that ain't what  
I came to claim but the game  
Ain't gonna be the same on the day that I leave it  
But I swear one way or another I'm a make these fuckin' haters believe it  
I swear to God, won't spare the rod  
I'm a man of my word, so your fuckin' heads better nod  
Or I'm a fuck around in this bitch and roast everybody!  
Sleep on me, that pillow is where your head'll lie  
Permanently, bitch, it's beddy-bye  
This world is my Easter egg, yeah! prepare to die  
My head is swole, my confidence is up  
This stage is my pedestal  
I'm unstoppable, incredible  
Hope you're trapped in my medicine ball  
I could run circles around you so fast your fuckin' head'll spin, dawg  
I'll split your cabbage and lettuce and olives  
I'll fuckin'

Pick the world up and I'm a drop it on your fuckin' head  
Bitch, I'm a pick the world up and I'm a drop it on your fuckin' head  
And I could die now, Rebirth motherfucker  
Hop up in my spaceship and leave Earth, motherfucker  
I'm gone  
Motherfucker, I'm gone (I'm gone)"

Over a century and I still like the music they had back then. Now all the rap songs are about chicks, money, and shit. Everything in this world only has become worse. I mean, come on, we have dangerous gangs getting more members by the minute. Most of the cities in this world have been run down or torn down or burnt down. It's no longer a safe world. It's no longer ok.

I hear the initiates coming up to the door so I go to the radio and shut it off before they come. Eric stands in the middle of the room and I join him but I make sure I'm still a good distance away. Just the sight of him makes me feel like the room is heavier. He gives everyone a murderous feeling, I'm sure. He looks so rigid, like a metal rod replaced his spine. He always tries to act bad ass about being leader and being "better" than the others.

I watch as the initiates come in one by one. Tris comes in last with her friends, except they look a bit more awake. Tris is just trudging into the room and raises her hand to cover a yawn. Her hair is pulled up into a ponytail as always. I will admit, I was very surprised when she came on the train with her hair down. Too bad Eric wouldn't take his damn eyes off of her. And when we went into the dormitory, oh did I want to kill him. The way he looked at Tris like he expected her to change in front of him while he watched. Sick fucker.

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one. You will resume fighting then. Today, you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knives." He says. I narrow my eyes and study him. _Why is his voice deeper than usual?_ Or the more obvious question: _what is he planning?_ "And pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them."

Nobody moves. Then Eric being himself, gets impatient and yells, "Now!"

The initiates scramble for the daggers. They come back, observing it in their hands like they've never seen them before. _Would they rather like the guns?_ They're acting so stupid at the moment, even Tris. She takes the longest staring at it in her hand like it's going to magically stab her.

I watch as Christina leans over to Tris and I'm sure, leaves a snide remark. That girl is going to have to learn at some point to shut her mouth. She acts like Eric is somebody that will just let this go. _Has she not noticed how sinister he is? Or what a murderous group she's in?_ I can't tell her things will be alright. It won't.

I know that Eric isn't happy with any of the initiates today; especially my teams. He's mad at his teams because they "didn't try hard enough" as he says and he doesn't like mine because we obviously left him butt hurt. I can just feel the anger radiating off of him and the way his stare is sending daggers to everyone in this room. He's going to do something today. I know he is. He wants to do something sinister like he did with Christina. I hope everyone acts perfect today. Although, I know that still wouldn't stop him from getting his way and trying to kill someone.

I pull the knives from the side of the table I'm near and flip them in my hand. I turn to the targets and try to concentrate. I hope they all watch what I'm doing and how my stance is. I know they'll want to copy me if they want to be on Eric's "ok" side today. I walk down the targets and let the knife go each time as I exhale. Every target has a knife stuck in the middle of it. I walk over to the targets and pull the knives out before returning in front of the initiates.

"Line up!" Eric orders.

I hope they understand in this, haste will not help. They need to take their time if they want to do it right. It's better to do that then keep trying without improvement. I watch as each initiate starts doing their own thing. Each one starts throwing, whether they go fast or slow or have a rhythm or not. This is why I said haste won't help. None of them seem to get the point they're not improving. My eyes stop on Tris and a small smile plays on my lips. I'm impressed. She's taking her time; practicing her stance and right arm motion for throwing. I notice that Eric has passed the initiates so many times. He's moving fast and I swear at this pace, he'll be making a line in the ground knee-deep.

"I think the Stiff's taken too many hits to the head!" I hear Peter remark, a few people down. I look towards him with a glare but he doesn't notice. "Hey, Stiff! Remember what a knife is?" He jokes.

Oh, wow. This kid is really good at insults. I hate how he calls her a Stiff. _Yes, it is a term for selfless people in this certain gang but is that so bad?_ Yes, it makes them seem too reserved and an easy push-over but I know Tris will not be a Stiff. She's Dauntless and she doesn't deserve remarks like that. However, she never seems fazed and it makes me wonder. _Has she always been picked on like this to where she chose to ignore it?_ She doesn't deserve that.

I notice how blank Tris went. It's like she just shut out the world all of a sudden. She pulls her hand back and throws the knife. It keeps spinning until it hits the board. It didn't stick, but she's the only one whose knife touched the target. Everybody else is missing it entirely. I feel a triumphant smile on my face. I that took Peter down a few notches. I look towards Peter and when he throws, he misses the target yet again.

"Hey, Peter." I hear Tris say. She gets his attention and he looks at her. "Remember what a target is?" Ha! That's my girl! _My girl? WHAT!?_ Hopefully this is a feeling that a trainer just has for teaching their student something great. No. Wait. That sounds wrong. Just shut up!

I hear Christina snort and I look to her to see she hits the target. Seems like both my students got it. Take that, Eric! Looks like you don't know shit about what you're doing.

Thirty minutes later, Al still hasn't hit the target. His knives either bounce off the wall or clatter to the ground. This kid really needs to start trying harder. He isn't doing too good in improvement and his rank is dropping. I watch as the rest of them approach the target to grab their knives while he searches for his. I bite my cheek from showing any feelings about this. I'm not going to lie, I feel really bad for this kid but I can't show sympathy and I don't like pity myself. Plus, I've never been good at showing either. I just come off as an asshole, but that's alright. As long as I'm not seen as something weak.

Al tries again and misses. I watch as Eric's temper rises and he stamps over to Al. Well, looks like he's madder at his team than mine. "How slow are you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?" Eric snaps in Al's face.

Al's face turns red. He turns back to his target and tries throwing again but the knife sails a few feet to the right of the target. It spins and hits the wall. I involuntarily flinch. Not because of the noise it made but because of what Eric is about to do.

"What was that, initiate?" Eric says quietly, leaning towards Al. He's speaking quietly…and I'm in the room. Time to look like the bad guy. I close my eyes, sigh, and shake my head.

"It-it slipped." Al stutters.

"Well, I think you should go get it." Eric says then looks around to the rest of the initiates. They all stop, expecting for Eric to stop them so Al can grab the knives. _Have you met Eric? Did you forget about Christina?_ He doesn't give a shit! "Did I tell you to stop?" He says, referring to the other initiates.

Knives begin to hit the boards again. I'm sure they all have seen Eric mad before, by which I mean Christina, but this is a whole new level. He is definitely having a bad day. It will probably be a bad week. The look in his eyes is almost rabid.

"Go get it? But everyone's still throwing." Al says, incredulously with wide eyes.

"And?" Eric asks.

"And I don't want to get hit." Al says.

"I think you can trust your fellow initiates to aim better than you." Eric says. Ah, here's Eric's sinister look. A smile and cruel eyes. "Go get your knife."

Come on kid, don't fight him on this. Don't be stupid. Al usually isn't one to act up or go against Dauntless. I don't think he's afraid to; he just knows it's useless. This time, however, Al sets his foot down. He sets his jaw. He set the limits of his compliance. Shit.

"No." He says. And cue to the target now being Al.

"Why not?" Are you afraid?" Eric says, getting in his face.

"Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife? Yes, I am!" Al says.

Honesty is his mistake. Not his refusal, which Eric may have expected. "Everyone stop!" Eric shouts. _Who wants to get the casket ready?_

The knives stop, and so does all conversation. And like I knew was going to happen, I will become the bad guy. I pick up a few knives. I lean against the table to watch how this all will go down.

"Clear out of the ring. All except you." Eric says, looking at the initiates then Al.

I watch as some initiates walk away with their knives and some drop them and walk off. They all go to the edge of the room. They each keep trying to look over one another to watch what's happening. _Why? Why would you want to watch something so vile?_

"Stand in front of the target." Eric instructs. Al's hands shake as he walks to the target and turns around to face us.

"Hey, Four." Eric says, looking over his shoulder to me. Andddd here it is. "Give me a hand here, huh?"

I scratch one of my eyebrows with the point of the knife and approach Eric. I'm too tired for this shit. _Can't Eric just learn to let things go?_ I might accidently hit this kid. Fuck you, Eric.

"You're going to stand there as he throws these knives, until you learn not to flinch." Eric says.

"Is this really necessary?" I ask.

My voice comes out as if I'm bored, I know I'm not. I'm worried that I'm not ready to throw knives at him. I'm too tired I just may kill him. I'm trying to sound casual in front of these initiates to not seem like I'm "challenging" a leader. But I am. I'm not scared of this prick. Eric turns to me with an angry, yet blank stare and I stare back. I'm not backing down from this.

"I have authority here, remember?" Eric says, quietly. Look asshole, that shit may work on others but your little "scary" voice does nothing to me. Doesn't even send a chill. "Here, and everywhere else." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear that shit from you all the time.

I can feel my face hear up with rage. Mine as well put me in flames if nobody can see I'm pissed now. My grip on my knife tightens and my knuckles go white. I roll my eyes and turn to Al. Al's eyes are wide and his hands are shaking. I clench my jaw.

"Stop it." I hear a voice say.

I turn to see who it was and just with my luck, it was Tris who said something. Shut up, Tris. This is not the time to cut in. I turn the knife in my hand, letting my fingers move painstakingly over the metal edge. I give her a cold look to back off. You're playing with fire, baby. She is so stupid for speaking up towards Eric, or speaking up at all. My stare does not help anything, though. She just continues.

"Any idiot can stand in front of a target. It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice." She says.

"Then it should be easy for you. If you're willing to take his place." Eric says.

 _What!?_ I'm not going to fucking throw knives at her! But if I don't, Eric will and he has terrible aim. And as he said time and time again, he has the authority. _Why does she have to be so stubborn?_ She seems to have a small debate in her head before, but she won't back down. I know she won't. She won't be seen as something fearful. I watch as she weaves through the crows then Peter shoves her shoulder. I send a glare his way. Don't touch her.

"There goes your pretty face. Oh, wait. You don't have one" Peter hisses. You're right. She doesn't have a pretty face. She has a beautiful one.

She recovers her balance and walks to Al. He nods at her and I watch as she gives him a tight smile. She turns and stands against the board. Her head doesn't even reach the center of the target. I hold one knife in my right hand and two in my left.

She tips her chin up and swallows. I'm not sure what she's trying to prove or who to. She always does things on her own accord. She's full of defiance. Maybe that's what makes her special. They have it all wrong. She is definitely not one that can be pushed around. She won't allow it.

"If you flinch." I say, slowly, carefully. "Al takes your place. Understand?" She nods.

I look into her eyes. Something is drawing me to look at her eyes. _Is it because I'm trying to send her a message or is it because I just can't take my eyes off of her?_ I lift my right hand, pull my elbow back, and let the knife fly. The knife hits the board, half a foot away from her cheek. She closes her eyes.

"You about done?" I ask.

She shakes her head. Defiance. "No." She says.

"Eyes open, then." I say, tapping the spot between my eyebrows.

She stares at me and pressed her hands to her sides. She thinks I can't notice she's shaking. I take the next knife into my right hand. I throw the knife and I let it fly closer to her face, above her head.

"Come on. Let someone else stand there and take it." I say. Please, baby.

"Shut up, Four!" She says, her face getting red with embarrassment and anger. Fine.

I sigh silently to myself in defeat. She won't back down. I take the last knife, bring it back, and let it fly. The knife knicks the edge of her ear and I watch as some blood trickles down. I didn't want to do it, but I had to, because if I didn't, Eric would say something and I've have to do something way worse.

"I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is, but I think that's enough for today." Eric says, his voice now smooth and happier. Of course you would, asshole.

I watch as Eric walks up to her and squeezes her shoulder. The look in his eye disgusts me and his sinister smile he gives her. It's like he claims her. Like he takes ownership of her and what she just did. What she did had nothing to do with him. I watch as he leans down and mumbles something in her ear. _Is it bad for a member to kill their leader?_

When I look towards Tris, I see the fear she has in her eyes. Her hands shake a bit. She's tense all of a sudden. I want to run up and save her from him but then he takes his hand off her shoulder and keeps walking.

I stay behind as everybody walks out and start putting things back. I see Tris is still in here through the corner of my and the rest already have left. The door shuts and I walk toward her. I don't want her to think I'm just as bad as Eric. I don't know why, but I just can't let her believe it.

"Is your-"I begin but her stubborn side comes out again.

"You did that on purpose!" She shouts.

"Yes, I did" I say, quietly. "And you should thank my for helping you."

She grits her teeth. "Thank you? You almost stabbed my ear, and you spent the entire time taunting me. Why should I thank you?" She asks.

"You know, I'm getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on!" I argue back, glaring at her.

"Catch on? Catch on to what? That you wanted to prove to Eric how tough you are? That you're sadistic, just like he is?" She asks. No. I don't care what he thinks.

"I'm not sadistic." I say, quietly. I don't want her thinking that I'm trying to prove anything. I don't have to prove shit to anyone. It's time to shut this shit down. I lean my face close to hers, like I did Christina's, but this time, I feel like I want the space to close. "If I wanted to hurt you, don't you think I would have already?"

I cross the room and slam the point of the knife so hard into the table that it sticks there. "I-" I hear her start to shout, but I'm already out the door. She will not talk to me like that, like I'm something shorter than her. I hear a frustrated scream from the room as I keep walking and I smirk.

* * *

 _Next Day_

The initiates look over each other and mumble between conversations as they see who their fighting this morning. Some seem eager, some just want to see in fear they might go against someone hard. I notice Tris isn't hear yet and I narrow my eyebrows. _Where is she? What's taking her so long?_ It's worrying me. As I write down the names, I stare at Tris' for a while. Molly. I write her name down then step away from the board and turn to the initiates.

Tris is last on the list so I get to worry again like last time through three full matches then watch as she possibly gets her ass kicked again. I don't ever, ever want to see that again. I smile when I think about the match before, though. Edward and Peter are fighting. Peter is no match against Edward and it's time for that little punk to be put in his place. My smile fades a little when I think of Al and Christina, however. Al is such a nice kid yet he has been losing his fights all week. I'm sure it's purposefully but he's also going to killed soon enough.

Will and Myra step into the arena. For a second they both shuffle back and forth, jerking an arm forward and retracting it, the other kicking and missing. Well, this is going to take forever. I lean against the wall as I watch and let out a yawn.

I think about Tris' and Molly's fight. I don't even know if I want to be here to watch it. Christina lost to Molly so I'm still not sure about Tris. Molly has a powerful punch, but she doesn't move her feet. Tris is pretty fast so she may be able to dodge the punches and kicks and deliver some good hits all around. I looks back to see Molly is out so I circle Will's name.

Just as I though, the next fight between Al and Christina is quick and painless. Al purposefully loses his fight. He takes a few hard hits to the face then collapses and won't get back up. I look at Eric and see he's shaking his head. For once we agree upon something. I circle Christina's name.

Edward and Peter take the longest of any fight. Thought they are the best fighters, the disparity between them is noticeable. Edward's fist slams into Peter's jaw. He is smarter and faster than Peter. I can already depict that Edward will win. Well, I didn't really have to wait to see them in the arena to know that. As expected, Edward wins and I circle his name.

I watch as Tris steps into the arena without looking at anything or anyone. Tris looks pisses. What the fuck happened? She has this murderous look on her face and I'm not going to lie, it's scary…and sexy. I notice how she tries to calm down and not let anger take over this fight. She seems less tense but she still seems a bit mad. Molly stands across from her.

"Was that a birthmark I saw on your left butt cheek? God you're pale, Stiff." Molly says with a smirk.

 _Wait, who the fuck saw her naked!?_ _Was it just Molly or were there more_? I'm going to kill somebody. I don't care if it's a girl or a guy or both or more but nobody is allowed to see her naked. _Why am I getting so…jealous?_ I need to stop this shit!

Tris ignores the comment, in a way. She doesn't respond but she gets madder by the minute. Molly makes the first move by moving towards Tris and throwing her weight into a punch. Tris ducks and driver her fist into her stomach, right above her bellybutton. Before Molly can get her hands on Tris, Tris slips past her and puts her hands up for her next attempt.

Molly doesn't look to happy anymore. Her smirk is gone for sure. Molly runs at Tris, ready to tackle her but Tris darts away. C'mon Tris, use your elbow.

Tris blocks Molly's next punch with her forearm. Molly grits her teeth and lets out a frustrated groan, almost animal-like. Molly tries a sloppy kick at Tris' side but Tris dodges it and while Molly's balance is off, Tris rushes to her and forces her elbow up at her face. There you go! But Molly pulls her head back just in time so Tris' arm barely grazes her chin.

Molly punches Tris in her ribs and Tris stumbles to the side. I notice Tris watching Molly for a few seconds. Tris is being smart about it and making her own strategy. Tris and Molly's eyes meet for just a second before Tris breaks the tension.

Tris aims an uppercut low, bellow Molly's bellybutton. Molly lets out a huge breath of air for everyone to hear. In the middle of Molly's gasp, Tris sweeps her feet from under her and she falls to the ground hard, sending dust everywhere. Tris pulls her foot back and kicks really hard at Molly's ribs making me flinch.

Molly curls into a ball to protect her side but Tris has some sort of rage that's been kept in for too long. Tris kicks Molly in her stomach, then her face. Blood springs out of Molly's nose and onto her face. Tris kicks her in the chest. Okay, I need to stop this. Tris will regret this in the future. This is getting out of hand and Molly may be dead by the end of this.

I rush into the arena and as Tris is about to kick her again, I grab Tris and pull her back no matter how much she struggles against me. Tris is breathing through gritted teeth. She was definitely not done here. Especially the way she's looking at Molly. Molly groans and I hear a gurgling noise in her throat, which resorts to blood trickling from her lips. Well that's….digusting.

"You won. Stop" I mutter.

Tris wipes the sweat of her forehead and turns to me. I stare at her. My eyes must be bulging out of my head because Tris' reaction changes when she looks at me. "I think you should leave. Take a walk." I say.

"I'm fine." She says to me. "I'm fine now." She's trying to reassure herself.

* * *

 _2 Days Later_

1\. Edward

2\. Peter

3\. Will

4\. Christina

5\. Molly

6\. Tris

7\. Drew

8\. Al

9\. Myra

I smile to myself as I write down Tris' name. She made it. I knew she would. Now all I have to do is help her through the next two stages. _They should be easier, right?_ I hope so much that she does not have the results to be a Divergent. I don't want to lose her. She's not even mine to begin with! Shut up, Tobias!

Some initiates decided to be in the dormitory a bit earlier in hopes that they'll get their score but I'll wait until everyone's here. I finish writing down the names then lean the blackboard against my legs on the ground. The door opens and the rest of the initiates come in shoving each other. I see Drew shove Tris into the wall to get past and I clench my jaw. When they all find their spaces to see, I begin. They've all apparently found out themselves rankings would be up so I decide to move on.

"For those you who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined. After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice" I say and let my eyes linger on Peter for a second before quickly moving on.

"If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent." Molly lets out an unpleasant noise, like a snort or grumble. _The fuck?_ I ignore it and continue.

"Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice. That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation if you rank low in stage one."

A movement in the corner of my eyes catches my attention. I move my head to see Tris shifting from one foot to another. She seems nervous. She shouldn't be. She's ok. The other probability is that she's so short she's trying to look over others.

"We will announce the cuts tomorrow. The fact whether you came off the streets or lived here for a while will not be taken under consideration. Four of you could be killed and none of them. Or four of them could be killed and none of you. Or any combination thereof." God, it's hard to say that. I hate how this gang resorts to killing. They don't trust anyone to just go homeless and keep their mouths shut for the rest of their lives. But that's not impossible. In ways, Dauntless is a thing to brag about. "That said, here are your ranks."

I hang the board on the hook and step back. Everyone turns silent and searches frantically for their name on the board. The silence in the room is uneasy, like it's rocking back and forth on a ledge. I would be uneasy too if I realized the next couple of days are my last. Then it falls.

"What?" Molly's voice demands. She points at Christina. "I bear her! I beat her in minutes, and she's ranked above me?"

"Yeah." Christina says, crossing her arms and putting on a smug smile. "And?"

"If you intend to secure yourself a high rank, I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents." I say, sharply.

It stopped the mutters and grumbles of the other initiates. I pocket the chalk and walk past Tris without glancing at her. I'm sure I've fucked this…whatever it is within two days. Tris isn't dumb enough to think I'm referring to any of the others as the low ranked opponent.

* * *

 _The Next Day_

"This is getting too fucking insane. The initiates think they can go as far as stabbing another initiate in the eye just to make it into Dauntless. I mean, yea I know they'll be killed if they don't make it but…this one initiate…I'm sure he did it. The most important thing is; he knew he didn't have to do it because he's ranked second but the other kid, the one who was stabbed…he was first ranked. I guess he saw him as a threat and he's greedy, he'll do anything to get first place. I mean, this kid used a fucking butter knife."

Zeke nods his head as she chews his food. Once he swallows he says, "The kid sounds like a fucking lunatic. And he did it with a butter knife! He's going to be a murderer…too bad Dauntless doesn't give a shit about that. He'll just have the job of a murderer when he's not working as one in the compound…Who is this kid anyway?"

That's true. This is Dauntless. We're commit murder, do drugs, do street races, have underground fights, have rap battles, gamble, and a lot more. We even have gangbangers and it sickens me to say that but what would you expect out of a gang like ours? Each person has a job as something like that besides a job for the compound. To me, I think just training killers is enough but I do underground fights to win money. I'm just not allowed to tell the initiates about this well because…that's a personal job and we keep those silent until they actually become members. Plus, I don't want to tell people about that. Not like they won't find out about it in the future. But I'll try to keep that a secret until the find out themselves. Some people don't know I do illegal fighting because some don't watch. And I'm fine with that but I'm also the best fighter in the gang so I'm well known. It's hard to explain so I'll leave it at that.

I bite my cheek. Should I tell Zeke who the initiates are? I mean, he's my best friend. I'm sure he'll keep a secret but I could also get in trouble or lose my job as a trainer or killed for telling about personal business because it "makes the leaders look bad". Well, it wouldn't really matter because this news will be spreading fast considering all the initiates know about it and don't know how to keep their mouths shut.

"C'mon dude. You know I won't blurt shit out like that." Zeke says with a "seriously" look.

I sigh. "Edward is the one who got stabbed in the eye. Peter is the kid we both agree on is psychotic." I say.

"So, where's this Edward now? Has his ranking gone down or something?" Zeke asks.

"Edward is in the infirmary. I don't really know what's going to happen. Nothing has really changed. I think he's in the same rank but I'm not really in control of that since Eric has come in. It's sad to say they just may kill Edward if they think he can't go on. Which he may not. I mean, already being in Dauntless and losing an eye, you're ok but during training, the kid has no chance of making it into Dauntless." I say.

Zeke shakes his head. "This is such a fucked up place." He says quietly. "I wish we knew more about this when we were initiates. Nobody would've joined then. I wish we could've warned these initiates. Dauntless plays you, and then makes you fight for your life then controlling it and being able to tell you when to throw it away." He says. "I wish I never got my brother and I into this shit. It's my fault."

"Keep quiet." I say with a stern look, trying to bring him back to reality. "You never know when they're listening. It's not worth it."

Zeke sighs. "Can you just…promise me that Uriah makes it through initiation? I can't…I can't lose him, bro. I can't." Zeke says, shaking his head.

It's unbelievable the look Zeke has on his face. I've never seen him so serious or worried. It's like it's eating him alive. He looks so distraught.

"Zeke, you're my best friend. I will make sure Uriah makes it through initiation. He doesn't need my help. He's a brave kid. He'll make it, Zeke. Stop worrying. You're too distraught over this. He'll make it. I promise." I say with a small smile to reassure him. Zeke looks up to me with a small smile of his own then looks down and nods.

"You going to our little initiation ritual tonight?" He asks, changing the subject.

I laugh. "Zeke, I will never, ever go. Give up already." I say with a grin.

"C'mon…a certain someone is going with my brother." He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"And that is?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Tris. Dude, I know you like her. I've seen the way you look at her sometimes. You gotta move in on that before other dudes decide to." He says with a small grin.

I smirk and decide to mess with him. I won't let his last sentence get to me. "You're right. Take care of my baby girl." I say then get up and leave before he can say anything more.

I left him with a stunned expression on his face and it left me with a wide grin. I know he won't say anything I just said. He'll keep it a secret but I don't think it's healthy to deny it anymore. I have a crush on this girl and if anyone is to take her from me, I'll make them think she's mine even when she's not. I don't want her getting into anything with other men here in Dauntless. They're untrustworthy and they'll hurt her. Although, we both know I can't ask her to go out with me or try to get her to like me because she's basically my student. Plus, I'm twenty and she's eighteen. I mean, that would be illegal if we weren't in Dauntless. She would be in school and I'm almost twenty one. I'm an adult for God's sake. She's still got a couple teenage years and the fact she's new here means she barely turned eighteen. Man, I'm acting like I don't live in Dauntless or anything.

* * *

 _The Next Day_

I get the syringes and computer ready. I hate touching any of this shit. Erudite bull shit. I don't want to touch anything of theirs. I don't know why Dauntless even wants to use stuff from them. They're untrustworthy. I don't like using this on my initiates.

I call in students one by one and watch as they face their fears. Some have some really weird fears. I hate watching them struggle. Their bodies thrashing around, screaming for help, and I still can't pull them out of the simulation. Although, I wouldn't care to put Molly, Drew, or Peter through all of these simulations a hundred times. So far, nobody is coming up with Divergent qualities so I don't really care. I don't even pay attention anyone's fears. I'm not interested. The only person I want to see who's fears are, is Tris.

Once I get to Tris' name, I smile. I shouldn't be. My smile instantly drops when I notice that I'm going to have to watch Tris freaking out and struggling. I'm going to let her face her fears while I stand there and do nothing about it. Even though I know I'll want to hold her in my arms and chase all her fears away.

I open the door and beckon Tris. "Come on, Tris." I say. She isn't wearing her hair in a ponytail today.

Tris gets up and walks past the other initiates to the door. Drew sticks out his leg to trip her but she hops over it. I send a glare his way. I touch her shoulder to guide her into the room and close the door behind her. I don't know why I always find myself touching her somehow. I never touch anyone but she's like a magnet.

When I turn, Tris seems to have stopped because her shoulders hit my chest. I knew just this room would worry her. All there is, is a reclining metal chair and a machine next to it. The room has no mirrors and barely any light. Then there's a computer screen on a desk in the corner. Nobody would be scared of this. It just looks worse than a damn doctor's office.

"Sit." I say. I squeeze her arm and push her forward.

"What's the simulation?" She says, her voice shaky. Well, she's pretty smart since she understood how we'll be testing them in this stage of training.

"Ever hear the phrase 'face your fears'? We're taking that literally. The simulation will teach you to control your emotions in the midst of a frightening situation." I say.

Tris seems to have a debate going on inside her head. She touches a wavering hand to her forehead. She hesitantly walks to the chair and sits down in it. She shivers as she sets her head down on the chair.

I move her hair to the side gently, letting my fingers brush her neck. I know this is more than just a friendly gesture. She shivers and I'm happy knowing I gave her that kind of reaction. I know it is. I'm not even controlling my body anymore. I grab a syringe full of the tinted orange liquid and tap it.

"An injection?" She asks, her voice suddenly small. I'm sure she's gotten shots before but I mean, this needle is huge.

"We use a more advanced version of simulations here. Scientists know all about how to put people in simulations but Erudite took it farther. It's a jacked up simulation but…this is Dauntless." I say.

"How does it work without wires?" She asks.

"Well, I have wires, so I can see what's going on. But for you, there's a tiny transmitter in the serum that sends data to the computer." I say.

I turn her arm over and ease the tip of the needle into the side of her neck. She stares in my eyes, worry clear in her face. She gulps once I finish and pull the syringe away softly.

"The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds. In addition to containing the transmitter, the serum stimulates the amygdala, which is part of the brain involved in processing negative emotions-like fear-and then induces a hallucination. The brain's electrical activity is then transmitted to out computer, which then translates your hallucination into a simulated image that I can see and monitor. I will then forward the recording to Dauntless administrators. You stay in the hallucination until you calm down-that is, lower your heart rate and control your breathing." I say.

I notice how much her body is losing it. It's like it's not the serum that's making her all fuzzy, it's her worries. She's breathing hard enough for me to hear even though she's trying to keep it in. Her palms are sweating. I plant my hands on either side of her head and lean over her.

"Be brave, Tris. The first time is always the hardest." I say as I look into her eyes.

Her eyes close and I move over to the desk to watch the hallucination. I'm very confused from what her fear is at the very start. I can take my eyes off of the screen. It's interesting and…I want to know what I need to protect her from. I just…didn't expect it to be in the middle of nowhere.

Tris stands in a field of dry grass that comes up to her waist. She looks all around her, like she's looking for a specific something. She looks up at the sky and moves like she's cringing from it. _She's scared of the sky?_ Everything is so dizzy looking.

All of a sudden, I hear fluttering like wind blowing pages of a book, but I notice no wind. The grass isn't swaying and her clothes aren't blowing. The air is still and soundless besides the flapping. A shadow appears on the ground from overhead.

A bird lands on her shoulder, a crow to be exact. She flings her arm forward to shake it off then bats her hand at it. She feels a feather on the other side of her face and bites her lip then looks at it. The bird is the size of her forearm and turns its head to her, focusing a beady eye on her.

She grits her teeth and hits the crows again with her hand. It won't move. I see her flinch so I think it dug it's talons into her shoulder. She also cries out but it seems more frustrated than pained. Then she hits the bird with both hands, but it stays, still focusing an eye on her. Thunder rumbles and the noise of rain falling is everywhere but there's no rain. I'm so confused by this. This really is a hallucination because even I feel stupid.

Suddenly, the sky darkens and a cloud passes over the sun. Still cringing away from the crow, she looks up. A flock of crows storm towards her. Each one of them claw and peck at her as she tries to move around and cover herself. Her screams are getting worse. I look over to the chair and watch how her body twitches.

I look back towards the screen and see she's still just standing there. It's like she wants to run but her feet are planted. Her screams get louder and her arms start flailing everywhere. Tears are actually starting to stream from her eyes. Don't cry, baby. It's not real.

She twists and wrenches and falls to the ground, covering her head with her arms. A crow forces its way under her arm from the grass. She opens her eyes and it pecks her in the face, hitting her in the nose. Blood drips onto the grass and she sobs. She hits the crow with her palm but then another crow wedges itself under her arm and claws stick to the front of her shirt. She's screaming and sobbing. I bite my cheek.

"Help! Help!" She wails. I want to, baby. I do. But I'm your instructor, and I can't favor a student over others.

She still trashes around and sobs. She gasps for air but feathers fill her mouth and she chokes. She spits out the feathers and tries to fight the birds off at the same time. C'mon, Tris.

"Help." She sobs again and screams.

Her skin is cut up and bleeding. Her clothes are cut up too. At this point, I really don't want to send this to Dauntless administrators. It's not real, Tris. It's not. I want her to realize that but at the same time, I don't. Or else it would mean she has Divergent traits. I can't let her have that. I can't.

She coughs and her face is wet with tears. Another crow wriggles under her arms and it pecks her mouth, wedging past her slips and scraping her teeth. It pushes it's head into her mouth and she bits down on it, hard. It causes blood to spill out of the bird. She spits and clenches her teeth to keep anymore birds from getting into her mouth. Another crow is pushing at her feet and another at her ribs.

She keeps her mouth closed and breaths through her mouth and out her nose. That's the wrong thing to do. Her breathing is increasing rapidly, in the simulation and on the chair. She needs to calm down.

She sobs again and forces herself forward, stretching out on the grass. She extends her arms and tries to breathe. Crows are wedging themselves to her and pecking her all over the place. She's letting the crows peck at her. She's calming her breathing like its normal. She's got it.

The simulation ends and she opens her eyes. Suddenly, she screams and flails around hitting around her body as if there were still crows on her she's trying to get off. She moans and pulls her knees to her chest, burying her face in them.

I get up and walk towards her. I touch her shoulder gently, expecting a better reaction than what I got at least. She flings her fist out and hits my stomach. "Don't touch me!" She sobs.

"It's over." I say. I shift my hand awkwardly over her hair, like a parent would do to their child to comfort them. She runs her palms along her arms.

"Tris." I say. She's paranoid. She rocks back and forth in the chair. "Tris, I'm going to take you back to the dorms, okay?"

"No!" She snaps. She lifts her head and glares at me, her eyes are full of tears. "They can't see me…not like this…"

"Oh, calm down." I say, rolling my eyes. "I'll take you out the back door."

"I don't need you to…" She sas, shaking her head. Her body is trembling.

"Nonsense." I say.

I grab her arms and haul her out of the chair. She blinks the tears from her eyes, wiping her cheeks with the heel of her hand. I steer her toward the door behind the computer screen.

We walk down the hallway in silence. When we're a few hundred yards away from the room, she yanks her arm from my grasp and stops.

"Why did you do that to me? What was the point of that, huh? I wasn't aware that when I chose Dauntless, I was signing up for weeks of torture!" She says, irritated.

"Did you think overcoming cowardice would be easy?" I ask.

"That isn't overcoming cowardice! Cowardice is how you decide to be in real life, and in real life, I am not getting pecked to death by crows, Four!" She says, pressing her palms to her face and sobbing. Yeah, well, I didn't understand your simulation either.

I don't say anything. I wouldn't know what to say. I just stand there while she cries. It only takes her a few seconds to stop then she wipes her face again. "I want to go back" She says weakly.

I don't look at her with sympathy. I don't like when people do it to me and I won't do it to her. She's nothing weak so there's no point anyways.

"Learning how to think in the midst of fear is a lesson that everyone, even people not in Dauntless, needs to learn. That's what we're trying to teach you. If you can't learn it, you'll need it to get the hell out of here, because we won't want you and you'll be wanting to get the hell out of here before we kill you." I say.

"I'm trying. But I failed. I'm failing." She says, her bottom lip wobbling. How much I want to bite that lip.

I sigh. "How long do you think you spent in that hallucination, Tris?" I ask.

"I don't know." She says, shaking her head. "A half hour?"

"Three minutes. You got out three times faster than other initiates. Whatever you are, you're not a failure." I say. I smile a little. "Tomorrow you'll be better at this. You'll see."

"Tomorrow?" She asks.I just ignore her and touch her back gently and guide her toward the dormitory. "What was your first hallucination?" She glances at me.

"It wasn't so much as a 'what' so much as a 'who." I say with a shrug. "It's not important."

"And are you over that fear now?" She asks.

"Not yet." I reply. We reach the door to the dormitory and I lean against the wall, sliding my hands into my pockets. "I may never be."

"So they don't go away?" She asks.

"Sometimes they do And sometimes new fears replace them." I say, hooking my thumbs around my belt loops. "But becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it, that's the point." She nods. "Anyway, your fears are rarely what they appear to be in the simulation."

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"Well, are you really afraid of crows?" I say, half smiling at her. "When you see one, do you run away screaming?" This feels so right. Talking casually and making small jokes with her.

"No. I guess not." She says.

She steps closer to me and leans against the wall too. She tilts her head sideways and looks at me. I know exactly how much space there is between us. Six inches. _When did she become so courageous?_

"So what am I really afraid of?" She asks.

"I don't know. Only you can know." I say. She nods.

"I didn't know becoming Dauntless would be this difficult." She says a second later. She bites the inside of her cheek and looks at me carefully.

"It wasn't always like this, I'm told." I say, lifting a shoulder. "Being Dauntless, I mean."

"What changed?" She asks.

"The leadership. The person who controls training sets the standard of Dauntless behavior. Six years ago Max and the other leaders changed the training methods to make them more competitive and more brutal, said it was supposed to test people's strength. And that changed the priorities of Dauntless as a whole. Dauntless is more violent. For example, we didn't always kill people if they didn't make it passed initiation. Or we didn't do much gangbanging but it sickens me to say our personal jobs have gotten worse. Bet you can't guess who the new leader's protégé is." I say, sarcastically. Eric.

She looks at me as if she's studying me. "So if you ranked first in your initiate class, what was Eric's rank?" She asks.

"Second." I say.

"So he was their second choice for leadership." She says, nodding slowly. "And you were their first.

"What makes you say that?" I ask.

"The way Eric was acting at dinner the first night. Jealous, even though he has what he wants." He says.

She bites her lip for a second before asking one more question. "You…you said we has personal jobs here. I understand that's normal considering this is a gang but…what do you do?" She asks, carefully.

"That…" I say, unsure of how to continue without making her have reasons more to dislike me or think I'm mean. "…is something you'll found out in the future." She nods. I swear, I promise to tell you everything once all of this settles down.

After a moment of silence, she sniffs then wipes her face once more. She smooths down her hair.

"Do I look like I've been crying?" She asks.

"Hmm." I lean in closer, narrowing my eyes like I'm inspecting her face. A smile tugs at my mouth. If I was any closer, we'd be breathing the same air or kissing. I wouldn't mind that.

"No, Tris." I say. I change serious to know I mean my next words. "You look as tough as nails."

* * *

 _Next Day at night_

My brain is fuzzy. For once I feel loose and not tense. I don't feel like I have to look over my shoulder or worry about myself or others. I stand with Zeke and some of our friends near the chasm. I hold the railing because I'm laughing so hard at a story Zeke told us that I'm losing my balance. I really do have some of the dumbest friends. Even the other guys laugh whenever Zeke jokes around. I hold a bottle of beer in my other hand. Beer is the only thing that I can trust to keep my mind off stuff.

I look away for a second and my eyes spot Tris. She looks so sexy. She has a shirt on that exposes her shoulder and collarbone. It looks like her eyes are lined with black ink, like pencil. Her hair is down and brushed. She also has leggings on. Well, looks like someone is showing off her curves tonight. Too bad it's not just for me.

"Tris!" I call out. I pull away from the railing and walk up to her. I don't even know what I'm doing, but I'll let the alcohol take over. She walks up to me a little ways away from her friends. I look her up and down. "You look different."

"So do you. What are you doing?" She asks, referring to me being near the chasm, drinking.

"Flirting with death." I reply with a laugh. "Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea."

"No, it isn't." She says. She seems kind of tense.

I look at her collarbone. "Didn't know you had a tattoo." I say. I study it a bit more. "Right. The crows." I glance over my shoulder at my friends, who carry on unlike her nosy ones. "I'd ask you to hang out with us, but you're not supposed to see me this way."

"What way? Drunk?" She asks.

"Yeah…well, no." My voice softens. "Real, I guess."

"I'll pretend I didn't" She says.

"Nice of you." I say with a smile. I'm so happy I know I can trust her. I lean down next to her ear and say, "You look good, Tris." I guess this alcohol gives me no filter either.

She laughs. "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?" She says.

"Of course." I say and wink at her. She smiles then I walk off.


	6. Solitude and Independence

**_DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

(Tris POV)

"It's just a simulation, Tris" Four says.

No it's not. The last simulation bled into my life. I had nightmares. Not just the crows but the feeling or terror and helplessness, which I'm sure if what I was actually afraid of. Sudden fits of terror in the shower, at breakfast, on the way here. I've chewed my nails down so much my nail beds ache. Plus, I'm not the only person who feels this way, I can tell. Others would agree with how terrifying it is. Still, I nod and close my eyes.

I'm in darkness. The last thing I remember is the metal chair, freezing on my skin and the needle in my arm. This time there's no field; no crows. My heart pounds in anticipation. _What monsters will creep from the darkness and steal my rationality? How long will I have to wait for them?_

A blue orb lights up a few feet ahead of me, then another, filling the room with light. I'm on the Pit floor, next to the chasm. The initiates stand around me, arms crossed and faces blank. I look for Christina and find her standing among them. Nobody moves. Their stillness make my throat tighten.

I see something in front of me. A faint reflection of myself. I narrow my eyes and touch it. My fingers find glass. I look up and see a pane above me. I'm in a glass box. I press my hands above my head to see if I can force the box open. It doesn't budge. I'm sealed in.

My heart is beating faster now and I'm starting to panic. I don't want to be trapped. Someone taps the wall in front of me. Four. _What?_ He points to the floor, smirking.

Several seconds ago, my feet were dry, but now they're soggy as I stand in a half inch of water. I crouch to search for where the water is coming from, but it's coming from nowhere. It's just rising up from the bottom of the glass. I look back up to Four and he just shrugs. He joins the crowd of initiates.

The water starts rising fast and it covers my ankles. I start to pound against the glass with my fist.

"Hey! Let me out of here!" I shout.

The water slides up my bare calves. I watch as waves bounce against the glass and the water keeps rising. I hit the glass harder. My breathing is getting worse.

"Get me out of here!"

I stare at Christina. She leans over to Peter, who's standing beside her, and whispers something in his ear. They both pull back laughing.

The water is now up to my thighs. I pound both fists against the glass. I'm not trying to get their attention anymore. I'll try to break out myself. Frantic, I bang on the glass as hard as I can. I step back and throw my shoulder into the glass. I hit the glass so many times but not one crack. My shoulder is aching and I'm screaming for help. The water rises. My waist, My ribcage. My chest.

"Help! Please! Please help!" I scream.

I slap the glass. I'm going to die. I drag my shaking hands through my hair. I see Will standing with the group of initiates. Something tickles the back of my mind. Something he said. Come on, think. I stop trying to break the glass. It's hard to breathe but that's what I have to do. I'll need as much air as possible in a few seconds. I'm about to drown.

My body rises with the water. I float closer to the top and tilt my head back as the water touches my chin. I press my face against the glass above me, sucking in as much air as I can. I take one last, huge breath before the water consumes all of me.

Don't panic. There's no use. I'm already going to drown and panicking will make it happen faster. But I'm not sure if that would be so bad. I trash in the water, kicking the glass as hard as possible, but the water slows down my foot. The simulation is all in your head..

I scream which makes water fill my mouth. If it's in my head, it's controllable. The water is burning my eyes. The initiate's blank faces stare at me. They don't care.

I scream again and shove the glass with my palm. I hear a cracking sound. When I pull my hand away, there's a crack in the glass. I small my other hand into the crack and drive another one into the glass. This crack spreads outwards in different directions and grows longer. My chest is burning like I swallowed oil and a match. I kick the wall and my toes ache from the impact. I hear a long, low groan.

The pane shatters and the force of the water against my back throws my forward. Just as I'm about to hit the ground covered with shattered glass, I'm in a different place. There's air again!

I sit up and take a big gasp of air. I'm in the chair. I gulp and shake out my hands. Four stand to my right, but instead of helping me up like last time, he just stares at me. His face is full of concern.

"What?" I ask.

"How did you do that?" He asks.

"Do what?"

"Crack the glass."

"I don't know." Four has a small mental debate before offering me his hand. I swing my legs over the side and when I stand, I feel steady.

He sighs and grabs me by my elbow, half leading, half dragging me out of the room. We walk quickly down the hallway. I don't know what the hell is wrong with him. He just turned so…violent all of a sudden and is freaking me out. I stop and try to pull my arm out of his grasp but he doesn't let go. He just stops and stares at me in silence. He won't give me any information without my prompting him.

"What?" I demand.

He sighs. "You…you have Divergent abilities." He says.

I stare at him, fear pulsing through me like electricity. _How would he know this before me?_ _How is it possible this simulation gave that much information?_ I must have done something wrong. No, this isn't right. I can't have any Divergent abilities. I'm going to die. Dauntless is going to kill me. Divergent is a threat to all other gangs. _What if Divergent were to find out about me and recruit me?_ Mine as well shoot me now.

I should act casual. I could play this off. I'm not Divergent. I have none of their abilities. I can't. I lean back against the wall and ask, "What's Divergent?"

"Don't play stupid. I suspected it last time, but this time it's obvious. You manipulated the simulation. Normal people can't do that. I'll delete the footage, but unless you want to wind up dead at the bottom of the chasm, you'll figure out how to hide your abilities during the simulation. Now, if you'll excuse me." He says.

He walks back to the simulation room and slams the door. I feel my heartbeat throughout my body. I manipulated the simulation. I broke the glass. I didn't realize that was an act of Divergence. _How did he?_ I push myself off the wall and start down the hallway. I need answers.

* * *

I walk straight into the tattoo parlor where I last saw Tori. She was an initiate and I've heard from others that she used to do the job of watching others fears. She was the one who Dauntless put in charge of the computers because she's one of the most intelligent ones. Although, she ended up giving up that job and now others like Four are administering them.

Not that Four is less intelligent or anything. The guy works in the control room. At least they gave the job to someone else who knows what they're doing. I would've asked Four about my Divergence but I doubt he would answer me. Especially since he seems pisses and walked off, slamming the door.

There aren't many people out in the Pit because it's midafternoon and most are doing their jobs around here. There's three people in the parlor, another tattoo artist who is drawing a lion on a man's arm and Tori, who's sorting a stack of paper on the counter. She looks up as I walk in.

"Hello, Tris." She says.

"Hey…" I say quietly as I walk up to her. "Can we go talk somewhere…private preferably?" I give her a look that hopefully makes her understand I need to talk urgently.

She glances towards the other tattoo artist who is too in tune with drawing the lion that he doesn't notice anything. "Let's go in the back." She says.

I follow her behind the curtain that separates the rooms. The next room contains a few chairs, spare tattoo needles, ink, pads of paper, and artwork. Tori pulls the curtain shut and sits in a chair. I sit next to her, tapping my feet to put my nervous energy into somewhere else.

"What's going on? How are the simulations going?" She asks.

"Really well. A little too well, I hear." I say, carefully. I don't know exactly how to approach this subject. If anyone is to hear, I can't just give it away easily.

"Ah."

"Please help me understand. What does it mean to be…" I hesitate for a moment. I Can't say it. Hopefully she'll know what I mean. Tori is trustworthy. I know she is. She won't say anything. As far as I know, she hasn't told about other…Divergents. "What the hell am I? What does it have to do with the simulations?"

"Among other things, you…you are someone who is aware, when they are in a simulation, that what they are experiencing is not real. Someone who can manipulate the system or even shut it down. And also…" She leans forward to look into my eyes. "Someone who…because you are also Dauntless…tends to die."

A weight settles on my chest. "Tori, I know if Dauntless finds out, I will die but…how come since I have these…abilities they want to kill me? What makes Divergence so special? How is it just them that can manipulate a simulation?"

"Look, Tris. I'm not one myself but…from previous experience, all I've known is that they can know when it's a simulation and know how to manipulate one. Normal people can't do that and neither can any of us in gangs. I don't know if it's jealousy or cowardness that's driving them but…for some reason…when a gang finds out you are Divergent, as they call themselves, or have their abilities, they will kill you. I don't exactly know what kind of threat people like you are to us but..." She trails off. "Just keep it a secret. Do not tell anyone." She says, very seriously.

So many emotions are piling up on my chest and a harsh little laugh presses out of me and dies just as fast. "So I'm going to die, then? That's it?" I ask.

"Not necessarily. The Dauntless leaders don't know about you yet. Hopefully. I know Four. I don't think he would do something like that. No matter what he comes off as, he would never let someone die. He would never want to be the cause of it either. He may seem stone cold but he would lay his life down for somebody. But make no mistake – if they discover what you are, they will kill you." She says.

I stare at her in silence. She doesn't look crazy. She's not lying. This is totally serious. My life is really on the line. I have heard of Dauntless killing others and their members but not because of reasons like…this. But even then, Dauntless keeps it a secret. They don't tell that they kill people who are Divergent.

"You're paranoid." I say. I don't know who I'm trying to convince at this moment. "The leaders of Dauntless wouldn't kill me. It's pointless. It's…stupid."

"Oh you think so?" She says through gritted teeth. She plants her hands on her knees and stares at me, her features taut with ferocity. "They got my brother, why not you, huh? What makes you special?"

"Your brother?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"Yeah. My brother. He and I both came here from the streets. On the last day of simulations, they found his body in the chasm. Said it was suicide. Only my brother was doing well in training, he was dating another initiate, he was happy. You have a brother, right? Don't you think you would know if he was scuicidal?" She asks.

 _Did she have to ask? Did she have to bring up my brother?_ He is someone I'm trying to forget. I don't want to go on dragging onto memories throughout my life. _And thinking of him suicidal?_ He's…no. I can't think of that. I don't want to. Even if he was miserable, it wouldn't be an option.

Her sleeves are rolled up and I notice a tattoo of a river on her right arm. _Did she get it after her brother died? Was the river another fear she overcame?_ That's what the tattoo of her hawk was for. A fear she overcame. It symbolized the sun, reminding her of the fear of darkness she overcame.

She lowers her voice and says, "In the second stage of training, Georgie got really good, really fast. He said the simulations weren't even scary to him…they were like a game. So the instructors took a special interest in him. Piled into the room when he went under, instead of just letting the instructor report his results. Whispered about him all the time. The last day of simulations, one of the Dauntless leaders came in to see it himself. And the next day, Georgie was gone."

I could be good at the simulations. I could. If I trained. I could be so good that all the instructors took notice. _I could, but will I?_

"Is that all it is? Just changing the simulations?" I ask. I know she just told me that that's all the information she has on it but I want to be sure. If this is all I need to know to hide it, then I will pass this and move on.

"Like I said. I doubt it, but that's all I know." She says.

"How many people know about this? About manipulating the simulations?" I ask.

"Two kinds of people. People who want you dead. Or people who have experienced it themselves, Firsthand. Or secondhand, like me." She says.

Four told me he would delete the second footage of me breaking the glass. He doesn't want me dead. _Is he Divergent? Was a family member? A friend? A girlfriend?_ I push the thoughts aside. I won't let them distract me.

"I don't understand why the Dauntless leaders care if I am Divergent." I say, slowly, quietly.

"If I had it figured out, I would've told you by now." She says then presses her lips together. "The only thing I've come up with is that changing the simulation isn't what they care about; it's just a symptom of something else. Something they do care about." Tori takes me hands and presses it between her palms. "Think about this. These people taught you how to use a gun to its fullest. For murder. They taught you how to fight. You think they're above hurting you? Above killing you?" She releases my hand and stands. "I have to go or Bud will ask questions. Be careful, Tris."

* * *

The door to the Pit closes behind me and I'm alone. I haven't walked through this tunnel since the first day here. I remember how I walked through it then, my feet stumbling over each other as I search for light. I walk this path surefooted now. I don't need light anymore.

It's been four days since I talked with Tori. Since then, I've been hearing news about Erudite having problems with Abnegation gang and they're leaning on us, Dauntless, to help them. I don't understand why the leaders are letting us get dragged into their business when it's clear that Erudite isn't innocent and had something to do with this whole thing. The leaders are just putting us in danger.

 _Why don't all the gangs just get new leaders?_ I don't even really know if it's possible. The leaders seem so…evil, and I'm sure they'd fight anyone for their spot. I'm sure they'd resort to killing their own just to keep their spot. Hell, lately I've heard of Dauntless already murdering some people. This will become a fucking massacre. It makes a lot of sense, which makes me suspect it is a call for a war wrapped in the clothing of rationality. Our kind of rationality.

I reach the end of the tunnel. The net stretches across the gaping hole, just as it did the last time I saw it. I climb the stairs to the wooden platform where Four pulled me to the solid ground and grab the bar that the net is attached to. I wouldn't have been able to pull myself up with just my arms when I first got here, but now I do it with almost no thinking and roll into the middle of the net.

Above me are the empty buildings that stand at the edge of the hole, and the sky. It's dark blue and starless. No moon. No light. Just darkness.

The news troubled me, but I had friends to cheer me up, and that's something. When I first heard about the Erudite getting involved with Dauntless, Christina charmed one of the cooks in the Dauntless kitchens, and he let us try some cake batter. After I heard about the killings, Uriah and Marlene taught me a card game and we played for two hours in the dining hall. The way they treat me, I love it for them being so sweet, but, I also feel so…weak. Something I got mad at Al for. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Tonight, though, I want to be alone. More than that, I want to remember why I came here, and why I was so determined to stay here that I would jump off a building for it, even before I knew what being Dauntless was all about. I maneuver my fingers through the holes in the beneath me.

I wanted to have a free life. Away from all the drama and darkness of life. I thought living on the streets would be it. But I'm here. In Dauntless. Now I just want to stay here and be as loud, daring, and free like them. But Dauntless is changing more than what my first perspective I have of it was. When I jumped off that roof, I didn't know what fear was.

In the past four days, I faced four fears. In one I was tied to a stake and Peter set fire beneath my feet. In the second, I was drowning again, this time in the middle of the ocean as the water raged around me. In the third, I watched my family slowly bleeding to death. In the fourth, I was held at gunpoint and forced to shoot them. I don't understand how it's a fear that shows up. It's a memory. The only difference is Caleb was never shot. He's still alive. I know he is.

Wind rushes over the lip of the hole and washes over me. I close my eyes, relishing in the moment of serenity. In my mind I stand at the edge of the roof again. I grab the hem of my grey hoodie and tug it off. My arms are exposed, revealing more of my body than anyone has seen besides when I worked at the bar. That time, it was my decision. I ball the hoodie up and throw it at Peter's chest.

I open my eyes. No, I was wrong. I didn't jump off the roof because I wanted to be like the Dauntless. I jumped because I was already like them, and I wanted to show them that was so. I wanted to acknowledge a part of myself that I demanded myself to hide.

I stretch my hands over my head and hook them in the net again. I reach with my toes as far as I can, taking up as much of the net as possible. The night sky is empty and silent, and for the first time in four days, so is my mind.

* * *

I hold my head in my hands and breathe deeply. The simulation was the same as yesterday. Someone held me at gunpoint and ordered me to shoot my family. It hurts seeing their faces again. There's no way I could shoot them. Not again. This simulation was not testing me. It was a memory that wants to break me. I wipe the tears quickly from my eyes. I don't want anyone to know that that was real. Four can't know. When I lift my head, I see that Four is watching me.

"I know the simulation isn't real." I say. I need to convince him. It's hard to, though. It was real. It was. I tried to let the memory go but it only wants to come back to haunt me.

"You don't need to explain it to me. You love your family. You don't want to shoot them. Not the most unreasonable thing in the world." He says. Good, he fell for it. I didn't want to shoot them. I did love them. Don't remind me. I did the most unreasonable thing.

"In the simulation is the only time I get to seen them." I say. I don't know why I'm opening up to him. He doesn't have any business in my personal life. He doesn't care. _So why am I doing this?_ Even though he said I don't, I feel like I have to explain why this fear is so difficult for me to face. I twist my fingers together and pull them apart. My nail beds are bitten raw. I bite them every night and wake up to bloody hands. "I miss them. You ever just…miss your family?"

Four looks down. "No." He finally says. "I don't. But that's unusual."

It is unusual. It's so unusual it distracts me from the memory of holding the gun to my family. _What was his family like that he no longer cares about them?_

I pause with my hand on the doorknob and look back at him. _Are you like me? Are you Divergent?_ I can't even call us that. We have the abilities but we were not recruited into that gang. But, it is what people like us with those abilities are called.

Even thinking the word feels dangerous. His eyes hold mine and many seconds pass. Too many. His face turns less stern by the seconds. I can hear my heartbeat. I've been looking for too long, but so has he. It's like we're having a silent conversation. Like we're both trying to say something the other can't hear. It's past too long now. I can hear my heart pound even louder. His tranquil eyes are swallowing me whole.

I somehow pull my eyes away from his, push the door open, and hurry down the hallway. I shouldn't get easily distracted by him. Especially all the time. _Why doesn't he tell me to stop? Why doesn't he just come out and say I'm a fucking creep?_ The simulations should distract me more. They should break my mind like they do with other initiates. Drew doesn't even sleep. He just curls up in a ball, staring at the wall. And Al of course, screams every night due to nightmares and cries into his pillow. My paranoia is just me biting my fingernails pale.

Al's screams wake me every time. I stare at the springs above me and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. _Why do I feel strong when everyone else is weak and breaking down?_ I'm just as corrupted as Eric. _Is it being Divergent that makes me steady, or is it something else?_

When I get back to the dormitory, I expect to see the same thing since the beginning; a few initiates lying down or staring at nothing. Instead, more initiates are standing in a group on the other side of the room. Eric is in front of them with a chalkboard in his hands, which faces the other way so we can't see what's written on it. I walk up to Will and stand next to him.'

"What's going on?" I whisper.

"Rankings for stage two." He says.

"I thought there weren't any cuts after stage two." I hiss.

"There aren't. It's just a progress report, sort of." He says. Relief floods through my body and I nod.

The sight of the board makes me feel uneasy. It will be the reason for deaths. And I'm sure it's been the reason for many before us. Eric lifts the board above his head and hangs it on the nail. When he steps aside, the room suddenly falls deadly quiet. I crane my neck to see what it says. I'm sure my eyes are bulging out of my head and I look like an idiot. My name is in the first slot.

Heads turn in my direction and I feel heat burning on my face. I follow the list down, trying to ignore the staring my way. Christina and Will are seventh and ninth, respectively. Peter is second. When I look at the time listed by his name then mine, I realize the margin between us is conspicuously wide. Peter's average time for the simulation was eight minutes. Mine was two minutes, forty – five seconds.

"Nice job, Tris." Will says.

I nod with my eyes still glues to the board. I should be excited, pleased, happy. But I know what this means. If Peter and his friends hated me before, they despise me now. Now I'm Edward. I'll wake up with a knife in my eye. Or worse. I know they definitely have more hate towards me than him.

I look for Al's name and see it's in the last slot. The crowd of initiates split up. The only people now standing here are Will, me, Peter, and Al. There is a weird tension radiating off of all of us. I want to console Al. I want to tell him the only reason I'm doing well is that there's something different about me.

Peter turns slowly, every limb fused with tension. A glare would have shown less hatred than the look he gives me. He walks toward his bunk, but at last second, he ships around and shoves me into a wall. He pins me against it with a hand on each of my shoulders.

"I will not be outranked by someone like you." He hisses. His face is so close to mine I can feel his stale breath. "How do you do it, huh? How the hell do you do it?"

He pulls me forward a few inches then slams me against the wall again. I clench my teeth to keep from crying out. The pain from the impact went all the way down my spine. Will grabs Peter by his shirt collar and drags him off of me.

"Leave her alone. Only a coward bullies a little girl." Will says. That didn't sting.

"A little girl?" Peter scoffs, throwing off Will's hand. "Are you blind, or just stupid? She's going to edge you out of the rankings and off the chasm, and you are going to get nothing, all because she knows how to manipulate people and you don't. So when you realize she's out to ruin us all, you let me know." Will won't believe him. Will isn't that easily manipulated.

Peter storms out of the dormitory. Molly and Drew follow him with disgusted looks on their faces.

"Thanks." I say, nodding to Will.

"Is he right?" He asks, quietly. "Are you trying to manipulate us?"

I guess I was wrong. He can be easily manipulates. I can't believe he thinks that his friend wants him killed. One of his first friends here and we've already been through a lot together here. I guess people will do whatever it takes to get to the top here.

"How on earth would I do that?" I ask, incredulously. I scowl at him. "I'm just doing the best I can, like anyone else."

"I don't know." He says with a small shrug. "By acting weak so we pity you? And then acting tough to psyche us out?"

"Psyche you out?" I repeat, venom in my voice now. "I'm your friend. I wouldn't do that."

He doesn't say anything but by the look on his face, I can tell he still doesn't believe me. Or he doesn't know what to believe.

"Don't be an idiot, Will." Christina interrupts, hopping down from her bunk. She looks at me with sympathy and adds, "She's not acting." I hate that look she has on her face. I hate sympathy or pity.

Christina turns and leaves, without getting mad and banging the door shut. Will follows. I'm alone with Al in the room. First and last.

Al has never looked small before, but now he does. His shoulder are slumped and his body is collapsing on itself like crumpled paper. He sits down on the edge of his bed, placing his face in his hands.

"Are you all right?" I ask.

"Sure." He says.

His face is bright red. I look away. Asking him was formality. Anyone with eyes could see that Al was not even ok at all.

"It's not over. You can improve your rank if you…" My voice trails off when he looks up at me. I don't know what to say to him if I finished my sentence. There's no strategy for stage two. It reaches deep into the heart of who we are and tests whatever courage is there.

"See? It's not that simple." He almost snaps.

"I know it's not." I say.

"I don't think you do." He says, shaking his head. His chin wobbles and his lips twitch downwards. "For you it's easy. All of this is easy."

"That's not true." I say. It's not. It's not easy. I get nightmares and stay up for the rest of the night. I keep all my emotions in and I'm waiting for the day I explode and lose it all.

"Yeah, it is." He says then closes his eyes. "You aren't helping me by pretending it isn't. I don't – I'm not sure you can help me at all."

I feel like I just walked myself into something bad without realizing, like a rainstorm. Like my clothes are heavy with water and I'm heavy, awkward, and useless. I'm not sure if he means no one can help him or just me specifically. I wouldn't be okay with either interpretation. I want to help him, but I'm powerless.

"I…" I start to say but quickly stop. I meant to apologize, _but what for? For being more Dauntless than he is? For not knowing what to say?_

"I just…" He starts to say but the tears that have been gathering in his eyes spill over, wetting his cheeks. "…want to be alone."

I nod and turn away. Leaving him may not be a good idea, but I can't stop myself. The door clicks behind me…and I keep walking.

* * *

I somehow end up in the hallway I sat in the day Edward left. I don't want to be alone, but I don't have much of a choice. I close my eyes and pay attention to the cold stone beneath me as I breathe in the musty undergrounf air.

"Tris!" I hear someone call from the end of the hallway. I look and see Uriah jogging towards me. Lynn and Marlene travel behind him and Lynn is holding a muffin. "Thought I would find you here." He crouches near my feet. "I heard you got ranked first."

So you just wanted to congratulate me?" I say with a smirk. "Well, thanks."

"Someone should. And I figured your friends might not be so congratulatory, since their ranks aren't as high. So quit moping and come with us. I'm going to shoot a muffin off Marlene's head." He says. That escalated quickly. This is the perfect way to celebrate someone's success.

The ideas Uriah comes up with. The idea is so ridiculous, I can't keep from laughing. I push myself up and follow Uriah to the end of the hallway, where Marlene and Lynn are waiting, slouching against the wall. Lynn narrows her eyes at me and Marlene grins. Okaayyy. I don't know what I did, but I'm apparently not on Lynn's good side.

"Why aren't you out celebrating? You're practically guaranteed a top ten spot if you keep it up." Marlene says.

"She's too Dauntless for the other group." Uriah says,

"And too Stiff to 'celebrate'" Lynn remarks. Looks like she uses that word on people she doesn't like too. I decide to ignore her.

"Why are you shooting a muffin off Marlene's head?" I ask.

"She bet me I couldn't aim well enough to hit a small object from one hundred feet. I bet her she didn't have the guts to stand there as I tried. It works out well, really." Uriah explains. This is the kind of intelligence in Dauntless.

I notice as I follow them that we're heading to the training room not far from my hidden hallway. We get there in under a minute and Uriah flips on a light switch. It looks the same as last time I was in here; targets on one end of the room, a table with guns on the other.

"They just keep these lying around?" I ask.

"Yeah, but they aren't loaded." He says.

He pulls up his shirt and I can't keep my eys from looking at his abs. He's really muscular, but I doubt he's as ripped as Four. Four has muscle all throughout his body, it's simple to see. There's a gun stuck under the waistband of Uriah's pants, right under his tattoo. I stare at the tattoo, trying to figure out what it is, but then his shirt falls back over it.

"Okay. Go stand in front of a target." He instructs to Marlene.

Marlene walks to a target, a skip ion her step. Well, I've never seen someone look so happy to die.

"You aren't seriously going to shoot her, are you?" I ask Uriah.

"It's not a real gun." Lynn says quietly. "It's got plastic pellets in it. The worst it'll do is sting her face, maybe give her a welt. What do you think we are, stupid?" Well, there goes all the hope I had that we may actually have gotten along for a moment.

Marlene stands in front of one of the targets and places the muffin on her head. She steadies herself as Uriah gets in position then aims the gun. He keeps one eye open although he's squinting.

"Wait!" Marlene calls out. Uriah lowers the gun and raises an eyebrow at her. She breaks off a piece of the muffin and pops it in her mouth. "Mmkay!" She shouts, the word muffles by food. She gives Uriah a thumbs up.

"I take it your ranks were good." I say to Lynn, hoping to change the tension in the air between the two of us.

Lynn nods. "Uriah's second. I'm first. Marlene's fourth." She says.

"You're only first by a hair." Uriah says as he aims the gun.

He squeezes the trigger and the muffin flies off Marlen's head. She didn't even flinch. _How's that possible? What the hell am I saying?_ I didn't even flinch when Four got my ear. But then again, I was forced to keep my eyes open.

"We both win!" Marlene shouts.

"You miss your old life?" Lynn asks me. I'm struck with shock for a second. _Did she just actually ask me a question? About my feelings?_ _Even though this could get her in trouble?_

"Sometimes. It was calmer. Not as exhausting" I say.

Marlene picks the muffin off the ground and takes a bite out of it. "Gross!" Uriah shouts.

"Initiation's supposed to wear us down to who we really are. That's what Eric says, anyway." Lynn says and arches and eyebrow.

"Four says it's to prepare us." I say, a bit confused.

"Well, they don't agree on much."

I nod. It's clear that they don't agree on shit. Four is independent and he fights for what he wants. Eric fights for what he wants but he wants it for all the wrong things. He's really controlled by the leaders whether he likes to admit it or not. He's been taught hate all his life and it's very apparent.

Four told me Eric's vision for Dauntless is not exactly what it's supposed to be, but I wish he would tell me what he thinks the right vision for it would be. I get glimpses of it every so often. The Dauntless cheering when I jumped off the building, the net of arms that caught me after zip lining, but they aren't enough. _Has he read the Dauntless manifesto? Is that what he believes in? Ordinary acts of bravery?_

The door to the training room opens and I freak for a moment, thinking it may be Eric. My eyes snap to the door fast and I tense. Shauna, Zeke, and Four walk in just as Uriah decides to fire at another target. The plastic pellet bounces off the center of the target and rolls on the ground.

"I thought I heard something in here." Four says.

"Turns out it's my idiot brother. You're not supposed to be in here after hours. Careful, or Four will tell Eric, and then you'll be as good as scalped." Zeke says.

Uriah wrinkles his nose at Zeke and puts the pellet gun away. They really do act like normal siblings. Marlene crosses the room, taking bites of the muffin. Four steps away from the door for us to file out.

"You wouldn't tell Eric." Lynn says, eyeing Four suspiciously.

"No, I wouldn't." He says. As I pass him, he rests his hand on the top of my back to usher me out, his palm pressing between my shoulder blades. I shiver. I hope he couldn't tell.

The others walk down the hallway. Zeke and Uriah are shoving each other, Marlene is splitting her muffin with Shauna, and Lynn is marching in front of us all. I start to follow them

"Wait a second." I hear Four say. I turn to him, wondering which vision of Four I'll see now. The one who scolds me, or the one who will climb the Ferris wheel with me. He smile a little, but eh smile doesn't spread his eyes, which look tense and worried.

"You belong here, you know that? You belong with us. It'll be over soon, so just hold on, okay?" He says. He scratches his ear and looks away, like he's embarrassed by what he just said. I don't know why he'd be embarrassed. He's a walking god and I'm just me. Plus, it's not like he asked me to just strip for him.

I stare at him. I can feel my heartbeat everywhere, even in my toes. I feel like doing something bold, but I could just as easily walk away. I'm not sure which option is smarter…or better. I'm not sure I care.

I reach out and take his hand. He responds. His fingers slide through mine. I can't breathe.

I stare back up at him again, and he stares down at me, meeting my eyes. For a long while, we stay like that. Then I pull my hand away and run after Uriah, Lynn and Marlene. Maybe now he thinks I'm stupid…or strange. Maybe he sees me the way I see myself now. Maybe it was worth it.

* * *

I get back to the dormitory before anyone else, and when they start to trickle in; I get into bed and pretend I was asleep the whole time. I don't need any of them, not if it means they will react this way when I do well. If I can make it through initiation, I will be Dauntless, and I won't have to see them anymore.

I don't need them. _But do I want them?_ Every tattoo I got with them is a mark of their friendship, and almost every time I have laughed in this dark place was because of them. I don't want to lose them. But I feel like I have already.

After at least half an hour of racing thoughts, I roll onto my back and open my eyes. The dormitory is dark now and everyone has gone to bed Probably exhausted from resenting me so much, I think with a wry smile. As if coming from the most hated streets wasn't enough, now I'm showing them up too.

I get out of bed to get a drink of water. I'm not thirsty, but I need to do something. My bare feet make sticky sounds on the floor as I walk, my wall pressing against the wall to keep my path straight. A bulb glows blue over the drinking fountain.

I bring my hair over one shoulder and bend over. As soon as the water touched my lips, I hear voices at the end of the hallway. I creep closer to them carefully, trusting the dark to keep me hidden.

"So far there haven't been any signs of it." I hear Eric's voice say. _Signs of what?_

"Well, you wouldn't have seen much of it yet." I hear an unfamiliar voice say. A cold, sinister, female voice. "Combat training shows you nothing. The simulations, however, reveal who the Divergent rebels are, if there are any, so we will have to examine the footage several times to be sure. I told you that you need patience for this. The simulation doesn't just tell you. We will go over it for you."

The word, "Divergent" makes me go cold. I lean forward, my back pressed against the tone. I squint my eyes to see who the voice belongs to.

"Don't forget the reason I had Max appoint you. Your first priority now is to always find them. Always." She says. It doesn't sounds that they get along too well, but I'm sure it's something of a business deal.

"I won't forget." Eric says.

I shift a few inched forward, hoping I'll still be hidden. Whoever the voice belongs to, she's pulling the strings. She is responsible for Eric's leadership position; she is the one who wants me dead. I tilt my head forward, straining to see them before they turn the corner.

Then someone grabs me from behind. I start to scream, but a hand clamps over my mouth. It smells like soap and it's big enough to cover the lower half of my face. I trash around but the arms holding me are too strong. I resort to the next best thing and bite down on one of the fingers.

"Ow!" A rough voice cries.

"Shut up and keep her mouth covered." A familiar voice says. That voice is higher than the average male's and clearer. Peter.

A strip of dark cloth covers my eyes, and a new pair of hands ties it at the back of my head. I struggle to keep breathing. There are at least two hands on my arms, dragging me forward, and one on my back, shoving me in the same direction, and one on my mouth, muffling my screams. Three people. My chest hurts. I can't fight three people on my own.

"Wonder what it sounds like when a Stiff begs for mercy." Peter says with a chuckle. Of course Peter would say horrible jokes at a time like this. At a time of his own murder. "Hurry up."

I try to focus on the hand on my mouth. There must be something distinct about it that makes it easier to identify. His identity is a problem I can solve. I need to solve at least one problem right now, or I will panic. I don't even know if it's worth it, though. I'm going to die, and nobody will know who it was that killed me.

The palm is sweaty and soft. I clench my teeth and breathe through my nose. The soap smell is familiar. Lemongrass and sage. The same smell surrounds Al's bunk. A weight drops into the pit of my stomach.

I hear the crash of water against rocks. We're near the chasm. We're above it. We must be, given the volume of the sound. I press my lips together to keep from screaming. If we're above the chasm, I know what they intend on doing. They're going to throw me off. They're going to make it look like a suicide.

"Lift her up, c'mon."

I trash, and their rough skin grates against mine, but I know it's useless. The hand disappears from my mouth for a second and I let out a scream. I don't know what the use is. No one can hear me.

I will survive until tomorrow. I will. The arms push me around and slam my spine into something cold and hard. Judging by its width and curvature, it's a metal railing. It is the metal railing, the one that overlooks the chasm. My breaths come out wheezy and mist touches the back of my neck. The hands force my back to arch over the railing. My feet leave the ground, and my attackers are the only thing keeping me from falling into the water.

All of a sudden, I feel my shirt lift up and a hand skin from my stomach and gropes along my chest, my bra between the hand and my body. "You sure you're eighteen, Stiff? Doesn't feel like you're more than twelve." By the fact he says Stiff, I know it's Peter touching me. The other boys laugh. Bile rises in my throat, and I swallow the bitter taste.

"Wait, I think I found something!" Peter says and all of a sudden, he shoves his hand under my bra and squeezes me. I bite my tongue to keep from screaming. More laughter. I can't believe I will die this way. I can feel tears stinging in my eyes.

Al's hand slips from my mouth. "Stop that." He snaps. I can tell he said it by his low, distinct voice.

When Al lets go of me, I take a chance and trash again, causing me to slip to the ground. This time, I bite down as hard as I can on the first arm I find. I hear a scream and clench my jaw harder, tasting blood. Something hard strikes my face. White heat surges through my head. It would have been painful if adrenaline wasn't coursing through me like acid.

The boy wrenches his trapped arm away from me and throws me to the ground. I bang my elbow against stone and bring my hands up to untie the blindfold. A foot drives into my side, forcing air from my lungs. I gasp and cough and claw at the back of my head. Someone grabs a handful of my hair and slams my head against something hard. Sear pain surges through me and a scream of pain bursts from my mouth. I start to feel dizzy. I'm close to passing out.

Clumsily, I fumble along the side of my head to find the edge of the blindfold. I drag my heavy hand up, taking the blindfold with it and blink for a couple of seconds. The scene before me is sideways and bobs up and down. I see a silhouette of someone running toward us and someone running away – someone larger, Al. I grab the railing next to me and haul myself to my feet.

Peter wraps his hand around my throat and lifts me up, his thumb wedged under my chin. His hair, which is usually shiny and smooth, is now tousled and sticks to his forehead. His pale face is contorted and his teeth are gritted. He holds me over the chasm as spots appear on the edges of my vision, crowding around his face, green and pink and blue. He says nothing. I try to kick him, but my legs are too short. My lungs scream for air.

I hear a shout, and he releases me. I stretch my arms out as I fall. I breathe in fast, causing me to gasp, and my armpits slam into the railing. I hook my elbows over it and groan. Mist touches my ankles. The world dips and sways around me, and someone is on the Pit floor – Drew – screaming. I hear thumps. Kicks. Groans.

I blink several times and focus as hard as I can on the only face I can see. It is contorted with anger. His eyes are dark blue. The blue that always calms me.

"Four." I croak.

I close my eyes, an hands wrap around my arms, right where they join with the shoulder. He pulls me over the railing and against his chest. He gathers me into his arm, easing an arm under my knees. I press my face into his shoulder, and there is a sudden, hollow silence.

* * *

(Four/Tobias POV)

"Pull the trigger  
Ain't nobody gonna do it for you  
Pull the trigger

Maybe you should pull the fucking trigger

Pull the trigger  
Ain't nobody gonna do it for you  
Pull the trigger  
Don't hesitate, just shoot

Yeah, why you believing the propaganda?  
Why everybody sound like they wanna be from Atlanta?  
Are you the voice or the echo?  
Are you the nail or the hammer?  
I be talking while chewing my beats, I don't mind my manners  
Choruses that fit the opera, that's why I need phantoms  
I got my doubt at gun point, that's why I need ransoms  
And I be handsome, that's why I got your girl before the money  
Honestly I thought I'd have 30m's before my twenties  
But I'm cool with how its happening  
Girl in San Fran who wants to cross routes with me  
Like a Yung Colin Kapernick  
Treat the money like a lateral, I'm passing it  
Cause my family's number one, never put 'em number two  
Tryna buy a house in cash for all the times we had to move  
All the times my mom cried cause she ain't know what else to do  
All the times she lost hope cause she ain't know what else to lose  
All the times I shoot shots cause I don't what else to shoot

Pull the trigger  
Ain't nobody gonna do it for you  
Pull the trigger  
Don't hesitate, just shoot

I'mma stay winning, I don't believe in luck  
I believe that life's a buffet, better eat it up  
I've seen enough to know that I'm really 'bout to blow  
Never felt like an employee, always felt like CEO  
Even when I stacked shoes, I was never clocked in  
Yeah, I always walked out, but I never walked in  
That's a tribute to my head-space  
And lately my Devils have been Spanish chicks in red lace  
Doing Brujeria on me for ten days  
More like ten months, but I got out of it  
If I fall in love again, its probably with a Saudi chick  
But I keep my head up high and my middle fingers higher

Pull the trigger  
Ain't nobody gonna do it for you  
Pull the trigger  
Don't hesitate, just shoot"

I huff as I let the bar drop onto the metal holder. I grab the rag and wipe my forehead and take a drink of water. I stretch and roll my neck to get rid of the tenseness. I walk up to the radio and turn it off. Once the noise turns off, I hear strange muffled noises. _What the hell is that?_

Pushing myself from leaning on the table, I walk to the lights, shutting everything off then open the door to the training room. As the door starts to slam behind me, I hear a small, struggled scream. Okay, I doubt this is just Dauntless playing games.

I start to walk towards the noise carefully. The closer I get, the more I realize it's echoing from the chasm. I start to jog towards the chasm. I see faded shadows on the ground of three people fighting against another who seems to be arching over the railing. I turn my vision upwards and see that it's three manly figures against a smaller, womanly figure. As I squint my eyes, I notice the blonde hair shining through the dark. Tris."Hey!" I yell. I suddenly feel all the energy awaken in me and run as fast as I can towards them.

One of them gets away before I can step a foot towards them. Well, looks like they didn't choose wisely. A guy jumps in front of me before I can reach Tris. Drew. I look over to see who has Tris and notice Peter. I clench my jaw. If Drew really thinks he can take me on, he'll learn just as fast as everybody else who wins these fights.

Drew tries to throw a punch at me but I grab it with my fist and wrench it around his back. He lets out a groan and I knee him in the groin. He doubles over and I knee him in the stomach. He falls over to the side. As he falls, I send a punch to his head and his body slams to the ground unconscious.

When I look back up, I see Peter holding Tris over the chasm. "Don't fucking touch her!" I growl and send a punch to his stomach. His hold on Tris falls and Tris falls put catches herself by holding onto the railing with her elbows. When I turn back to Peter, all I see is red. I knee him in the stomach again. When he stumbles, I grab him by the back of his head, slamming his face into the wall and then to the concrete below us.

I'm pretty sure what I did was gruesome, but I don't care. Nobody touches Tris and nobody hurts her. I haven't even hurt Eric this badly. Peter could be dead at the moment but I'm not going to check because truth is, he could have his body diced and I'd be smiling. My hatred for Peter is probably greater than my hatred for Eric.

I hurry to Tris. "Four" She croaks out. Quiet, baby. You'll hurt yourself. She closes her eyes and I can tell her body is so close to passing out. It's limp. I wrap my hands around her arms where they join with the shoulder and pull her over the railing. I pull her into my chest, gathering her into my arms. I've always wanted to do this, but never in this way. I ease an arm under her knees and pick her up gently. She presses her face into my shoulder.

I let out a sigh of relief. I could've just lost her right now. If luck or God or whatever wasn't on my side at the moment, she'd be taken from me. In the blink of an eye. I wouldn't have had time to say goodbye. Or touch her. Or kiss her.


	7. Breaking and Breathing

**_DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

(Four POV)

After taking Drew to the infirmary, I make my way back to my apartment. I open up the door quietly to make sure I don't wake Tris or disturb her. I close to the door quietly then lock it. I walk silently up to my bed which she's laying on to check on her. She looks peaceful. Beautiful. The image of her in my bed makes it all the better.

A small smile tugs on my face as I look at her. The small throb in my knuckles reminds me their bleeding and I make my way back to the bathroom. I turn on the faucet and let the warm water pour over my hands. As they hit the white tile of the sink, the blood turns the water pink and drips onto the sink. I wash the blood off, making sure I leave no stains.

I look back up to the mirror and squint my eyes as I notice a cut on the corner of my lip. I place my thumb on it gently to see if it's really bleeding or if it's one of the other's blood. I cup water in my hand and wipe off the blood. Once I'm done checking for other cuts, I turn the faucet off and dry my hands with the towel.

I turn off the bathroom light as I walk out and grab an ice pack from the refrigerator at the corner of the room. As I turn, I notice Tris has waken up since her eyes are squinted open. I start towards her and she bites her lip, as if she's contemplating something in her head. When I reach her, I lift a hand gently to her face and run my thumb over her bottom lip, pulling it from her teeth. Her face goes red and I resist from smirking. As I pull away, she looks at my hands.

"Your hands." She croaks. Of course, she'd be more worried about minor wounds of other people before checking if she's okay from almost getting killed.

"My hands are none of your concern." I reply. I rest my knee on the mattress carefully, and lean over her, placing the ice pack under her head. Before I can pull away, Tris reaches out and I stop. Her hand stops mid-air and it hesitates there for a moment. I'm taken back when she lightly touches her fingertips lightly to my mouth. I realize she notices the cut on my lip.

"Tris," I speak against her fingers, "I'm all right." We make eye contact with each other and neither one of us can seem to look away.

"Why were you there?" She asks, letting her hand drop. I instantly miss the feel of her hands and I can still feel the place where they touched my skin.

"I was coming back from the training room. I heard a scream." I say.

"What did you do to them?" She asks.

"I deposited Drew at the infirmary a half hour ago. Peter and Al ran. Drew claimed they were just trying to scare you. At least, I think that's what he was trying to say." I say.

"He's in a bad shape?"

"He'll live." I reply. "In what condition, I can't say." I add, bitterly.

It isn't right to wish pain on other people just because they hurt me or another human being. It isn't right to wish pain against someone anyway. I learned that long ago. But, with Tris, I can't seem to control myself. I'm constantly worried about her and I'll protect her at any cost. Seeing them beat up on her and try to kill her, all I saw was red.

"Good." She says. Her voice sounds tight and fierce. She looks as if she wants to break something or hit something. It's like she's been holding something inside this whole time. Anger is building up inside her, filling her, consuming her. However, what happens next was totally unexpected. She starts crying.

I crouch by the side of the bed and watch her. I have no sympathy for her. I don't have pity. If I want people to respect the decision of never pitying me, then I'll treat them the same. Tris is strong. I know she doesn't want pity. She doesn't need it. I pull my wrist free and rest my hand on the side of her face, my thumb gently skimming her cheekbone. I know I have to show that I care. I do. But I don't want to pity her. I don't want her to start believing everybody and think she's weak.

"I could report this." I say, simply.

"No. I don't want them to think I'm scared." She says.

I nod, understanding. I move my thumb absently back and forth over her cheekbone. "I figured you would say that."

"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?"

"I'll help you."

I grip her shoulder with one hand and hold her head steady with the other as she pushes herself up. As she shakes moving upward, she winces and lets out a groan. She doesn't deserve this pain.

I hand her the ice pack. "You can let yourself be in pain. It's just me here." Please baby, let me in. Let me know you can trust me.

She bites down on her lip. There's tears on her face, but neither of us mentions it or even acknowledges it. I reach my hands up to her face again and gently pull her lip from her teeth with her thumb. "Stop biting it." I say.

She instantly blushes again and looks down at the bed. "Why?" She asks. Because you look so delectable like that. Because I want to bite that lip. Because I want to ravish you every time you make that sexy face.

"Just don't." I say, making sure it doesn't sound harsh. I decide to change the topic of conversation. "I suggest you rely on your transfer friends to protect you from now on." I'm turning this back to watching out for her safety. Sometimes she can be so careless, so relentless, and…it scares me. To lose her. The possibility alone hurts my head.

"I thought I was." She says. It goes quiet and I can tell she's fighting with her thoughts. A sob bursts out and jolts her body forward. She presses a hand to her forehead and rocks her body back and forth slowly. "But Al…"

"He wanted you to be the small, quiet girl everyone made you out to be. He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak. No other reason." She nods. "The others won't be as jealous if you show some vulnerability. Even if it isn't real."

"You think I have to pretend to be vulnerable?" She asks, raising and eyebrow.

"Yes, I do." I take the ice pack from her, my fingers brushing hers and hold it against her head myself. She puts her hand down, letting me hold it for her. I stand up and she seems mesmerized by the hem of my T-shirt. Her eyes glance up and I raise an eyebrow, with a smirk. Her face goes red again and I keep from chuckling. It makes me happy knowing I have this effect on her.

"You're going to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers they had no effect on you, but you should let that bruise on your cheek show, and keep your head down." I add.

"I don't think I can go that." She says, hollowly. She lifts her eyes back to mine.

"You have to."

"I don't think you get it." Heat rises in her face. "They touched me."

My body tightens and my hands grip the ice packs so hard, they may have bursted if I didn't have the least bit of control. Now I'm regretting not killing them. I'm regretting not dragging them all back, beating the shit out of them, then throwing them over the chasm railings. All I want to do know is go into the infirmary or the dorm rooms and choke them all to death. A slow, painful, death. Nobody. Touches. Her. Nobody touches what's mine. Damn it, Tobias! You're so overprotective already and you guys aren't even dating! I shake my head, getting back to the real issue.

"Touched you." I repeat, coldly.

"Not…in the way you're thinking." She clears her throat. "But…almost."

The way it came out, sounded like a lie. I narrow my eyes at her. She squirms under my stare and seems to have a debate inside her head. "Tris." I demand, getting her attention. "Did they rape you?" I ask. I know it's blunt, but she's not leaving the room without telling me the truth.

"No!" She squeaks out. "But it's more…than what you're thinking…if you understand…" She says. I sigh. This is harder to get out of her than I imagined. She doesn't want to just come out and say it.

"Did they assault you…sexually?" I ask.

"Not 'they' but…Peter." She squeaks out his name. Fear seems to have consumed her eyes. She should know better. I'll never let them near her again.

"What did he do, Tris?" I ask, getting impatient. I'm gritting my teeth, trying to keep my cool.

"He touched me, Four!" She says, sounding like a child. She puts her head in her hands and rub her face.

"Where, Tris!?" I ask, playing the same game as her.

"Does it matter? He touched me. It doesn't matter where." She mumbles in her hands. I know she just doesn't want to say anything because it's 'inappropriate', but she needs to tell me, no exceptions. This girl is too innocent. I wonder… No, Tobias! Don't go there!

"It does, Tris. Because some places are more private than others. If you would just tell me where, this conversation wouldn't have been now more difficult than it should have." I say.

She takes a deep breath, still not looking at me. "He touched me above…" She says, but I stop her. I already know what she means and I'm not going to push her harder. She has a harder time talking about this stuff than I do. I'm relieved he didn't touch her down there but it doesn't make it any better. He still shouldn't have touched her.

I look away from her, trying to contemplate everything. I'm trying to calm myself down, figure out how to always have her protected, and make Al, Drew, and Peter's life a living hell. I didn't notice I've been thinking for so long until she says something.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to say this," And I wish I never had to. "but I feel like I have to. It is more important for you to be safe than right, for the time being. Understand?"

I can't believe it's gone so far I'm constantly worrying about her safety. I'm sure when I leave her side, I'll be wondering if any of them are around her. If they'll get to her again. If they'll touch her. Hurt her. Kill her. I worry if her friends will be there to protect her. Or if they'll also betray her. I worry if she thinks of herself as weak now. If she believes this one thing changed everything. If she believes to give up her spot as number one to survive. Then possibly drop to the bottom and get killed by Dauntless. My worry for her has me going crazy. It's going to give me nightmares. It's going to tear my mind apart.

I wish she could be by my side always. I wish it was allowed for her to date me. I wish it didn't feel so wrong to like her. I wish I could walk into my apartment and be greeted by her. I wish I could fall asleep and wake up every day with her wrapped in my arms. I wish we could share kisses every day and christen every surface of the apartment. I wish she was mine. She's the only thing that makes me happy and for some reason she's gotten into my head and… is changing me. So much.

I'm not even sure of the second to last one of my wishes. She seems so innocent. She can't even say breasts or any of her own body parts. Surely she's not a virgin. She's…touched herself. She can't be that innocent. If she is, I can't take it away from her. She would deserve someone more. I used girls. I…fucked whores. No love. No emotion. Nothing. They were just another thing to take my anger out on.

I forcefully pull myself out of my deep thoughts before I go too far…even though I have already. She nods. "But please, when you see the opportunity…" I press a hand to her cheek, and tilt her head up so her eyes look into mine. "Ruin them."

She laughs shakily, as if she's trying to brush off all the tension. "You're a little scary, Four."

I wince. I hate that. I hate that name coming out of her mouth. It's so…unnatural. I want her to call me by my real name. I want to hear my name come out of those perfect lips. But I can't tell her yet. I will tell her my name when I decide to tell her everything. It's better to get it off my chest all at once. Hopefully, that day she'll be prepared.

"Do me a favor, and don't call me that." I say.

"What should I call you, then?"

"Nothing." I take my hand from her face. "Yet."

* * *

(Tris POV)

I don't go back to the dorms tonight. Sleeping in the same room with the people who attacked me just to look brave would make me actually look stupid. Four must respect my decisions because he slept on the floor while I slept on his bed. Or he may just not want to be next to you. _Ever thought of that?_

I sleep on top of the quilt on his bed, breathing in the scent of his pillowcase. It smells like detergent and something heavy, sweet, and distinctly male. _Why am I suddenly becoming such a girl?_ I possibly have a crush on him and I've already told myself I won't be like other idiots that fall in love with men.

The rhythm of his breaths slow, and I prop myself up to see if he is asleep. He lies on his stomach with one arm around his head. His eyes are closed, and his lips are parted. For the first time, he looks as young as he is, and I wonder who he really is. _Who is he when he isn't Dauntless, isn't an instructor, isn't Four, isn't anything in particular?_

Whoever he is, I like him. It's easier to admit that now. After all that's happened. He is not sweet or gentle or particularly kind. But he is smart and brave. And even though he saved me, he treated me like I was strong. That's all I need to know. I watch the muscles in his back expand and contract until I fall asleep.

I wake up to aches and pains. I cringe as I sit up, holding my ribs, and walk to the small mirror on the opposite wall. I am almost too short to see myself in it, but when I stand on my tiptoes, I can see my face. As expected, there's a dark blue bruise on my cheek. I hate the idea of slumping into the dining hall like this, but I want to follow Four's instructions. He knows what he's doing. I have to mend my friendships. I need the protection of seeming weak.

I tie my back in a ponytail. The door opens and Four walks in, a towel in hand and his hair glistening with water. I feel a thrill in my stomach when I see the line of skin that shows above his belt when he lifts his hand to dry his hair. I force my eyes away and up to look at his face.

"Hi." I say, my voice sounding tight. I wish it didn't.

He touches my bruised cheek gently with his fingertips. "Not bad. How's your head?" He asks.

"Fine." I lie. My head in throbbing. I brush my fingers over the bump and pain prickles over my scalp. It could be worse. I could be floating in the river.

Every muscle in my body tightens as his hand drops to my side, where I got kicked. He does it causally, but it's not casual to me. I'm not used to being touched, especially by a man like him. I'm not even used to hugs. I can't move.

"And your side?" He asks, his voice low.

"Only hurts when I breathe."

He smiles. "Not much you can do about that."

"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing."

"Well, I would only go if there was cake." He jokes.

I laugh, and then wince, covering his hand to steady my ribcage. He slides his hand back slowly, his fingertips grazing my side. I knew he would react that way. When his fingers lift, I feel an ache in my chest. Once this moment ends, I have to be reminded of what happened last night. And I want to stay here with him. But he may not want that.

He nods a little and leads the way out. "I'll go in first." He says when we stand right outside the dining hall. "See you soon, Tris."

He walks through the doors and I'm left standing there, alone. Yesterday he told me he thought I would have to pretend to be weak, but he was wrong. I'm weak already. I brace my hands against the wall and press my forehead to my hands. It's difficult to take deep breaths, so I take short, shallow ones. I can't let this happen. They attacked me to make me feel weak. I can pretend they succeeded to protect myself, but I can't let it become true.

I pull away from the wall and walk into the dining hall without another thought. A few steps in, I remember I'm supposed to look like I'm cowering, so I slow my pace and hug the wall, keeping my gaze and head down. Uriah, at the table next to Will and Christina's, lifts his hand to wave at me, and then pulls it down.

I plop next to Will. Al isn't there anymore. Uriah slides into the seat next to me, leaving his half-eaten muffin and half-finished glass of water on the other table. For a second, all three of them just stare at me.

"What happened?" Will asks, lowering his voice.

I look over his shoulder at the table behind ours. Peter sits there, eating his piece of toast and saying something to Molly. My hand clenches around the edge of the table. I want him to hurt, but now isn't the time. Drew is missing from the table. He must still be in the infirmary. Four must have done something bad. He did say that in what condition, he didn't know. Vicious pleasure courses through my veins at the thought.

"Peter, Drew…" I say quietly. I hold my side as I reach across the table for a piece of toast. It hurts to stretch out, so I let myself since and hunch over. "And…" I hesitate and swallow. "And Al."

"Oh God." Christina says, her eyes wide.

"Are you alright?" Uriah asks.

Peter's eyes find mine across the dining hall, and I have to force myself to look away. It brings a bitter taste to my mouth to show him that he won, that he scared me now, but I have to. Four was right. I have to do everything possible to make sure I don't get attacked again.

"Not really." I say.

My eyes burn, and it's not artifice, unlike the wincing. I believe Tori's warning now. Peter, Drew, and Al were going to throw me into the chasm out of jealousy. _What is so unbelievable about the Dauntless leaders committing murder?_

I feel uncomfortable, like I'm wearing someone else's skin. If I'm not careful, I could die. I will die. I can't even trust the leaders of my own gang. My new family. _Ugh, what the hell am I saying?_ It's a gang! You should've seen this coming you fucking idiot!

"But you're just…" Uriah purses his lips. I know what he wants to say, but he thinks better of it. You're just one person. "It isn't fair. Three against one?"

"Yeah, and Peter is all about what's fair. That's why he grabbed Edward in his sleep and stabbed him in the eye." Christina snorts and shakes her head. "Al, though? Are you sure, Tris?"

I stare at my plate. I'm the next Edward. But unlike him, I'm not just going to let them kill me.

"Yeah. I'm sure." I say.

"It has to be desperation. He's been acting…I don't know. Like a different person. Ever since stage two started." He says.

Then Drew shuffles into the dining hall. I drop my toast, and my jaw drops open. Calling him "bruised" is an understatement. His face is swollen and purple. He has a split lip and a cut through his eyebrow. He keeps his eyes down on the way to his table, not even lifting his gaze a little to look at me. I glance across the room to look at Four. He wears a satisfied smile I wish I had on.

"Did you do that?" Will hisses.

I shake my head. "No. Someone – I never saw who – found me right before…" I gulp. Saying it out loud makes it worse, makes it real. "…I got tossed into the chasm."

"They were going to kill you?" Christina asks in a low voice.

"Maybe. They might have been planning on dangling me over it just to scare me." I lift a shoulder. "It worked."

Christina gives me a sad look but I refuse to have pity so I just glance to Will. He's glaring at the table.

"What, like beat them up?" Christina grins. "Look like that's been taken care of already"

"No. That's pain they can get over. We have to edge them out of the rankings. That will damage their futures. Permanently." Uriah replies.

Four gets up and stands between the tables. Conversation abruptly ceases. "Transfers. We're doing something different today. Follow me." Four says.

We stand, and Uriah's forehead wrinkles. "Be careful." He tells me.

"Don't worry. We'll protect her." Will says.

* * *

Four leads out the dining hall and along the paths that surround the Pit. Will walks with me on my left, and Christina on my right.

"I never really said I was sorry. For taking the flag when you earned it. I don't know what is wrong with me." Christina says, quietly.

I'm not sure if it's smart to forgive her or not – to forgive either of them, even counting what they said to me when the ranking went up yesterday. But my mom would tell me that people are flawed and I should be lenient with them. And Four told me to rely on my friends.

I don't know who I should rely on more, because I'm not sure who my true friends are. _Uriah and Marlene, who were on my side even when I seemed strong, or Christina and Will, who have always protected me when I seemed weak?_

When her wide brown eyes meet mine, I nod. "Let's just forget about it."

I still want to be angry. I know I am deep down. But I have to let my anger go.

We climb higher than I've gone before and probably everyone else here for this matter. Will's face goes white whenever he looks down. Most of the time, I like heights, so I grab Will's arm like I need his support, but really, I'm lending mine to him. He smiles gratefully at me.

Four turns around and walks backward a few steps. Backward. On a narrow path. With no railing. _How well does he know this place?_

He eyes Drew, who trudges at the back of the group. "Pick up the pace, Drew!" He says.

It's a cruel joke, but it's hard to fight off a smile. That is, until Four's eyes shift to my arm around Will's, and all the humor drains from them. His expression sends a chill through me. _Is he…jealous?_ No. Of course not, idiot. He could have any girl here. Stop setting yourself up.

We get closer and closer to the glass ceiling, and for the first time in days, I see the sun. Four walks up a flight of metal stairs leading through a hole in the ceiling. They creak under my feet, and I look down to see the Pit and chasm below us.

We walk across the glass, which is now a floor rather than a ceiling, through a cylindrical room with glass walls. The surrounding buildings are half-collapsed and appear to be abandoned, which is probably why I never noticed the Dauntless compound before. The sector where I lived was also far away.

The Dauntless mill around the glass room, talking in clusters. At the edge of the room, two Dauntless fight with sticks, laughing when one of them misses and hits the air. Above me, two ropes stretch across the room, one a few feet higher than the other. They probably have something to do with daredevil stunts the Dauntless are famous for.

Four leads us through another door. Beyond it is a huge, dank space with graffitied walls and exposed pipes. The room is lit by a series of old-fashioned fluorescent tubes with plastic covers. Scratch that; they must be ancient.

"This" Four says, his eyes bright in the pale light, "is a different kind of simulation known as the fear landscape. It has been disabled for our purposes, so this isn't what it will be like the next time you see it."

Behind him, the word "Dauntless" is spray-painted in red artistic lettering on a concrete wall.

"Through your simulations, we have stored data about your worst fears. The fear landscape accesses that data and presents you with a series of virtual obstacles. Some of the obstacles will be fears you previously faces in your simulations. Some may be new fears. The difference is that you are aware, in the fear landscape, that it is a simulation, so you will have all your wits about you as you go through it."

That means that everyone can have "Diveregent abilities" in the fear landscape. I'm not sure if that's a relief, because I can't be detected, or a problem, because I won't have the advantage.

Four continues, "The number of fears you have in your landscape varies according to how many you have."

 _How many fears will I have?_ I think of facing the crows again and I shiver, although the air is warm.

"I told you before that the third stage of initiation focuses on mental preparation." He says. I remember when he said that. The first day. Right before he put a gun to Peter's head. I wish he pulled the trigger.

"That is because it requires you to control both your emotions and your body – to combine the physical abilities you learned in stage one with the emotional mastery you learned in stage two. To keep a level head." One of the fluorescent tubes above Four's head twitches and flickers. Four stops scanning the crowd of initiates and focuses his stare on me.

"Next week will go through you fear landscape as quickly as possible in front of a panel of Dauntless leaders. That will be your final test, which determines your ranking for stage three. Just as stage two of initiation is weighted more heavily than stage one, stage three is weighted heaviest of all. Understood?"

We all nod. Even Drew, who makes it look painful.

If I do well in my final test, I have a good chance of getting into the top ten and a good chance of becoming a member. Becoming Dauntless. The thought makes me giddy with relief.

"You can get past each obstacle in one of two ways. Either you find a way to calm down enough that the simulation registers a normal, steady heartbeat, or you find a way to face your fear, which can force the simulation to move on. One way to face a fear of drowning is to swim deeper, for example." Four shrugs. "So I suggest that you take the next week to consider your fears and develop strategies to face them."

"That doesn't sound fair. What is one person only has seven fears and someone else has twenty? That's not their fault." Peter complains.

Four stares at him for a few seconds then laughs. "Do you really want to talk to me about what's fair?"

The crowd of initiates parts to make way for him as he walks towards Peter, with his arms folded. "I understand why you're worried, Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward." He says, in a deadly voice.

Peter stares back expressionless.

"So now we all know," Four says quietly. "that you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from the same streets as you." His mouth curls into a smile.

Will puts his arm around me. Christina's shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. And somewhere in me, I find a smile too. Even if Four might have insulted me in a way, we all know he didn't mean it in a hurtful way. I know.

* * *

When we get back to the dorm that afternoon, Al is there. Will stands behind me and holds my shoulder lightly, to remind me that he's there. Christina edges closer to me.

Al's eyes have shadows beneath them, and his face looks swollen from crying. He doesn't look good at all. Pain stabs my stomach looking at him. I can't move. The scent of lemongrass and sage, once pleasant, turns sour in my nose.

"Tris." Al says, his voice breaking. "Can I talk to you?"

"Are you kidding?" Will squeezes my shoulders. "You don't get to come near her ever again."

"I won't hurt you. I never wanted to…" Al covers his face with both hands. "I just want to say that I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't…I don't know what's wrong with me, I…please forgive me, please…"

He reaches for me like he's going to touch my shoulder, or my hand. His face is wet with tears.

Somewhere inside me is a merciful, forgiving person. Somewhere there's a girl who tries to understand what people are going through, who accepts that people do evil things and that desperation leads them to darker places than they ever imagined. I swear she exists, and she hurts for the repentant boy I see in front of me. But if I saw her, I wouldn't recognize her.

"Stay away from me." I say, quietly. My body feels rigid and cold, and I'm not angry, I'm not hurt, I'm nothing. "Never come near me again." I say, my voice low.

Our eyes meet. His are dark and glassy. Mine are nothing.

"If you do, I swear to God I will kill you. You coward." I say.

* * *

"Tris." My mother says my name. She beckons to me, and I cross the kitchen to stand next to her. She points to a pot on the stove, and I hesitantly lift the lid to peek inside. The beady eye of a crow stares back at me, its wing feather pressed to the side of the pot, its fat body covered in boiling water.

Something about this scene makes me nauseous. I don't know if it's the fact I'm looking at my mother again. Or my nightmare constantly coming back to haunt me. Or that it's dead in a pot of boiling water.

"Dinner." She says.

"Tris!" I hear again. I open my eyes. Christina stands next to my bed with her cheeks ctreaked with mascara-tinted tears.

"It's Al. Come on." She says. _Why do I not feel good?_

Some of the other initiates are awake, and some aren't. Christina grabs my hand and pulls me out the dormitory. I run barefoot over the stone floor, blinking clouds from my eyes, my limbs heavy with sleep. Something terrible has happened. I feel it with every heartbeat. It's Al.

We run across the Pit floor, and then Christina stops. A crowd is gathered around the ledge, but everyone stands a few feet from one another, so there's enough space for me to maneuver past Christina and around a tall middle-aged man to the front.

Two men stand at the ledge, hoisting something up with ropes. They both grunt from the effort, heaving their weight back so the ropes slide over the railing, then reach forward to grab again. A huge, dark shape appears above the ledge, and a few Dauntless rush forward to help the two men haul it over before it can drop back down.

The shape falls with a thud on the Pit floor. A pale arm, swollen with water, flops onto stone. A body. Christina pulls herself tight to my side, clinging onto my arm. She turns her head away into my shoulder and sobs, but I can't look away. A few of the men turn the body over, and the head flops to the side.

The eyes are open and empty. Dark. Dolls eyes. And the nose has a high arch, a narrow bridge, a round tip. The lips are blue. The face itself is something other than human, half corpse, half creature. My lungs are on fire; my next breath rattles on the way in. Al.

"One of the initiates. What happened?" Someone from behind me asks.

"Same thing that happens every year. He pitched himself over the edge." Someone else replies.

"Don't be so morbid. Could have been an accident."

"They found him in the middle of the chasm. You think he tripped over his shoelace and…whoopsies, just stumbled fifteen feet forward?"

Christina's hands get tighter on my arm. I should tell her to let me loose; it's starting to get unbearable. Someone kneels next to Al's face and pushes his eyelids shut. Trying to make it look like he's sleeping. Stupid. _Why do people want to pretend that death is sleep?_ It isn't. It isn't.

Something inside me collapses. My chest is so tight, suffocating, can't breathe. I sink to the ground, dragging Christina with me. The stone is rough under my knees. I hear something, a memory of sound. Al's sobs; his screams at night. Should have known. Still can't breathe. I press both palms to my chest and rock back and forth to try to free tension in my chest.

When I blink, I see the top of Al's head as he carries me on his back in the dining hall. I feel the bounce of his footsteps. He is big and warm and clumsy. No, was. That is death. Shifting "is" to "was".

I wheeze. Someone has brought a large black bag to put his body in. I can tell it'll be too small. A laugh rises in my throat and flops from my mouth, strained and gurgling. Al's too big for the body bag; what a tragedy. Halfway through the laugh, I clamp my mouth shut, and it sounds more like a groan. I pull my arm free and stand, leaving Christina on the ground. I run.

* * *

(Four POV)

"Four!" I hear Marcus call my name. My body freezes and my breath catches in my throat. _How is he here? How did he find me? How does he know "Four"?_

I look around at my surroundings. The walls are painted gray and the room is small. The silk, gray, quilts are soft under the palms of my rough hands. I throw myself up from my bed fast. _How am I here?_ My breathing is getting rapid and harder. The nightstand next to my bed only has an alarm clock.

I can't really be here. I get on my knees and lift up the blankets flowing over the side of the bed. The blue glass sculpture my mom gave me. It's shaped like falling water frozen in time. I carefully take it out from under the bed and study it. It's real.

I stand and I regret letting my gaze move up. My gaze catches the mirror and I'm back to the small nine year old boy that is powerless against his father. As soon as my eyes lock on his, I gasp and the sculpture drops from my hands, shattering all over the floor. Some glass sprays up and cuts my skin.

"Four!" I hear Marcus roar.

My hearts starts beating like it's going to explode. Out of instinct, I drop to the floor, forgetting the cuts on myself and try to clean up the mess as fast as I can. The footsteps are getting louder as he comes up the steps. I panic and start throwing every piece I can catch under the bed. I hear his feet stop and the doorknob turns. The door busts open and I cover myself, hands hiding my face.

"Four!" The voice gets louder.

My eyes snap open and my body repels the front half up. I calm my breathing and close my eyes for a second. Whoever that voice is, I'm thankful they took me out of that dream. But also mad they helped create it. I look over to the clock on my stand and it reads, "1:56 A.M."Over all, whoever is at the door better have a damn good excuse being here this early in the morning.

I wipe the sweat from my forehead and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I grab a t-shirt from the floor and some sweatpants, quickly putting it on. I walk to the door as I put on my t-shirt and open it as soon as I hear one knock on the door.

Eric stands in front of the door and I raise an eyebrow. "This better not be for nothing." I say, in a horrible mood seeing his face this early in the day.

"Well, if you do care about your initiates, I'm sure you might want to know. Although it's nothing new." He says with a smirk.

"What?" Now I'm kind of worried. _Did something happen to Tris?_

"Al. He propelled himself off the edge. A few Dauntless just pulled him up from the chasm. Now, I don't know if you care or not, but just wanted to let you know in case you wanted to go because he is your initiate." He has a small grin on his face and I'm disgusted that he can even smile at a time like this.

Even though he's trying to insult me, an initiate just died. One he claimed to "train" no less. Well, he trained Al well. How to be a coward. It's disgusting but not surprising. _How else would you expect Eric to react to evil?_

"I'll be down there in a bit." I say simply, and then shut the door.

I'll be there. I'll be there, but not for Al. I need to find Tris. I know how that pretty little head of hers works. I don't need her blaming herself. I don't need her doing something stupid. Something we'll both regret. I shouldn't have told her this shit. I should've been there for her at least. I knew this was going to happen. _Why didn't I tell her to watch out for this? Why are you so fucking selfish?_

I hurry to my bed, pulling on socks then my boots. I go to my mirror, making sure I look ok. I don't want to look like I just saw a ghost thanks to the fucking nightmare. I splash my face with water then dry it with a rag. I rush out the door, letting it slam behind me and start for my search for Tris. I'm on my way, baby.


	8. So Close and So Far

**_DISCLAIMER: THE DIVERGENT TRILOGY AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

(Tris POV)

"Here you go." Tori says. She hands me a steaming mug of peppermint tea. I hold it with both hands, my hands prickling with warmth.

She sits down across from me. When it comes to funerals, Dauntless really don't waste any time. Tori said they wanted to acknowledge death as soon as it happens. There are no people in the front room of the parlor, but the Pit is over-filled with people, most are drunk. I don't know if that should even surprise me.

At home, a funeral is a somber occasion. You know, everyone gathers to support the family and no one has idle hands. There is no laughter, shouting, joking, drinking. We stand around a casket as the priest or whoever says their prayers. And when everyone says their last goodbyes, the family has the chance of burying the casket or others. I didn't bury my parents. I ran. These thoughts keep getting through my head and they're tearing me apart. I know I'm going to hell for this if there is one. I know I am. God would never accept me.

"Drink it. It will make you feel better, I promise." She says.

"I don't think tea is the solution." I say slowly. Tea is not going to take away the mental pain. I sip it anyway. It warms my mouth and my throat. I can feel it trickle into my stomach. I didn't realize how deeply cold I was until now.

"'Better' is the word I used. Not 'good'." She smiles at me, but the corners of her eyes don't crinkle like normally. "I don't think 'good' will happen for a while"

I bite my lip. "How long…" I struggle to find the right words. "How long did it take for you to be okay again, after your brother…"

"Don't know." She shakes her head. "Some days I feel like I'm still not okay. Some days I feel fine. Happy, even. It took me a few years to stop plotting revenge, though."

"Why did you stop?" I ask.

Her eyes go vacant and she stares at the wall behind me. She taps her fingers against her legs for a few seconds. "I don't think of it as stopping. More like I'm…waiting for my opportunity." She says.

She comes out of her daze and checks her watch. "Time to go." She says.

I trudge to the sink and pour the remainder of my tea down it. When I lift my hand from the mug, I realize I'm shaking. Not good. My hands usually start to shake before I start crying. I can't cry in front of everyone. I can't cry in front of anyone. _…Then why am I okay with crying in front of Four?_

I follow Tori out of the tattoo parlor and down the path to the Pit floor. All the people that were milling around earlier are gathered at the ledge now, and the air smells potently of alcohol. The woman in front of me lurches to the right, losing her balance, and then erupts into giggles as she falls on the man next to her. Tori grabs my arm and drags me away.

I find Uriah, Will, and Christina standing among the other initiates. Christina's eyes are swollen. Uriah is holding a silver flask. He offers it to me. I shake my head.

"Surprise, surprise." I hear Molly's voice from behind me. I turn a little and she nudges Peter with her elbow. "Once a Stiff, always a Stiff." _Why am I always related to that kind of person?_ I'm not a fucking Stiff! I worked at a fucking bar and sold drugs for God's sake!

I should ignore her. Her opinions shouldn't matter to me.

"I read an interesting article today. Something about your dad, and the real reason you ran away from home." Her face molds into a grin.

My blood runs cold. _How the fuck did she find anything!? Was it on the media!? On her phone!? An actual newspaper!?_ Whatever it is, I will not let her say shit now. It is my past. It is my business. If she really thinks she can push me this far, well someone better warn her she crossed the line.

I twist, and my fist connects with her jaw. My knuckles sting from the impact. I don't remember deciding to punch her. I don't remember forming a fist.

She lunges at me, her hands outstretched, but she doesn't get far. Will grabs her collar and pulls her back. He looks at her to me then says, "Quit it. Both of you."

Part of me wishes he never stopped her. A fight would be a welcome distraction, especially now that Eric is climbing onto a box next to the railing. I face him, crossing my arms to keep mself steady. I wonder what he's bound to say.

At home, I was taught suicide was a form of selfishness. I'm not sure if it would just be because they wanted us to think worse of ourselves to even think of committing suicide, out of care, or if they really thought that, out of selfishness of themselves. And I was taught to be selfless, even though I know deep down I'm not. Someone who is truly selfless does not think of himself often enough to desire the need to die. When we went to funerals of the sort, no one would say it aloud, but I knew we were thinking it.

"Quiet down, everyone!" Eric shouts. Someone hits what sounds like a gong, and the shouting gradually stops, although the mutters don't. "Thank you. As you know, we're here because Albert, an initiate, jumped into the chasm last night."

The mutters stop too, leaving just the sound of rushing water in the chasm.

Eric continues, "We do not know why, and it would be easy to mourn the loss of him tonight. But we did not choose a life of ease when we became Dauntless. And the truth of it is…" He smiles. If I didn't know him, I would think the smile is genuine, but I do know him. "The truth is, Albert is now exploring an unknown, uncertain place. He leaped into the vicious waters to get there. Who among us is brave enough to venture into that darkness without knowing what lies beyond it? Albert was not yet one of our member, but we can be assured that he was one of our bravest!"

A cry rises from somewhere in the crows, and a whoop. The Dauntless cheer at varying pitches, high and low, bright and deep. Their roar mimics the roar of the water. Christina takes the flask from Uriah and drinks. Will slides his arms around her shoulder and pulls her to his side. Voices surround me and fill my ears.

"We will celebrate him now, and remember him always!" Eric yells. Someone hands him a dark bottle, beer, and he raises it. "To Albert the Courageous!"

"To Albert!" The crowd shouts. Arms lift all around me, and the Dauntless chant his name. "Albert! Al-bert! Al-bert!" They chant his name until it no longer sounds like his name. It sounds like the primal scream of an ancient race.

I turn away from the railing. I can't keep doing this any longer. I don't know where I'm going. I suspect I'm not going anywhere at all, just away. I walk down the dark hallway. At the end is a drinking fountain, bathed in the blue flow of the light above it.

I shake my head. _Courageous?_ Courageous would have been admitting weaknesses and leaving Dauntless, not matter what shame accompanied it. Pride is what killed Al, and it is the flaw in every Dauntless heart. It is in mine.

"Tris."

A jolt goes through me, and I turn around. Four stands behind me, just inside the blue circle of light. It gives him an eerie look, shading his eye sockets and casting shadows under his cheekbones.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be paying your respects?" I ask. I say it like it tastes bad and I have to spit it out.

"I've been looking at you since yesterday when I heard." He says. He changes the subject. "Shouldn't you?" He asks, referring to my last question. HE steps towards me and I see his eyes again. They look black in this light.

"Can't pay respect when you don't have any." I reply. I feel a twinge of guilt and shake my head. "I didn't mean that."

"Ah." Judging by the look he gives me, he doesn't believe me. I don't blame him.

"This is ridiculous." I say, heat rushing to my face. "He throws himself off a ledge and Eric's calling it brave? Eric, who tried to have you throw knives at Al's head?" I taste bile. Eric's false smiles, artificial words, twisted ideals. They make me sick. "He wasn't brave! He was depressed and a coward and he almost killed me! Is that the kind of thing we respect here?"

"What do you want to do? Condemn him? Al's already dead. He can't hear it and it's too late." He says.

"It's not about Al." I snap. I don't mean to snap, especially towards him. "It's about everyone watching! Everyone who now sees hurling themselves into the chasm as a viable option. I mean, why not do it if everyone calls you a hero afterward? Why not do it if everyone will remember your name? It's…I can't…"

I shake my head. My face burns and my heart pounds, and I try to keep myself under control, but I can't.

"This would never have happened if you left us alone and didn't pressure us!" I almost shout. "None of it! I don't care if saying that makes me a 'Stiff', I don't care, I don't care!" I practically spit 'Stiff' out like venom.

Four's eyes shift to the wall above the drinking fountain.

"Careful, Tris." He says, his eyes still stuck to the wall.

"Is that all you can say?" I demand, scowling at him. "That I should be careful? That's it?"

"You're as bad as the Candor, you know that?" He snaps. 'Candor' is a word we use for people that will speak their mind, not giving a care in the world. It's also another gang. He grabs my arm and drags me away from the drinking fountain. His grip is hurting my arm, but I'm not strong enough to pull away.

He face is so close to mine, I can see a few freckles spotting on his nose. "I'm not going to say this again, so listen carefully." He sets his hand on my shoulders, his fingers pressing, squeezing. I have never felt so small before. "They are watching you. You, in particular."

"Let go of me." I saw weakly.

His fingers spring apart, and he straightens. He looks almost ashamed that he touched me like that. Some of the weight on my chest lifts now that he isn't touching me and I can think more clearly. I fear his shifting moods. They show me something unstable of him, and instability is dangerous.

 _Watching me? Why would they be watching me? What so special about me? Or more so, what so different about me than anyone else? Why do I get a feeling it's not good?_

"Are they watching you, too?" I ask, so quietly he wouldn't even hear me if he wasn't standing so close.

He doesn't answer my question, in fact, he says, "I keep trying to help you but you refused to be helped."

"Oh, right. Your help. Stabbing my ear with a knife and taunting me and yelling at me more than you yell at anyone else it sure is helpful." I snap.

"Taunting you? You mean when I threw the knives? I wasn't taunting you. I was reminding you that if you failed, someone else would have to take your place." He says through gritted teeth.

I cup the back of my neck and think back to the knife incident. Every time he spoke, it was to remind me if I gave up, Al would have to take back his place in front of the target.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I can tell you were raised differently and it's when you're acting selflessly that you are at your bravest." He says.

I understand now. He wasn't persuading me to give up. He was reminding me why I couldn't, because I needed to protect Al. The thought makes me ache now. Protect Al. My friend. My attacker. I can't hate Al as much as I want to. I can't forgive him either.

"If I were you, I would do a better job of pretending that selfless impulse is going away because if the wrong people discover it…well, it won't be good for you." He says.

"Why? Why do they care about my intentions?

"Intentions are the only thing they care about. They try to make you think they care about what you do, but they don't. They don't want you to act a certain way. Rebellious. They want you to think a certain way. Theirs. So you're easy to understand. So you don't pose as a threat to them." He presses a hand to the wall next to my head and leans into it. His shirt is just tight enough I can see his collarbone and the faint depression between his shoulder muscle and his bicep.

I wish I was taller. If I was tall, my narrow build would make me 'willowy' instead of 'childish' and he might not see me as a little sister he needs to protect. I don't want him to see me as his sister.

"I don't understand why they care what I think, as long as I'm acting how they want me to." I say.

"You're acting how they want you to now but what happens when your selfless-wired brain tells you to do something else, something they don't want?" He says.

I don't have an answer to that, and I don't know if he's even right about me. _Am I wired like how I was raised or the Dauntless?_ Maybe the answer is neither. Maybe I'm wired like a Divergent. Maybe I'm rebellious and their serums can't work on me. That's the only thing that makes sense.

"I might not need you to help me. Ever think about that? I'm not weak you know. I can do this on my own." I say.

He shakes his head. "You think my first instinct is to protect you. Because you're small, or a girl, or selfless. But you're wrong."

He leans his face close to mine, too close. He wraps his fingers around my chin. Any closer and I can't control myself for what happens next. His hand smells like metal. _When was the last time he held a gun, or a knife?_ My skin tingles at the contact, like he's sending electricity through me.

"My first instinct is to push you until you break, just to see how hard I have to press." He says. His fingers squeezed at the word 'break'. My body tenses at the edge in his voice, so I'm coiled as tight as a spring, and I forget to breathe. His dark eyes list to mine. "But I resist it." He adds.

"Why…" I swallow hard. "Why is that your first instinct?"

"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating." He releases me but doesn't pull away. His hands graze my jaw and my neck. "Sometimes I just…want to see it again. Want to see you awake."

I set my hands on his waist lightly. I don't really know how to respond to affection. I've never really…had it. No matter, I can't pull away either. It's like he's a magnet. I pull myself against his chest and wrap my arms around him. My fingers skim the muscles of his back.

After a moment, he touches the small of my back, pressing me closer, and soothes my hair with his other hand. I feel small again, but this time, it doesn't scare me. I squeeze my eyes shut. He doesn't scare me anymore.

"Should I be crying? Is there something wrong with me?" I ask, my voice muffles by his shirt.

The simulations drove a crack through Al so big he couldn't mend it. _Why not me? Why am I not like him-and why does the thought make me feel so uneasy, like I'm teetering on a ledge myself?_

"You think I know about tears?" He asks quietly.

I close my eyes. I don't expect him to reassure me or show me pity, and he makes no effort to. But that's okay. I don't like pity. Plus, I feel better just standing here in his arms than I do among the people who I call my 'friends', my faction. I press my forehead to his shoulder.

"If I had forgiven him, do you think he would be alive now?" I ask.

"I don't know." He says. He presses his hand to my cheek, and I turn my face into it, keeping ym eyes closed.

"I feel like it's my fault."

"It isn't your fault." He says, touching his forehead to mine.

"But I should have. I should have forgiven him."

"Maybe. Maybe there's more we all could have done but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time." He says.

I frown and pull back. That's a lesson I was taught - guilt as a tool, rather than a weapon against the self. It's a line straight from one of my father's lectures at our weekly meetings since he worked with the government.

"Where did you come from, Four?" I ask.

"It doesn't matter." He says, his eyes lowered. "This is where I am now. Something you would do well to remember for yourself."

He gives me a conflicted look and touches his lips to my forehead, between my eyebrows. I close my eyes. I don't understand this, whatever it is. But I don't want to ruin it, so I say nothing. He doesn't move; he just stays there with his mouth pressed to my skin, and I stay there with my hands on his waist, for a long time.

* * *

I need to get away from here at least for a couple hours. I feel like a caged animal and I'm going to go crazy if I don't get some fucking air. I know they said that we shouldn't leave without another member, but being a drug dealer in my past, I think I know how to stay low. It's too dark here and I need some sunlight. I'll just have to be careful and pray Dauntless doesn't find out I left either.

I make my way through the halls and to the dormitory. I look around carefully, making sure nobody sees me. I don't know if I'm paranoid of people catching me, or if I'm paranoid of Molly, Peter, and Al watching me. I walk into the room quietly and notice nobody is there. Good. I have time. I run to my bed and grab my clothes from underneath. I change into a dark grey t-shirt and black Adidas sweatpants. I pull on my combat boots then pull over my Nike black hoodie. I pull my hair back into a ponytail.

Ok, I'm ready to go. I don't really look Dauntless but not bright colored either. I won't be attracting attention to myself. I'll just look like everybody else you pass on the streets. I need to stay away from my streets however. I can't be noticed.

I know I won't be able to get passed the guards or the fence. I think of possible ways. I can't climb the net because there's no way I'll be able to jump and grab ahold of the train. But the gate isn't electrocuted. Maybe I can sneak downstairs and outside. Then I can go to the side of the compound where I'll have a little alleyway to climb over the fence.

This is risky. Yes, I could die. But it's worth it. I have nothing to lose anymore. Death is not going to be a big deal to me or anybody else. I would die as a traitor anyways.

I run down the steps that are formed to round in a circle. Using the small blue lit lights in the halls, I carefully make my way out of the compound. Lucky for me, there's nobody around, not even guards. Once I open the doors and reach outside, I look around but I see no one. My head hurts and I have to squint my eyes because I haven't seen sunlight in so long that it hurts. I sneak to the corner, look back, then around the corner. Clear.

I jog through the small alleyway and grab onto the gate. I place as much of my foot as I can into a diamond hole in the gate. I grab the straight bar at the top and hop on the gate with the one foot to test if it'll hold up my weight. When the gate does nothing, I pull myself up and let myself fly over the gate while keeping my hands on the bar. I bend my knees just a little so the impact will be less painful. Something I learned from jumping off the train.

As soon as my feet touch the concrete outside, I pull my hood over my head and start running. I don't know where I'm going, but I don't look back. I don't want to know if anyone's following. And I don't care how I end up in the end. I'm not running away from Dauntless, but if they catch me and kill me anyways, I don't care.

I weave my way through alleyways and enjoy my time to myself as I walk around. I know, it's nothing to look at but really, all I need is fresh air. And this is as close as I can get to it. I can't go into the city parts because others will remember me. I'm not sure if they're still looking because I am eighteen now. But they may still be because I have been missing since sixteen and my parents were well known. My dad worked in the government and my mom went to a lot of charity events. It would probably be a big thing if they found me again.

I'm trying to find a way to rid of my thoughts. To rid of everything Dauntless. To rid of Eric. To rid of training. To rid of the simulations. To rid of Al's death. TO rid of my almost death. To rid of Peter. And the things he's done to me. I gulp thinking back to the time of when they pulled the towel off and at my almost death. I don't know if it'll work, but I want to just not think of them for a while. But my literal life depends on it. As I walk around and look everywhere, I find a small hidden bar. Well, it's not my bar and it's not on my streets. In fact, I don't think these streets know of me. I'll probably be okay.

When I walk in, I look around to make sure there's nobody I know. Luckily, there is no one I've seen before. I pull my hood off my head slowly and take in the aura. There are a lot of people but it's pretty calm. Although, working at a bar, I know better than to expect this throughout the whole time.

The bar is as dim as Dauntless. And there I go thinking about them again. I said I wouldn't and I need to while I can. Unlike my bar, there's also many other girls here. Good, they'll take the attention away from me. Especially since they're all slutty. Except attention may be brought back to me because I'm the only girl here with no interest towards others and not flaunting women.

The room is lit up with small lights here and there. I make my way to the bar, ignoring all the eyes on me. I choose to sit at the last seat where no one really is. I pull my hair out of its ponytail and let it flow around me so it can cover me from everyone around me. I'll just act as if I can't see them, they can't see me.

A bartender comes up to me. He's as dark as Christina so he's not really dark. He has short, black hair and green eyes. He's really handsome. "You're not from around here, are you?" He asks, narrowing his eyes a bit. Well, that's not what I was expecting.

"Oh. Um…no. I was just…walking and found this place…" I say.

"Well, if you're not from around the streets, you have no business being here. It's not safe for someone like you being around here." He says with a smirk. Okay. Now, he's agitating me. I take away the good looks. It means nothing considering he's not good on the inside.

"Someone like me? I hope you know I live in the streets just not this one. And most of the girls around here," I say, motioning to others. "have less of a chance of surviving these parts." I want to bring up the parts that I'm a well-known drug dealer, but that isn't smart. I'm no longer a drug dealer, and it's not good for more people to know about me now. "Look, I came for a drink, not for arguing." My voice sounds snappy now. He thinks he's the shit and I'm not just going to be thought of as a weak woman in these parts.

A grin spreads onto his face. He takes my chin and lifts it up for me to meet his eyes. I snap my head away. I don't like anyone touching me like that except…except for Four. "Feisty." He says with a grin. "What do you want?"

"Spirytus Polish Vodka 192 Proof"He gives me a weird look. "What?" I snap.

"I don't think you can handle that little girl." He laughs.

I can handle a lot more than you, asshole. "Just get me the fucking drink." I say, starting to lose my cool. I can't let him piss me off. I can't let him piss me off. I can't let him piss me off.

"Whatever, baby." His smirk turns into a grin. I want to scream at him not to call me that. _But what could I do about it?_ I'm just a girl around these parts. The only person I'm okay with calling me that is…no! It's in your head. It's an imagination and it will never happen!

He walks off and I watch as he takes the bottle out of a small fridge made to put the bottles in. Others at the bar all look at him as if they're wondering who would want something like that. He takes a glass from behind him and pops off the top of the bottle. I watch as the liquid falls into the glass. _Do I really want to do this?_ This is like teaching myself to drink my problems away.

All eyes move from him to me as he makes his way over with the glass. I let my hair shade me from the others. He sets the glass down in front of me and I look up a little. He smirks and gives me a wink before walking off. Finally. I hope I don't have to worry about him for the rest of the night.

* * *

Three hours in and I'm still drinking. People have come and gone. The bartender has left me alone except to refill my drinks. I shouldn't be doing this. I have no money. But then again, this is also the streets. I know he must have some kind of felony, especially how he acts. So he wouldn't call the cops or anything. I could just run. Hopefully my small strides would take me away.

I feel a shove on my shoulder to my right. I turn my head and all that processes is a guy which pisses me off but once my vision steadies, I notice its Zeke. Great, this whole time I was trying to get away from Dauntless but it's brought back to me in physical form. The way he looks at me has me scared. I should be worried.

"Tris. We need to get out of here. They're trying to find you." He says in a low voice as he grabs my bicep to pull me closer to him.

My hearts starts racing. "What do you mean they're trying to find me?" I say, keeping my voice low as well. _Why are they already looking for me?_ The alcohol is playing with my stress and I'm starting to get a headache. I slap my other hand to my forehead. I'm probably thirty minutes from my death and that's a lot to take in.

"What I'm saying is that if we get back fast enough, we can lie and say that you never left. That you were…with me and Shauna in our apartment or something. Uriah, Will, Christina, Four, you know we'd make up a lie for you."

"I haven't paid. And I don't have money."

He throws money down on the counter and pulls me off the stool. Before I can thank him, he stops me. "Better to not have two people after our asses." He says then runs out the bar, still holding onto my arm.

"Who's looking for me?" I ask as I run. The pacing of my heart is making me even more tired than normal. He finally lets go of my arm and I pull my hood over my head.

"Eric. This was really stupid of you, Tris. If Eric was to of caught you, do you understand what kind of trouble you'd be in? His punishments for things Tris…" He shakes his head as he runs. He seems far away. _What has Eric done_ _to people?_

We weave our way through alleyways as fast as we can. I try to match my strides with Zeke's and calm my beating heart. But I can't calm myself. I'm not a good liar. I'm going to pass out. I can't stop thinking about what Eric might do. We finally get to the last corner. Zeke stops at the corner and I stop behind him. He peeks to make sure no one's there.

"Coast is clear. Let's go." He says and takes off towards the gate. I follow him and he clears the gate like he's ran from cops a million times. Well, he probably has. He turns to look at me as I grab on and pulls myself up. "C'mon, Tris. Hurry up!"

I let myself fly over the gate and land like when I left. We jog around the corner and to the main entrance. I wonder how he's going to explain everything. He opens the doors to the compound and I wish someone would kill me now. Eric is standing right there. But so is Four. When Eric turns his head to look at us, a menace look is planted on his face. His smile makes me want to cower.

I look over to Zeke and I don't know how to read his face. I look over to Four and his jaw is clenched. His glare is directed towards me and now I see why people are scared of him. His glare makes me more scared than looking at Eric's evil face.

Eric makes his way towards me and grabs my arm. He starts to drag me away from Four and Zeke. As we turn the corner and make our way down the hall, I hear voices from where we left. One sounds stern and the other sounds frantic. It's Four and Zeke. I stumble over my feet considering Eric is dragging me with a death grip on my arm and his strides are long.

I don't know how I muster up the courage but in a small voice I ask, "Where are we going?" _Is he going to make me hang over the chasm?_ No. It has to be way worse. Even if they have to kill me. I know that this is way worse than what Christina has done and they'll probably beat me to death.

"My apartment. No one will be able to hear your screams." He says and a small smirk appears on his lips.

I know that he means more than beating me up. I would have probably just thought he would beat me if he said it seriously but that smirk on his lips leaves me wanting to throw up everything left in me. I let my feet stop moving and he stops as well. "Let's go. You decided to break the rules and you know that you need a punishment."

"No." That one word escapes from my mouth. A word I thought I would never say to Eric. "You can just kill me but just because I'm a girl doesn't mean my punishment has to be that."

He finally stops with his evil look and looks angry. A side most people haven't seen. He yanks me to him and leans down to my face. "I am your leader and you do as I say. You think a girl; especially one like you has authority here? This is Dauntless. You have no fucking power over a leader." He growls.

"I don't give a shit but as long as I'm still breathing and sane, I'm not allowing you to do that to me." I snap.

The next thing I register is a sharp pain to the side of my face. My free hand moves to my cheek quickly. My eyes move to his hand to see it's balled in a fist. I move my jaw to make sure he didn't break it. It's numb so I thought it was broken. But I think the shock stopped me from feeling the pain. It came as a shock because I never thought he would actually hit a girl. But then again, it doesn't because Eric is evil and he has hung Christina over the chasm. Seeing him shoot a girl is more believable to me than him hitting one.

I don't know what the hell came over me or how much of a fucking idiot I am, but next thing you know, I see my balled up fist go flying towards his face. I know that what I delivered wasn't nearly as bad as what he did to me, but it makes me happy. He looks at me with fire burning in his eyes and he shoves me into the wall, hard. The back of my head hits the concrete wall and I grit my teeth in pain. I brush my fingers over it and bring it back. I examine my fingers and relief floods over me as I notice there's no blood.

The two of us must have been in our own world because the next thing you know, Four has Eric up against a wall. Four has Eric's throat in his hands. As much as I would love to see Eric pass out or die, I have to stop Four. He's doing this for the good but I don't want him getting in trouble for hurting a leader. I especially don't want him getting in trouble or killed for something that started because of me. Eric does have more authority over Four, but not as much strength.

Zeke appears in my view and I notice him trying to break it up. He struggles trying to pull Four off of him. I run up to Four and place my hands on his bicep. He looks at me and I shake my head as if to say not to do this. Four releases his grip on Eric and Eric coughs as he leans against one arm on the wall.

Four backs away from Eric and Zeke looks as if he's going to have a heart attack. I'm sure I'm more worried than Zeke is right now so I'm sure I don't want to know what my face looks like. Eric looks up at Four and grits his teeth with a glare.

"I hope you know this won't go unattended. I'll be taking this to Max." Eric says looking between Four and I then grins.

I look to Four, but he's not looking at me. His jaw is clenched and he looks unfazed and his gaze stays on Eric. He doesn't say one word. Eric walks off, probably to where his apartment is. The air around us is tense and I'm left with Zeke and Four.

"Well, I'm going to go check on Shauna. I'll see you guys later." Zeke says then takes off. Now it's just Four. I know it was just an excuse for Zeke to leave. Thanks, Zeke. Ugh! Shut up, Tris! You can't blame this on anyone but yourself!

I swallow and turn my head to Four carefully. I don't want to see his glare again. When I look at him, I notice he's not looking at me. In fact, he looks very out of this world at the moment.

"Four, I'm…" I begin but I cut myself short when his head snaps to mine and his glare is fixated on me again.

"Don't fucking say you're sorry." He snaps.

* * *

(Four/Tobias POV)

My heart stopped when Zeke walked in with Tris behind him. That was the greatest fucking timing ever. I was in a conversation with Eric about Tris being 'missing' actually. I already knew about it. Zeke had told me that Eric was looking around but I was going to act like I didn't know. That she may just be hiding around Dauntless somewhere. If I was to say I knew about it, he wouldn't believe any of my friend's lies about her if she were have to come back with nobody noticing. But that apparently backfired.

Eric took her by the arm and started to drag her away. Zeke started to freak out, saying that we should go after her. I didn't want any of us to interfere because I didn't want things to get worse. I knew that if I did, Eric would make things worse by bringing it to Max, in which he is. Zeke snapped me out of my idiotic phase in which I was glad.

When we started to follow them, I heard some of their conversation and Eric's words made me want to throw up. No way in hell I'd let him do anything like that to her. I'm glad that I'm stronger than Eric. And he would never try to fight back against me. I'm the best underground fighter there is and it comes in handy with people like him even if I may not have to do much.

I started to hear smacks and shit which was familiar enough for me to know they were sending punches at each other. Zeke and I looked at each other then made a run for it. When I turned the corner, I saw Eric shove Tris back against the wall and she groaned in pain.

I lost it. I saw blood everywhere when I looked at Eric. Zeke looked at me and he was about to move to stop me but before I knew it, I was squeezing the air out of Eric as I held him against the wall. Zeke appeared and kept trying to break me off of him but it's like I couldn't feel anything. Zeke had absolutely no change on me.

That's until I felt electricity shoot through me. I looked down a little and my eyes met those beautiful blue-grey ones. She shook her head and I understood what she was saying. I let my grip on Eric go.

After Eric went through the phase of his threatening and calling Eric on us, I was left alone with just Zeke and Tris in the room. I don't care if he tells Max. No one touches her. Especially someone like him. The tension in the air is thick but I'm just stuck in my own thoughts. Zeke excuses himself then it's just me and Tris in the room.

She's so stupid. So stubborn. But her flaws make her who she is. And I wouldn't change that. But she needs to hide it. Not matter how much I want to encourage her to show it to the world and embrace it, I can't let her do that here. It's like telling her to kill herself.

Her voice breaks me out of my thoughts. "Four, I'm…"

I cut her off quickly. I will not let her says she's sorry. Everything's done and over with. I don't want her to worry or dwell on it. "Don't fucking say you're sorry." I snap.

She opens her mouth as if to say something but she shuts it. I know she was going to respond with that. "Let's go." I say as I grab her arm. I'm taking her to my apartment but hopefully she knows that I'm not going to do anything to her. Although she might be paranoid considering it happened not even a five minutes ago, she may still be worried. And I know she wouldn't fight against me. But I'd never do something like that to her.

Nothing is said between us as she tries to keep her pace up. I slide my hand down her arm and let my hand slip through hers. I don't know how else to comfort her or show her I'm not going to do anything. She lets our fingers weave through each other's and hold tight. I can tell she's become less tense and she lets out a sigh of relief.

I watch carefully of ours surroundings and make sure nobody sees us. I don't want others seeing her holding my hand or her coming into my apartment. I don't want them thinking I favor her and she gets her rankings so high because she…sleeps with me.

We finally reach my apartment and I unlock it. I hold the door open and let her walk in. I wonder why she's so much more easy-going around me. Or why she's okay with going to my apartment after what just happened. I'm hoping this is a sign of trust. Her whole time here, nobody has really helped give her a reason to trust others. She was never one to depend on others, not even two years ago when I saw her at the bar. She's an independent woman.

I lock the door behind us. I don't want anybody walking in. I know Eric would do that and there's no idea what would happen in the next hours considering he went to talk to Eric. I don't need them seeing Tris in my apartment and making assumptions.

I turn and watch as Tris hesitantly walks in and sits down on a small couch I have in the middle of the room. She stuffs herself in the corner of it and tucks a leg under her. She keeps her gaze down, not wanting to meet my eyes.

I walk to the couch and sit next to her. "Tris." I say, getting her attention. She moves her gaze up towards me. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I-I just wanted to get away. It's not like I was actually trying to leave." She says.

"It doesn't matter. You still have a 'punishment' to fulfill. I can't do anything about it if Max gets involved…but you know I'll try. And what if they're to kill you, Tris? What then?" My voice gets louder at the last two questions.

"Then I die, Four! Who gives a shit? I don't even care. I don't care if, when, or how I die."

I need to shut this shit down now. "Well I do care, Tris! Did you ever think of that? What about your friends?"

"You'll keep living, won't you?"

"We probably will, but not happily."

"See? I'm not saying I'm going to commit suicide or something."

"No, but you put yourself in suicide missions." I take her chin in my hand and meet her eyes with mine. "Tris, you have to promise to be careful and not be stupid." I say sternly. "I give you these warnings for a reason."

She takes her head from my chin and nods a bit while looking down. She looks at the door as if she wants to go, but at the same time, she's hesitant. I know she wants to leave so the tension can leave the room, but then again, I wouldn't blame her for not wanting to leave considering she could be cornered by Eric at any second. I don't want her leaving either. If Max and/or Eric have anything to say about this, I'll interfere as well.

"You don't have to leave." I say.

"I-I don't want to be a burden. I've already stayed here once. I don't want you to feel like you have to keep taking care of me or something." She says.

"I know. I don't have to take care of you. You have this on your own. But you're not a burden. In fact, it's nice having someone around. I barely spend enough time in my apartment anyways and when I do, Zeke comes over." I don't think she understands I don't care if she's a 'burden'. She feels bad for staying here once when really I want her to stay here every day.

"Well, if Zeke comes over, I don't want to stay here. It's a guy's thing. You don't need me here."

I smirk. "I didn't say Zeke was coming over. I just said he does sometimes. I think he knows you're here right now. Plus, he has Shauna. You act like I don't want you here."

She has nothing to say to that for a while. "Well, I didn't think you would…" She says in a small voice.

I say nothing back. If I did say something, it would sound like pity. I don't pity her. And I don't want to.

"Well," I say with a smile. "You don't know much about me then."

"Well, when you're an instructor and initiate, I don't think it's normal to know things about each other."

She had to bring that up. The fact that we shouldn't have any relations because we're instructor and initiate. Fuck. We're old enough to make our own damn decisions for God's sakes. I'm an instructor. I would have ended up dating one of my initiates anyways. I never had any interest in girls older than me or anyone in my initiation class. Dauntless doesn't give a shit anyways. Maybe when trainings over. Then everyone can know about us. Wow. Look at me. Already making plans for something that's not even happening yet.

"Four?" I wince at that name. I have to tell her at some point my real name. I can't get mad at her calling me that when I have nothing else for her to call me.

I look at her. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" I cut her off.

"I know." I say with a nod.

"So…getting to know each other would be nice…" She says with a smile. Awesome. She's okay with the idea.

"Ok, well…how do you want to do this?" I ask.

"Um…maybe we could ask each other questions. We'll take turns. Only one question each."

I nod. I trust she won't ask anything too personal no matter how curious she is. "You start." I say with a smile.

"Okay. Hmm…what's your favorite color?"

"Light blue. Yours?" I can't keep from looking into her eyes. I want to say blue-grey but that would seem weird. So light blue is the closest I can get.

"Dark blue." She says looking back into my eyes. I know she's thinking the same thing. I raise an eyebrow and she remembers that she never asked a question. "Oh…um…what's your favorite song?"

"Do it myself." She cocks her head a bit. "By Russ." I add.

"No, no. I know who it is. I'm just surprised you know of him." She says with a smile.

"Really? You listen to rap?" This girl amazes me every day.

She crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. "Just because I'm a girl, doesn't mean I don't listen to rap." She says, but I know she didn't really take it personally.

"Anyways, what's your favorite rap song?" I ask.

"Dead and Gone."

"Kind of old school. But I like it." I say with a grin.

She giggles and shoves me. "Can you show me that song? I never heard it, and it sounds like you have good taste yourself." She says.

"Of course." I pull out my phone and go through my playlist. When I get to the song, I press play. "Here." I say, handing her my phone. I think I can trust her not to go through my stuff.

The song begins to play.

"I dont need her, I dont need him  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
No ones got this, no ones got that  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared, everyone pussy  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone watch, just keep looking  
Fuck it I'll do it myself

No one taught me  
I was like damn  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
No one puttin me on damn  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared to go talk to her  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared to be number one  
Fuck it I'll do it myself

Woah  
Boutta cash out every month off of coats  
I been on this way before I had hoes  
Way before gin way before smoke  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Ooo  
Everyone lookin at me confused  
Came a long way from 100 views  
Fuck me? shit then fuck you too  
Fuck it I'll do it myself

I dont need her, I dont need him  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
No ones got this, no ones got that  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared, everyone pussy  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone watch, just keep looking  
Fuck it I'll do it myself

No one taught me  
I was like damn  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
No one puttin me on damn  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared to go talk to her  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared to be number one  
Fuck it I'll do it myself

Facts  
Whole game hittin up my phone because my hooks beats and my raps  
Only reason I pick up is cuz my family needs the cash  
I just stumbled on my ex's page that ass is gettin fat  
Dreams I use to chase stopped runnin so now yall are gettin lapped  
I always step up Im clutch  
This is planned this isnt luck  
My advisor is my gut  
Please dont ever interrupt  
I got businesses galore  
I just opened up my store  
Bout to see the world on tour  
Yall do too much I just record

I dont need her, I dont need him  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
No ones got this, no ones got that  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared, everyone pussy  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone watch, just keep looking  
Fuck it I'll do it myself

No one taught me  
I was like damn  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
No one puttin me on damn  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared to go talk to her  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared to be number one  
Fuck it I'll do it myself

I dont need her, I dont need him  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
No ones got this, no ones got that  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone scared, everyone pussy  
Fuck it I'll do it myself  
Everyone watch, just keep looking  
Fuck it I'll do it myself"

"Nice song." She says with a grin while nodding her head. "I guess I can't really judge a book by its cover. You're really not like other guys. Listening to worthless shit."

"Well, I'm not like other guys." I didn't even notice that she still had my phone until I noticed her gaze was actually looking down towards my phone instead of at the ground. She's just scrolling through the playlist, but I decide to mess with her anyways.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I say and shove her, thinking she would have lost grasp on my phone, but it only gets tighter and she tucks it underneath her as she rolls onto the stomach.

"Being nosey." She says into the corner of the couch.

"Yeah, no kidding. Give me my phone back." I say and lean over her to try and grab the phone but she keeps it tucked under her tightly.

I decide to tickle her which causes her to squirm and wiggle all around beneath me. I know it's not right, but I love this image right here. I'd love to spend the rest of my days in Dauntless like this. I put a knee onto the couch to keep my balance and a foot on the ground. She slips under me and my knee is by her stomach while my hands are placed beside both sides of her face.

It's an awkward moment, but I don't want it to stay that way, so I decide to say something. I take my phone from her hand and lean down to whisper in her ear. I can tell her heart is beating hard and her cheeks are really red.

"That was easy." I whisper into her ear. I thought it was funny to mess with her because I'm sure she was thinking I may have said something different.

She laughs and shoves me off of her. I exaggerate and roll off onto the floor. "You wound me." I say as she stays lying on the couch.

She looks over the couch and stares down at me. "I thought you were an instructor." She says with a smirk. I can play that game too.

"Then I trained my student well."

"Can we get back to the game now?" She asks. "I only got to ask like two questions."

"K fine. But I'm not getting up." I whine.

"Mmk." She says then all of a sudden, her body falls on the ground next to me. I can' t help but chuckle. "There. Now, let me think…who are all of your friends exactly?"

"Well, there's Zeke and believe it or not, I'm friends with Uriah. They're like my brothers. I'm also friends with this girl names Lynn. And Shauna of course. They're my main friends, but I have some more that I talk to sometimes…" When I mentioned Lynn, Tris got a sour look on her face which almost made me laugh. "Okay, I'm not just going to let you answer your own questions, I'll ask some too. So…what was your biggest success in life?" I ask then look at her.

She turns her head to look at me and there's an emotion on her face I'm sure I've had on before. "Not something I'm proud of." She says.

I nod. "I don't want to push you on it. I'm not proud of my biggest success either."

She nods then decides to ask another question. "What's one thing you would change if you got to do it over."

"Everything. But at the same time…nothing." I do regret making a dumb choice to come to Dauntless, putting my life on the line. I regret choosing the life I did. But I don't getting away from Marcus. And I don't regret meeting my friends. And I definitely don't regret meeting Tris.

She nods. "I know what you mean."

"Okay, what's your favorite memory?"

"My favorite memory?... Probably the times my family would spend time together and help out the homeless with my mother. Or making dinner with her. Or playing games with my brother." As she says this, a small smile comes to her face, but it fades as well. It makes me sad. I don't like seeing her broken-hearted.

She clears her throat. "Okay, last question. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?" She asks.

You. I want you. Right here. Right now.

I open my mouth but as soon as I am about to get anything out, I hear a knock on the door. I look towards her. "Hide." I mouth. She nods and takes off. _Where?_ I don't care. As long as she doesn't get caught.

I hurry to the door and open it just enough for the person to see me. There stands Max and Eric. Now's the time to save Tris, Tobias.


	9. Trust and Lust

**_DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

(Four/Tobias POV)

I don't say anything. I'll just let them say something first. It would be stupid to say 'What?' and I definitely do not want to say 'hello'. Eric looks smug, like he's going to get what he wants. Max looks like he honestly doesn't give a shit. I lean against door frame and pull the door to me, resting my arm on the handle. I keep the door open as big as my body; not letting them see beyond me.

"My office. Ten minutes." Max says and rolls his eyes before leaving. It pisses me off because Eric is still here. I don't want him saying shit to me.

"Where's the Stiff?" Eric asks.

"What does it matter?" I ask.

"Well, I've been trying to find her and she needs to see Max as well. Since we've been looking for her forever and haven't found her yet, he's left it up to me."

Ha. Like I would ever let him find Tris. I don't want him talking to her or touching her. I give him a glare. "I'll find her myself. Don't fucking go near her." I practically growl.

"You're going to tell a leader what to do? Are you even thinking if it's worth it, Four? Dying for her? She's not even yours." I don't want to have this conversation, especially with the chance of her hearing.

"I'll risk my life for any of my friends. And I don't want you messing with her." I totally ignore the 'she's not even yours' part. She will be. She will.

"Oh, so she's a friend of yours?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Would it matter if she was? This is Dauntless. It's not like we have the strictest rules. You know nobody would give a shit."

He ignores that and changes the subject. He tries to look past me, but really, there's no spacing for him to really see anything.

"What are you hiding, Four?" He asks.

Lying. This is easy for me. C'mon think of something, quick. "The fuck do you mean 'hiding'?" I ask, acting irritated, even though I practically am. In order for a lie to work, you have to change your emotions as well.

"Why are you closing the door so much? What's behind you?"

"Nothing's behind me. I'm just leaning my body against a door and door frame because you won't go away and don't understand I'll never talk to you about Tris. I'm standing here, wasting my time on a pointless conversation." There, that seems believable. Plus, it's not really a lie.

He bites his cheek and nods. I can tell he's getting irritated as well. "Uhuh. Well, I'm going to go on, keep trying to find her. If you see her, bring her." He has a skeptical look on his face as he turns and walks away. It sickens me to know that he's looking for her.

I close the door and lock it before turning around and walking to the couch. Tris comes out of the bathroom and walks to the couch to stand beside it. "I should go now. I'm bringing enough trouble to you and Eric's already skeptical." She says.

"No. You're staying here. Eric's looking for you and there's not idea what he might do to you if or when he finds you. Just because we haven't gone to Max yet, doesn't mean Eric won't do anything wrong. He'll rape you then take you to Max and say he just found you." I say. She seems shocked by what I said, but she needs to get used to it. This is Dauntless, nobody is subtle. Plus, everything here is serious.

All she can do is manage a nod then sit down. I keep looking at my watch; waiting for when we have to leave to Max's office. I can't concentrate though, because in the corner of my eye, i notice Tris' leg bouncing. She's too nervous.

I place my hand on her thigh of her bouncing leg and electricity shoots through my body. It's weird, I could do this to anybody and it would seem like nothing. But when I do this to Tris, it feels too intimate.

She looks towards me and I soften my voice. "Hey, it'll be alright. I won't let them do anything to you, alright?"

"Four, don't…" I cut her off before she can even finish that.

"Tris, first off, I told you not to call me Four. Second, I don't care if it gets me killed. You need to learn to understand that."

"But, if I am to be punished for it, you have to let it happen. It's not worth dying over."

"I would rather someone kill me, then having someone touch you."

"Well, it's too late for that, anyway." She mumbles.

Red hot fury flows through me. "What?" I growl.

"Well I mean, that one time when they tried to kill me." Oh, right. I calm down a bit but at the same time, I feel like she's keeping something from me. She said that way too fast and way too easily for it just to be that.

I take her face in one of my hands and force her to look at me. "What happened, Tris?" I ask.

"W-what?"

"Don't play stupid. I know you better than that. You wouldn't be able to say that so easily. So what's the real answer?"

She doesn't say anything. "Tris." I growl.

"It doesn't matter. It's in the past anyway. And I won't have to see them anymore soon." Soon? Them? That means there's more than one. And she still sees them.

"Tris, I'm tired of this shit. Stop keeping things from me. Tell me what fucking happened."

"But…"

"No. I'm tired of hearing damn excuses. Tell me, now."

Her eyes glance to my watch and I can already tell what she's trying to do. Suddenly she gets up and starts walking to the door. "We have no time. We have to be at Max's in a minute." She's already at the door.

I stand and get to her right before she can even turn the handle. I take both of her wrists, turn her around, and press her to the door. I lower my face to hers and she keeps trying to look anywhere but my eyes. If I wasn't concerned or we didn't have to be at Max's in less than a minute, she'd up against the door being ravaged right now.

"Don't think that when, not if, when we get out of Max's office, you will be coming back here and telling me everything. You are not getting away with this." I say and she visibly gulps.

I take my hands off her wrists and back up before opening the door. She walks out first then I walk out after. I lock the door and start walking down the halls to Max's office. The air is tense between us. Her face is still red. She knows she's not getting away with what she gave me.

We get to Max's office door and stop. Tris is getting way to nervous and it's starting to scare me. I feel like she'll just drop and have a heart attack. I take her hand and she looks at me. "It'll be alright, okay?" I say, seriously.

She nods and I let her hand go. I knock on the door and Max's voice travels through the door. "Come in." I open the door and we walk inside. Eric is sitting on the left side in front of Max's desk with a smug look. "Sit." Max says.

I sit on the right side and hope that Tris follows. I don't want to say anything because it would add to the suspicion but at least she sat near me and not Eric. Max starts off the conversation since none of us knows what to say first.

Max looks at Tris. "Well, I'm disappointed, Tris. I have heard that you have broken our rules. But not only that, you put yourself in danger and you put Dauntless in danger." Like you give a shit she put herself in danger. "I thought it was simple. You go through training and when you're done, you can leave the Dauntless compound as long as someone is with you. Not only did you break rules, you made a stupid decision to go to a bar and drink. You could have been used by other gangs to get information. You probably didn't even have a clue where you were. Then you stayed out for so long we had to search for you. Your friend luckily found you. You almost got him in trouble as well since I'm sure he was planning on hiding you and acting like you've been in Dauntless all day. Not only that, but you refused to go through with your…'punishment' which could have been quick and done with. So now you also got him…" he says, nodding to me. "…in trouble because you gave him a chance to interfere and injure a leader." I can't keep from glaring at him. I look at Tris and see she almost looks as if she's on the verge of crying, but she's strong. Nobody would know that she wants to cry. The only person she's cried in front of is…me.

"Max…please don't do anything to Four. I'll take his punishment too. He doesn't deserve that. He didn't know I was getting a punishment. He just thought I was in danger and interfered." She says, panicky. Oh fuck no. Everything she said is wrong. _She's trying to lie to Max and wants to take my 'punishment' too?_ No.

"I knew exactly what was happening. You're full of shit if you think I'm going to let him rape her." I say, looking at Max.

"Four, of all these years you've been loyal to us…now you want to injure a leader? You had a chance to be leader and you could've helped with the rules too. You have no say in what happens to her and you now. You cannot tell a leader what to do or hurt them for someone else. You know that she understood the rules and she understood that she broke them. She knew what she was doing when she decided to leave the compound. She needs to fulfill whichever punishment is given to her." Max says.

"Max, I understand that. But can't you have something other than killing or…raping her?" This is so weird to say with your first leader, your crush, and the guy that wants to do stuff to her in the same room. Plus, I do hate saying it so easily when it's someone I care about. Tris' face is full of red just talking about this stuff.

Eric jumps into the conversation quickly. Of course he would want something to say about not being able to fuck some girl. But Tris isn't some girl. She doesn't need to be fucked and used once. She needs to be loved and made love to everyday. That's the thing that makes me tell myself not to chase after her. I don't know if I'm capable of…love. I don't know what it's like to be loved. Or how to love.

"Max, don't even go soft on her. You know she put Dauntless is danger. Plus, she should've known what she was getting into when she joined us. You can't tell me you have any sympathy for her. You're a leader of the most dangerous gang in the country. Let's not be stupid." Eric says.

Okay, now it's time to get in an argument. I'll win the argument and have Max change his mind. I will. Max always took a liking to me and favorited me over Eric. I can make Eric look like a fool, in which I'll do now.

"Go soft on her? It's not going soft. It's being civil for a second and not using someone who could be a great addition to this compound. We don't need to break her. Max doesn't need to be pissed off all the time to be a great leader. He's the main leader of Dauntless and he can make up his own decisions. You do not over rule him, Eric. He knows what he's doing." I say.

"Okay. Enough. Both of you. Let me think for second." Max says, making Eric go quiet. As long as he shuts up, I'll say nothing.

As Max sits there, he seems to have a debate in his head. Hopefully, he's taking into account what I said. Although, I know him better to know that he'll come up with a way to give us both what we ask for. I have a feeling that all of the anger towards me is not affecting Max. Max would never want to hold a punishment for me. But he is thinking of one for Tris which makes me worried.

Max finally steps out of his mind and looks at Tris. "You. You were requested to Dauntless due to being one of the best drug dealers, correct? In fact, your 'name' was 'Six'. Am I right?" He asks. _Her name was 'Six'?_ No fucking way. I wonder what it means for her… _Why did she never tell me?_ Oh, maybe because she doesn't tell anybody about the past.

"Yes sir." She answers.

"Well, I have a proposition for you. However, if you ever think about doing something like this again, I can no longer help you. Your punishment will be fulfilled." Relief floods through me and the same with Tris. I look to Eric and see that he wants to rip someone's head off.

"Max…" Eric starts but Max holds a hand up to stop Eric.

"You may leave, Eric. I can handle this from here. I have my mind made up. However, if she's not going to accept, we can bring this back up again with you." Max says in a stern voice.

Eric stands and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. It makes me smile. Max looks towards me. "You. Stay. I have to talk to you too with her."

"Wasn't planning on leaving." I say.

A small smile appears on his face. He turns his attention back to Tris. "Anyways, as I was saying, I have a proposition for you. You may have put Dauntless in danger, but you didn't. You actually went to a bar, got drunk, and nobody suspected a thing from you. You, as an initiate, are pretty talented. And you also got a name on the streets at sixteen, I may add. So, since not many people, even people that have passed initiation, don't have the skills and we don't have many people doing this job, I want you to be one of our drug dealers. With you, we could gain a lot of money from this."

Tris seems to almost jump at the offer, but then it seems like something else is weighing her down. "I thought that we only work inside the compound?" She says. I can tell she's trying to ignore the offer, but she also is wondering about this.

"Ah, yes. Well, we don't usually tell initiates this until after they become an official member, but you are one of a kind. Once you pass initiation, you have a job here and you have a job outside of the compound. We have gambling, street races, robbers, anything to bring in money. The money is used to keep the compound together which is the reason why people here get paid in points, not money. The points can be used for things we pay for. But besides that, we are tight with our money. We make sure it is not wasted. We don't go get tattoos out on the streets, we teach people here how to do it and there's their job."

Tris looks to me as if she wants to ask something but then looks at Max. "So, what is the proposition, exactly? Putting all of this together." She asks.

"Well, if you can guarantee that when you become a member, you will be a drug dealer for us, then we will let the punishment go. However, if you are to decline or decide not to do it when you become a member, the punishment will have to be fulfilled."

So the question here is: _Would you like to be raped and feel like shit afterwards or put your life at danger and Dauntless?_

She stays quiet for a second before nodding. I can't interfere. Keep your mouth shut, Tobias. It's better than her giving herself to Eric by force.

Max gets a satisfied smile on his face. "Then it's a deal?" He asks.

"Yes, I'll do it." She says.

Max seems pleased and I can tell that she just put him in a happier mood. "Great." Max looks towards me. "As for you, Four you need to understand that I must follow my own rules or I'd be a hypocrite to the others in Dauntless and possibly lose all respect. You can't have power over a leader and you can't go on now getting out of punishments. This will be the only time I get you out of trouble or anything, alright?" He says, now referring to both of us.

"Yes sir." We both say.

"You may leave." He says with a nod. We both get up and leave his office.

Once we're outside, Tris starts to go the other way but I grab her wrist. She turns to look at me. "Where do you think you're going?" I ask.

"Back to the…" She says but never finishes.

"No, you're not. Don't think you can get out of this. You remember that you have some stuff to tell me. Let's go."

"But, Four…" I cut her off.

"I'm not going to say it again. Do not call me that. And you're not getting out of this." She lets out a sigh and I pull her to which I no longer have to since she stops fighting and follows me.

We get to my apartment and I open the door for her. Once she steps inside, I step inside and lock the door behind us. Every time I seem to lock the door, she gets nervous. She should know better that I'd do nothing to her. Well, you should be more considerate about this, Tobias. She was touched then almost killed. And now she's about to tell you about another time.

"Sit." I say, as she still is standing there.

"Sorry." She says and sits on the couch.

I sit next to her and take her chin in one of my hands. "Nothing to be sorry for." I say, giving her a small, hopefully reassuring smile.

"I-I don't think I can…I don't…I-" She starts to panic so I pull her to me, in my arms and she willingly allows it to happen. She wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my chest. I've missed this since the last time I held her.

"One thing at a time, Tris." I whisper. Even though it hurts her, I need to get it out now or she'll guard it up forever and it'll get harder to find out. "When have I ever judged you on personal stuff like this?" I ask.

She nods her head against my chest. "I…I was in the showers that morning before the fight with Molly. When I was getting dressed, my clothes wouldn't fit on me anymore. I grew muscle so…" She gulps. "I went to the dormitory in just a towel, stupid, I know, but it was the only option. I had to get some other clothes. I was sure Christina would've let me borrow some. I thought nobody was in there until I went to look under our bunk bed for some clothes. I heard a voice and I stood up fast. It was…Peter. Four, believe me, I tried. I tried to leave but Molly, Drew, and Peter kept blocking me. I know Molly was just there to make fun of me, but not the others. Peter said that 'He wanted to see what's been hiding under all these clothes' and…I think you can understand what he did next." I can see tears threatening to spill.

"He raped you!? In front of them!?" My voice is rising. _Why didn't I kill them when I had the chance?_

"No! No, but he…he touched me, Four. Both…places" She squeaks out and tears flood out of her eyes. I hate her using that name, especially when she's telling me things to personal. I can't say anything about it right now, though.

Her hold on me gets tighter and I pull her closer. I don't want to show pity, but this is something…so different. "Tris, it's going to be okay now. I swear. I will never let anyone touch you again." She keeps crying into my chest. I bring her head up with one hand under her chin. "Hey, you'll get through this. You know that. You're strong. It's all going to be okay." I wipe some tears from her cheeks then press my lips to her forehead. Then her cheek. I want the next to be her lips. But I can't.

She finally turns back to normal and stops crying. "Thanks…" She debates on calling me 'Four' but she stops herself. "Uhmm…I should get going now." She says and gets up.

"Tris." I say, before she reaches the door. "Be careful. If any of them touch you or say anything to you, come to me, understand?" I say, seriously.

She nods her head. "Okay."

"Be brave, Tris." I say with a smile.

She gives a small smile and leaves.

* * *

 _Two Days Later_

(Tris POV)

I stand with Will and Christina at the railing overlooking the chasm, late at night after most of the Dauntless have gone to sleep. Both my shoulders sting from the tattoo needle. We all got new tattoos half an hour ago.

Tori was the only one in the tattoo place, so I felt safe getting the tattoo of the symbol of Abnegation. I know that would be like traitorous towards Dauntless, but really, I just value the selflessness. The tattoo is a pair of hands, palms up as if to help someone stand, bound by a circle – on my right shoulder. I know it was a risk, especially after what all has happened. But that symbol is part of me in a way, and I wear it on my skin proudly.

I step up on one of the barrier's crossbars, pressing my hips to the railing to keep my balance. This is where Al stood. I look down into the chasm, at the black water, at the jagged rocks. Water hits the wall and sprays up, misting my face. _Was he afraid when he stood here? Or was he so determined to jump that it was easy?_

Christina hands me a stack of paper. I got a copy of every report the Erudite have released in the last six months. Dauntless keeps getting these reports but it makes me wonder why and how. Throwing them into the chasm won't get rid of them forever, but it may make me feel better.

I stare at the first one. On it is a picture of Jeanine, the Erudite representative. Her sharp-but-attractive eyes stare back at me.

"Have you ever met her?" I ask Will. If anyone in this compound knows of her, its Will. He got into the smart schools and shit like that. Christina crumples the first report into a ball and hurls it into the water.

"Jeanine? Once." He answers simply. He takes the next report and tears it to shreds. The pieces float into the river. He does it with Christina's malice. I get the feeling that the only reason he's participating is to prove to me that he's totally changed and agrees with me on anything. It's probably also so he can suck up to Christina. Whether he believes what they're saying or not is unclear, and I am not afraid to ask.

"Before she was leader, she worked with my sister. They were trying to develop a longer-lasting serum for the simulations. Jeanine's so smart you can see it before she says anything. Like…a walking, talking computer."

"What…" I fling one of the pages over the railing, pressing my lips together. I should just ask, "What do you think of what she has to say?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe it's a good idea to have more than one gang in control of our whole 'gang' system. And it maybe it would be nice if we had more cars and…fresh fruit and…"

"You do realize there's no secret warehouse where all the stuff is kept, right?" I ask, my face getting hot.

"Yes, I do. I just think that comfort and prosperity are not a priority for Abnegation, and maybe they would not be if the other gangs were involved in our decision making." He says.

"Because giving an Erudite boy a car is more important than giving food to others on the streets." I snap. I know what it's like to live without eating. Fuck, I probably still have my unintentional eating disorder.

"Hey, now." Christina says, brushing Will's shoulder with her fingers. "This is supposed to be a lighthearted session of symbolic document destruction, not a political debate."

I bite back what I was about to say and stare at the stack of paper in my hands. Will and Christina share a lot of idle touches lately. I've notices. _Have they?_

"All that stuff she said about Andrew Prior, though, makes me kind of hate her. I can't imagine what good can come of saying such terrible things." He says.

I'm starting to freak out now, but I can't show it to anyone. _How do people know of my father? My parents? Especially gangs? Why does he seem more associated with Erudite and Abnegation of all? Why is Jeanine sending out things like this?_ I need some fucking answers.

I can understand why she says such things. If Jeanine can make people believe that my father and all the other Abnegation leaders are corrupt and awful, she has support for whatever revolution she wants to start, if that's really her plan. But I don't want to argue again, so I just nod and throw the remaining sheets into the chasm. They drift back and forth, back and forth until they find the water. They will be filtered out at the chasm wall and discarded.

"It's bedtime." Christina says, smiling. "Ready to go back? I think I want to put Peter's hand in a bowl of warm water to make him pee tonight."

I turn away from the chasm and see movement on the right side of the Pit. A figure climbs toward the glass ceiling, and judging by the cool way he walks, like his feet barely leave the ground, I know it's Four.

"That sounds great, but I have to talk to Four about something." I say, pointing toward the shadow ascending the path. Her eyes follow my hand.

"Are you sure you should be running around here alone at night?" She asks.

"I won't be alone. I'll be with Four." I bite my lip.

Christina is looking at Will, and he is looking back at her. Neither of them is really listening to me.

"All right." Christina says distantly. "Well, I'll see you later, then."

Christina and Will walk toward the dormitories, Christina tousling Will's hair and Will jabbing her in the ribs. For a second, I watch them. I feel like I am witnessing the beginning of something, but I'm not sure what it will be.

I jog to the path on the right side of the Pit and start to climb. I try to make my footsteps as quiet as possible. Unlike Christina, I don't find it difficult to lie. I don't intend to talk to Four – at least, not until I find out where he's going, late at night, in the glass building above us.

I run quietly, breathless when I reach the stairs, and stand at one end of the glass room while Four stands at the other. Through the windows I see the city lights, glowing now but petering out even as I look at them. They are supposed to turn off at midnight.

Across the room, Four stands at the door to the fear landscape. He holds a black box in one hand and a syringe in the other.

"Since you're here," He says, without looking over his shoulder, "you might as well go in with me."

I bite my lip. "Into your fear landscape?"

"Yes."

As I walk toward him, I ask, "I can do that?"

"The serum connects you to the program, but the program determines whose landscape you go through. And right now, it's set to put us through mine."

"You would let me see that?"

"Why else do you think I'm going in?" He asks, quietly. He doesn't lift his eyes. "There are some things I want to show you." _He was planning this?_

He holds up the syringe, and I tilt my head to better expose my neck. I feel sharp pain when the needle goes in, but I am used to it now. When he's done, he offers me the black box. In it is another syringe.

"I've never done this before." I say as I take it out of the box. I don't want to hurt him.

"Right here." He says, touching a spot on his neck with her fingernail. I stand on my tiptoes and push the needle in, my hand shaking a little. He doesn't even flinch.

He keeps his eyes on me the whole time, and when I'm done, puts both syringes in the box and sets it by the door. He knew that I would follow him up here. Knew, or hopes. Either way is fine with me.

He offers me his hands, and I slide mine into it. His fingers are cold and brittle. I feel like there is something I should say, but I'm too stunned and can't come up with any words. He opens the door with his free hand, and I follow him into the dark. I am now used to entering unknown places without hesitation. I keep my breaths even and firmly to Four's hand.

"See if you can figure out why they call me Four." He says.

The door slicks shut behind us, taking all the light with it. The air is cold in the hallway; I feel each particle enter my lungs. I inch closer to him so my arm is against his and my chin is near his shoulder.

"What's your real name?" I ask, hoping that since he'll share this, he'll share that too.

"See if you can figure that out too."

The simulation takes us. The ground I stand on is no longer made of cement. It creaks like metal. Light pours in from all angles, and the city unfolds around us, glass buildings and the arc of train tracks, and we are high above it. I haven't seen a blue sky in a long time, so when it spreads out above me, I feel the breath catch in my lungs and the effect is dizzying.

Then the wind starts. It blows so hard I have to lean against Four to stay on my feet. He removes his hands from mine and wraps his arm around my shoulders instead. At first I think it's to protect me – but no, he's having trouble breathing and he needs me to steady him. He forces breath in and out through an open mouth and his teeth are clenched.

The height is beautiful to me, but if it's here, it is one of his worst nightmares.

"We have to jump off, right?" I shout over the wind.

He nods.

"On three, okay?"

Another nod.

"One…two…three!" I pull him with me as I burst into a run. After we take the first step, the rest is easy. We both sprint off the edge of the building. We fall like two stones, fast, the air pushing back at us, the ground growing beneath us. Then the scene disappears, and I am on my hands and knees on the floor, grinning. I loved that rush the day I joined Dauntless, and I love it now.

Next to me, Four gasps and pressed a hand to his chest.

I get p and help him to his feet. "What's next?"

"It's-"

Something solid hits my spine. I slam into Four, my head hitting his collarbone. Walls appear on my left and my right. The space is so narrow that Four has to pull his arms into his chest to fit. A ceiling slams onto the walls around us with a crack, and Four hunches over, groaning. The room is just big enough to accommodate his size, and no bigger.

"Confinement." I say.

He makes a guttural noise. I tilt my head and pull back enough to look at him. I can barely see his face, it's so dark, and the air is close; we share breaths. He grimaces like he's in pain.

"Hey." I say. "It's okay. Here-"

I guide his arms around my body so he has more space. He clutches at my back and puts his face next to mine, still hunched over. His body is warm, but I feel only his bones and the muscle that wraps around them; nothing yields beneath me. My cheeks get hot. _Can he tell that I'm still a child?_

"This is the first time I'm happy I'm so small." I laugh. If I joke, maybe I can calm him down. And distract myself.

"Mmhmm." He says. His voice sounds strained.

"We can't break out of here." I say. "It's easier to face the fear head on, right?" I don't wait for a response. "So what you need to do is make the space smaller. Make it worse so it gets better. Right?"

"Yes." It is a tight, tense little word.

"Okay. We'll have to crouch, then. Ready?"

I squeeze his waist to pull his down with me. I feel the hard line of his rib against my hand and hear the screech of one word plank against another as the ceiling inches down with us. I realize that we won't fit with all this space between us, so I turn and curl into a ball, my spine against his chest. One of his knees is bent next to my head and the other is curled beneath me so I'm sitting on his ankle. We are a jumble of limbs. I feel a harsh breath against my ear.

"Ah." He says, his voice raspy. "This is worse. This is definitely…"

"Shh. Arms around me." I say.

Obediently, he slips both arms around my waist. I smile at the wall. I am not enjoying this. I am not, not even a little bit, no.

"The simulation measures your fear response." I say softly. I'm just repeating what he told us, but reminding him might help him. "So if you can calm your heartbeat down, it will move on to the next one. Remember? So try to forget that we're here."

"Yeah?" I feel his lips move against my ear as he speaks, and heat courses through me. "That easy, huh?"

"You know, most boys would enjoy being trapped in close quarters with a girl." I roll my eyes.

"Not claustrophobic people, Tris!" He sounds desperate now.

"Okay, okay." I set my hand on top of his and guide it to my chest, so it's right over my heart. "Feel my heartbeat. Can you feel it?"

"Yes."

"Feel how steady it is?"

"It's fast."

"Yes, well, that has nothing to do with the box." I wince as soon as I'm done speaking. I just admitted to something. Hopefully he doesn't realize that. "Every time you feel me breathe, you breathe. Focus on that."

"Okay."

I breathe deeply, and his chest rises and falls with mine, After a few second of this, I say calmly, "Why don't you tell me where this fear comes from. Maybe talking about it will help us…somehow."

I don't know how, but it sounds right.

"Um…okay." He breathes with me again. "This one is from my fantastic childhood. Childhood punishments. The time closet upstairs."

I press my lips together. I remember being punished – sent to my room without dinner, deprived of this or that, firm scoldings. I was never shut in a closet. The cruelty smarts; my chest aches for him. I don't know what to say, so I try to keep it casual.

"My mother kept our winter coats in our closet."

"I don't'…" He gasps. "I don't really want to talk about it anymore."

"Okay. Then…I can talk. Ask me something."

"Okay." He laughs shakily in my ear. "Why is your heart racing, Tris?"

I cringe and say, "Well, I…" I search for an excuse that doesn't involve his arms being around me. "I barely know you." _Not good enough._ "I barely know you and I'm crammed up against you in a box, Four, what do you think?"

"If we were in your fear landscape, would I be in it?" He asks.

"Of course you're not. But that's not what I meant."

He laughs again, and when he does, the walls break apart with a crack and fall away, leaving us in a circle of light. Four sighs and lifts his arms from my body. I scramble to my feet and brush myself off, though I haven't accumulated any dirt that I'm aware of. I wipe my palms on my jeans. My back feels cold from the sudden absence of him.

He stands in front of me. He's grinning, and I'm not sure I like the look in his eyes.

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor," He says, referring to the other gang, "because you're a terrible liar."

"I think the gang that told me they wanted me ruled that out pretty well."

He shakes his head. "Dauntless tells you nothing."

I narrow my eyes. "What are you trying to tell me? Those people weren't the reason you ended up in Dauntless?"

Excitement runs through me like blood in my veins, propelled by the hope that he might confirm that he is also 'Divergent', like he is like me, that we can figure out what it means together.

"Not exactly, no." He says. "I…"

He looks over his shoulder and his voice trails off. A woman stands a few yards away, pointing a gun at us. She is completely still, he features plain – if we walked away right now, I would not remember her. To my right, a table appears. On it is a gun and a single bullet. _Why isn't she shooting us?_

 _Oh._ The fear is unrelated to the threat of his life. It has to do with the gun on the table.

"You have to kill her." I say softly.

"Every single time."

"She isn't real."

"She looks real." He bites his lip. "It feels real."

"If she was real, she would have killed you already."

"It's okay." He nods. "I'll just…do it. This one's not…not so bad. Not as much panic involved."

Not as much panic, but far more dread. I can see it in his eyes as he picks up the gun and opens the chamber like he's done it a thousand time – and maybe he has. He clicks the bullet into the chamber and holds the gun out in front of him, both hands around it. He squeezes one eye shut and breathes slowly in.

As he exhales, he fires, and the woman's head whips back. I see a flash of red and look away. I hear her crumple to the floor.

Four's gun drops with a thump. We stare at her fallen body. What he said is true – it does feel real. _Don't be ridiculous._ I grab his arm.

"C'mon. Let's go. Keep moving." I say.

After another tug, he comes out of his daze and follows me. As we pass the table, the woman's body disappears, except in my memory and his. _What would it be like to kill someone every time I went through my landscape?_ Maybe I'll find out.

But something puzzles me: These are supposed to be Four's worst fears. And though he panicked in the box and on the roof, he killed the woman without much difficulty. It seems like the simulation is grasping at any fears it can find within him, and it hasn't found much.

"Here we go." He whispers.

A dark figure moves ahead of us, creeping along the edge of the circle of light, waiting for us to take another step. _Who is it? Who frequents Four's nightmares?_

The man who emerges is tall and slim, with hair cut close to his scalp. He holds his hands behind his back. And he wears grey clothes, the kind that my father would wear to some government get-togethers.

"Marcus." I whisper, realizing the man who worked with my father.

"Here's the part," Four says, his voice shaking, "where you figure out my name."

"Is he…" I look from Marcus, who walks slowly toward us to Four, who inches slowly back, and everything comes together. Marcus had a son that ran away, that hid in the dark. His name was…"Tobias."

 _How did F – Tobias know that I would know his name? Did he know me? Did he know my dad? He knew me?_

Marcus shows us his hands. A belt is curled around one of his fists. Slowly he unwinds it from his fingers.

"This is for your own good." He says and his voice echoes a dozen times.

A dozen Marcuses press into the circle of light, all holding the same belt, with the same blank expression. When the Marcuses blink again, their eyes turn into empty, black pits. The belts slither along the floor, which is now white tile. A shiver crawls up my spine. The government accused Mrcus of cruelty due to Tobias leaving. For once, you could say they were completely right.

I look at Four – Tobias- and he seems frozen. His posture sags. He looks years older; he looks years younger. The first Marcus tanks his arm back, the belt sailing over his shoulder as he prepares to strike. Tobias shrinks back, throwing his arms up to protect his face.

I dart in front of him and the belt cracks against my wrist, wrapping around it. A hot pain races up my arm to my elbow. I grit my teeth and pull as hard as I can. Marcus loses his grip, so I unwrap the belt and grab it by the buckle.

I swing my arm as fast as I can, my shoulder socket burning from the sudden motion, and the belt strikes Marcus's shoulder. He yells and lunges at me with outstretched hands, with fingernails that look like claws. Tobias pushes me behind him so he stands between me and Marcus. He looks angry, not afraid.

All the Marcuses vanish. The lights come on, revealing a long, narrow room with busted brick walls and a cement floor.

"That's it?" I ask. "Those were your worst fears? Why do you only have four…" My voice trails off. Only four fears.

"Oh." I look over my shoulder at him. "That's why they call you-"

The words leave me when I see his expression. His eyes are wide and seem almost vulnerable under the room's lights. His lips are parted. If we were not here, I would describe the look as awe. But I don't understand why he would be looking at me in awe.

He wraps his hand around my elbow, his thumb pressing to the soft skin above my forearm, and tugs me toward him. The skin around my wrist still stings, like the belt was real, but it is as pale as the rest of me. His lips slowly move against my cheek, then his arms tighten around my shoulders, and he buries his face in my neck, breathing against my collarbone.

I stand stiffly for a second and then loop my arms around him and sigh.

"Hey." I say softly. "We got through it."

He lifts his head and slips his fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. We stare at each other in silence. His fingers move absently over a lock of my hair.

"You got me through it." He says finally.

"Well." My throat is dry. I try to ignore the nervous electricity that pulses through me every second he touches me. "It's easy to be brave when they're not my fears."

I let my hands drop and casually wipe them on my jeans, hoping he doesn't notice. If he does, he doesn't say so. He laces his fingers with mine.

"Come on. I have something else to show you." He says.


	10. Love and Above

_**Disclaimer: DIVERGENT AND ALL OF ITS CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!**_

* * *

(Tobias POV)

Hand in hand, we walk toward the Pit. Tris keeps changing the pressure of her hand. She seems nervous. She is either too tight or not gripping hard enough. I run one of my fingertips down her palm, and she shivers. I let a smirk play on my face.

"So…" Tris starts. "Four fears."

"Four fears then; four fears now." I say, nodding. "They haven't changed, so I keep going in there but … I still haven't made any progress."

"You can't be fearless, remember?" She says. "Because you still care about things. About your life."

"I know."

We walk along the edge of the Pit on a narrow path that leads to the rocks at the bottom of the chasm. It blends in with the rock wall so not many people know of this spot. I'm probably the only person who knows it well.

Tris seems lost in thought before asking, "What were your simulation scores during training?"

"Ah." I scratch the back of my neck with my free hand. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, I want to know."

"How demanding you are." I smile. My demanding, sassy, girl. No, she's not your girl yet. _Ah, who gives a shit?_ She will be in a minute.

We reach the end of the path and stand at the bottom of the chasm, where the rocks form unsteady ground, rising up at a harsh angle from the rushing water. I lead her up and down, across small gaps and over angular ridges. Our shoes leave marks on every rock with wet footprints.

I find a relatively flat rock near the side, where the current isn't strong, and sit down, my feet dangling over the edge. She sits beside me, seeming comfortable here, inches above hazardous water.

I release her hand. She stares at the jagged edge of the rock.

"These are things I don't tell people, you know. Not even my friends." I say.

She laces her fingers together and clenches. I need to think of how to explain this to her. I need to tell her I'm Divergent. No secrets. The roar of the chasm ensures that we won't be overheard. I can tell that Tris is becoming nervous.

"Well, before you can understand, you need to know the background. When this whole 'gang system' started out, they would do these things called 'aptitude tests'. It was a test that would tell you what gang to go into. Although, no matter what score you got, you had the choice to pick another gang. When we decided on our future, we would cut our palms with a knife and let the blood drip into a bowl which had different things that represented all five gangs. But as you can see, that changed over two years. However, if you were to get more than one gang, you were considered 'Divergent' and they'd kill you if they found out. The aptitude tests were stopped because Erudite started getting into everyone's business. Now, all gangs recruit their own members." I don't have to explain why they would kill us. I explained that in a past conversation. "My result was…" A small smirk makes its way on my lips, she probably won't believe this. "Abnegation."

"Oh." She seems kind of surprised and kind of let down. Wonder why.

"But you chose Dauntless anyway?" She asks.

"Out of necessity."

"Why did you have to leave?" She knows. Or else I wouldn't have known she'd figure out my past and name.

I know she wants to see if I'd open up, but I can't. Not yet. I don't want her to be afraid of me. I'm not like my dad. _Yes, you are_. No. _Yes_. My eyes dart away from hers. I can't look at her right now _. What if I was to hurt her?_ I can't lay a hand on this precious girl.

"Abnegation works in the city, partially with the government." She says while nodding, putting it all together. "But the government doesn't know. And if you joined, you'd have to see your dad. Then not only would you have to see him again, but everyone had the idea that you ran away and joined a gang or something, so they'd figure it out. Then you'd put your life and the city's at risk with all five conjoined gangs. You also don't want to be a Dauntless leader because you'll never know where the meetings are. Am I right?"

I lift a shoulder. She got it right. "That, and I've always felt like I don't quite belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."

"But you're…incredible." She says. She pauses and clears her throat. "I mean, by Dauntless standards. Four fears is unheard of. How could you not belong here?"

I shrug. I don't care about my talent or my status among the Dauntless. I used to, but I know it means nothing now. And it's not important now.

"I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different. All your life you've been training to forget yourself, so when you're in danger, it becomes your first instinct. I could belong in Abnegation just as easily." I say.

"Yeah, well… I wouldn't be selfless enough, no matter how hard I would try to be. So, I'd only 'belong' here, not Abnegation." She says.

"That's not entirely true." I smile at her. "That girl who let someone throw knives at her to spare a friend, who hit my dad with a belt to protect me – that selfless girl, that's not you?"

She frowns at me. "You've been paying close attention, haven't you?"

"I like to observe people."

"Maybe you were cut out for Candor, Four, because you're a terrible liar."

I put my hand on the rock next to me, my fingers lining up with hers. She looks down at our hands. She's blushing and trying not to look up at me.

"Fine." I lean my face closer to hers, getting her attention. My eyes focus on her chin, lips, nose. "I watched you because I like you." I say it plainly, boldly. Might as well get it out now. My eyes flick up to hers. "And don't call me 'Four', okay? It's nice to hear my name again." Especially from those lips.

Just like that, I've finally declared myself. She doesn't respond. Her cheeks get red. "But you're older than I am … Tobias." She says.

I smile at her. "Yes, that whopping two – year gap really is insurmountable, isn't it?"

"I'm not trying to be self – deprecating. I just don't get it. I'm younger. I'm not pretty. I-"

I laugh, a deep laugh. I touch my lips to her temple. All she thinks that I care about is looks, but that's not important right now. She can't just try to be beautiful on the outside; she just needs to know that she should embrace the beauty inside of her.

"Don't pretend." She says, breathily. "You know I'm not. I'm not ugly, but I am certainly not pretty."

I'm not going to argue about her outer 'beauty'. She just needs to know that all that matters is how beautiful she is inside. "Fine. You're not pretty. So?" I kiss her cheek. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus…" My voice softens. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."

"Well, you're not" She replies.

For a second, my eyes are on hers, and I'm quiet. Then, I touch her face and lean in close, brushing her lips with mine. The river roars and I feel it spray on my ankles. I grin and finally press my mouth to hers.

She tenses up at first, unsure of herself, so I pull away to make sure she's okay. She looks like she thinks she did something wrong. I will make the kiss more sure this time. I take her face in my hand, and kiss her again, firmer, certain. She wraps an arm around me, sliding her hand up my neck and into my hair.

For a few minutes we kiss, deep in the chasm, with the roar of water all around us. And when we rise, hand in hand, I realize that if I had chosen differently, I would have never seen her again after that night at the bar. I, for once, am glad I put my hand over the bowl of coals.

* * *

 _Next Morning_

(Tris POV)

The next morning, I'm silly and light. Every time I push the smile from my face, it fights it's way back. Eventually, I stop suppressing it. I let my hair hang loose and abandon my uniform of loose shirts of one that cuts across my shoulders, revealing my tattoos.

"What is it with you today?" Christina asks on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are still swollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face.

"Oh, you know. Sun shining. Birds chirping." I say.

She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me we're in an underground tunnel.

"Let the girl be in a good mood. You may never see it again." Will says.

I smack his arm and hurry to the dining hall. My heart pounds because I know that at some point in the next half hour, I will see Tobias. I sit down in my usual place, next to Uriah, with Will and Christina across from us. The seat on my left stays empty. I wonder if Tobias will sit in it; if he'll grin at me over breakfast; if he'll look at me in that secret, stolen way that I imagine myself looking at him.

I grab a piece of toast from the plate in the middle of the table and start to butter it with a little too much enthusiasm. I feel myself acting like a lunatic, but I can't stop. It would be like refusing to breathe.

Then he walks in. His hair is shorter, and it looks darker this way, almost black. I smile at him and lift my hand to wave him over, but he sits next to Zeke without glancing my way, so I let my hand drop.

I stare at my toast. It's not easy to smile now.

"Something wrong?" Uriah asks with a mouthful of toast.

I just shake my head and take a bite. _What did I expect?_ Just because we kissed doesn't mean anything changes. Maybe he changed his mind about liking me. Maybe he thinks kissing me was a mistake or disgusting.

"Today's fear landscape day. You think we'll get to see our own fear landscapes?" Will asks.

"No." Uriah shakes his head. "You go through one of the instructors' landscapes. My brother told me."

"Ooh, which instructor?" Christina asks, perking up.

"You know, it really isn't fair that you all get insider information and we don't." Will says, glaring at Uriah.

"Like you wouldn't use an advantage if you had one." Uriah retorts.

Christina ignores them. "I hope it's Four's landscape."

"Why?" I ask. The question comes out too incredulous. I bite my lip and wish I could take it back.

"Looks like someone had a mood swing." She rolls her eyes. "Like you don't want to know what his fears are. He acts so tough that he's probably afraid of marshmallows and really bright sunrises or something. Overcompensating."

I shake my head. "It won't be him."

"How would you know?"

"It's just a prediction."

I remember Tobias's father in his fear landscape. He wouldn't let everyone see that. I glance at him. For a second, his eyes shift to mine. His stare is unfeeling. Then he looks away.

PAGE BREAK

Lauren stands with her hands on her hips outside the fear landscape room.

"Two years ago, I was afraid of spiders, suffocation, walls that inch slowly inward and trap you between them, failing initiation, uncontrollable bleeding, getting run over by a train, my father's death, public humiliation, and kidnapping by men without faces." She says.

Everyone stares blankly at her.

"Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your fear landscapes. That is the average number." She says.

"What's the lowest number someone has gotten?" Lynn asks.

"In recent years four." Lauren says.

I have not looked at Tobias since we were in the cafeteria, but I can't help but look at him now. He keeps his eyes trained on the floor. I knew that four was a low number, low enough to merit a nickname, but I didn't know it was less than half the average.

I glare at my feet. He's exceptional. And now he won't even look at me.

"You will not find out your number today. The simulation is set to my fear landscape program, so you will experience my fears instead of your own." Lauren says.

I give Christina a pointed look. I was right; we won't go through Four's landscape.

"For the purposes of this exercise, though, each of you will only face one of my fears, to get a sense for how the simulation works."

Lauren points to us at random and assigns us each a fear. I was standing in the back, so I will go close to last. The fear that she assigned to me was kidnapping.

Because I'm not hooked up to the computer as I wait, I can't watch the simulation, only the person's reaction to it. It is the perfect way to distract myself from my preoccupation with Tobias – clenching my hands into fists as Will brushes off spiders I can't see and Uriah presses his hands against the walls that are invisible to me, and smirking as Peter turns bright red during whatever he experiences in "public humiliation". Then it's my turn.

The obstacle won't be comfortable for me, but because I have been able to manipulate every simulation, not just this one, and because I have already gone through Tobias's landscape, I am not apprehensive as Lauren inserts the needle into my neck.

Then the scenery changes and the kidnapping begins. The ground turns into grass beneath my feet, and hands clamp around my arms, over my mouth. It is too dark to see.

I stand next to the chasm. I hear the roar of the water. I scream into the hand that covers my mouth and thrash to free myself, but the arms are too strong; my kidnappers are too strong. The image of myself falling into darkness flashes into my mind, the same image that I now carry with me in my nightmares. I scream again; I scream until my throat hurts and I squeeze hot tears from my eyes.

I knew they would come back for me; I knew that they would try again. The first time was not enough. I scream again – not for help, because no one can help me, but because that's what you do when you're about it due and you can't stop it.

"Stop." A stern voice says.

The hands disappear, and the lights come on. I stand on cement in the fear landscape room. My body shakes, and I drop to my knees, pressing my hands into my face. I just failed. I lost all logic, I lose all sense. Lauren's fear transformed into one of my own.

And everyone saw me. Tobias saw me.

I hear footsteps. Tobias marches toward me and wrenches me to my feet.

"What the hell was that?" It's not in a caring way, it's like he blames me. _Does he not give a shit this is a replay when I was touched and almost killed?_

"I…" My breath comes in a hiccup. "I didn't-"

"Get yourself together! This is pathetic."

I take everything back. He will always be an asshole. I knew everything about us was bullshit. Something within me snaps. My tears stop. Heat races through my body, driving the weakness out of me, and I smack him so hard my knuckles burn with the impact. He stares at me, one side of his face bright with blush-blood, and I stare back.

"Shut up." I say. I yank my arm from his grasp and leave the room.

* * *

 _Next Day_

(Tobias POV)

As I walk down the hallway, I can see a petite, small shadow in the little bit of blue lights lighting up the halls. I squint my eyes. I know that figure. I follow it and notice it starts to walk out, like it's going to leave the compound. But it's too late at night. And there's nobody with them.

I decide to follow it and try to keep close. Once I get close enough that the blue lights illuminate them, I'm steaming. Her blonde hair shines in the light. She turns around, as if she knows someone is following her. To her surprise, I'm right behind her and she lets out a gasp.

"T-Four!" She says in a yell-whisper.

"What do you think you're doing?" I respond through clenched teeth. I walk up and grab her arm tight, so she can't keep running.

"Why do you care, anyway? You can be either cruel instructor or concerned boyfriend." She snaps then tenses up. I like that term. "Boyfriend." Hell, I love it. I'm yours and you're mine, baby. I have never, ever, wanted to be with anyone. But with her, I always want to be with her. I want her in my apartment, in my arms, in my bed, showered by my kisses.

Her sentence came back to me and I'm suddenly furious again. "I am not cruel." I scowl at her. "I was protecting you this morning. How do you think Peter and his idiot friends would have reacted if they discovered that you and I were…" I sigh. "You would never win. They would always call your ranking a result of my favoritism rather than your skill."

She opens her mouth, and then shuts it again. Her cheeks start to warm. I suddenly remember the death grip I have on her as she comes to realization. I let go immediately. I feel like…no. No, I can't be. _But…what if I hurt her in the future?_ Like Marcus did to my mom. She presses her hands to her face, like she's trying to cool them down.

"You didn't have to insult me to prove a point to them." She says.

"And you didn't have to decide to try and run off again because I hurt you." I say. I rub the back of my neck. I don't feel like we should be arguing. "Besides – it worked didn't it?"

"At my expense."

"I didn't think it would affect you this way." I look down and shrug. "Sometimes I forget that I can hurt you. That you are capable of being hurt."

She slides her hands into her pockets and rocks back on her heels. She needs to understand that we will have problems like this in the future. _Future?_ Future. I know that Tris is strong. But I also have to remember that she's human. And unlike me.

All of a sudden, she stands on her tiptoes, lifts her head, and kisses me. Only our lips touch.

"You're brilliant, you know that?" She shakes her head. "You always know exactly what to do."

"Only because I've been thinking about this for a long time" I say, kissing her briefly. "How I would handle it, if you and I…" I pull back and smile. "Did I hear you just call me your boyfriend, Tris?" I change the subject to one that makes me happy.

"Not exactly." She shrugs. "Why? Do you want me to?"

I slip my hands over her neck and press my thumbs under her chin, tilting her head back so her forehead meets mine. For a moment I stand there, eyes closed, breathing each other's air. I feel the pulse in her fingertips. I feel the quickness of her breaths. She seems nervous. It makes me smirk.

"Yes." I finally say. Then my smile fades away. "You think we convinced them you're just a silly girl?"

"I hope so." She says. "Sometimes it helps to be small."

I can feel the corners of my mouth tug down as I think of how the Erudite is planning something with Dauntless. I give her a grave look. "There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Not now." I glance around to check if someone's around and the cameras. "Meet me back here at eleven thirty. Don't tell anyone where you're going."

She nods, and I turn away, leaving just as quickly as I came.

* * *

(Tris POV)

"Where have you been all day?" Christina asks when I walk back into the dormitory. The room is empty. Everyone must be at dinner. "I looked for you outside, but I couldn't find you. Is everything okay? Did you get in trouble for hitting Four?"

I shake my head. The thought of telling her the truth about where I was makes me exhausted. _How can I explain that I wanted to leave Dauntless and if they came after me to kill me, I'd be okay with that?_ And after all that, Four stopped me. _Or what happened before that made me try to run again and what happened after? Or the reason I exploded and hit Tobias in the first place?_

"I just had to take a walk around the compound. I walked around for a long time. And no, I'm not in trouble. He yelled at me, I apologized…that's it."

As I speak, I'm careful to keep my eyes steady on hers and my hands still at my sides.

"Good. Because I have something to tell you." She says.

She looks over my head at the door and stands on her tiptoes to look at all the bunks. Checking if they're empty, probably. Then she sets her hands on my shoulders.

"Can you be a girl for a few seconds?"

"I'm always a girl." I frown.

"You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl."

I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay."

She grins so wide I can see her back row of teeth. "Will kissed me."

"What?" I demand. "When? How? What happened?"

"You can be a girl!" She straightens, taking her hands from my shoulders. "Well, right after your little episode, we ate lunch and then we walked around the compound. We were in an empty area and then he just stopped, and leaned in, and…kissed me."

"Did you know that he liked you? I mean, you know. Like that." I ask.

"No!" She laughs. "The best part was, that was it! We just kept walking and talking like nothing happened. Well, until I kissed him."

"How long have you known you liked him?"

"I don't know. I guess I didn't. But then little things … how he put his arm around me at the funeral, how he opens doors for me like I'm a girl instead of someone who could beat the crap out of him."

I laugh. Suddenly I want to tell her about Tobias and everything that happened between us. But the same reasons Tobias gave for pretending we aren't together hold me back. I don't want her to think that my rank has anything to do with my relationship with him.

So I just say, "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. I'm happy too. And I thought it would be a while before I could feel that way … you know." She says.

She sits down on the edge of my bed and looks around the dormitory. Some of the initiates have already packed their things. Soon we'll move into apartments on the other side of the compound. Those with higher jobs and work with the system will move to the glass building above the Pit. I won't have to worry about Peter attacking me in my sleep. I won't have to looks at Al's empty bed.

"I can't believe it's almost over. It's like we just got here. But it's also like … like I haven't seen home in forever." She says.

"You miss it?" I lean into the bed frame.

"Yeah." She shrugs. "Some things are the same, though. I mean, everyone at home is just as loud as everyone here, so that's good. But it's easier there. You always know where you stand with everyone, because they tell you. There's no … manipulation."

I nod. On the streets, anybody could be blunt as long as you shared the same power. But here, it's so…manipulated to see where to stand.

"I don't think I could have made it through Candor initiation." She shakes her head and smiles. Probably because we always say she could fit into Candor. "There, instead of simulations, you get lie detector tests. All day, every day. And the final test…" She wrinkles her nose. "They give you this stuff they call truth serum and sit you in front of everyone and ask you a load of really personal questions. The theory is that if you spill all your secrets, you'll have no desire to lie about anything, ever again. Like the worst about you is already in the open, so why not just be honest?"

I don't know when I accumulated so many secrets. When I left at sixteen. Becoming one of the best drug dealers. Joining Dauntless. Being Divergent. Fears. How I really feel about my friends, my family, Al, Tobias. Candor initiation would reach things that even the simulations can't touch. My whole life's a lie. It would wreck me.

"Sounds awful." I reply.

"I always knew that if I was to be picked, I would never be Candor. I couldn't be. I mean, I try to be honest, but some things you just don't want people to know. Plus, I like to be in control of my own mind."

Don't we all.

"Anyway" She says. She opens the cabinet to the left of our bunk beds. When she pulls the door open, a moth flutters out, its white wings carrying it toward her face. Christina shrieks so loud I almost jump out of my skin and slaps at her cheeks.

"Get it off! Get it off get it off get it off!" She screams.

The moth flutters away.

"It's gone." I say then start laughing. "You're afraid of … moths?"

"They're disgusting. Those papery wings and their stupid bug bodies …" She shudders.

I keep laughing. I laugh so hard I have to sit down and hold my stomach.

"It's not funny!" She snaps. "Well … okay maybe it is. A little."

* * *

(Tobias POV)

My blonde beauty comes walking up to me at the same spot we were. I don't say anything. I just take her hand and start pulling her to the exit of Dauntless. She stops and the small tug makes me stop. I turn around.

"Where are we going?" She asks.

"Train tracks." I mouth.

"Tobias, we can't go there." She whispers.

I just give a smirk and keep walking. Nobody questions me around here. If I want to take her out of the compound, I can.

We exit Dauntless and I look around to make sure no guards are around. I let go of Tris' hand. "C'mon." I say then begin jogging. We almost miss the train and it seems like Tris is running out of energy. Well, she better be ready for this.

I grab her arm, draw myself into the train car as it passes with ease and pull her in. She falls against me, her cheek against my chest. My fingers slide down her arms, and I hold her by the elbows as the car bumps along the steel rails. I watch the glass building above the Dauntless compound shrink behind us.

"What is it you need to tell me?" She shouts over the cry of the wind.

"Not yet." I say.

I sink to the floor and pull her down with me, so I'm sitting with my back against the wall and she's facing me, her legs trailing to the dusty floor. The air pushes a strand of her hair loose and it tosses over her face. I press my palms to her face, my index fingers sliding behind her ears, and pull her mouth to mine.

I hear the screech of the rails as the train slows, which means we must be nearing the middle of the city. The air is cold but her lips are so soft and warm. I tilt my head and kiss the skin just beneath her jaw. She looks as if she let out a sigh, but I couldn't hear it. It makes me smirk and her face turns red.

The train car wobbles, throwing her off balance, and she puts her hand down to steady herself. A split second later she notices it landed on my hip. The smirk remains on my face when she doesn't remove her hand, making her face redder.

She shifts, swinging a leg over me so she straddles me. She seems nervous. But she still leans towards me and kisses me. I sit up straighter and place my hands on her shoulders. I don't want to go too far with her. It's too soon. And I want her. Forever. My fingers slip down her spine and I can feel her shiver as I trail it all the way down to the small of her back. I smirk against her lips. I unzip her jackets a few inches. It's probably getting too hot for her. She's really nervous. I want her to calm down. She presses her shaking hand to her thighs to stop them.

I pull away and look carefully at her tattoos that I first saw on her. I brush my fingers over them, and smile.

"Birds. Are they crows? I keep forgetting to ask." I say, joking around.

She returns with a small smile. "Ravens. One for each member of my family. You like them?" She asks.

I don't answer. Instead, I tug her closer, pressing my lips to each bird. I make sure my touch is light, sensitive. I touch her cheek as I pull away.

"I hate to say this, but we have to get up now." I say.

She nods and opens her eyes. We both stand, and I tug her with me to the open door of the train car. The wind is not as strong now that the train slowed. It's past midnight, so all the street lights are dark. I lift a hand a point to a cluster of buildings, so far away, they're the size of a fingernail. It's the Erudite's place.

"Apparently the city ordinances don't mean anything to them, because their lights will be on all night." I say. They really are idiots. They'll get caught one day. Well, they probably have, but they also probably lied and the U.S. thinks that they're just coming up with cures for different diseases or something.

"No one else has noticed?" She asks, frowning.

"I'm sure they have, but they haven't done anything to stop it. It may be because they don't want to cause a problem over something so small." I shrug. "But it made me wonder what the Erudite are doing that requires night light."

I turn towards her, leaning against the wall.

"Two things you should know about me. The first is that I am deeply suspicious of people in general. It is my nature to expect the worst of them. And the second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers." I say.

She nods. I know, for most people it seems unbelievable seeing me do shit like that, but I also have shifts so it's just a time consumer when I'm not booked for underground fighting.

"A few weeks ago, before training started, I was at work and I found a way into the Dauntless secure files. Apparently we aren't as skilled as the Erudite with security, and what I discovered was what looked like war plans. Gang wars. Thinly veiled commands, supply lists, maps. Things like that. And those files were sent by Erudite." I explain. Everything has been coming into place. I can't believe that Erudite and Dauntless are going to join together in planning murder to the other gangs. _They both want power, so what happens in the end when we're the only two left?_ We're the most blood – thirsty gangs.

"War?" She brushes her hair away from her face. She doesn't seem as shocked as I would've thought. Hell, even the real world wouldn't be that shocked. They just wouldn't know what it was like unless it was them.

"War on Abnegation?"

I take her hands, lacing her fingers with mine. "War on every gang. But yes, Abnegation … they want them all dead. Abnegation has the most control over the system at the moment."

"All those reports are supposed to stir up dissension against Abnegation." I say, my eyes focused on the city beyond the train car. I've also seen the reports of Tris' parents. _Why are they exactly going after her_? It's all so confusing. I won't bring it up. "Evidently the Erudite now want to speed up the process. I have no idea what to do about it … or what could even be done."

"But, why would Erudite team up with Dauntless?" She asks. She seems to be having a conversation in her head, before she comes to realization. My smart ass girl. She stares wide – eyed at me.

"They're going to use us." She says.

"I wonder, how they plan to get us to fight. I'm sure not everyone would be willing." I say.

 _Who the hell would be willing?_ It's a gang war. We're going to die and kill in the most gruesome way. I … I don't even want to know how Tris may die. IF Tris may die. No, I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.

"I don't know." She says.

* * *

 _Next Day_

(Tris POV)

Initiation day plunges the Dauntless compound into insanity and chaos. There are people everywhere, and most of them are inebriated by noon. I fight my way through them to get a plate of food at lunch and carry it back to the dormitory with me. On the way I see someone fall off the path on the Pit wall, and judging by his scream and the way he grabs at his leg, he broke something.

The dormitory, at least, is quiet. I stare at my plate of food. I just grabbed what looked good to me at the time, and now that I take a closer look, I realize that I chose a plain chicken breast, a scoop of peas, and a piece of brown bread. I'm eating so plainly, like I did on the streets. Maybe this is why I can't gain weight. I know I'm not going to be even able to eat it all.

I sigh. I still have my habits. It is what I am when I'm not thinking about what I'm doing.

The thought of home sends a tremor through my hands. I can't think of it, though. Not today. Today I have to focus on me. One thing at a time.

I eat like a robot, rotating from chicken to peas to bread and back again. I can't stomach more than half of everything until I push my plate away. In two hours I will walk to the fear landscape room with the other initiates, go through my fear landscape, and become Dauntless. It's too late to turn back.

When I finish, I bury my face in my pillow. I don't mean to fall asleep, but after a while, I do, and I wake up to Christina shaking my shoulder.

"Time to go." She says. She looks ashen.

I rub my eyes to press my sleep from them. I have my shoes on already. The other initiates are in the dormitory, tying shoelaces, buttoning jackets and throwing smiles around like they don't mean it. I pull my hair into a bun and put on my black jacket, zipping it up to my throat. _The torture will be over soon, but can we forget the simulation? Will we ever sleep soundly again, with the memories of our fears in our heads? Or will we finally forget our fears today, like we're supposed to do?_

We walk to the Pit and up the path that leads to the glass building. I look up at the glass ceiling. I can't see the daylight because the soles of our shoes cover every inch of glass above us. For a second I think I hear the glass creak, but it is my imagination. I walk up the stairs with Christina, and the crowd chokes me.

I am too short to see above anyone's head, so I stare at Will's back and walk in his wake. The heat of so many bodies around me makes it difficult to breathe. Beads of sweat gather on my forehead. A break in the crowd reveals what they are all clustered around. A series of screens on the wall to my left.

I hear a cheer and stop to look at the screens. The screen on the left shows a black – clothed girl in the fear landscape room – Marlene. I watch her move, her eyes wide, but I can't tell what obstacle she's facing. Thank God no one out here will see my fears either – just my reactions to them.

The middle screen shows her heart rate. It picks up for a second and the decreases. When it reaches a normal rate, the screen flashes green and the Dauntless cheer. The screen on the right shows her time.

I tear my eyes away from the screen and jog to catch up to Christina and Will. Tobias stands just inside a door on the left side of the room that I barely noticed the last time I was here. It is next to the fear landscape room. I walk past him without looking at him.

The room is large and contains another screen, similar to the one outside. A line of people sit in chairs in front of it. Eric is one of them, and so is Max. The others are also older. Judging by the wires connected to their heads, and their blank eyes, they are observing the simulation.

Behind them is another line of chairs, all occupied now. I am the last to enter, so I don't get one.

"Hey, Tris!" Uriah calls out from across the room. He sits with others from Lauren's group. Only four of them are left; the rest have gone through their fear landscapes already. He pats his leg. "You can sit on my lap, if you want."

"Tempting!" I call back, grinning. "It's fine. I like to stand."

I'm glad everyone was talking, or else they would have been listening to an awkward conversation. Well, one person was listening. Tobias. I don't miss the way he leans against the wall, picking his nails, and glancing up at Uriah with an intimidating look. That's hot.

The lights lift in the fear landscape room, revealing Marlene in a crouch, her face streaked with tears. Max, Eric, and a few other shake off the simulation daze and walk out. A few seconds later I see them on the screen, congratulating her for finishing.

"Transfers, the order in which you go through the final test was taken from your rankings as they now stand. So Drew will go first, and Tris will go last." Tobias says. That means five people go before me.

I stand in the back of the room, a few feet away from Tobias. He and I exchange glances when Eric sticks Drew with the needle and sends him into the fear landscape room. By the time it's my turn, I will know how well the others did, and how well I will have to do to beat them.

The fear landscapes are not interesting to watch from the outside. I can see that Drew is moving, but I don't know what he's reacting to. After a few minutes, I close my eyes instead of watching and try to think of nothing. Speculating about which fears I will have to face, and how many there will be, is useless at this point. I just have to remember that I have the power to manipulate the simulations, and that I have practiced it before.

Molly goes next. It takes her half as long as it takes Drew, but even Molly has trouble. She spends too much time breathing heavily, trying to control her panic. At one point she even screams at the top of her lungs.

It amazes me how easy it is to tune out everything else – thoughts of a gang war, Tobias, my family, my friends, my gang fade away. All I can do now is get past this obstacle.

Christina is next. Then Will. Then Peter. I don't watch them. I know only how much time it takes them. Twelve minutes. Ten minutes. Fifteen minutes. And then my name.

"Tris."

I open my eyes and walk to the front of the observation room, where Eric stands with a syringe full of orange liquid. I barely feel the needle as it plunges into my neck, barely I see Eric's pierced face as he pressed the plunger down. I imagine that the serum is liquid adrenaline rushing through my veins, making me strong.

"Ready?" He asks.

* * *

I am ready. I step into the room, armed not with a gun or a knife, but with the plan I made last night. Tobias said that stage three is about mental preparation – coming up with strategies to overcome my fears.

I wish I knew what order the fears will come in. I bounce on the balls of my feet as I wait for the first fear to appear. I'm already short of breath.

The ground around me changes. Grass rises from the concrete and sways in the wind I can't feel. A green sky replaces the exposed pipes above me. I listen for the birds and my fear as a distant thing, a hammering heart and a squeezed chest, but not something that exists in my mind. Tobias told me to figure out what this simulation means. He was right; it isn't about the birds. It's about control.

Wings flap next to my ear, and the crow's talons dig into my shoulder.

This time, I do not hit the bird as I can. I crouch, listening to the thunder of wings behind me, and run my hand through the grass, just above the ground. _What combats powerlessness?_ Power. And the first time I felt powerful in the Dauntless compound was when I was holding a gun.

A lump forms in my throat and I want the talons off. The bird squawks and my stomach clenches, but then I feel something hard and metal in the grass. My gun.

I point the gun at the bird on my shoulder, and it detaches from my shirt in an explosion of blood and feathers. I spin on my heel, aiming the gun at the sky, and see the cloud of dark feathers descending. I squeeze the trigger, firing again and again into the sea of birds above me, watching their dark bodies drop into the grass.

As I aim and shoot, I feel the same rush of power I felt the first time I held a gun. My heart stops racing and the field, gun, and birds fade away. I stand in the dark again.

I shift my weight and something squeaks beneath my foot. I crouch down and slide my hand along a cold, smooth panel. Glass. I press my hands to the glass on either side of my body. The tank again. I am not afraid of drowning. This is not about the water; it is about my inability to escape the tank. It is about weakness. I just have to convince myself that I am strong enough to break the glass.

The blue lights come on, and water slips over the floor, but I don't let the simulation get that far. I slam my palm against the wall in front of me, expecting the pane to break.

My hand bounces off, causing no damage.

My heartbeat speeds up. _What is what worked in the first simulation doesn't work here? What if I can't break the glass unless I'm under duress?_ The water laps over my ankles, flowing faster by the second. I have to calm down. Calm down and focus. I lean against the wall behind me and kick as hard as I can. And again. My toes throb, but nothing happens.

I have another option. I can wait for water to fill the tank – it's already at my knees – and try to calm down as I drown. I brace myself against the wall, shaking my head. No. I can't let myself drown. I can't.

I ball up my hands into fists and pound on the wall. I am stronger than the glass. The glass is as thin as newly frozen ice. My mind will make it so. I close my eyes. The glass is ice. The glass is ice. The glass is –

The glass shatters under my hand, and water spills onto the floor. And then the dark returns.

I shake out my hands. That should have been an easy obstacle to overcome. I've faced it before in simulations. I can't afford to lose time like that again.

What feels like a solid wall hits me from the side, forcing the air out of my lungs, and I fall hard, gasping. I can't swim; I've only seen bodies of water this large, this powerful, in pictures. Beneath me is a rock with a jagged edge, slick with water. The water pulls at my legs, and I cling to the rock, tasting salt on my lips. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a dark sky and blood – red moon.

Another wave hits, slamming against my back. I hit my shin against the stone and wince. The sea is cold, but my blood is hot, running down my neck. I stretch my arm and find the edge of the rock. The water pulls me and the wave throws my body back. It flings my legs over my head and my arms to each side, and I collide with the stone, my back pressed against it, water gushing over my face. My lungs scream for air. I twist and grab the edge of the rock, pulling myself above the water. I gasp, and another wave hits me, this one harder than the first, but I have better hold.

I must not really be afraid of the water. I must be afraid of being out of control. To face it, I have to regain control.

With a scream of frustration, I throw my hand forward and find a hole in the rock. My arms shake violently as I drag myself forward, and I pull my feet up under me before the wave can take me with it. Once my feet are free, I get up and throw my body into a run, into a sprint, my feet quick on the stone, the red moon in front of me, the ocean gone.

Then everything is gone.

I try to move my arms, but they are bound tightly to my sides. I look down and see rope wrapped around my chest, my arms, my legs. A stack of logs rises around my feet, and I see a pole behind me. I am high above the ground.

People creep out of the shadows, and their faces are familiar. They are the initiates, carrying torches, and Peter is at the front of the pack. His eyes look like black pits, and he wears a smirk that spreads too wide across his face, forcing wrinkles into his cheeks. A laugh stirs somewhere in the center of the crowd and rises as voice after voice joins in. Cackling is all I hear.

As the cackling grows louder, Peter lowers his torch to the wood, and the flames lead up near the ground. The flicker at the edges of each log and then creep up over the bark. I don't struggle against the ropes, as I did the first time I faced this fear. Instead I close my eyes and gulp as much air as I can. This is a simulation. It can't hurt me. The heat from the flames rises around me. I shake my head.

"Smell that, Stiff?" Peter says, his voice louder than the cackling.

"No." I say. The flames are getting higher.

He sniffs. "That's the smell of your burning flesh."

When I open my eyes, my vision is blurry with tears.

"Know what I smell?" My voice strains to be louder than the laughter all around me, the laughter that oppresses me as much as the heat. My arms twitch, and I want to fight against the ropes, but I won't, I won't struggle pointlessly, I won't panic.

I stare through the flames at Peter, the heat bringing blood to the surface of my skin, flowing through me, melting the toes of my shoes.

"I smell rain." I say.

Thunder roars above my head, and I scream as a flame touches my fingertips and pain shrieks over my skin. I tilt my head back and focus on the clouds gathering above my head, heavy with rain, dark with rain. A line of lightning sprawls over the sky and I feel the first drop on my forehead. Faster, faster! The drop rolls down the side of my nose and the second drop hits my shoulder, so big it feels like it's made of ice or rock instead of water.

Sheets of rain fall around me, and I hear sizzling over the laughter. I smile, relieved, as the rain puts out the fire and soothes the burns on my hands. The ropes fall away, and I push my hands through my hair.

I wish I was like Tobias and had only four fears to face, but I am not that fearless.

I smooth my shirt down, and when I look up, I stand in my bedroom in the modern – class side of the city. I have never faced this fear before, yet I'm already panicking. The lights are off, but the room is lit by the moonlight coming through the windows. One of my walls is covered with mirrors. I turn toward it, confused. That isn't right. I am not allowed to have mirrors.

I look at the reflection in the mirror; my eyes wide, the bed with gray sheets pulled taut, the dresser that holds my clothes, the bookcase, the bare walls. My eyes skip to the window behind me.

And to the man standing just outside.

Cold drops down my spine like a bead of sweat, and my body goes rigid. I recognize him. He is the man with the scarred face that I always saw in the homeless sector. He wears black and he stands still as a statue. I blink, and two men appear at his left and right, just as still as he is, but their faces are featureless – skin – covered skulls.

I whip my body around, and they stand in my room. I press my shoulders to the mirror.

For a moment, the room is silent, and then fists pound against my window, not just two or four or six, but dozens of fists, slamming into the glass. The noise vibrates in my rib cage, it is so loud, and then the scarred man and his two companions begin to walk with slow, careful movements toward me.

They are here to take me, like Peter and Drew and Al; to kill me. I know it.

Simulation. This is a simulation. My heart hammers in my chest, I press my palm to the glass behind me and slide it to the left. It is not a mirror but a closet door. I tell myself where the weapon will be. It will be hanging against the right wall, just inches away from my hand. I don't shift my eyes from the scarred man, but I find the gun with my fingertips and wrap my hand around the handle.

I bite my lip and fire at the scarred man. I don't wait to see if the bullet hits him – I aim at each featureless man in turn, as fast as I can. My lip aches from biting it so hard. The pounding on the window stops, but a screeching sound replaces it, and the fists turn into hands with bent fingers, scratching at the glass, fighting to get in. The glass creaks under the pressure of their hands, and then cracks, and then shatters.

I scream.

I don't have enough bullets in my gun.

Pale bodies – human bodies, but mangled, arms bent at odd angles, too – wide mouths with needle teeth, empty eye sockets – topple into my bedroom, one after the other, and scramble to their feet, scramble toward me. I pull back into the closet and shut the door in front of me. A solution. I need a solution. I sink into a crouch and press the side of my gun to my head. I can't fight them off. I can't fight them off, so I have to calm down. The fear landscape will register my slowing heartbeat and my even breath and it will move on to the next obstacle.

I sit down on the floor of the closet. The wall behind me creaks. I hear pounding – the fists are at it again, hitting the closet door – but I turn and peer through the dark at the panel behind me. It is not a wall but another door. I fumble to push it aside and reveal the upstairs hallway. Smiling, I crawl through the hole and stand. I smell something baking. I am at home.

Taking a deep breath, I watch my house fade. I forgot, for a second, that I was in Dauntless.

And then Tobias is standing in front of me.

But I'm not afraid of Tobias. I look over my shoulder. Maybe there's something behind me that I'm supposed to focus on. But no – behind me is just a four – poster bed.

 _A bed?_

Tobias walks toward me, slowly.

 _What's going on?_

I stare up at him, paralyzed. He smiles down at me. That smile looks kind. Familiar.

He presses his mouth to mine, and my lips part. I thought it would be impossible to forget I was in a simulation. I was wrong; he makes everything else disintegrate.

His fingers find my jackets zipper and pull it down in one slow swipe until the zipper detaches. He tugs the jacket from my shoulders.

Oh, is all I think, as he kisses me again. Oh.

My fear is being with him. I have been wary of affection all my life, but I didn't know how deep that wariness went.

But this obstacle doesn't feel the same as the others. It is a different kind of fear – nervous panic rather than blind terror.

He slides his hands down my arms and then squeezes my hips, his fingers sliding over the skin just above my belt, and I shiver.

I gently push him back and press my hands to my forehead. I have been attacked by crows and mean with grotesque faces; I have been set on fire by the boy who touched me and almost threw me off a ledge; I have almost drowned – twice – _and this is what I can't cope with?_ This is the fear I have no solutions for – a boy I like, who wants to … _have sex with me?_

Simulation Tobias kisses my neck.

I try to think. I have to face the fear. I have to take control of the situation and find a way to make it less frightening.

I look Simulation Tobias in the eye and say sternly, "I am not going to sleep with you in a hallucination. Okay?"

Then I grab him by his shoulder and turn us around, pushing him against the bedpost. I feel something other than fear – a prickle in my stomach, a bubble of laughter. I press against him and kiss him, my hands wrapping around his arms. He feels strong. He feels … good.

And he's gone.

I laugh into my hands until my face gets hot. I must be the only initiate with this fear.

A trigger clicks in my ear.

I almost forgot about this one. I feel the heft of a gun in my hand and curl my fingers around it, slipping my index finger over the trigger. A spotlight shines from the ceiling, its source unknown, and standing in the center of its circle of light are my mother, my father, and my brother. I hate this so much. It's not a simulation, it's a fucking memory that haunts me.

"Do it." A familiar voice hisses next to me. It is female, but harsh, like it's cluttered with rocks and broken glass. Jeanine. I wish I could go back to that day and shoot her instead. I was such a fucking idiot.

The barrel of my gun presses to my temple, a cold circle against my skin. The cold travels across my body, making the hair on my back of my neck stand on end. I wipe my sweaty palm and look at the woman through the corner of my eye. I see her ugly ass. Her glasses are askew, and her eyes are empty of feeling.

My worst fear: that my family will die, and that I will be responsible.

"Do it." She says again, more forcefully this time. "Do it or I'll kill you."

I stare at Caleb. He nods, his eyebrows tugged in, sympathetic. "Go ahead, Tris." He says softly. "I understand. It's okay." Fucking bastard acting innocent now. He didn't have a hand laid on him. I can't kill him, though. He's my family.

It's testing me. To see if I can betray my family like him, even in the worst of time. I can't. I can't do it. I'm not like him. I can't hurt anymore people. "But you already have." My conscious chants.

My eyes burn. "No." I say, my throat so tight it aches. I shake my head.

"I'll give you ten seconds!" She shouts. "Ten! Nine!"

My eyes skip from my brother to my father. The last time I saw him, his eyes were wide and soft, like now. The only time I've ever seen him with that expression.

"Tris. You have no other option." He says.

"Tris." My mom says. She smiles. She has the sweetest smile. "We love you."

This fucking memory!

"Seven!"

"Shut up!" I shout, holding the gun up. I can do it. No, you can't. I can shoot them. No, you can't. They understand. They're asking me to. They wouldn't want me to sacrifice myself for them. _You can say all of this after you did this in real life?_ They aren't even real. This is all a simulation. But it's not.

"Six!"

It isn't real. It doesn't mean anything. That's fucked up, Tris. My brother's kind eyes feel like two drills boring a hole in my head. My sweat makes the gun slippery.

"Five!"

I have no other option. I close my eyes. Think. I have to think. No, you don't. You already know what you would've done different. The urgency making my heart race depends on one thing, and one thing only: the threat to my life.

"Four! Three!"

 _What did Tobias tell me?_ Selflessness and bravery aren't that different.

"Two!"

I release the trigger of my gun and drop it. Before I can lose my nerve, I turn and press my forehead to the barrel of the gun behind me.

Shoot me instead.

"One!"

I hear a click, and a bang.

* * *

The lights come on. I stand alone in the empty room with the concrete walls, shaking. I sink to my knees, wrapping my arms around my chest. It wasn't cold when I walked in, but it feel cold now. I rub my arms to get rid of the goose bumps.

I have never felt relief like this before. Every muscle in my body relaxes at once and I breathe freely again. I can't imagine going through my fear landscape in my spare time, like Tobias does. It seemed like bravery to me before, but now it seems more like masochism.

The door opens, and I stand. Max, Eric, Tobias, and a few people I don't know walk into the room in a line, standing in a small crowd in front of me. Tobias smiles at me.

"Congratulations, Tris. You have successfully completed your final evaluation." Eric says. I love how at these times he can seem like he's not evil.

I try to smile. It doesn't work. I can't shake the memory of the gun against my head. Or the memory itself. I can still feel the barrel between my eyebrows.

"Thanks." I say.

"There is one more thing before you can go and get ready for the welcoming banquet" He says. He beckons to one of the unfamiliar people behind him. A woman with blue hair hands him a small black case. He opens it and takes out a syringe and a long needle.

I tense up at the sight of it. I thought we were done with getting shots in us. The orange – brown liquid reminds me of what they inject us with before simulations. _Why would we need a shot now if we passed?_

"At least you aren't afraid of needles. This will inject you with a tracking device that will be activated only if you are reported missing. Just a precaution." He says.

"How often do people go missing?" I ask, frowning.

"Not often." Eric smirks. "This is a new development, courtesy of the Erudite. We have been injecting every Dauntless throughout the day, and I assume all other gangs will comply as soon as possible."

My stomach twists. Something about this is all wrong. _Why would they need tracking devices if not many go missing?_ It seems like everything spewing out of his mouth are lies. _Why would other gangs comply?_ Not all take well with Erudite. I can't refuse. He will doubt my loyalty again and he may be able to … do stuff.

"All right." I say, my throat tight.

Eric approaches me with the needle and syringe in hand. I pull my hair away from my neck and tilt my head to the side. I look away as Eric wipes my neck with an antiseptic wipe and eases the needle into my neck, painful but brief. He puts the needle back in its case and sticks an adhesive bandage on the injection site.

"The banquet is in two hours. Your ranking among the other initiates, Dauntless – born included, will be announced then. Good luck." He says.

The small crowd files out of the room, but Tobias lingers. He pauses by the door and beckons for me to follow him. So I do. The glass room above the Pit is full of Dauntless, some of them walking the ropes above our heads, some talking and laughing in groups. He smiles at me. He must not have been watching.

"I heard a rumor that you only had seven obstacles to face. Practically unheard of." He says.

"You … you weren't watching the simulation?"

"Only on the screens. The Dauntless leaders are the only ones who see the whole thing. They seem impressed." He says.

"Well, seven fears isn't as impressive as four, but it will suffice." I say.

"I would be surprised if you weren't ranked first." He says.

We walk into the glass room. The crowd is still there, but it is thinner now that the last person – me – has gone.

People notice me after a few seconds. I stay close to Tobias's side as they point, but can't walk fast enough to avoid some cheers, some claps on the shoulder, some congratulations. As I look at the people around me, I realize how strange they would look to my family, and how normal they seem to me, despite all the metal rings in their faces and the tattoos on their arms and throats and chests. I smile back at them.

We descend the steps into the Pit and I say, "I have a question." I bite my lip. "How much did they tell you about my fear landscape?"

"Nothing really. Why?" he asks.

"No reason." I kick a pebble to the side of the path.

"Do you have to go back to the dormitory? Because if you want peace and quiet, you can stay with me until the banquet." He says.

My stomach twists.

"What is it?" He asks.

I don't want to go back to the dormitory, and I don't want to be afraid of him.

"Let's go." I say.

* * *

(Tobias POV)

I close the door behind us and slip off my shoes.

"Want some water?" I ask. She seems tense now all of a sudden.

"No thanks." She holds her hands in front of her.

"You okay?" I ask, touching her cheek. My hands cradles the side of her head, my fingers slip through her hair. I smile and hold her head in place as I kiss her. Heat spreads through me slowly. She seems a bit tense and I don't know why.

My lips still on hers, I push the jacket from her shoulders. She flinches when it drops, and she pushes me away. I look at her to see tears in her eyes. She's confusing me. She presses her palms to her face, covering her eyes.

"What? What's wrong?"

She shakes her head.

"Don't tell me it's nothing." My voice is cold. I grab her arm. "Hey. Look at me."

She takes her hands from her face and lifts her eyes to mine. It's like she doesn't know what to say. I'm hurt and angered at the same time, but I'm trying to keep it together.

"Sometimes I wonder," She says, calmly. "what's in it for you. This … whatever it is."

"What's in it for me." I repeat. I step back, shaking my head. _You._ "You're an idiot, Tris."

"I am not an idiot. Which is why I know that it's a little weird that, of all the girls you could have chosen, you chose me. So if you're just looking for … um, you know … that …" She says.

"What? Sex?" I scowl at her. "You know, if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I would go to."

She presses her hands to her abdomen, and looks away. I can see tears brimming her eyes. She blinks a few times, lowers her hands, and stares up at me. Good job, Tobias. You have such a way with words.

"I'm going to leave now." She says quietly. She turns toward the door.

"No, Tris." I grab her wrist and wrench her back. She pushes me away, hard, but I grab her other wrist, holding our crossed arms between us.

"I'm sorry I said that. What I meant was that you aren't like that. Which I knew when I met you." I say.

"You were an obstacle in my fear landscape." Her lower lip wobbles. "Did you know that?"

"What?" I release her wrists. I feel like I just got punched in the chest. _She's afraid of me? Am I just like my father?_ "You're afraid of me?"

"Not you." She says. She bits her lip. "Being with you … with anyone. I've never been involved with someone before, and … you're older, and I don't know what your expectations are, and …"

"Tris" I say sternly. "I don't know what delusion you're operating under, but this is all new to me, too. I mean, not the … sex part … but, I've never been in a relationship."

"Oh. I just assumed …" She says. "Um. You know."

"Well, you assumed wrong." I look away. I can feel my cheeks heat up. _Why is she causing me to be like this?_ All of a sudden, she has brave, fearless, Four looking like something smaller. "You can tell me anything, you know?" I take her face in my hands. "I am kinder than I seemed in training. I promise." I say.

I kiss her between the eyebrows, and on the tip of her nose, and then carefully fit my mouth to hers. I don't know how I can constantly have electricity shoot through my body everytime we kiss.

My hands shift to her shoulder, and I feel my fingers brush over the edge of a bandage. I pull back with a puckered brow.

"Are you hurt?" I ask.

"No. It's another tattoo. It's healed. I just … wanted to keep it covered up."

"Can I see?"

She nods. She pulls her sleeve down and her shoulder slips out of it. I stare at her shoulder for a second, and then run my fingers over it. I peel the corner of the bandage away. My eyes roam over the Abnegation sign, and I smile. She must respect selflessness.

"I have the same one." I say, laughing. "On my back."

"Really? Can I see it?"

I press the bandage over the tattoo and pull her shirt back over her shoulder.

"Are you asking me to undress, Tris?"

A nervous laugh gurgles from her throat. "Only … partially."

I nod, my smile suddenly fades. I lift my eyes to hers and unzip my sweatshirt. It slides from my shoulders, and I toss it onto the desk chair. She goes totally silent and just stares at me.

I pull my eyebrows to the center of my forehead, and grab the hem of my T-shirt. In one swift motion, I pull it over my head.

I look as she takes in my whole body. I avert my eyes. This is kind of uncomfortable. Other girls weren't allowed to see me. Or touch me. I always wore a shirt and I would snap if they touched my back. It's like it burned, but Tris's touch makes me feel calm.

"What is it?" She asks, frowning.

"I don't invite many people to look at me. Any people, actually." I say. Even in the ring, I wear a shirt.

She walks slowly around me. She traces the tattoos softly and then lets out a small gasp. She saw the scars. "Can I … " I just nod. I close my eyes tight, waiting for a horrible feeling. She gently places her fingers on my scars and traces them. I let out a sigh. It's like she's healing me. All of a sudden, there is no touch on my back. I thought she felt repulsed when all of a sudden, her arms wrap around me from behind, and she lays gently kisses on each scar.

I decide to break up the silence. "I don't want to be one thing. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." I clear my throat. "I continually struggle with kindness."

"No one's perfect." She whispers. "It doesn't work that way. One bad things goes away, and another bad thing replaces it."

I turn toward her.

"Is this scaring you, Tris?"

"No." She croaks. She clears her throat. "Not really. I'm only … afraid of what I want."

"What do you want? Me?"

Slowly she nods.

I nod too, and take her hands in mine gently. I guide her palms to my stomach. My eyes are lowered. I push her hands up, over my abdomen, and over my chest, and hold them against my neck. I look back up and her face is red. Blushing.

"Someday, if you still want me, we can …" I pause and clear my throat. "We can…"

She smiles a little and wraps her arms around me before I finish, pressing the side of her face to my chest. My heartbeat is fast.

"Are you afraid of me, too, Tobias?"

"Terrified." I reply with a smile.

She turns her head and kisses the hollow beneath my throat.

"Maybe you won't be in my fear landscape anymore." She murmurs.

I bend my head and kiss her slowly.

"Then everyone can call you Six."

"I'm already called Six." She says with a grin.

I grin and slap her butt softly which causes her to giggle. We kiss again, and this time, it feels familiar. I know exactly how we fit together, my arm around her waist, her hands on my chest, the pressure of my lips on hers. We have each other memorized.

* * *

(Tris POV)

I watch Tobias's face carefully as we walk to the dining hall, searching for any sign of disappointment. We spent the two hours lying on his bed, talking and kissing and eventually dozing until we heard shouts in the hallway – people in their way to the banquet.

If anything, he seems lighter now than her was before. He smiles more, anyway.

When we reach the entrance, we separate. I go in first, and run to the table I share with Will and Christina. He enters second, a minute later, and sits next to Zeke who hands him a bottle of beer. He waves it away.

"Where did you go? Everyone else went back to the dormitory." Christina says.

"I just wandered around. I was too nervous to talk to everyone else about it." I say.

"You have no reason to be nervous." She says, shaking her head. "I turned around to talk to Will for one second, and you were already done."

I detect a note of jealousy in her voice, and again, I wish I could explain that I was well prepared for the simulation, because of what I am. Instead I just shrug.

"What job are you going to pick?" I ask her.

"I'm thinking I might want a job like Four's. Training initiates. Scaring the living daylights out of them. You know, fun stuff. What about you?" She asks.

I was so focused on getting through initiation that I barely thought about it. I could work for Dauntless leaders – but they would kill me if they discover what I am. _What else is there?_

"I guess … I could be an ambassador to the other gangs. I think coming off the streets and being well – known would be an advantage." I say.

"I was so hoping you would say Dauntless-leader-in-training" Christina sighs. "Because that's what Peter wants. He couldn't shut up about it in the dorm earlier."

"And it's what I want" adds Will. "Hopefully I ranked higher than him … oh, and all the initiates in Lauren's group. Forgot about them." He groans. "Oh God. This is going to be impossible."

"No, it isn't." She says. She reaches for his hand and laces her fingers with his, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Will squeezes her hand.

"Question." Christina says, leaning forward. "The leaders who were watching your fear landscape … they were laughing about something."

"Oh?" I bite my lip hard. "I'm glad my terror amuses them."

"Any idea which obstacle it was?" She asks.

"No."

"You're lying. You always bite the inside of your cheek when you lie. It's your tell." She says.

I stop biting the inside of my cheek.

"Will's is pinching his lips together, if it makes you feel better." She adds.

Will covers his mouth immediately.

"Okay, fine. I was afraid of … intimacy." I say.

"Intimacy." She repeats. "Like … sex?"

I tense up. And force myself to nod. Even if it was just Christina, and no one else was around, I would still want to strangle her right now. I go over a few ways to inflict maximum injury with minimum force in my head. I try to throw flames from my eyes.

Will laughs.

"What was that like? I mean, did someone just … try to do it with you? Who was it?" She asks.

"Oh, you know. Faceless … unidentifiable male. How were your moths?" I ask.

"You promised you would never tell!" She cries, smacking my arm.

"Moths." Will repeats. "You're afraid of moths?"

"Not just a cloud of moths," She says, "like … a swarm of them. Everywhere. All those wings and legs and …" She shudders and shakes her head.

"Terrifying." Will says with mock seriousness. "That's my girl. Tough as cotton balls."

"Oh, shut up."

A microphone squeals somewhere, so loud I clap my hands over my ears. I look across the room at Eric, who stands on one of the tables with the microphone in hand, tapping it with his fingers. After the tapping is done and the crowd of Dauntless is quiet, Eric clears his throat and begins.

"We aren't big on speeches here. Eloquence is for Erudite." He says. The crowd laughs. All except me. "So I'm going to keep this short. It's a new year, and we have a new pack of initiates. And a slightly smaller pack of new members. We offer them our congratulations."

At the word "congratulations" the room erupts, not into applause, but into the pounding of fists on tabletops. The noise vibrate in my chest, and I grin.

"We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you."

Even though I know Eric probably doesn't believe in any of those things, I find myself smiling, because I believe in them. No matter how badly the leaders have warped the Dauntless ideals, those ideals can still belong to me.

More pounding of fists, this time accompanied by whoops.

"Tomorrow, in their first act as members, our top ten initiates will choose their professions, in the order of how they are ranked. The rankings, I know, are what everyone is really waiting for. They are determined by a combination of these three scores – the first, from the combat stage of training; the second, from the simulation stage; and the third, from the final examination, the fear landscape. The ranking will appear on the screen behind me." He says.

As soon as the word "me" leaves his mouth, the names appear on the screen, which is almost as large as the wall itself. Next to the number one is my picture, and the name "Tris."

A weight in my chest lifts. I didn't realize it was there until it was gone, and I didn't have to feel it anymore. I smile, and a tingling spreads through me. First. Divergent or not, this gang is where I belong.

I forget about war; I forget about death. Will's arms wrap around me and he gives me a bear hug. I hear cheering and laughing and shouting. Christina points at the screen, her eyes wide and filled with tears.

Tris.

Uriah

Lynn

Marlene

Peter

Peter stays. I suppress a sigh. But then I read the rest of the names.

Will

Christina

I smile, and Christina reaches across the table to hug me. I am too distracted to protest against the affection. She laughs in my ear.

Someone grabs me from behind and shouts in my ear. It's Uriah. I can't turn around, so I reach back and squeeze his shoulder.

"Congratulations!" I shout.

"You beat them!" He shouts back. He releases me, laughing, and runs into a crowd of Lauren's group of initiates.

I crane my neck to look at the screen again. I follow the list down.

Eight, nine, and then are from Lauren's group whose names I barely recognize.

Eleven and twelve are Molly and Drew.

Molly and Drew are cut. Drew, who tried to run away while Peter held me by the throat over the chasm, and Molly, who fed lies about my father, are factionless.

It isn't quite the victory I wanted, but it's victory nonetheless.

Will and Christina kiss, a little too sloppily for my taste. All around me is the pounding of Dauntless fists. Then I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see Tobias standing behind me. I get up, beaming.

"You think giving you a hug would give away too much?" He asks.

"You know, I don't really care." I say.

I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his.

It is the best moment of my life.

A moment later, Tobias's thumb brushes over the injection site in my neck, and a few things come together at once. I don't know how I didn't figure this out before.

One: Colored serum contains transmitters.

Two: Transmitters connect the mind to a simulation program.

Three: Erudite developed the serum.

Four: I know Eric and Max are working with the Erudite.

I break away from the kiss and stare wide-eyed at Tobias.

"Tris?" He says, confused.

I shake my head. "Not now." I meant to say 'not here'. Not with Will and Christina standing a foot away from me – staring with open mouths, probably because I just kissed Tobias – and the clamor of the Dauntless surrounding us. But he has to know how important it is.

"Later. Okay?" I say.

He nods. I don't even know how I'll explain later. I don't even know how to think straight.

But I do know how Dauntless will get us to fight.


	11. Metanoia and Faodail

**_DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL OF IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

 _Next Day_

(Tris POV)

My body keeps rocking and my face smashes into the pillow. I open my eyes and glare up at Christina. I just got done with training. _Why do I have to keep waking up so early?_

"What?" I groan.

"We have to pick our jobs today. And you're the first one up. Let's get going." Christina says.

I groan and slap my hands over my face. I'm not ready. _Do I even want the job I've been going after?_ It's not a very smart idea. I can't be at such a high level with my Divergence. If they figure it out, God knows what they'll do to me. I don't want to stress right now. I want to be in Tobias's arms, laying down, being care free.

"Do you know if we have to start our jobs today?" I ask out in the open.

Will comes out of nowhere, pulling shirt over his head. "No idea. We'll have to figure that out. Why? Somewhere you have to be?" He teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

Oh, right. I forgot that they saw me yesterday. I bite my lip and feel the heat rush to my cheeks. Will lets out a chuckle and Christina looks at me with an eyebrow raised then points at me.

"Oh, yea. Don't act like I forgot about that. Hurry up and get dressed. We have some things to talk about during breakfast." She says with a serious look.

I just nod and get up from bed. I throw on a black T-shirt and leather pants. I put on my combat boots. I keep my hair down, it's not like I'm going to be working out or anything today.

I walk down the blue-lit hallways and into the cafeteria. I see eyes on me everywhere as soon as I walk in, but conversation keeps on. I look down at the ground and follow my feet until I get to my seat next to Uriah and Christina. My appetite isn't really there right now. My stomach probably couldn't handle any food. Too many people have their eyes on me and I just honestly want to curl up in a ball and disappear.

Uriah throws himself into the chair next to me and elbows me in the arm. When I look at him, he has a grin on his face. Seriously, his smiles are contagious so I can't keep myself from giving a small smile myself.

"So … I hear that someone has finally caught the heart of cold – blooded Four." Uriah says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Isn't he your friend?" I ask.

"Yeah," He looks over to Tobias's table. "but more of my brother's." He lets out a chuckle.

I put my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. "Does everybody know about this?" I sigh.

"Well, it is the only thing going around." Christina butts in, pointing at me with a fork with some sausage on it.

"Why do people care so much?" I groan.

Uriah swallows his food then sighs. "Tris, I don't think you understand. Knowing Four all these years, there's one thing I can tell you. No girl has ever caught his attention. Not saying he is a virgin, but no girl has ever made him think of committing to a relationship. Whenever a girl is all up on him, he gives them a cold shoulder. Or he has no problem telling them to "fuck off". Four has never been seen with a girl and suddenly you guys are in public kissing. I don't think you understand what a big deal this actually is." He lets out a chuckle. "I hope you know you're on some girls' shit list. And Four's now on some guys' shit list."

I'm not going to argue and say I'm not pretty. I just accept the compliment because nobody will understand that I am not pretty. Then I feel like an attention whore.

I just nod and twiddle with my fingers on the table. I'm just trying to do something to get my mind off this, but it's not possible. _What if I just ruined Tobias's reputation? What if he thought he could commit but now realizes he can't?_

"Anyways, off this whole drama thing …" Christina says while swirling her fork in the air. "How long has this been happening?" A smirk makes its way upon her face.

"Well, I mean … we only kissed two days ago, but … I've liked him since sometime through training …" I shrug. I want to add that I saw him two years ago but that was then, plus I only saw him once.

"Who kissed first; you or him?" She asks.

"You're a little obsessed with her love life." Will cuts in.

Christina punches him in the arm and gives a playful glare. "Shut up." She says then turns her attention back to me.

"Four kissed me. I didn't even know that he liked me." I respond, looking down with a small smile as I recall the memory at the Chasm.

"Well now that that's all cleared up," Uriah cuts in then elbows. "Have you … given him the goods?" He wiggles his eyebrows.

This causes me to gasp which sucks in so much air; I accidently choke and go into a coughing fit. Will and Christina start laughing like crazy. I glare at them but I can be happy that at least neither of them brought up my fear of intimacy.

When I finally get out of my coughing fit, I look to Uriah with a glare and punch him in the arm, hard. He holds his arm and looks at me like I'm something to be feared. "Ow! What was that for?" He complains with a pout.

"That's for talking about me like that, and for bringing up a topic like that in public." I say.

"Geez, I'm sorry. Damn." He keeps rubbing his arm. "You probably gave me a bruise."

I smile. "Well that'll teach you something." I shake my head. "And to answer your question, I'm not a whore. I don't lose my clothing within two days of dating. This is my first relationship anyway. And Four respects my decisions." I grin and he just stares at me open – mouthed.

"Why couldn't you have just said that and not punched me if you would've given me the answer anyway?" He complains.

"Actually, I would have either punched you and told you, or not punched you and not told you. The only wrong thing about this was you had no choice." I laugh.

"God damn it Christina, what have you done to her?" Will asks.

We all look at Christina to see a proud smile on her face. "I don't know," She says while shaking her head slightly, "but I love it."

A piercing sound fills the room and we all look towards the source to see Max holding the damn microphone. They need to replace that thing. "Initiates, today, you will officially become members of Dauntless. Meet at the Pit in five minutes. Today, you will choose your jobs. However, there's a small thing we need to tell you. Each of you will go on choosing the jobs you know of which are here in the Dauntless compound. But, you will also need to choose a job outside of the compound. This is how Dauntless makes money and can run this place. You must also choose a job such as: robbers, murders, underground fighting, rap battles, street racing, strippers, whores, drug dealers …" I stop listening to him when he gets to that. I promised I would do that. But I also promised that when I got to Dauntless, I'd leave my past behind. I guess promises were meant to be broken. _But which one am I okay with?_ I stop over thinking and turn my attention back to him, but he's already finishing up. "You get the idea. I know this is a last minute thing that is huge, but if you want a job, we don't need you to overthink it and change your mind constantly. Otherwise, we'll have less of one job than others. Do us proud." Max finishes with a nod and turns off the mic.

I turn back around and look at everyone at the table. Our table is silent, but in the background, you can only hear some murmurs. This really hit the initiates hard. It is not something easy to choose. Each one is dangerous and life – ending. The only one that doesn't seem as phased is Uriah. I'm not as phased … but it's still hard. Everyone thought they would live a carefree life when they joined Dauntless, but you can never trust anyone a hundred percent. Some people need to be smarter. This compound doesn't just run off of five leaders.

All their eyes pierce into mine. Theirs filled with fear, but I know I can't even fake that. If my fate is to come to me while doing this, oh well. I wasn't really going anywhere else with my life. I'm not saying I'm not completely unafraid, but I've done this and I know what to expect, just not this extreme. Now I'm working with top dollar people and other gangs. It's no laughing matter.

I flick my eyes away from the others. I know what they're thinking. _She's getting special treatment. Why is she not afraid? Does she have this all planned out? Why can't we control our emotional stress as well as her?_ I know they're also thinking about themselves, but I know some of their thoughts are judging towards me.

I don't know how to answer them. What to say. I look back to their piercing eyes that I can feel burning into my skull. My eyes meet theirs and I know what they're asking me.

 _How do we do this?_

 _I don't know._

* * *

I'm compacted between all these bodies as we wait for the mini speech to be over so we can choose our jobs. Everyone is in nervous anticipation, I'm sure. I just want to be called up, say my jobs, and get off before making any stupid decisions. I already know what I want my jobs to be. I've finally come to my answer and confirmed it. I will not look back on it. I'll do what I want, not what other people want.

I tune everyone and everything out. I don't listen to the speech. I just shift my body from foot to foot. Until I hear, "Now for the initiates to choose their futures." Cheers from Dauntless erupt all around. Max has a smile on his face before he gets handed a list by a guy next to him.

"First up, Tris." He looks at me with a grin. I can read his eyes. They're telling me to do the right thing. The Dauntless erupt in cheers again, probably because I came in first.

I walk through the crowd of Dauntless and heat rises in my cheeks when I feel all eyes on me. Not only was there clapping and stamping of feet, but there were cat calls and whistles. Knowing Tobias, he's probably not happy with them.

I walk up to Max and people leave a space between them and Max, so initiates can have their space. "Tris, choose your jobs." Max says. I can read his eyes. I can. They're telling me to do what he wants. _But do I?_

I can't look at him when I say it. It's like an embarrassment even though others think of it as great. "I want to work at the tattoo parlor with Tori … and I want to be one of your drug dealers."

Max has a grin on his face as I seem to have fulfilled my job as a drug dealer. I honestly don't know if I would've wanted to be anything else. In any other job, I'd be looked down upon by men, and I do not want to be a stripper or whore or anything useable. Drug dealing is more of a man's thing than a woman's, but I don't see any other assholes volunteering to do this. I know this is dangerous even though others may not see it that way. But you need to be smart and smooth about this type of thing. If I can be one of the best on the street, I can be the best in Dauntless.

"What room number would you like? As your apartment. You get to choose between ten – twenty to ten – twenty – nine." Max says. I'm sure Christina doesn't want to share an apartment with me considering her and Will will have one together. Plus, I like being on my own and not being pestered about guys and fashion and drama.

"Ten - twenty." I say.

Max nods and hands me a key which was given by the guy on the side. "Welcome to Dauntless." Max says with a grin and everyone cheers around me.

When I turn around, I see Tobias on the far side, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed and a grin on his face. It makes me smile a bit. My smile doesn't go far though. I have officially just put myself in a load of mess. I'm screwed.

I decide to just leave the Pit and make my way to my apartment. I don't want to be there for an after – party and the load of 'congratulations' I'll get by random people I don't know. I felt too crowded in there and so many eyes were on me. I felt like they were piercing through my soul and I might randomly pass out.

I also want some time to myself to think about what I've just done. I can't back out of this anymore. I am a Dauntless. I am fucked.

I make my way through the hallways and down the stairs from the Pit. I try to speed walk my way through the halls but I slowed down because I still don't know my way around that well. I read the numbers on the signs on the doors. Ten – eighteen. Ten – nineteen. Ten – twenty.

I shove my key in the door lock and unlock it. Once I'm inside, I go to my bed and drop down on it. I close my eyes and let my mind wander.

I'm back to being a drug dealer now. I told myself I'd get rid of my past and Dauntless was the way out. I thought that by becoming Dauntless, I'd finally be carefree and not be worried anymore. Well I'm now more worried than I was. Now I have to become a better drug dealer than I was. There's not many drug dealers, since others think it's boring but now I have to bring in more money. If something goes wrong during a deal, I could easily be killed. I'll just bring a gun with me. But I can still get killed. And if I refuse to go back to doing my job after a shooting or something, Dauntless will kill me. Living on the streets or with a gang is a fucked up life.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on the door. Well, at least it took me out of my hell hole. But I hope it's not someone I really don't want to deal with right now.

"Who is it?" I ask, loud enough for them to hear.

"Your favorite." A familiar male voice answers. Tobias. Good. I need him right now.

"Come in." I stay lying on the bed.

He opens the door and looks from the door to me lying on my bed with a raised eyebrow. "You know, you should lock the doors. You never know who may just open them." He's serious about it, but tries to keep the mood light. He closes the door and locks it behind him. He kicks his shoes off by the door and takes off his leather jacket and throws it to the floor. He's left with a grey t-shirt on that I can see his all muscles through.

"I know, sorry. It just slipped my mind." I say as he walks towards me. He has a smile on his face which puts one on mine too.

He moves onto the bed, hovering over me. "Hey, baby." He says with a smile then leans down to kiss me. I love that term, 'baby'. It sent shivers down my spine and I'm sure he felt it too.

When we pull apart, I move my head to the side a little with a small smile. "Baby?" I ask.

"What? You don't want me to call you that?" He cocks his head a little to the side.

"No, it's not that. It's just … new." I say.

He moves off of me to the side and lies down on his back. I move towards him and lay my head on his chest. He moves his fingers through my hair. I close my eyes. This is actually really relaxing. I've needed this.

In a way, I'm so lucky I joined Dauntless. If I didn't, I wouldn't have met Tobias. I don't know where he's been all my life. I wonder what his initiation was like. He said it was different and a lot has changed since then. Wait. He said that he trained two years ago but he would've had to wait a year to train so he would've only done it for one year. So that means he's been here longer. _How's that possible? Shouldn't he be twenty – one or older?_

I move my head a little to look up at his face. "Tobias, if you trained for two years, how are you twenty?" I ask.

"I told you, a lot has changed in two years. Initiation was originally started at sixteen. That's when I started my initiation." He says.

I nod against his chest. "What rank did you get?"

He looks down at me with a smile. "First."

"So … if Lynn wasn't in our initiation, or your initiation, how did you guys meet?"

"Zeke and Uriah stayed here. Uriah was allowed to stay at fourteen since Zeke was sixteen. Lynn came when Uriah was a year from starting initiation. Lynn's initiation was the last one they had at sixteen. So, yes, Lynn is a year older than Uriah. And Uriah brought her over to our table one day and we all became friends." He raises an eyebrow. "You're just full of questions today, aren't you?"

"Trust me, I have a lot of questions, I just don't know if I should ask them all yet." I shrug.

He smiles a little. "Ask away."

"So do they still allow people under eighteen here?"

"Yes, they do. If they chose you, and you have another family member with you who is younger, you're allowed to stay together but they still have to go through initiation. Or if Dauntless sees potential in you for the future of us, we keep you and again, you still have to do initiation later. That's the group that Lauren has. Those are the ones we took in early. Your group is of the ones we took in at eighteen."

"I don't understand the whole Erudite and Dauntless thing. Then seeing Amity bring in food? Are we enemies or friends?" I really am confused about this.

"It's hard to explain. All of the gangs honestly have some shit against each other. We hate each other, yet we want to be allies and depend on each other. All five of us: Amity, Abnegation, Candor, Erudite, and Dauntless; are like a system. Yet we will kill each other if needed."

"What job do you have … the one for Dauntless, not in Dauntless."

He sighs. "I'm an underground fighter." He doesn't seem as proud of it.

"Well, I can see why." I say as I slide my hand up and down his arm slowly. He groans and I chuckle. I think I asked a lot of questions already. "Do you have questions for me?" I ask.

He nods a little. "Sure."

"Then ask me." I say.

"Okay ... uhh … oh, why are you called 'Six' on the street?" He asks.

I giggle. Of course he would ask that. "My name was Six because there were only six people that ever made an impact in my life at that time. But now I've met more people … and now you're here." I smile and kiss him under his chin.

"Do you have any more tattoos other than the … birds?" I nod. "Can I see them?"

I turn my back to him, and instead of lifting my shirt, I tell him it's on my shoulders. He pulls the shirt down a little in the back. "Dead and Gone?" He asks, amused.

I nod. "Yea, it's my favorite song." I forgot that that was the first tattoo I had and it's on my shoulder with one of the symbols.

"Why an Abnegation symbol?"

"I value their selflessness." I say then turn back around to look at him.

"How did you start with your … drug dealing?"

I shrug. "Honestly, it was the only thing that I knew how to do at the time. The club didn't pay me enough so I barely had enough money to live. I … worried more about paying rent that I would … go days without food and then eat like a fruit once in awhile. That's why I can't eat much anymore … I ruined my system. Anyway, since I couldn't make enough money, I did drug dealing, but I didn't want many clients because the more I have, the more info that gets put out about me. So I made some more money to help pay off rent faster and buy some food faster."

"So that's why you don't eat enough. I've seen you when you eat, Tris. I know you said it's hard but, you have to start eating more. You have absolutely no fat on you and you can't gain as much muscle as others because of it."

"Tobias, I try to eat more, but it's hard. I can't. It hurts. But I'm doing better than I was on the streets."

"If how you're eating now is better than how it was on the streets, I don't even know if I'd be able to watch that shit." He shakes his head.

I move off of his chest and lay against the pillow so I'm face to face with him. I touch his jaw, gently. "Hey, I'm okay now. I'm okay." I say with a small smile.

I can see some water in his eyes and he shakes his head slightly. He pulls me close to him and I peck his lips. He pushes his lips back to mine and we get lost in each other until we're out of breath. Good. I probably got that off his mind now.

"Any more questions?" I ask.

"Just one." He says.

"What's your life story?" I don't know how to answer that exactly. Nobody knows anything and if they do, they only know a portion. I can trust Tobias, though. I know I can. I should tell him. He's shared his life story only with me and he's actually showed me. He let me in his mind. Telling him can only return the favor. "You don't have to tell me, you know." He adds. It's then when I notice that I've been quiet too long.

I shake my head and clear my throat. "No it's…" _It's what, Tris? It's not okay._ I take in a deep breath. "Tobias, I …" _How do I put this?_ "I can't tell you. You'll run. You'll. Run." My voice cracks and I can feel tears in my eyes but I'm glad he's not looking at me, just holding me.

He maneuvers us so we're spooning with my back to his chest. I'm glad he understands I don't want him seeing me cry or anything. He pulls the sheet over us and holds me tight. "No, I won't, Tris. I could never run. Even if I tried. You have some kind of permanent hold on me. I'm forever yours." He says lowly as he rests his face in my hair. I feel his breaths on the back of my neck which sends shivers down my spine.

I'm stumped. I don't know how to say this. Or what to say.

"Just say it, Tris." He whispers.

"Tobias, I can't just say it. You don't understand. This will make you run away from me. Everyone I …" Don't say love. "I care about … they always get hurt. And it's my fault." I'm so scared of losing him. I can't. I don't want to.

"Baby, start from the beginning. I will listen all throughout. And I promise you, by the end of it, I'll still be here holding you. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been in Dauntless four years. I have done things that I should be in prison for. For life." He says.

I shake my head. It's not the same. I have a feeling he's referring to have killed someone, but he didn't turn on his own family. He did not kill his own family. The own people he loved.

"I …" I got to do this. "I lived a very good life when I was younger." I start. "To other people, I was raised a white, stuck – up, rich bitch. In reality, I lived in a one story house, no security, grey walls, no mirrors, taught manners, etc. I won't lie, I had a great life. I loved it. My life was probably stricter than average peoples. People would talk about how I have so much money and spend all 'daddy's money' on anything because he worked for the government. Little did they know, I was just taught it was selfish. My mom just worked at charity events and helped homeless people and stuff. So as you could tell, they weren't home very much. It was just my brother, Caleb and I.

"Well, when you leave two teenagers home alone, you'd expect at least one to break rules. Except Caleb wasn't much of a partier or shit like that. He was a very … nerdy? He would start sneaking out of the house, and of course my parents didn't know because if I told, I'd be a snitch and be selfish, plus it's his life. Well, he started to come home later and later. Hours turned to weeks at time.

"I knew something was wrong by the way he started acting. He would hide things from me all the time. He would lie to my parents, but the worst thing is, he knew I knew about him going off, yet he still lied to me. I figured that once he left, I would start searching around his room from there on. I did it once, and I found so much. The nerdy, goody – two – shoes boy was doing drugs, drinking, etc. I even found a random stash of money shoved in his dresser. From then on, I started carefully spying on him. Then one day, he left his phone behind. I waited fifteen minutes to make sure he wasn't coming back, then hurried to look through it. We didn't have extravagant phones so he had a flip phone. Of course, that would help not being able to trace it. Well, I looked through text messages and found this contact …" _How do I tell him?_ "Jeanine." I feel his body stiffen behind me.

"When I looked through the texts, they were pretty suspicious. They were talking of so many gang – related things but mostly murder. I tried to go back as much as I could, but either the phone deletes texts every once in awhile, or Caleb did it himself. I put the phone back exactly the way it was and hurried out the room, shutting the door.

"I thought nothing of it after about two months. Nothing was happening. I heard nothing from Caleb and he kept acting the way he was, no weirder. It was confusing. I couldn't understand.

"One day, I came home from school." Here we go. I'm not ready. I swallow the lump in my throat. I take a deep breath and it comes out shaky. Tobias kisses the back of my neck softly. "And … and it was supposed to be a surprise that my parents came home that day. It was supposed to be a happy day. A family day. I … I just didn't expect to walk in on them tied up to chairs and Caleb on one side. He was … he was emotionless. He had his arms crossed and he never gave a shit. Then there was this girl to my left. I couldn't run. She had a gun. It was pointed at me.

"It – it was Jeanine – "

Tobias cuts in. "Jeanine from Erudite?" I nod my head. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"It's not worth it anymore." My voice cracks on the last word. "Plus, I didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't want to admit that I am now just like the person I hated all my life …"

Before he can object, I continue with my story. "She told me about how Caleb decided on this deal … to join her. I – I think he's in Erudite, Tobias. They said that if he was to join, my parents would have the government on Erudite's asses and then all the gangs. They didn't want that, so they said they had to kill them. They … I … I killed my parents. Jeanine said that she'd leave no evidence, but just in case, I'd be the one blamed and I was the one to kill them. She handed me a gun while keeping a gun to my head. I wouldn't do it. Then she started counting down. My parents encouraged me. They kept … telling me that it would be okay. I wasn't in the right state of mind so when they said that, she finally got to two and … and I shot them both in the head. Quickly. I couldn't let them die painfully and slowly."

I shake my head. "That fear in the simulations was not a fear. It was a fucking memory. It kills me to recall that day over and over again when I got over it. In my simulation, I killed myself because … whenever I think of it, if I could've redone that whole situation, that's what I would've done. But it's too late now."

A tear slips out of my eye. _Why hasn't he left yet? Why hasn't he ran?_

"Why are you still here?" I ask. It came out a little rude, but I'm trying not to shake, I'm trying to calm myself.

"Why shouldn't I be?" He asks and pulls me closer.

"Because I … killed them. It was my fucking fault. I should've just killed myself, Tobias! Why are you still here? I just told you I am a murderer and … it was my own family. You should be leaving me." I'm trying not to cry, but it's hurting my chest. It's stabbing at my throat.

He turns me in his arms, even when I struggle not to move. He holds my hands between us so I can't move away. I'm trying to take deep breaths but everything keeps coming out shaky.

"Because I refuse to leave you. You're the only thing going right for me in this world. I know that if I was to be put in a situation like that, I wouldn't have been able to come up with a solution either. And about that, I don't want to hear about you killing yourself, ever. Understand?" His voice turns into his authoritative 'Four' voice. I just nod, not wanting to argue. "Tris, I joined a fucking gang at sixteen. A very dangerous one at that. You don't think I've done so many things in life I regret? You don't think I've committed murder either?"

"It's not the same, Tobias. It's family." I try to reason.

"I understand it's family, Tris. But the guilt will eat you forever. And the memories of when that person stops breathing never leaves your goddamn mind. I know, Tris. It just hurts a hell of a lot more when it's people you love. But it wasn't your fault. You were sixteen. You were forced and your parents were getting into your head. I wouldn't have thought anything more about it either. It's human instinct to fight to survive. Never blame this on you. I know it hurts but, you can only blame Caleb." He stares at me and I have nothing to say anymore. I gulp, trying to keep from crying.

He puts his thumb under my eye. "I see your tears. You can cry, you know? You don't have to always be strong." He says.

He pulls me closer and I let it all out. I don't let him see my face, though. I never liked letting him see my face when I cried in front of him. I cry against his chest and soon, I feel the damp cloth of his shirt pressing against my face. He strokes my hair lovingly until I finally have no more tears to cry.

I pull away slowly, wiping my face before letting him see me. I look at his shirt and purse my lips. "I'm so –"

I'm cut off by his hands on my jaw and his lips pressed to mine. "Don't say you're sorry. That's what boyfriends are for, right? Being a rag." He says with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood.

I can't help but let a small smile plant itself on my face. _I want so bad to say 'I love you", but do I? Or do I only love what he does for me? Is it too soon? Does he love me?_ No. Stop. You already told yourself you're incapable of love.

"You're amazing, Tobias." I say with a smile. He lifts himself up and takes off his shirt. I avert my eyes when I see his abs. I don't know why I can't look him straight on. He chuckles.

"Come here." He says softly as he lays back down.

I move towards him slowly. I don't want to be this intimate. I don't want to be this close. Yet I do. I want him to hold me for a while. He feels so protective and warm, but I don't want anything to happen.

"Don't worry. I won't try anything." He says as he wraps his arms around me.

"What if I fall asleep and have nightmares?" I try to make an excuse to leave the bed. I don't know if I can control myself or if he can. My heart is beating fast, but being right here feels so right.

"I'll fight your bad dreams off." He says with a smile.

"With what?" I ask.

"My bare hands, of course." I don't know why I don't exactly want to move but keep making excuses. I lay my head next to his chest and hear his heartbeat. Somehow, our heartbeats slow together and I melt into him. Even though I'm scared, I manage to close my eyes, and I forget about everything.

* * *

My body is engulfed in heat when I wake up. I push away from it, but something holds me back. I hear a small groan and I panic. I open my eyes to see Tobias and his arms are tight around my waist. I look down at my body fast. He didn't do anything. He didn't do anything. I sigh in relief. I can't believe I let myself fall asleep in a bed with him.

 _Why did I love it, though?_ I had no nightmares and my body melted into his. My body let itself drift off into sleep with a man right next to me. I must be going crazy.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?" Tobias mumbles. I glance up to see his eyes still closed. _How did he know I was awake?_ He smirks and as if he could read my mind, he adds, "I was awake the whole time, but couldn't fall back asleep." He opens his eyes and looks down at me with a loving smile on his face.

"Oh. Sorry." I say. My cheeks heat up when I notice that he's still holding me tightly while his eyes meet mine and our bodies are pressed against each other.

He chuckles. "It's not your fault."

"What time is it?" I groan.

He grabs his phone from behind him. "Late. Do you want something to eat still?"

I really do, but I don't. It's too late to eat at the cafeteria. Plus, I'm so drained, I don't know if I could eat, but my stomach has a really empty feeling.

I shake my head. "No, it's too late. I'll just eat tomorrow after work."

"Are you tired?"

I shake my head again. "Not really."

"Then get up." He says while getting up.

"Where are we going?" I ask while sitting up and leaning back on my arms.

"Well, if you're not eating until after work tomorrow, you will eat tonight. And I'm also going to take you somewhere fun." He says throwing on his jacket and pulling on his shoes. I just sit there, dumbfounded. _He's going to take me somewhere out of nowhere?_

* * *

(Tobias POV)

I don't want Tris being drained all today and tomorrow. She's had a rough day considering she went through all of that again. Even if it was a memory, it hurts every time.

She needs to get out now. This is Dauntless, we're not anti – social. And if you're considered one, like me, it just means you're an asshole that wants nothing to do with a lot of people. Plus, I want to take her out because I'm tired of the eating habit she developed on the street. She's too skinny.

I don't want to go into a city. That's something else that she can't do now. Not ever again. We all know better than to go into the city so we go to bars, restaurants, or fast food places around here. Afterwards is a surprise. I know she'll be able to handle what I have in store. Yeah, she doesn't really like big crowds, so I'm sure she's never been to any events on the streets. I'll be there, nobody will mess with her. Though the looks she may get from guys will piss me off, I want her to have fun. I don't want her to be down the rest of the day and tomorrow.

I look at her, still on the bed, looking at me. God, I would love to walk into my apartment seeing that every day. I raise an eyebrow at her. "Coming?" I ask.

She hops off the bed and grabs her shoes to throw on. I am so happy she's not one of those girls that cares about how they look and spends hours to get ready. I told her we were going someplace and she just went straight to her shoes. She brushes her fingers through her hair real fast and I'm surprised how soft and untangled her hair is, even after she fell asleep.

She grabs her keys and walks up to me. I take her hand in mine and open the door. I'm happy when I see her remember to lock her door before leaving. Good, she remembered.

"Isn't everyone asleep?" She asks.

I laugh. "Are you kidding? Everyone's awake. Especially tonight. They're all either celebrating here or at bars. Nobody will be back until like two in the morning. But you're with me; I'll make sure you're still okay for tomorrow." I untangle my hand from hers which she looks hurt for a minute for, but then I wrap my arm around her waist.

As we walk through the halls, I watch her and it seems as if she's in her own world. It's like she's eager but skeptical. I lean down and kiss her head. "It'll be fine. Trust me." I might as well show her all the streets considering she'll be going on them tomorrow for more clients.

We walk into the Pit and there are people everywhere. I can feel the stares on us, even though not everyone is looking at us. Tris tenses in my arm and I move my hand down a little so it's on the side of her thigh and circle my thumb to reassure her. I hope she's not afraid of me touching her there right now. She doesn't seem to mind so far. I don't even know if she's noticed.

Another thing she should learn here is not to give a shit. About people's opinions, about anything. If they stare at you, keep them staring and turning heads. Most people are just surprised so they look. Some girls are jealous for two different reasons: because they never were able to get my attention, or I'm not dating them and always turned them down. For any of the guys here that liked her, it makes me happy to know that they now know she's mine. She's walking with my arm around her and my hand on her thigh. I smirk. I look down at Tris and see her looking down with a blush on her face. I lean down to her ear and say, "Look up."

She looks up, expecting to see something, but she notices that there's nothing. There are only people looking. She purses her lips and tries to look straight on once she notices why I told her to look up. She refuses to look around and face people's stares straight on. I don't care. I will stare everyone down.

Although, Tris and I are two different total people. Don't get me wrong, she's a very strong person, and we both keep to ourselves, but when a problem like this happens, I can face it straight on and she just avoids it.

We walk out of the compound and towards the side. I'm surprised she still hasn't said anything about my hand on her thigh. She looks up at me confused. "Why are we going this way?" She asks.

"Our cars are over there." I say.

"You guys have cars?" Her eyes light up.

"Yes, we have a place for our cars, and it's hidden from everyone so other gangs or trespassers can't find them." I say with a smirk.

We reach the place where we have our cars. There's a ramp and a huge plot of concrete so we can get our cars on and off. There are trees surrounding the area everywhere except for a small passageway for the cars to get out of.

We walk up to my 2016 Nissan GT-R Black Edition Coupe. She stops suddenly and her jaw drops. "That's …" She looks up at me. "That's yours?" I chuckle and nod my head. "How did you … I mean how …" I know what she wants to ask. _How could I afford it?_ She just doesn't want to be rude.

"Baby, I have three jobs. And not to brag, but I'm probably one of the best fighters in all gangs … maybe the best. We come from Dauntless; everyone wants to fight the people here. If you do beat us, you would get a shit load of money." I smirk then unlock the car. I open up the door for her and she stops in front of it, leaning over to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"You're so sweet." She says.

I slap her ass, but not enough to hurt. "Get in there." I say with a smile. She giggles and hops in. I close her door and go around to climb in.

As we start to drive off, towards the gate, she sees the people there, ready to check us. "Will they let us go?" She asks.

"Yes, they will. You're officially Dauntless now," Even though I hate it. _Why didn't you run baby?_ "Plus, others have gone out. And even though I'm older … and the 'Four', they know better than to question any Dauntless. Especially me."

I stop at the gate and roll the window down. The guards look at me, then inside to see Tris there. Weird looks appear on their faces and I know what they're thinking. _What am I doing with a girl? Alone?_ I even see one look towards the back, where nobody is and he shakes his head like it's unbelievable.

"You're good to go." He says and I drive off. I don't want to start any conversation. It's none of their business what goes on with Tris and I.

As we drive through the roads, I go faster since nobody is driving around. I know the races are usually later at night, because they like to disturb people. That's actually where I want to take Tris. I was depicting between a rap battle and a race, but I ended up going for the race. Rap battles to me can get more violent than the races and I don't want her getting hurt.

"Tobias, can you tell me what the surprise is after we eat?" I hear my beautiful girl ask.

I look at her then back at the road. I shake my head. "Nope."

She huffs. "Fine, but please don't spend money on me. I already don't like the idea of you buying me dinner."

"Tris, it's my money. I can do whatever I want with it. I make more than enough. If I want to spend it on my girl, I'll spend it on my girl." I glance towards her and see a blush on her face.

I take my right hand off the wheel and hold it out near the console. She puts her hand in mine and I squeeze her hand. I bring it up to my face and kiss it before putting our hands back down, but still holding on.

I drive up to a small restaurant literally called 'Restaurant'. Honestly the most shitty – looking places, serve the best food. I've never been here, but I guess we'll try it out. I park and look towards Tris to be met by her looking at me too. Smiles break out on both our faces and I nod my head to my door. "C'mon let's go." I say then open my door and get out. Tris gets out and I wait for her in front of my car. I lock my car then walk with her up to the place.

When we walk in, I notice that it's like a mini buffet. You pick what you want, make it yourself, and then pay. You can choose to have burgers, tacos, hotdogs, burritos etc. Tris looks pretty impressed with this place. The food looks like it was actually made and not put in the microwave.

I grab her hand and she threads our fingers together. We walk up to the buffet and grab a tray and plate. Wow, I feel like I'm at Dauntless. I want to say that this food looks better, but Dauntless knows how to cook too.

She moves her hand towards the taco shells and takes one. I lean down to her and whisper, "If you're getting tacos, you better eat at least two."

She looks up at me and pouts. "Four," I hate when she calls me that, although I know she's just making sure no one hears. "I … don't know if I can even eat that much."

"Well, we're going to work on that. If you don't eat it, remember I'm your ride home and if you don't eat it all, we won't be going anywhere." I really want her habits to go away. She needs to gain weight. I'm not saying her skinniness makes her ugly, but she's still underweight and I love her enough to care.

 _LOVE? Holy shit did I just think that?_ Calm down, Tobias. You're overthinking. _But am I even capable of love?_ Every time I look at Tris, my heart warms. Every day with her, I learn more reasons of what I love about her. I can imagine my future with her. Like earlier when I said I'd love to walk into my apartment every night to find her in my bed.

She's the one girl I actually want to have a relationship with. The only one I want to say that I'm hers. The only one I want to call mine. The only one I want to kiss. The only one I want to touch me. The only one I want to make love to. The only one I want to say 'I love you' to me. The only one I want to say 'I love you' to.

Every time I look at her, I think of what may happen. If I'll hurt her. I never want to hurt her. I never want her to leave me. I honestly don't know how I'd go on with life. She'd leave me with a broken heart. I would never leave her, but if she wanted to leave me, I would fight for her, but never force her. I don't want to tell her I love her and trick her into saying it when I don't even know what love is. Or if I'm even capable of it.

I always wonder why she chose me. There are so many guys out there. Some that would treat her like a goddamn queen. Some that would bow down to her. Some that would provide her with a wonderful life. Some that would know for sure that they loved her. A lot that are not fucking criminals. Okay, Tobias. Tonight was supposed to be about being free and having fun. Wait some time. Fix yourself. Be sure of yourself before you say 'I love you' then hurt her. I know this relationship won't last. It will be my fault. Someone as pure as her could never love someone as damaged as me. I can't think of that now. Save it for the future.

By the end of my thoughts, I see that Tris filled both her tacos and I involuntarily have made myself a hamburger. Damn. I wanted something different for once, but it's okay. It may come out better than planned. I pay for the food then Tris and I go sit down and she takes a bite out of a taco while I try my hamburger. I'm actually really surprised. There burgers are actually better that Dauntless hamburgers, and that was my favorite food. Well, at least no dessert can even compare to Dauntless cake.

I hear Tris moan and I snap my eyes up towards her. She just took me by surprise with that. Her eyes meet mine and an immediate blush appears on her cheeks. "Sorry, I –" I cut her off before she can apologize. She deserves to eat good food once in four years.

"Is it good?" I ask.

"It's great. It's been forever." She says with a small smile.

As we eat, I notice that she's stuffing down her tacos basically. It makes me really happy she's enjoying it. It really doesn't bother me at all. It's not like she's acting like a pig and chewing with her mouth open. She hasn't eaten a lot in so many years and is finally getting more than one thing that is actual food. I thought I was going to have trouble getting her to eat. By the time I'm done with my burger, she's done with her tacos.

"You want a drink?" I ask her. She shakes her head no.

She groans. "I probably can't get any more in my stomach." She rubs her stomach and I chuckle. At least she ate it all.

I stand up. "C'mon, let's go. We're gonna drive around before I take you to your surprise." I hold my hand out.

She grabs my hand and lifts herself up. We walk to my car, get in, and take off. I slowly drive around while I blast the radio.

I want Tris to see all the things that she found dangerous and see the awesomeness in it. Meanwhile, I will also be looking for a street race. As we pass bars and clubs, we see people dancing and the music blaring out of the window. Lights flash everywhere. Outside people are drinking and having fun while playing games. A little ways away, there's a crowd of people circling something and when I pass by, I see two people in the middle talking. Rap battle. I drive farther out towards the longer, abandoned streets.

I see a bunch of sports cars being parked on the sides of the streets and off of that, are people in the beginning of acres of abandoned land. There's only dirt. I see flags laid out in the distance to where I can no longer see anymore. There's a crowd of people near a white line on the ground that was probably spray painted. They all seem to be hanging out. I look at the time on my car and see it's midnight. Okay. They'll probably be starting soon.

I park in an empty space on the side of the street. I unbuckle myself then look to Tris who is already looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "Isn't this dangerous?" She asks.

Yes. But no need to worry right now. "No, it's fun." I say with a smile.

She looks skeptical about it but at the same time excited. "C'mon." I say then get out of the car. She gets out and I lock it. I hold out my hand to her. "Just stay by me." She grabs my hand and we make our way over to the crowd of people.

* * *

(Tris POV)

I stay close to Tobias. Okay, maybe too close. I'm basically at his hip. He chuckles and removes his hand to wrap it around my waist again.

When we are almost close to the crowd, a guy comes jogging out. He starts toward us, and I get a little nervous, but Tobias gives my side a squeeze. "Yo. What are you doing out here, Four?" The guy asks as he walks up to us. The guy seems shocked but now has a grin on his face.

Tobias smiles. "I wanted to take my girl out here, Nando."

He looks at me. "Ah, so someone's finally stolen the heart of the emotionless Four?" He says with a wink. I feel heat rise in my cheeks. He laughs. "Aye, a shy one huh?" He grins. "My name's Fernando, but you can call me Nando."

 _Should I give him my real name? Tris or Six?_ Well, if he's a friend of Tobias, I probably could trust him. I shouldn't let everyone call me by Six. "Tris." I say.

"Ah, she speaks." He says with a grin.

I can already tell he's a good person. He has an intelligent and charming personality. He also has a good sense of humor and seems respectable. If he's doing this work, he must be brave and selfless considering this is for other's entertainment.

"What are you doing out here?" Tobias asks him. "I didn't know other gangs had work today. Or started their new members." _Wait, Fernando isn't from here?_

He shakes his head. "Nah, we're just messing around tonight. I'm not sure about other gangs. I think some Candor may be out here. I know Amity and Dauntless are celebrating, though." _Oh, he's from Amity?_ I didn't think Tobias would become friends with others that are not Dauntless.

I hear someone yell something and Fernando looks behind him. He turns back to us and says, "The race is 'bout to get started. Gotta go." He runs off back into the crowd who starts cheering.

I look up at Tobias to already see him looking at me, grinning. "You're friends with an Amity?" I ask.

"Yea. Zeke and I met him at a race a long time ago." He says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Doesn't Dauntless get mad about hanging around other gangs?" I ask.

"Every gang gets mad about it. But just because we hang around them doesn't mean we like them. And if we do, Dauntless doesn't give a shit unless they make it a problem 'cause it may be someone they dislike." He says again with a shrug. "C'mon. Let's stop worrying and enjoy our free time."

When I look back at the crowd, I already see them splitting into two sides and two cars driving up to the line. Tobias and I walk to the one of the side and luckily, we aren't confronted by anyone. Nobody is pushing on us or anything and everybody seems friendly and they're minding their own business unless they're hanging with friends.

Tobias moves his hand from my side to my front pocket and the same with his other hand to my other pocket as he stands behind me. He pulls me back to him and lays his head on my head. My shoulder is probably too low for him. The thought makes me smile. I lean back as he leans forward so we balance ourselves and don't fall. This actually makes me feel comfortable and safe.

I glance around to see some other couples. Some of them are a little too intimate so I don't worry about how Tobias and I look at the moment. A couple of them are sitting down with the girl in the guy's lap. Thank God Tobias didn't think of that. I would feel so weird.

* * *

(Tobias POV)

The cars are starting and I see Fernando in one and some guy I don't recognize in the other. I'm comfortable with how I have Tris in my arms and I think she is too. "Cars start your engines!" A guy between them says. They start and he backs out to be in front of them.

I glance at Tris's face and her eyes light up. She has a smile on her face. I'm glad she's enjoying this. Everybody around us is cheering. The guy points to both drivers to see if they're good. Once they nod, he gives his thumbs up and they speed off, leaving a trail of dust behind them.

The headlights light up the ground and I see the tiny flags. The cars go pretty far out to where they almost look like ants and then turn around towards us. They seem to be coming even faster back so everybody moves out the way. When we can see the whole front of the cars, everyone around starts cheering louder.

Fernando is behind the car but when they start getting closer, his car bypasses the other and goes right passed the line and through us. Then the other one comes right through. He drives a little down the street as he slows down his car then turns around slowly driving towards us and parks. When he gets out, everyone starts running up to him in a crowd. I can see a big grin on his face.

Tris turns in my arms and wraps her arms around my neck. She seems so excited and happy. She also has the most beautiful smile on her face. "Thank you, Tobias." She whispers since everyone is away from us. She then leans up and gives me a long – needed kiss.

"Anything for you, baby." I whisper when we pull away. Everybody comes racing back to us and two other guys are getting ready to start racing.

Tris and I spend our whole night out here. Like others, we're probably going to be too tired for tomorrow, but at least we won't have hangovers like the rest. Later on, Tris gets into the mood and cheers too. When all the races were done, racers and some other people would start doing tricks, still having a little competition between two people. I knew Tris would enjoy her time out here. She's not like other girls who want guys to get them flowers and chocolates constantly. She seems amused by the smallest things even though I could and should be giving her more. I shouldn't be thinking of that again right now.

I put my forehead on her shoulder. I close my eyes and let out a sigh.


	12. Aesthete and Epoch

**_DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

(Tris POV)

I don't want to wake up yet. Nightmares kept me up all night. I would fall asleep, wake up panicking, then toss and turn until I fell asleep again. I wish I was in Tobias's arms again. When I fell asleep in his arms that day, I had the best nap in forever.

It was confusing because I didn't know if he actually did chase my bad dreams off with his bare hands or if I was able to feel protected in his arms and didn't have to worry about anything. I don't know how I become so comfortable around him. It's like I can put all my trust into him. But I won't. Even if he's my 'boyfriend' now, I just learned never to put so much trust into someone. Even if they were able to say 'I love you'. Caleb taught me that. The streets taught me that.

I grab a pair of black jeans and a black shirt. I put on my boots and walk out of my apartment, remembering to lock it. I walk to the cafeteria and I'm actually surprised to see that my friends aren't at my table. In fact, they're all at Tobias's and Zeke's. I didn't think Tobias would want to talk to any of them. Maybe they're there because Zeke is Uriah's brother and Uriah invited them there.

Either way, they all seem to be getting along even though Tobias isn't really talking and if he is, it's towards Zeke. I see an empty space towards Tobias. I take a closer look at the table and it seems like everybody is there. That space might be for me. My stomach twists. I don't want to sit there.

I make my way to the table stacked with muffins and take a banana – nut one. Then I brace myself and make my way to the table. I sit next to Tobias and everybody looks at me with a smile except Tobias. They're all staring at both of us. A guy with a metal ring between his nostrils, across from us and a little to the left, speaks up.

"Ah, I finally get to see Four's girl in person." He says. _Why does everyone always have to mention that and why do I always have to blush?_ He chuckles. "I'm Gabe."

"Tris." I say.

"I know." He says with a smile. I bite my lip. Hopefully I didn't say something wrong.

"Don't bite your lip." I hear in my ear and look towards Tobias. I release my lip. "And a muffin? Really?" He asks.

"I don't want to eat too much …" I say.

He sighs and shakes his head. "You better eat something for lunch." He mutters.

I decide to put his worries to rest. "Are you going to take a break at lunch?" I ask.

"Yes..." He gives me a questioning look.

"Then we could get something here and come back to my apartment or yours." I say.

He looks at me with a smile and kisses my cheek. "That sounds great. I'd rather spend time with my girl than surrounded by idiots."

"Hey, those are your friends." I laugh.

"Some of them. And they're still idiots." He grins.

Some people start to leave and I look at Tobias. He looks at his watch. "Time to start your job." My stomach twists in knots. _Will I have to start tattooing on my first day? Where do I go to start up my drug dealing again? What if some of my clients have been wondering where I've been?_ He gives a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, baby. You'll do fine." He says as we stand up. Something about when he says 'baby' makes me feel warm inside.

I place my hands on his shoulders and go on my tiptoes to give him a kiss. "I'll see you later." I say then walk away.

I think Tobias is going to the control room. _He wouldn't have an underground fight until tonight, right_? If he has one. _Would they already place fights tonight?_ It's only the first day. Eh, that doesn't mean shit. I have to retrieve new clients and my old clients. At least I have time to calm down before I get started back onto my old life.

I make my way through the halls of the Pit and walk into the tattoo parlor. Music blares in the background. Hey, at least I can get lost in the music as I work.

Tori comes to greet me with a smile. "I'll just show you to the back room." She says, nodding towards a door near the entrance. As we walk, she explains how my first day will go. "I'm going to give you your own sketchpad. It'll be bigger than a hand – held one just in case you have an idea for bigger tattoo ideas. All I want you to do today is sketch out some designs. I want to see if you're made out for this. You need to have an artistic mindset. If you're designs do not interest me, I will be teaching how to learn to be creative and put it on paper then skin. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to quit this job unless you ask to switch jobs and your request is granted. So you can't get away from what's expected or you get punishment." She opens the door and shows me to a seat. The word 'punishment' sends chills down my back. Remember when Eric was so set on that. "There will be two other people coming in. Just ignore them. They're just members that wanted to switch jobs. After I take a look at your design or designs in two hours, I will show you to your station and I will teach you how to clean your tools. Oh, I almost forgot." She grabs a paper from a desk next to the table I'm at and brings it to me. "Before any of this, fill this out. It's a form that will help determine your ranking in here. Don't worry, it's nothing important really. It's like an application as if you were applying for a job, so don't worry. Even if you don't get a high ranking here, it's also just so you can permanently be a worker here."

I nod and she gives me a smile before leaving the room. I pick up a pencil from the table and start on the form.

 _Name: Tris_

 _I don't need to put my real name, right?_ It's Dauntless. Not as serious.

 _Age: 18_

 _Other job: Drug dealer_

Wow. Not something you would even think about putting on an application for a real job.

 _Phone number: No phone at the moment._

Seems like I need to save points to get one.

 _E-Mail: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Funny how I have that but no phone. But whenever I'm able to get on the internet, I always had it.

 _Will you be able to come in if called?_

Well, looks like I really am getting a phone.

 _Yes, but not during nights._

I like doing my dealings during the night.

 _Will you commit to this job? Yes._

 _Will you argue as you're told? No._

 _Do you think you will be keeping this job? Yes._

 _With this, you will also be signing as an NDA. Anything disclosed with you or workers here will remain quiet unless given permission upon Tori Wu. If this promise is broken, it will result in serious punishment._

Not like I would say anything. Shit, just joining Dauntless is like signing an NDA. If you say one word about it, you're sure to be killed anyways.

 _Signature:_

I ponder on this for a moment. _Do I put Beatrice Prior? Would putting Tris be considered wrong?_ But this is Dauntless. This place creates new people. New life. New me.

New me.

 _Tris._

* * *

When I glance at the clock, I have to take a second look. I can't believe it's been almost two hours. Tori should be coming in any minute now. I look at everybody else and they're still working on theirs for little adjustments. Maybe I should do that myself.

I look down at my two tattoos. For both I drew the parts of the body, which are basically the backs, then put the tattoo on it to show what it would look like on skin. My first one would have to go on the whole back. It has 3D holes that get smaller the lower it gets on the back. It has smoke – like creatures (basically demons) crawling out of them. Of course, that would be a pretty creepy tattoo to have but I know that some people would think it was cool.

My second tattoo is smaller. It would fit on a fourth of the back. I have it near the top left. There is a tree with no leaves on it, but a few falling from it. There is one bird on a branch. It is the darkest of all of them. The rest of the birds fly up, which goes towards the back of the neck. The farther up they go, the lighter they get. The one the farthest up is white with black tips on its feathers and tail.

I work on the shading on each tattoo until Tori comes in. I look at the others and see they have more than two. Hopefully mine is good enough considering I didn't do as much as them.

"Okay guys. Let me see what you got." Tori says with a smile.

She goes to the other two first and nods. _Does the nodding mean that it's good?_ She looks pretty impressed. My heart races as she looks at each design. I decide not to be nosey and place my elbow on my table, putting my head in my hand. I tap my pencil n my desk.

I hear her footsteps getting louder. I glance up and see she's walking towards me. I glance at the clock. _It's already been ten minutes?_ Her eyes glance towards my designs and she stops next to me. She picks up the papers. She's not nodding. I can hear my heartbeat now. She looks at the others. "You guys may leave to lunch." She says with a smile.

I gulp. My lip catches between my teeth and it's pushing so hard, my lip has gone numb. She watches as they leave then leans against the desk, examining the designs longer.

"I knew there was something unique about these." She mumbles. _She likes them?_ "I didn't want them to have to be in here to hear any of this because we don't need to start staff drama." She gives me a smile and I calm down a lot. I can't believe they were really that interesting. "These," she shakes the papers once and puts them down next to me, "are art. All the others did was draw some words or phrases in cursive letters, a fairy, even one of them just drew wings. Unique." She chuckles. "Go have lunch and after, I'll show you to your office first. The others kind of have to have some classes …" I get up and walk to the door. Before I open it, she adds, "Don't worry about yourself. You're a natural. You're going to be a great addition to this parlor."

"Thanks, Tori." I say with a smile then walk out of the door. I thought that she was going to tell me that I needed to work on mine a lot and take a few classes. I let out a sigh of relief.

"Enjoying your first day so far?" I hear a familiar, sexy voice say that I've come to love. I look up and see Tobias waiting at the entrance for me and he has a small grin on his face. It brings a smile to mine.

* * *

We step into his apartment together. I throw myself onto his bed, my face planted into his pillow. I hear Tobias chuckle. I hear the door close and the small click of the lock. "Yes, just have me carry all the food." He says.

I feel a dip in the bed and I move over then sit up. "You weren't complaining before." I say with a smile. I lean over and kiss his cheek.

He pokes my side. "Eat." He says, handing me my beef quesadilla that was placed in a small box. I honestly don't know how I expected myself to eat this. It just looked good.

I guess Tobias really has been helping me out with my eating habits. When I don't even notice it, I'll eat more than I expected and I'll choose some type of food I could never stuff down. He's trying to push me when I refuse but he doesn't say anything when I don't realize that I've ate a lot. _Am I really that skinny?_

I open the small box and my mouth waters. I honestly have never been able to say I love cafeteria food until now. The cooks at Dauntless definitely know how to make food. The food is better than the bar I worked at.

I take a bite into one of the pieces and I moan. Tobias looks at me with a smile and raises an eyebrow. "Is the food giving you an orgasm?" He jokes. He leans down and whispers in my ear, "I'm supposed to be the one to do that." I blush and punch his arm. _How can he say stuff like that without being embarrassed?_ Well … he is the Pedrad's friend. He laughs at my reaction.

"So, how's your first day going?" He asks.

"Better than expected. Tori said that she was actually impressed with my designs." I say.

"Not surprising. My girl is good at anything she does." I look at him and he winks. Okay, time to keep me from making eye contact with him. I can't seem to stop blushing when he does the smallest things.

I roll my eyes. "What about you? How was it being stuck back on the screen all day?"

"It's fine. Usual as always."

"I don't know how you can just stay staring at screens all day. Doesn't it get tiring? I would've fallen asleep."

"Well, I get rest. I don't have to do anything, really. I have three jobs and the one outside of Dauntless is tiring. Plus, even though it's once in a lifetime, there are times when I have to go down to an area and straighten people out."

"Ooh I've got my own personal bodyguard." I rub my hand up his bicep. I don't know why it's so easy to joke around him. Maybe it's the same with him. He doesn't act like this around others. I look down at my food and I'm surprised when I see only two pieces left. _I ate that much?_ Well, I'm not going to stop. Might as well eat the rest of it.

"I'll always protect my girl." He leans down and kisses my neck for a moment but it still sends shivers through my body. I giggle at the feeling.

He takes my box and his and puts it on the side. Good thing I was finished with that. Wait. _I actually ate everything for once?_ God, I love this man. Love. I can't say that yet. Wayyy too soon.

Next thing you know, I'm pinned into the bed with Tobias's body hovering over me. I have a knot in my stomach. Calm down, Tris. He's not going to do anything you don't want. You know that.

He leans down and I move my head upwards to meet him with a kiss. He grins and leans back down to capture my lips with his. His lips are so soft yet his kisses are rough. His tongue swipes my lips and I happily open them for him. His tongue massages mine and I let out a small moan by accident. He pulls back and I blush. He has a smile on his face, though.

He kisses my jaw and when he gets near my ear, he whispers, "Don't worry. I won't do anything you're not comfortable with." He places a hand on my side and rubs his hand up and down. _How is it possible that he can make me feel this good? Make my heart race this fast? Make my whole body heat up at his touches? How can he make me … wet?_

He gets to my neck and I feel his tongue on my skin. He sucks my neck and I can't suppress another moan. My hips are about to buck up to feel friction, but his hand on my hip pins my body back down. I need to move. I need to do something. "Don't tempt me." He mumbles then nips at my skin before pulling away.

"I think that's enough before we get too carried away." He says with a smile. I can feel the heat on my cheeks. I touch my hands to my face. I'm burning.

I look over to the clock and almost panic. I have five minutes to make it down back to the parlor. I push Tobias off me fast and sit up. "What was that for?" He asks, sitting back up from being pushed onto his back.

"I have five minutes to get back to the parlor and I'm sure my hair is all messed up." I say, frantically threading my fingers through my hair, trying to straighten it.

"I think it looks sexy."

I look at him and give him a 'really' look. I stand up and walk to a mirror that he has across the room. Once I get my hair straightened, I see some red skin flash in the mirror. I look back and move my hair to see a hickey on my neck. That, is something I never expected to have. "Oh no. Come on." I whine.

"What?" Tobias asks, still on the bed.

"You left a hickey on my neck. Thanks." I turn to him with a glare. "I can't get rid of this right before work."

"Hey, it's dark in there. Plus, they won't notice if you keep your hair down. You barely noticed it." He defends.

I look back at the clock. Three minutes. "I got to go now. I can't be late on the first day. Especially if Tori likes me now."

He gets up and walks to me. "Ok, baby." He says as he wraps his arms around me from behind. "Stop worrying. Now go." He adds a kiss to the same spot he left the hickey before letting me go.

I turn around and land a kiss on his lips. "I'll see you later."

* * *

Two minutes. I sprint out of his apartments and through the hallways. It's pretty hard to do when its dark down here and there's other kids running around. I have to speed walk when I get to the Chasm.

I'm pretty sure I have under a minute now so I run the rest of the way back to the parlor. I throw open the glass door to the parlor and throw my hair in front of my shoulders. Tobias is right. It's dim in here. Maybe it won't be noticeable. Just don't act obvious.

The door to my right opens and I see Tori walk out. She grins when she sees me. "Ah, Tris. I'll show you to your station and leave you to Bud teach you how to clean the tools and such. I'm gonna talk to the others about their … designs." She says.

I plaster a smile and nod. She walks me to my station. As we go, I look into the other stations to see workers doing tattoos on people. So many of them already have so many tattoos; they don't even flinch.

When I get to my station, I already see an older guy sitting there. "Tris, Bud. Bud, Tris." Tori introduces us. Oh ok. I thought he was about to be some creepy guy at work I would have trouble with.

"I'll leave you two to it. See ya." Tori says with a smile before leaving.

"Okay, well since you're totally new to this I presume." He looks at me as if to ask if he's correct. I nod. "First, I will show you where your tools are to be put, then how to clean them, then I will bring out practice skin and I'll watch you. That's how you'll spend the rest of your time here. If you do excellent, you will start with your first client tomorrow. If not, then you will keep practicing. I'll give you some tips before you begin on the skin. Remember that you will have to keep them in mind." I nod.

"Okay." He pulls out a drawer from my desk. "These are where you will keep your needle supplies." Then he pulls out another drawer. "Cleaning supplies." Then another. "Tattoo machines." Another. "Tattoo parts." Another. "Medical supplies and sterilization equipment. You can also use the drawer under if you need more space." Another. "Art and stencil supplies."

"So now there's no need to clean the equipment since it's all new, but I'll show and explain everything. This," He says as he opens the cleaning supplies drawer and pulls out a green bottle. "is a chemical germicide to clean the equipment. Wear your protective goggles and gloves when working with this because it's dangerous to humans." He points to the gloves and goggles in the drawer. He pulls out a glass container. "You fill this container up with the germicide and let the equipment soak in it for about fifteen minutes. Once it's finished, you lay out a cloth." He points next to my desk which has a metal container holding cloths. "Take some of your plastic gloves, take the tools out, dump the water, and put the tools on the cloth. Then it's ready to use for your next client."

"Now I'll be right back." He says.

I sit there, staring at the ground. I hear footsteps then look up to see Bud at the door with what looks like skin. "Practice skin." He chuckles. Oh yea. I nod.

He shows me how to put everything together and how to start off with a patient, cleaning and shaving their skin before starting. "Now listen carefully to the rest. You will need to know all of this for sure." He gives me a strict face. "You will be using stencils because you need to copy the drawings we all come up with depending on what the customer wants." He pulls out the art and stencil supplies drawer. "You will need tracing paper, carbon tattoo paper, tape, and a pen with a medium tip." He pulls everything out as he says it.

He goes onto the instructions, showing me how to do it as he goes. "First, you have to draw the design they've chosen onto the carbon tattoo paper. Make sure you do not rip the paper and try to avoid using thin – tipped pens. Second, place the tracing paper over the image and trace it. Make sure to secure the tracing paper with tape over the image so it doesn't move. Third, create the tattoo stencil by removing the protective layer over the carbon. Place the carbon paper face up and the yellow page down. Apply the tracing paper with your design onto the top sheet of the carbon paper and tape it into place to secure. Retrace your design."

"So tips before you get started. Wash your hands with antibacterial soap before and after each tattoo. Wear latex gloves. Use individual and sealed needles and tubes for each client. Sanitize your work space between tattoos. Dispose of needles, tubes, and needles in a medically approved fashion."

"Before you start each tattoo, you need to think about it before you go ahead and start tattooing. You need to make sure you have all tools and equipment needed depending on the tattoo. Remember the two most important techniques are lining and shading. You place your design on the skin, purple side down, and let it sit for twenty minutes. Once you take it off, it should be on the skin. Allow the skin to dry completely before tattooing."

"Be careful when you tattoo. You have to find a momentum. Don't keep changing how to have your hand placed and such. You need to find a place to rest your arm or else you will cost us when the tattoo comes out shitty." Okay, then. "You need to be able to find the right pressure for each client. You will get us all in trouble if you are to puncture them. Make sure you push enough to make the ink permanent, but not enough to make the client bleed. Some will have thicker and some will have thinner skin. You should start with the lining. Usually, you should use black ink. Start from the bottom and make your way up. When you're done lining, rest your hands to get ready for the shading."

"You need to change the needle based on the area you're shading in. The bigger the area, the bigger the needle. Usually, we use Round Magnum or a shader needle. When you begin the shade, you should start at the darker areas of the tattoo and move outward. I use a technique called "sweep". It's suited for black and colored shading. The needle will sweep inside and out of the tattoo area. You need to make a flick with your wrist upward and outward. It's complicated, but I suggest you learn it. Maybe watch videos when you get home. You can create more natural shading and have natural fading lines."

"We have a color chart. The colors should be in a specific order to avoid strange mixture of colors. If you choose opposites, very different colors, it's a good combination if you want something bright and daring. Be careful with these types of tattoos. If you keep the colors close, as in shades, it will make neutral color combinations."

"When done with tattooing, let it dry then wash their skin with soap and water. Then put bandaging over it with some bandaging tape, but put the ointment on before. Then give them ointment to put on their tattoo when they get home since it will get irritated. I've already told you to clean your station and tools and dispose of needles and such after each client."

He points to the wall. I look to where he's pointing to see a calendar. "You have a calendar so you can write down the time and day of your client's appointments. You will either get a call or Tori and she may give you the appointment. It all depends on if the client insists on having you as their artist or if they don't care and Tori just assigns it to you. There may also be people that just walk in and make appointments."

"Well." He claps his hands together. "That was definitely a mouth full, but I'm done here. I'm sure I've explained everything you need to know. Don't panic. You will get better the more you tattoo. I'm sure with as artistic as you are, you will have no problem and become a professional here. Would you like me to stay and watch as you tattoo? Or do you want space?"

He doesn't seem like he'd be offended if I said I wanted space. Maybe he understands. I would rather have space. I don't want someone breathing over my neck because it'll just make me worry and not pay attention to the tattoo.

"Would you mind if I worked on my own?" I ask.

He smiles. "No problem." He stands and claps my shoulder. "You'll be fine, kid."

Yea. I'll be fine. Not like he just told me a book full of information that I needed to remember. I hope I don't mess up. Once I see him leave my station, I let out a sigh. Okay. Calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. You'll be fine. He almost gave me a panic attack with all of that information. I hope I'll remember everything as I go.

So far, he already put the design on the practice skin. I'm sure it's been about ten minutes already. Just ten minutes more to wait until I can peel it off. I have to find something to do as I wait. I really need to save up to get a phone damn it.

I just tap my fingers on the table and stare at the clock atop of my wall. The song that starts playing in the parlor instantly catches my attention. I smile. I begin to sing with it, lowly, even though nobody would probably hear me since the songs blare through the parlor and you have to talk loud for people to hear you.

"I can't win, I can't reign  
I will never win this game without you, without you  
I am lost, I am vain,  
I will never be the same without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly  
I will never make it by without you, without you  
I can't rest, I can't fight  
All I need is you and I, without you, without you

Oh oh oh  
You! You! You!  
Without  
You! You! You!  
Without you

Can't erase, so I'll take blame  
But I can't accept that we're estranged without you, without you  
I can't quit now, this can't be right  
I can't take one more sleepless night without you, without you  
I won't soar, I won't climb  
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed without you, without you  
I can't look, I'm so blind  
I lost my heart, I lost my mind without you, without you

Oh oh oh  
You! You! You!  
Without  
You! You! You!  
Without you

I am lost, I am vain,  
I will never be the same without you, without you  
Without you"

Another song plays. One I don't give a shit about because it's worthless. I look back at the clock. Five more minutes. I watch the handle tick until the minutes are up.

I peel the design off and see it printed on the skin. I grab a larger needle for the lining because the design I'm using is the one with holes ripped in the back. I don't know why they'd want me to do the larger one. Maybe because if I can do this successfully, I can start my job. Everything goes quicker.

I spend about an hour and a half lining the whole tattoo. Bottom up even though it's oval. At least during this I learned where a comfortable place to keep my arm is. And I never punctured the skin. Maybe this job was meant for me. I look up at the clock. My day ends at five as Tori told me earlier. I have three more hours. _I'm already exhausted and I still have three more hours?_

I just want to finish this. Maybe I'll finish early and can head home. I begin on the shading, bottom to top, same as lining. I have to use various needles depending on the areas. I'm having a yawn fit for the last thirty minutes. When I saw I only had an hour left, I tried to work quicker, but not too fast to mess things up.

So much for thinking I'd finish early. Three hours are up. I place my machine down and stretch. Holy shit. Even my back is popping. I stretch every part of my body and everything actually pops.

"I don't think I even hurt that much after I fight." I gasp and turn quickly to see Tobias behind me, standing at the door.

"You know, you can't keep showing up at my work unannounced. Tori may get annoyed with you and mad at me." I say.

"Tori doesn't care. She loves me." He says with a smile and chuckle.

"Conceded." I mumble.

"Heard that." Another voice comes in. I turn back to see Tori standing there. "You know, it's not smart to talk like that to clients." She seems serious but then smiles and Tobias starts laughing. She made me so worried, I started to blush. Tori joins in with him.

Tori walks towards my station and takes a look at the skin. "Looks good." She actually seems satisfied. She turns the skin around and examines it. "No punctures and no ink bleeding through." She turns on the water at the sink and washes the skin with soap and water. "And it's permanent. No fading or lines of color streaking out." She smiles.

"Clean your tools and all. Throw out the skin if you want. You can start on your first client tomorrow. Can I have your number?" She asks.

"Oh. Umm, I don't have a phone."

"Oh … hmm well … I guess I could give you points to pay for one. Since I'm kind of favoring you … don't tell anyone." She puts a finger to her lips.

"Breaking the rules." Tobias jokes while shaking his head.

"Oh, shut up. You won't say anything." She says looking at him then turns back to me. "You can leave once you're done cleaning. Enjoy Dauntless." She smiles and leaves my station.

I look at Tobias as he just stands there. "Are you just gonna stand there?" I ask.

"Well, I can't exactly help you." He says.

"Yea … but you don't have to watch." He chuckles and rolls his eyes.

"Fine. I'll meet you at the front."

He comes and pecks me on the lips before giving my butt a pat and leaving. I giggle. _What's his obsession with my butt?_

I dispose of the skin, my gloves, and needles. I put on some new latex gloves and put the tools in the acid in a glass. Then I start cleaning up my work space. I make sure to use a rag and some soap and the water from the sink to clean off the counters and such. I spend about fifteen minutes doing that so I'm able to take the tools out and lay them on a rag before getting rid of the acid and rinsing the sink. I dispose of my gloves then make my way out to meet Tobias.

* * *

(Tobias POV)

"Do you have any more work today?" Tris asks.

We're lying on my bed, me on my back and her cuddled up beside me as I thread my hand through her hair. I like these small moments with her. They're so comfortable. Before her, I was pretty lonely during my spare time, but now I can't get enough spare time.

"Yea. Sorry baby. We're taking the boys down to their first underground fight. I know. Seems silly with no training but we need to see where they are in their fighting skills. They decided to do this job so they have to be ready to go against anyone. Plus, the professionals are going to go first as like an opening act to show moves. Although, we're still getting bided on for who will win and we're bringing in a lot of money tonight. I'm supposed to fight against a damn Candor tonight." I sigh.

"How long will you be out there?" She places her hand on my chest and gently rubs it.

"It starts at nine tonight. I can't really tell you. Some fights are faster than others."

"Can I go?"

"No!" I snap quickly. I didn't mean to, but I'm too concerned for her. "Many things could happen during a fight. I don't want you hurt."

"Tobias, really? You think that drug dealing comes with no dangers either? Someone could pull out a weapon and kill me in an instant." Yea, I know baby. That's why I don't want you to have that job. That's why I never wanted you tainted with us. "Tobias, I'll be fine." She adds, suddenly reading my mind.

"I always worry about you. You've lived on the streets and now you're here. You should have never come here. Even if it means you wouldn't have met me. I'd rather you have saved yourself even if it meant I would've never met you. You could've met a man that would have everything like you deserve. Put you and a pedestal and treat you like a queen." It hurts me to admit it, but she does need to understand this.

Suddenly, her body is pressing on top of my stomach and I'm looking up to see her eyes. She leans down and kisses me passionately. I thread my hands through her hair and deepen the kiss. We get stuck like that for a while before she pulls back, hair tangled and lips puffy. I love that look.

She puts her hand on my cheek gently. "Tobias, you need to stop worrying about me. I'm not fragile or made of glass. I came here, making my own decisions. You can't keep backing up my second thoughts. I make my own decisions. And if I were on the street, I'd still be anti – social and never have met a man. Nobody has ever caught my eye except you. Yes, I know about your past tendencies from people. You liked to use whores. But Tobias, you're different now. You haven't cheated on me, have you?" She suddenly seems a little worried but I shake my head now. She smiles. "See? And know you care about me. Or else you wouldn't invite me to your apartment all the time. You don't look at other girls. Not even when I'm not with you. You know what? I don't regret coming to Dauntless. I would've starved out there and been lonely until I died. Dauntless has come to be my family. I definitely don't regret meeting you. You say I should meet other guys that could give me everything and what not. But Tobias, even if you don't notice, you do treat me like a queen. Even a little too much." She giggles. "You constantly worry about me. You do little things like spending time with me, or taking me out to places that a girl like me would actually like, or even coming to my work. You do spend money on me, even if I refuse. You respect my decisions of not touching me or doing … that until I say it's okay. And you still stay with me even if you know that I may never want to do it. You say that you're too fucked up for me, well guess what? We're both fucked up. And I l … care about you so much for all of that." _Was she about to say love? Does she not love me?_

One way to find out. I'm Dauntless. I need to stop being so fucking scared. _If she's thinking it, why can't I say it? Does time really have any say in this?_ Even in the future I'm sure that my feelings will never change for her. If she was to ever leave me, I'd never be the same again. She holds my heart and soul.

"I love you so fucking much." I breathe out and move us over so I'm hovering above her now.

I capture her lips with mine quickly and deepen it a lot. Her body is basically pinned into the bed. She slowly puts her arms around my shoulders and threads her fingers into my hair. I can't get enough of her. Every time I pull away to catch a breath, I hear a faint "Tobias". I don't know if it's her or an angel in my head. I have my eyes closed.

She moves her hands from my shoulders to my chest and pushes me back a little. I fucked up. Oh shit. I pull away and I can only look away from her, stunned with myself. She giggles. "Tobias." I hear her again. Suddenly, her hand is on the side of my face and she gently moves it so we're looking at each other. "I love you too." She says barely above a whisper.

A grin stretches on my face before we get lost in making out for the rest of our time. I never thought me and making out would ever be put in the same sentence before. But now I never want to stop when I'm around her.

* * *

"Stay away from there tonight. Understand?" I tell Tris with a serious voice.

"Yes, daddy." She jokes knowing that she's teasing me. I groan.

I have to chuckle at her. I lean down and peck her lips. "I'll see you tomorrow. Be safe, okay?"

"You too, Tobias. I love you." She leans up and hugs me.

"I love you too." I say before having to finally leave. I had to leave thirty minutes early so I could go to the training room and explain everything to the guys and / or girls and how they'll be going to their first fight tonight.

I walk into the training room and see all the members there. One girl. Well, I'm not surprised. Not many girls join this. Well, they're going to be surprised when Lauren walks in. Lauren has become the best girl fighter on the street and we both help prepare the others. Although, they may not be as surprised if they know Lauren was a trainer as well.

Five people. As I look through them quickly, my jaw clenches and I try to keep a straight face. Peter is one of them. They probably didn't allow him to become an ambassador or leader so they let him go to the next best thing. Fucker. He's probably just doing this to annoy me.

One of the other members I recognize is a guy from Lauren's group. He's a trouble kid too as I was told. _Do I have to put up with idiots?_ The rest I really do not think I've ever met them. Unless I totally forgot about them. They all seem younger than me so they could be from any of the four years. I've been a trainer for three and a half years.

Lynn walks in and everyone seems surprised which causes me to smile. "I'm Four and this is Lauren. We will be your trainers for the next year. This will be like initiation. Except everything is fighting and you will be pushed harder passed your breaking point. First you will work on bags and all that. Then each other. Then us. However, even if you don't beat us, you can still pass and work with this job for Dauntless. Lauren and I are known as the best fighters on the street."

A guy snickers. "Really? We can't beat a girl at this?"

I guess it's time to turn into total 'Four' mode now. "What's your name?" I ask.

"Tyler." _Is he really thinking he can try me?_

"Well Tyler, you best learn who the fuck you're talking to fast. We can get you kicked out of Dauntless or still looking for a job. You may be a member, but you're still not here permanently. Do not cross me you sexist prick. Don't make me knock you on your ass on the first day." I threaten.

"You guys will have absolutely no training today. We had to come early so we could explain and get going. You guys will fight against others at an underground fight today. All gangs will be trying out their fighters. We will see if you're even cut out for trying to become a fighter for Dauntless and see where you're at in training. We will determine your strengths and weaknesses. This is taken seriously. Dauntless makes a shit load of money off of these things. We will kick you out of this job fast if you can't keep up." Lauren buds in.

"Names." I state, waiting for them to give me my names. They don't know where to start so I nod to Peter at the beginning of the line.

"Peter."

"Nita."

"Tyler."

"Judas."

"Leon."

I don't want Lauren having ones that will cause trouble with her. I'll take Peter and Tyler. I don't want the girl. She's been looking at me up and down. I'm not getting close to her. Lauren can stick with her since they're both girls.

"Peter, Tyler, and Judas come with me. Nita and Leon, you'll be driving with Lauren." Nita seems a bit disappointed but quickly hides it.

"Let's go."

Lauren and I walk ahead of the others but quickly so we can hurry up to our destination. When we walk out of the compound, Lauren and I have to turn a little to see them barely getting out the door when were a little ways ahead. "Pick up the pace! Let's go!" I shout. They all come scrambling as Lauren and I keep walking. We make our way to our small hidden parking lot.

When I turn to them, I see them with all jaws dropped. All the cars we have are expensive sporty ones. "When you save up points, you can exchange it for money and buy cars. Not in the city, but out on the streets. It's their job to steal shit that's profitable." I say then walk up to my car. My guys follow me to my car and I see the other two follow Lauren.

"Peter, you in the front." I say, turning to them. "You two in the back." I need to keep an eye on Peter. I can never trust him. I think Tyler gets the idea of not crossing me and Judas hasn't caused a problem. I may get along well with this guy.

As I'm driving, I'm thinking of all the ways this may end. The guys are dressed decent for fighting at least. They're either wearing a t-shirt or a wife beater and jeans. I'm wearing a black t-shirt and black loose jeans with some black Nike shoes. The others will have to learn to take this seriously. We have to wear Dauntless colors since we're representing them. But since this is their first fight, only the professionals need to wear the colors. Wearing Dauntless colors is smart anyway since everything is at night and you can run off into the night if police were to come or some kind of fighting was breaking out with weapons.

I finally slow down when I see the building and Lauren is behind me driving slowly as well. I move my car to the side and park it as does Lauren. I take a breath. "Let's go."

We all get out and I wait for Lauren and the other two. "Stay together. We have no idea what the hell can happen. The only time you leave our sides is when you're up to fight. Disrespect our rules and you lost your job."

They all nod and I start walking to the building. Before we enter, I turn to look at them. "Ready?" They all look at each other confused. "It's a sound proof place. It's packed however. There's lighting inside, but it's dim so be careful. Stay close." I can see them all visibly swallow.

Lauren and I walk to the back in a corner where they have a couple sheets of paper with names on it. "This is a list we'll be writing your names on and they'll call you up on the mat when it's time for you to fight. This is not like wrestling. They do not take weight and height under consideration. You fight who you're told." Lauren explains.

They seem to be having a panic attack inside them. I don't blame them. I was scared for my life the first time I came in here. People will give you threatening stares and it makes you feel uneasy. The yelling is loud and the music is so loud, it vibrates through your body. It's way worse than a crowded club.

Lauren picks up both lists and takes a look. Her eyebrows pull together. "It looks like … they're separating them now. Genders only fight the same gender." I shake my head. I'm just as surprised as her.

"Seems like this is their lucky day. They won't feel any remorse when they fight now." I say, loud enough for the others to hear. I'm sure they were eavesdropping and I probably calmed them down. Well, I'm not sure about the guys still but I know Nita is.

Lauren writes down Nita's name on the girls list and I write down all the guys. I turn to them. "Come with me." I say.

We make our way to a secluded area in a corner. We'll move in when the fights begin since people get a little calmer. Except when they actually fight. I rub my hands on my face. I always get a little worried when they begin to fight. They always have the possibility of dying. The good thing is none of the bidding goes on for the newest so we don't have the pressure of having the weight of Dauntless on our shoulders. The only bidding for Dauntless will be the opening acts for every gang. Max insisted that each time I'm the one that fights for us.

After about ten minutes, the announcer goes atop of the mat and everyone silences. Anybody that doesn't know of underground fighting would've thought this was a wrestling match. Not at all.

"As you can tell, we now have two lists separating genders. Since we're not trying to kill off the people that make us money here, we're keeping girls against girls and guys against guys." This probably has Lauren pissed. As he does his usual speech for the new members of each gang, I turn to Lauren.

"How much did they say to bid?" I ask.

"Fifteen thousand." She says simply.

"In cash? We have that with us?"

"Well, no. You either win it or we fire and run." What the fuck. _Why did they raise the bidding so high?_

I breathe in deeply. The others have their eyes bulging out their head, but I'm not as surprised. Dauntless would do this shit. Plus, they have to know everything is unpredictable. Erudite could fire and run just like any other.

"Opening fights start now. Dauntless vs. … Erudite." The announcer seems amused. "The bidding is agreed on with fifteen grand. Four and … Caleb." _Caleb?_ That name sounds really familiar…

I step up onto the mat and cross my arms, waiting for him to get up. I eye him up and down. This guy has nothing against me. This fight will be easy. He has muscle, but not as much as I do. Although, I do think speed has more to winning a fight than strength. But really. _This guy is the best Erudite could've picked against me?_ He must be new. This may be fast.

"Fight until one concedes or one is knocked out. Ready?" The announcer says then looks at both of us to confirm. We both nod our heads.

He nods and walks off the mat. He stays on the side to be ready to interfere if needed. "Begin!" He shouts.

Suddenly the song, "Stomp" comes on. Of course they have to put on imitating music while on the mat. They just want all the fighter's blood pumping.

"Uh, oh, young buck  
Dirty south, yo

I hear him talkin' but he 'bout to get that ass stomp  
Watch how I get the club crunk, I'ma make 'em stomp  
We ain't playin' wanna front, get that ass stomp  
Do it like them dirty south boys do and stomp"

Caleb and I start hopping while circling around. You should always do this so you're ready to move. I have my left arm across the area in front of my stomach. And my right arm angles up and towards my face so my fist is right beside it.

"Now, where you from? Who the boss? I'ma break him off  
Where you from? Who the boss? Lemme break him off  
Now, where you from? Who the boss? I'ma break him off  
Where you from? Who the boss? Lemme break him off"

I'm tired of this. I decide to test the ropes and launch my body towards him. He instantly throws himself back. Okay. Remember. Find his weakness. He throws a punch at my face and I dodge it. He's not very fast. _Seriously, who the fuck let him fight me?_

"I'm Cadillac n through the hood sittin' on 24's  
T.V's playin' rim's spinnin', blowin' plenty 'dro  
Don't have to mention when you pimpin' you get plenty hoes  
It's all on you if you gon' trick or you gon' get yo' dough"

When he threw his punch, his arm in front of his stomach faltered. So he only can have strength in one arm. He throws another punch with his other arm. Everybody is cheering around us. Don't let it distract you, Tobias.

"I know I got these haters, mad I can love that  
When you got love for the streets, they give ya love back  
Look in my eyes, you can tell I ain't never scared  
Poppin' them thangs, I'm rockin' my chain anywhere"

I try to launch myself at him one more time since he's thrown punches. I thought maybe he'd be ready to fight. I was wrong. He throws himself back once again. I don't want to knock this kid out. Maybe I can get him to concede.

"If you gon' represent your hood, what you waitin' on?  
Security better back up when they play this song  
And we 'bout 50 strong, please don't make us do you wrong  
My click of guerrilla's they got they G-Unit's on"

I throw a punch and he doesn't dodge it. It goes straight to his side. I can't do much about that. He left a hole for me to punch through. Air leaves his mouth quickly. _Does this kid know how to fight? Did they just put a new member against me?_

"All of that mean muggin' really don't mean nothin'  
C'mon n' take it outside, let me see somethin'  
W-w-what now? Don't get B-B-Buck'd down  
Stop all this hatin' or this club gon' get s-s-shut down

Now, where you from? Who the boss? I'ma break him off  
Where you from? Who the boss? Lemme break him off"

I punch him in the neck and his whole defense goes down. He just holds his hand over his throat as he backs away with the other hand in front of him. _Is he conceding?_ He catches his breath and walks back up to me, putting his arms in the place. Come on, kid! One word and you're torture will stop!

"I hear him talkin' but he 'bout to get that ass stomp  
Watch how I get the club crunk I'ma make 'em stomp  
We ain't playin' wanna front, get that ass stomp  
Do it like them dirty south boys, do and stomp"

He all of a sudden gets a burst of confidence and throws a punch at me, throwing his weight into as well. This dumbass. I grab his arm before it can reach me and turn it so his back is facing towards me now. He groans in pain. I kick his legs out from under him.

"Now, where you from? Who the boss? I'ma break him off  
Where you from? Who the boss? Lemme break him off  
Now, where you from? Who the boss? I'ma break him off  
Where you from? Who the boss? Lemme break him off"

He falls straight onto the floor with a huge thud that echoed through the place. I look down at him. "Do you concede?" I ask. He shakes his head no, teeth gritted. This fight is not worth my fucking time, I swear.

"G-G-G-Unit, comin' straight outta Compton  
Lace up my G-6's and I'm A-Town stompin'  
Got ten-thousand cash in my pocket, let the pump in  
'Cause Luda and Young Buck always gettin' me into somethin'"

I look over to the announcer and he honestly has no words himself. I'm sure everyone's confused why this kid is fighting me. Well this was easy money for Dauntless. He shrugs his shoulders. He knows what I'm thinking.

"Low rider out front, I'm tryin' to get into somethin'  
Step on banks, shoot one more time then I'ma start bustin'  
Rows gold in my grill, I got a dirty mouth  
And a bitch with a fat ass from the dirty, dirty south"

The kid is still on the floor. He won't get up. He's just groaning in pain, holding himself. He tries to get up with one arm. He's basically dragging himself to get up. Right. This is bullshit.

"I wasn't tryin' to get the cover of the Double XL  
Just tryin' to fuck Mya 'cause Dre said, "Sex sells"  
Don't be mad at the rocks in my fuckin' chain  
Don't be mad 'cause your bitch chose Buck and Game"

"Kid. Concede." I say in a threatening voice. He shakes his head no again. _Why won't this kid just fucking listen? And why can't he open his mouth?_ I shake my head. "You idiot."

"You see the logo tatted on my neck  
The same one I'm autographin' on the chest  
Put your bottles in the air for Yayo, he on House Arrest  
And on behalf of 50 Cent, this is G-Unit West  
Now stomp, G-G-G-Unit, now stomp, G-G-G-Unit"

I kick hard once to his face. I don't want to kick his head. That could kill him and I don't want to. He falls back from sitting and gets knocked out. I sigh and shake my head at his now bloody face. Everyone around cheers but I'm sure they weren't all that impressed. I mean, don't get me wrong, they love my fighting, but this wasn't fun to watch.

"I hear him talkin' but he 'bout to get that ass stomp  
Watch how I get the club crunk, I'ma make 'em stomp  
We ain't playin' wanna front, get that ass stomp  
Do it like them dirty south boys do and stomp"

The announcer jumps in with two other guys. The guys start to drag Caleb off and I stand there. The announcer has a smile on his face. "Not sure what the hell that was about." The crowd laughs. "But as always, Four wins this round! The fifteen grand goes to Dauntless!" He shouts.

"Now, where you from? Who the boss? I'ma break him off  
Where you from? Who the boss? Lemme break him off  
Now, where you from? Who the boss? I'ma break him off  
Where you from? Who the boss? Lemme break him off"

I walk off the stage as the rest of the song plays in the background. The crows cheers for me and claps me on the back as I walk back to the group. It sometimes surprises me that the gangs can even get along with these kind of things. Then again, not all of these people are in a gang. They're just here for bidding and entertainment. I can't believe today. The newer members might have been harder to fight than that kid. I walk up to Lauren.

"You can watch the group and tell them to go up while I go grab the money, right?" I ask.

"Yea, go ahead." She says with a smile she tries to contain. "That guy was something." She tries to keep with laughing.

"Trust me. It was weirder being up there with him. I told him to concede twice." I walk away and I can hear her laughter.

I find the Erudite group in the crowd near the front. The top two fighters of theirs stand in front of the newer members who are cowering behind them. Their gaze goes to a guy who brings a black bag.

"All fifteen grand?" I ask as he comes up to me.

"All of it." He says.

"Show me." Even though it may annoy them, it's always better to see it because sometimes they just stuff the suitcases with things that make it heavy. He rolls his eyes and places the bag on the floor, opening it. I take a stack out to examine it. It's real.

I'm not going to go through counting it. I know that it's enough even if it's not fifteen grand. I'm sure they gave us the right amount anyways.

The entrance to the building is open a little bit. Nobody else is near it and nobody sees to notice. I know that no one will close it so I go to it since it's a smart idea to do so.

When I get to the door, I hear a choked scream from a girl. _What the hell?_ I close the door slowly so they can't hear me then quietly make my way towards the noises.

Suddenly I hear a grunt and a bang against the building. I hurry my way towards it. I turn the corner and right in front of my face is Tris. _What is she doing here?_ I told her to not come here specifically. I'm seething. _How could she be so careless?_

The guys is on the floor and Tris is staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights. "Four –" She starts but I cut her off.

"Don't." I snap.

I pick the guy off the ground and drop the bag on the ground next to me. His collar is in my tight fist. I really want to punch him right now. He better of not touched my girl.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I say in my threatening "Four" voice.

"That bitch hasn't given me my drugs for months now. We had a schedule then suddenly she disappears. That's not how it works. I deserve some free weed if she made me go a while without any since I had to find another dealer, don't ya think?" He seethes.

 _He really thinks that he can talk to me that way? Or Tris? Better yet, he thinks he can lay a hand on her?_

I punch him in the face and let him drop to the ground. I make sure he's still conscious. I lean down next to him and keep him in a firm grip. "I don't know who the fuck you think you're talking to. I don't know you, but I know as a fact you know who the hell I am. Never fucking touch her or disrespect her in any way. Or me for that matter. In fact, I don't want you anywhere near her. If I ever see you near her again, I won't hesitate to snap your fucking neck and have you suddenly disappear. Understood?" His face suddenly becomes pale and he nods.

I let go of him. "Go." I demand. He scrambles to his feet and has trouble walking away. I need to talk to Tris but I don't want him near us as I talk. "Move!" My voice booms and he disappears to somewhere within five seconds.

I turn back to Tris, breathing heavily. I want to yell. I want to shout. I throw the bag next to her so it doesn't get out of my sight. She jumps. Suddenly her expression changes. She seems scared.

That stops me totally. I don't ever want to see that expression on her face. Especially when she's looking at me. "Four …" Her voice is small.

I shake my head. I don't want to move towards her. All that I can see is images flashing before my eyes. I'm turning into Marcus. I was about to shout at her. I was about to yell at her. I threw a bag in her direction. I close my eyes. _Why isn't she running?_

"Four." Suddenly her voice is closer and I can feel her presence. I open my eyes and she's right there. She moves her hands gently over my chest. Once she gets to my shoulders, I take her hips and push her backwards until she's against the front wall and not the side anymore. Everything is going so fast from here. It's turning me on, but I'm trying to contain myself so I don't scare her.

I wrap my fist into her hair and tilt her head up so I can easily lean down and kiss her soft lips. I suck on her bottom lip and she lets out a small muffled moan. "Don't you dare moan out here." I growl. I let my hand fall from her hair then lean down and grab her thighs. She gets the idea and instantly jumps up, wrapping her legs around my waist while I push her into the wall to support her weight. I kiss her jaw, all the way down her neck and to the end of her shoulder. Then all the way back up. I lick her neck and nip at her sensitive stop before sucking on it.

"Four." She says, even though it comes out more like a moan. It makes me annoyed. I don't want any other man hearing her pleasure even if it's not sex. I squeeze her thighs to remind her to stay quiet. I suck harder on her skin in different spots. She has her fingers in my hair now, holding tightly so she won't make another noise. "Four, please." She pleads.

I grab her hips and slowly set her down on the ground. "How did you expect me to stay quiet when you kept doing that?" She asks. I have no answers. I have no answers for myself for what just happened. I shake my head.

"Four." She pushes again. I'm so confused by what I just did right now. She wraps her arms around my neck so I have to look at her now. He threads her fingers through my hair and gently massages my head. "What's wrong, babe?" She asks, clearly concerned.

 _Babe?_ She actually called me something other than my two names. "I don't know. I just … I told you to stay away from here. I told you to be careful and on the first day I see you not staying away from here and not being careful. It's all I asked. I never want you in harm's way. When he ran away, I wanted to scream or yell or doing something. That was so careless. Then I threw the bag near you and … you're expression. You were … scared. I never want you scared. All that was running through my mind is that I would snap and hurt you … like Marcus." I say the last part lowly. "And then suddenly you were right there in front of me … and all I wanted to do was love you."

She leans up and gives me a chaste kiss on the lips. "You're nothing like Marcus. And never will be. I will never fear you. I was afraid I did something that ruined everything." I know that's not the whole truth, she was scared of me for a second, but she's trying to throw it onto something else. "The fact that you're worried tells that you will never hurt me." She leans up and whispers, "I love you." Against my lips before we get caught in another kiss.

My hands slip down her hand and onto her hips. I pull her towards me. Her hips are against mine and I'm trying with everything not to have my little buddy react. I thread my fingers into her hair as well and deepen the kiss.

"Damn. You were able to suck faces for that long? Is that how you got up in the ranks? Sleeping with the trainer?" I hear the prick's voice. I pull away from Tris, but keep my hands on her lips and looks to the left. Fucking Peter. No matter what you do, you can't teach him a lesson.

"Don't fucking speak to her like that you prick. One more fucking word about her and I'll have you killed. Now, what do you want? And why are you not with Lauren?" I demand.

"Lauren sent me to find you. You've been taking too long. Didn't expect to come out here and see this …" He clears his throat. Lauren is not smart whatsoever. "We've already went through our fights. Well … Tyler is up already and Nita is next." He says.

"I'll be out there in a minute." I say and he nods and leaves.

I turn back to Tris. She has a blush on her face. "Are you done for today?" I ask her.

"No. I only got five clients." She says.

"You're fine. C'mon. It's apparently too dangerous out tonight. And as much as I hate taking you in there, even when I told you to stay out of there, I'm going to take you to Dauntless tonight. I'll let you be free once you get a phone." I pick up the bag. "Now stay by my side." I wrap my arm around her waist and we make our way to the entrance.

She seems hesitant to walk in there. "What's wrong?" I stop and ask.

She shakes her head. "Nothing … just worried to go in. That's all."

I lean down and whisper in her ear, "You're a horrible liar. Don't worry. Whatever it is, I'll protect you." I joke with her as if it was a monster.

She rolls her eyes. I chuckle. I'm not ready to walk in with her. I'm happy she has a leather jacket with her, but all her clothes are skin tight. _Why today?_

We walk in and as we make our way through, all eyes are on us. Tris throws her hoodie from her leather jacket over her head. I'm fine with that. I'm sure everyone is looking at her because this is the Four's girlfriend with Four. I don't like the way some of these guys are looking at her though. Only the face, men. Don't roam her body.

In the corner of my eye, I see that Caleb guy on the side starting to wake up with some Erudite guys trying to help him out. He leans up on one arm and his eyes steady on me and are surprised looking when they land on Tris. _Why?_

We make our way to our group and I make sure Tris is right next to me. We stand there and Lauren turns around, expecting to see me but when she sees Tris, she smiles. "Well, well, well. Finish already?" She asks Tris. Tris nods with a small blush. Lauren chuckles.

Lauren turns back to the fight and Tris stays cuddled into my side as we stand. I keep my free arm around her waist the whole time. The only place that Tris will glance is at our group or the fight going on.

I don't like the way Tyler is looking at Tris. Tris doesn't even notice his stare. His eyes go up her body and I glare at him. He doesn't meet my eyes until he gets to her face and notices me. He quickly turns his head. I clench my jaw. Nice try, fucker. I saw you. Go fuck that Nita chick. Tris is mine.

The announcer finally announces Nita and another girl form Amity. "Four." Nita says, walking up to me. It's like she's totally ignoring Tris is right next to me. "Do you have any tips to show me before I go up there?"

 _What the fuck?_ I already explained the rules to her. They fight tonight without any knowledge so I can see where they're at. She's just doing this to piss me and Tris off. "I already explained I can't tell you anything. Now go." I say, firmly.

She bites her cheek and I can see a mixture of sadness and madness in her expression. She thinks I don't notice the small glare she sends Tris' way. Tris pulls on a judgmental look and looks her up and down as a challenge. I have to laugh at her.

"What?" Tris asks, looking up at me.

"You." Is all I say.

"Hey, she wants to be a bitch. I can come back worse. I think I got it through her mind I already hate her and haven't even meet her.

"Admit it. You're jealous." I grin.

"A little. But I trust you. I'm just annoyed because she's stuck up." She turns around and I wrap both arms around her as she faces me in front of me. "Don't act like I haven't seen the glares you've been sending to other for no reason. I won't complain though. Jealousy and your 'Four' side is pretty sexy." She leans up and pecks my lips.

"Trust me baby, I haven't been sending glares for no reason." I pull her to me and turn her around. We stand in the position we were once in the night I took her out to the car race. I put the bag between our legs though.

I close my eyes until Nita is done fighting. Some others are fighting tonight, but I'm not staying around. I'm tired and after today, I want to sleep with my baby in my arms.

"I'm leaving. You guys can stay and walk home or you can hop in my car." I announce.

"I'm going too." Lauren says to them.

"I'll walk back." Judas says. Dang. That was the only kid I liked. Well, besides Leon. Leon is pretty good too.

"I'll stay with Judas." Leon offers.

Great. But Peter still wants a drive home. Maybe Lauren –

"I'm going home alone. No more people in my car. Four, you take the rest in your car." She says with a wave and a yawn.

"Fine. But you take the bag to Max." I smirk.

She groans and grabs the bag. I grab Tris' hand and we walk out together with Peter and Nita behind us. The guy who touched Tris and the girl that likes me. Great. Damn you, Lauren.

I can already see Nita walking to the other side of the car. I can tell she's trying to get in the passenger seat. I'm too tired for this shit. Come on.

"Four, I can just sit in the back." Tris whispers.

"Absolutely not. I'm not putting you back there with him." I get closer to the car and act like I don't see Nita. "Tris get in the passenger seat." I announce loud enough for both to hear.

I know I don't like Peter out of my sight, but it keeps Tris from being in danger with either of them. I play music on the way back and I can see Tris trying to stay awake. My poor baby. She's so tired. Her head keeps bobbing and within five minutes, she's passed out. I smile.

When we get back to Dauntless, I park then unbuckle myself. I only hear one other click. "Tris." I say quietly. Nothing. "Tris." I say a bit louder. Nothing. Damn. She's had a rough day.

I look to the back and see Peter sitting there, looking confused at Nita. Nita appears to be asleep. Wow. What a good actor. I nod for Peter to get out of the car slowly. We get out and quietly shut the doors.

I move to the other side and open Tris' door. _How is she still asleep?_ I open Nita's door. She makes me want to laugh. I know she's not asleep. I unbuckle Tris and pull her out and into my arms. I have her in my arms bridal style.

"Nita." I say, forgetting that Tris is asleep in my arms. It causes Tris to stir in my arms and she only keeps her eyes open long enough to put her arms around my neck. Nita doesn't wake up. Yea, now I definitely know she's faking it. _How far will this chick go?_

"Peter take Nita." I say.

"What?" He asks, incredulously.

"Training starts now."

"Are you serious?" I give him a firm look.

He groans and takes Nita out before shutting the door and leaving. Nita's plan didn't go as planned. I chuckle. I shut my car door then lock the car.

Peter is ways ahead of me and I lose him after three minutes. I'm carrying Tris all the way back to the compound so it's apparent if she doesn't wake up, she'll be spending the night in my apartment.

"Mmm." I hear her moan as she wakes up a little more. "Tobias?" She whispers with her eyes a little bit open. She looks around and gasps. "I'm sorry."

I chuckle and kiss her forehead. "It's alright baby. Before you fall asleep on me again, I need to ask if you want me to take you to your apartment." I say lowly.

"No, I want you to hold me." She says in her small sleepy voice then falls back asleep in my arms. Aye, this girl.

I finally get to my apartment and get the key out of my pocket. However, I can't get my hand to steady. "Tris." I say softly. "Babyyyyy." I decide to wake her up like that and kiss her cheek until she wakes up.

"Hmm?" She moans without opening her eyes.

"You need to stand for a second."

She does unwillingly with a small pout. I unlock the door and she walks in. I lock the door and start to walk away, but Tris doesn't move. "You coming?" I ask.

"I'm tired." She says simply and I know what she's asking.

I sigh. She's something special. I walk and pick her up then carry her to the bed. I lay her on the bed and take off her shoes and socks. I pull back the comforter as much as I can while she's lying atop it. She moves upwards and I throw the cover over her. I take off my shirt and shoes and socks. I crawl into bed gently and lay on my back.

She immediately moves her body towards me and lies on her side with her head on my chest. I let my left arm hold her close. "I love you." She says and kisses my chest. It only takes her a couple seconds before she falls asleep.

"I love you too."


	13. Faith and Care

**_DISCLAIMER: DIVERGENT AND ALL IT'S CHARACTERS BELONG TO VERONICA ROTH!_**

* * *

 _Recently_

 _She does unwillingly with a small pout. I unlock the door and she walks in. I lock the door and start to walk away, but Tris doesn't move. "You coming?" I ask._

 _"I'm tired." She says simply and I know what she's asking._

 _I sigh. She's something special. I walk and pick her up then carry her to the bed. I lay her on the bed and take off her shoes and socks. I pull back the comforter as much as I can while she's lying atop it. She moves upwards and I throw the cover over her. I take off my shirt and shoes and socks. I crawl into bed gently and lay on my back._

 _She immediately moves her body towards me and lies on her side with her head on my chest. I let my left arm hold her close. "I love you." She says and kisses my chest. It only takes her a couple seconds before she falls asleep._

 _"I love you too."_

* * *

 _2 Weeks Later_

 _(Tris POV)_

Ever since I went to that underground fight, I never want to show my face around there. I'm not going to lie, I was going to listen to Tobias, but on my way to dealing, I couldn't help but see the door open a crack and it looked pretty wild.

I was interested if that was an underground fight. And if Tobias was there. So I did what I shouldn't have and looked through the crack. I saw Tobias up there fighting and it honestly made my jaw drop to see how … hot he looked while fighting and how many people actually rooted for him.

My eyes moved towards the other guy on the mat … and my heart dropped. _My brother was a fighter?_ I mean, I had to accept the fact that when I knew Jeanine was the leader of Erudite, Caleb was in a gang. But now, I know that he's near Tobias.

While I was looking through, a hand came from behind me, covering my mouth. Then the other arm wrapped around my waist. I tried fighting and struggling against him, but it was no use until I was turned around and being choked against a wall. I saw that it was the man I was going to. _Was that the plan from the beginning? He was going to kill me?_ I kicked him in every guy's weak spot and he was on the ground while I was wheezing for air.

I heard someone's footsteps coming near, and before I could run, Tobias was there. He. Looked. Pissed. I was scared, but I knew I got myself into that shit. He told me to stay away, yet my curiosity got the best of me. Then Tobias, of course not letting me take care of my own shit, scared the douche off. Then we got caught up in a heated kiss that got me … wet.

Then Peter decided to ruin that moment. I was going to leave, knowing that it might've made Tobias feel better, but he insisted that I come in, just stay with him. I don't think he wanted me to get into any more predicaments. That wasn't the only reason I wanted to leave though. I couldn't possibly face Caleb. I honestly don't know what he was doing there. I know for a fact, Caleb was and still isn't, a fighter. I didn't even understand what he was doing fighting Tobias. They weren't merely as built similar.

I didn't want Tobias asking questions, though. I didn't want him getting caught up in my problems. He already did too much for me. He still does. I decided to just walk in with him and pull my hoodie over my head. I felt safer when Tobias put his arm around my waist and kept me next to his side the whole time. I could feel the stares on us, and it made me so uneasy. I spotted Caleb starting to get up from the ground and I kept my head down, with my body tight and if possible, closer to Tobias.

Even as much as I tried to hide, I could feel the piercing eyes of Caleb stare at me that day. I kept my eyes up, but my head down as I watched the fights. But then Tobias moved us to position how we were on our first 'date'. The warmth from Tobias was running through my body and the yelling with loud music was a lullaby. I honestly tried to keep myself awake, even though I probably had all my weight against Tobias's chest.

When we were going home, Tobias for some reason wanted me in the front with him. I didn't insist on staying in the back, though. I didn't want that bitch, Nita, anywhere near my man. _Yes, I know I said that I wasn't that jealous, but I can keep it inside still, right?_ I hate that he has to be around her every day. I hate that she tried to flirt with him with me right in front of him. But what makes me the most jealous, I hate that she has the beauty of a Dauntless girl to steal him away from me, easily. I try not to think that way. I don't want Tobias to really know I feel that way. After all he said; if I said anything, it would honestly make me an attention whore. And that would annoy him.

I hoped during that time that I was asleep in that car, Nita didn't try anything on him. Because as soon as I opened my eyes again, I was in Tobias's arms, being carried to his apartment. After he asked, of course. I don't know what he's done to me, but he doesn't make me scared to be with him. But it still intimidates me. Towards any man it would, but in front of that Greek God, it would scare me to have any clothes off. I love that he can actually respect those decisions, but I know his needs. People have told me about his use of whores, _so how is it possible I can satisfy him?_ I just want him to be sure he's happy … and I don't want to get hurt in the end.

I try to rid my head of those thoughts as I make my way to dealing. Something is setting me off tonight, but I don't know what. And I can't turn away now. I'm Dauntless, and this is my job. I knock six times before entering the abandoned building.

As soon as I step in, I react on instinct and put my hands in the air. Better to show yourself as not a threat. "Julio, calm down. What is this about?" I ask; trying to sound like this isn't making me nervous.

Julio, with a gun pointed at me, suddenly pulls a grin on his face. "I'm not fucking paying for this bullshit. I pay too fucking much for the quality I get."

"Julio, think about what you're doing." I try to reason. Maybe he'll think twice about getting himself killed. If someone kills a Dauntless, that person will get wiped off the face of the Earth. There'll be no information left of them.

"Oh, I am. You're supposed to be one of the best on the street. Probably the best. And you're giving me that shit?" He points his gun down towards my hips. I don't put drugs in my pockets. I put it between my hips and the waistband.

As I look at him closer, I notice his pupils are huge. Fuck. He's high on something that makes him aggressive. He really doesn't know what he's doing. Fucking cocaine addict.

"Julio, please. You're high right now. You don't know what you're getting yourself into. I'm trying to help you." I say.

"Nice try. Just holding a gun to you will get me killed. At least I can take all your drugs and use them up before they catch me. And use your body before it goes to total waste." He says.

Okay. Calm down, Tris. He's not going to be able to aim right, so you mine as well hurry the hell up and get that gun. I slowly start to move, hoping he doesn't notice the small movements, but once there's a huge difference, he gets pissed.

"Don't fucking move!" He yells then I hear a shot go off.

I moved fast and ducked to the floor behind a counter. I saw blood suddenly pouring down my arm. He fucking shot me. I can't feel shit. I struggle with my right hand as I try to pull out the gun fast enough. I look beyond the counter and see him trying to come to me fast. I point my gun at him.

"Not one more step! I will not hesitate to fucking kill you!" I scream. It's silent for a minute. That's what I need. Then his hand lifts.

Boom.

His blood spills through his chest and his eyes roll back in his head. The gun dangles for a second before it drops as he falls back, lifeless to the floor. I press my head back into the counter and stop looking at the body.

You did it again, Tris. You killed a person. You took another life when you could've avoided it. He didn't know what he was doing and that's how he died. I can feel wetness on my cheek and notice I'm starting to cry. No. No more. I wiped the tear away and struggled to get up.

Fuck. I can see my blood still spilling down my arm and to the floor. I set the gun down and pull out my phone. I call my 'trainer' or 'teacher'. They never seem to have any old people here. Everyone's young. Especially for trainers. "What's up? I'm getting back to the compound right now …" Luca says.

"Hurry to the compound. I was shot, but the guy is dead now. We need him erased and I need to get to the infirmary. I'll try to stop the bleeding." I say, running over to the guy then checking his pulse to confirm he's dead. I rip of some clothing from his shirt.

I can hear more movement through the phone. I'm sure he's running now. "Ok angel. I'm hurrying to the compound and I'll pick up one of the trucks. Where are you?"

"Near the bar, 'Electric'. Two blocks behind it and to your right you'll see a green building. It's the only one and it's abandoned. Oh, and Luca?" I roll my eyes.

"Yes?"

"Don't call me angel. I could probably chop your balls off and shove them down your throat."

"Ok my dark angel." I can basically hear the grin on his face before he hangs up.

"Ugh!" He's so frustrating. But I love him. Like family. He has nothing against Tobias.

I take the fabric in my hand and try my hardest to tie it under my shoulder. Considering I have to bend the arm with the bullet just to tie the knot, I have to bite my tongue to keep my screams in. It's starting to hurt now. My adrenaline is wearing off.

I don't know how I do it, but somehow I finally got my shoulder tied. Then I question if it was worth it. Because next thing you know, the truck is already outside. The door opens and Luca comes rushing to me, wrapping my in a hug, but making sure he doesn't touch my shoulder. He looks down at the ground. "God, angel you alright?"

I don't even answer. I just look straight at him with a glare. For a second, I wished Tobias was here so he would probably knock him straight and I would laugh. Even though I know Luca doesn't like me that way, I hate that he calls me that. Plus, I'm anything but an angel.

He rolls his eyes and I notice two other people who came in with Luca are taking the body. "I'm gonna take her back and get her to the infirmary. I'll come get you guys once she's dropped off." Luca states to the others and they nod their heads.

As we drive back to the compound, I'm starting to get tired. I'm sure I'm not dying; I'm just getting too tired trying to fight this pain. My eyelids are starting to drop and my head is lolling against the window. I feel fingers under my chin then I'm looking at Luca. "Don't fall asleep, angel. You're gonna worry me. Just stay awake until we get there. You can do that, right?" He asks.

I just nod my head. I don't want to speak. If he wants me to stay awake, I'm going to have to keep my energy.

I guess I'm so woozy that everything is happening so fast. Next thing you know, I'm in Luca's arms. Then I'm in the infirmary.

"Can I sleep now?" I ask out to anywhere, not knowing who was really around me.

"Yes, angel." I hear Luca's voice then turn my head to the side to see him with a reassuring smile on his face. He leans down to kiss my forehead then leaves. Dauntless really is like family to me. It's like I have brothers and sisters I was never really able to have.

I allow myself to doze off into the warmth of the bed and close my eyes. That's all I wanted to do tonight, the only difference was I wanted to be in Tobias's arms. This'll do though. I just hope I don't feel a thing. _Or am I already numbed?_ I don't remember much …

* * *

(Tobias POV)

For the past two weeks, Tris has been acting kind of strange. Maybe it's because of all the drama starting. We just started our relationship. _Don't we get a break before all this bullshit starts?_

I don't think it's ruining our relationship, but she has been becoming quieter. I wish she would just talk to me and tell her about everything. Relationships can't work when both refuse to talk. I don't want her to be like me.

She has been sleeping over at my apartment a little more. I think she doesn't really like to come because she thinks she annoys me. Little does she know I usually do nothing and I love having her in my presence. I love the constant kissing and little moans she gives out that tells me I'm satisfying her. I want to ask her to move in with me, but I need to slow it down a little now. We already said I love you too soon as other people would see it. Then we like to spend night together in bed. Plus, it's way too soon considering we've never touched each other like that.

The second day of Tris' new life as a member, I took her to go get a phone. She got the newest IPhone. I wanted her to get it, because as Dauntless members, we like them. If someone was to get hurt or something, we could use the tracking location to find them. Bad thing, its not good when there's stalkers.

I'm in my apartment, watching TV. We've agreed that she can come spend the night at least once every week. I argued that she can come over whenever, but she insisted it would annoy me after a while, so I let her win. I wish Tris never got in trouble so she didn't have to choose drug dealing. Not everyone has to do their jobs every day, except strippers and whores. Tris's job makes her have to be out most days. Mine, I have to be in the training room with the guys every day except for one, Sunday.

The only time we go to a competition is about once a month. Then all gangs decide to take a break the two months for training. Every time we get to training, we decide who we want still fighting for us and let them train on their own time. Although, they do have to be at every competition Dauntless goes to. I've already finished training for the day. I'm honestly unsure what's taking Tris forever. It's eleven and I know that deals do not take over an hour. Not even an hour. She left at nine!

About two minutes later, I hear a knock at the door. Finally! I open the door, but it's not who I expect to see. _Why is Zeke here? And what has him looking scared as shit?_ The worst scenarios are playing through my head. I know this has to do with Tris. And it's definitely not good if a Pedrad brother isn't anything but smiles and happiness.

"Zeke, what's wrong?" I ask, panicked.

"It's Tris." Zeke says. The way he says it has my heart racing in worry.

I decide to cut to the chase. "Where is she?"

"Infirmary." He says quickly.

"Can you get me in?" I ask as I put my shoes in.

I don't know how fast my hands are working, but by the time he says, "I don't know. Hopefully." my shoes are tied.

I jump out of the room and shut the door, Zeke takes off running and so do I. I'm happy his family is pretty fit because he's fast enough to stay in front of me instead of another person that would've told me and I would've just left them.

My heart must be racing so fast that it's the cause of my body moving like lightning. We're at the infirmary and I swear we were just in my apartment a second ago. "Woah. Woah. Sir. Hold on." I'm surprised to see Will here. Well, not all that surprised. With him trying to be friends with all of us, I'm surprised he called me 'sir', but not that much because I'm sure he's trying to keep everything formal.

He continues. "I know who you're here for. And hear me out before arguing." I decide not to fight against anyone. It would just cause chaos and I'd get nowhere. "Sit down and I'll explain everything." I look to Zeke and he gives a look as if to say, 'Just go with it.'

We sit down and Will stands in front of us. "Tris was shot in the shoulder. She was really lucky to not be shot in any major arteries. So she will be fine. However, the doctors are working on her right now so when they're done, I'll check in and ask if she'll allow visitors."

I'm pissed off. "Didn't they teach them how to disarm others or check for weapons before they sent them out? They were supposed to do that the first day." I growl through clenched teeth.

"And they did. The problem is, is not every time does it work. It's hard to see things at night. Even if it is taught, you must understand this does still happen. Tris is fine. She's just going to have to take some weeks off of work. Both inside and out."

"Weeks? Shouldn't it be like three months?" I ask. Even though I was shot before and I know that Dauntless wanted me back onto my feet as long as I said, 'okay', I want Tris to be totally fine.

"Should be. But you and I both know the maximum is one month. Unless it was near death."

"That was near fucking death."

"Look, Four." Will is talking to me man to man now. About time. "You and I both know this is a fucked up place." He says lowly so nobody can hear. "I'm sure you've been shot yourself, and even though this is your girlfriend, you can't exactly do anything about it unless you pay Dauntless back. I shouldn't have to explain this." Well. I fucking tried.

"I get it. I know." I end the shit – talking session. "When will she be okay to go in?"

"Could take an hour. The doctors are pretty fast. Then she'll have to stay here for five days to make sure she's doing fine. Then she can go to her apartment and take a break."

Fine. If that's how it's going to be, I'll just pay Dauntless until she says she is okay. And I'll make sure she actually is. "Okay. Just between us, do not tell her that she has a month limit, okay?" Will seems confused but then understands and nods his head.

* * *

 _1 hour later_

Will comes from the surgery room and looks at me. "You can go in. Don't touch her wound, okay?" He smiles. "She insisted you come see her even though her nurse insisted she gets rest before hand."

I smile thinking of my defiant girl. "Okay." I say.

I look at Zeke but he shakes his head. "I'll see you later. I'm sure she just wants to see you right now." He says with a smile as we stand. He claps my shoulder then leaves. It's nice to know that he actually cared enough to sit here for nothing then leave. I make my way to the room. I slowly make my way in so I don't startle her or anyone.

Tris is on the bed hooked up to an IV. She looks so awake. Like nothing happened to her. There's a nurse in there, but I don't pay much attention as she moves around the room.

Tris looks towards the door and smiles when she looks at me. I return the smile. I move towards her and pull out a chair to move it to the side of her bed. I run a hand through her hair as I sit down. I place a kiss on her lips and start to pull away, but before I can, her hands move to the back of my neck and pull me down towards her.

She hisses in pain and I pull away. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" I ask. She shook her head.

"No, just got caught in the moment and forgot I got shot in the arm." She says with a small laugh.

Oh yeah. I don't understand how I forgot about her being hurt when we're clearly in the infirmary. "What happened?" I look around at her body to see her hospital shirt pulled down a little to see a bullet wound in her left shoulder.

"Just something that happens once in a while, Four." She tries to reassure me with a small voice.

I sigh. "Yeah, I know. I can't really say much about that, can I?"

She frowns and shakes her head a little. "Did they tell you when you can get out?" I ask.

"They said in about two weeks, they'll check if I can leave then go back to work when I feel better." I smile. Good. They didn't tell her.

"I'm glad you're okay." I said. I put my head on her good shoulder and closing my eyes, with my arm wrapped around her, but not tight.

Our moment is soon interrupted by the door opening. I sigh and move from her. I roll my eyes and Tris giggles.

A guy is in here. He's about five – eight. He has brown eyes and light brown hair. _What the hell is another guy doing in this room with her?_ I look at him with a skeptical look. I hear Tris mask a giggle behind me.

"Hey angel." He says then walks up to her, placing a kiss on her forehead. _Why is he calling her angel? Why did he just touch my girl and kiss her? Who does he think he is? Does he not see me here?_ Get out.

She glares at him. I'm sure I have a cocky, satisfied smile on my face right now.

"Who are you?" I ask, trying to sound like 'Four'.

"I'm her trainer. For drug dealing." He adds. Ok. I meant your name, fool. _And why are you getting so close to your students?_ Gah, Tobias, you're being stupid now. You did that with Tris. Now look. You love her. But still.

Even though Tris and I already had that conversation, I mumble, "Not that good apparently."

I hear a sigh from Tris. I'm sure they both heard me. "Don't mind him. He's just a pain … in the ass." Tris adds and I look at her surprised. This 'angel' just grew some horns.

"I understand. It's cool, dude. I'm not into her like that." He says. I don't think that helps your case.

But instead of coming between her friendships, I just nod my head. "He'll come around." Tris says.

The guy chuckles. "Well, I just came to see if you're okay now." Of course. I'm here. "See you later, angel." The guy says and winks. _Is he just trying to get a rise out of me?_ 'Cause its working.

"So who was that?" I ask, looking to Tris.

"My handsome trainer." Tris says with a giggle.

I clench my jaw. "I think I got that. What's his name?"

"Luca. Nice name huh?"

"Yea…" I mumble.

"But why would I want a handsome trainer with a nice name when I have my own hot trainer with a hot name?" She says with a smile. I guess they both were really trying to just mess with me.

"I better be the only trainer you lay hands on." I say then stand and lean over her, putting both hands on each side of her, careful not to touch her. I lean down and she meets me half way, capturing her lips.

She sinks back into the bed and I deepen the kiss. I can't help myself. My heart was beating when I got the news. I was worried about her. She could've been taken from me today. I needed to be closer to her. I wanted to be with her always. I wanted to only see a smile on her face all the way until her last days. I pulled away and there was the smile on her face that put one on mine.

* * *

 _2 weeks later (sorry if I disappointed you guys with the kind of long skip in the middle of a chapter)_

I got a text from Tris saying she was finally being released from the infirmary. She seems so insistent on me to 'hurry my ass up and get her out of there'. I chuckle at her text.

I finally finish up at work and decide to get Tris now. She's been waiting long enough. I make my way to my or … our apartment? Anyways, I make my way to the apartment to get some clothes for her. I took her clothes from that place and had them cleaned.

When I open my apartment, I ponder on what she'd actually want to wear. I'm sure that she'll want to take a shower after all that time so I don't exactly want her to put on clothes that need to be washed five minutes later. I see her old grey jacket and grab it. Then I grab a pair of shorts. The jacket might take weight off her shoulder and she may feel better.

When I finally get into Tris's room at the infirmary, her eyes light up and she looks really happy. "Take me away!" She exclaims. I mask my laugh with a cough.

"You have to wait for them to take everything off and sign you out, Tris." I say.

She huffs and rolls her eyes.

A nurse comes in, taking the IV carefully out of Tris's arm. She cleans her arm then moves to the wound. She cleans and takes care of the wound before giving Tris a small pat on the lap. The nurse smiles. "You're good to go. We already signed you out and I was told to let you go." Before Tris can get up, the nurse gives her information. "When you clean yourself off, we usually would rather have plastic over your wound, whether bath or not. Now, we don't want water getting into it so that's why we normally tell people to take a shower. But for you, a bath would work better because your shoulder wouldn't touch the water. I don't want you moving that arm until we have a look at it, so Four here can help you so you don't get water on the wound if he will help clean you." The nurse turns and walks to the door. I'm there, in shock and Tris's mouth is open in shock. I chuckle. As she reaches the door she turns and says, "Oh, and I'll lock the door so no one will come in as you change." The nurse leaves and I hear the lock of the door.

I clear my throat and when I look to Tris, she immediately blushes. I laugh. "Tris. You know I won't touch you or hurt you. Now here." I place the clothes on the bed and se bits her lip, contemplating something. "What's wrong?"

"Umm … I'm not supposed to … move my arm … like that." She gulps.

She stands and I walk up to her, holding her hips. "I'll help you. I won't touch you. And I won't look. Okay?"

She nods. I reassure her by leaning down and pressing a small kiss to her lips.

I stand behind Tris and unzip the clothing Tris is wearing. I pinch the top together so nothing will show as I unzip it. "Turn around." I say, moving my arm so it's behind her as I look at her face. I let my fingers go and the clothing drops. It takes everything in me not to have a glance, but I respect her. I grab the jacket, and help her into it, letting her look while I kept my eyes on her face. She started the zipper and I finished it. I reached behind me, grabbed the shorts and leaned down, keeping my eyes up still. I brought the shorts up after she stepped in then zipped it up and close the button. The blush never left her face.

"Thank you, Tobias." I know she's not just thanking me for helping her, but respecting her wishes no matter how hard I wanted to steal a glance at her beautiful body.

"Anything for you, baby." I peck her lips.

"You know you don't have to watch over me, Tobias. You deserve a break." She says as we walk out the infirmary and to the apartments.

"It's not like I'm pressured, Tris. I have no problem taking care of you. Plus, if you want to go do something, you can go. You can go hang out with Christina or ... other friends." That other dude. _What was his name?_ _Lucky? Sucka?_ I don't care. "I'm not trapping you. But. I want you to mind how much your arm can take so no lifting and crap like that."

I open the door to the apartment and Tris sits down. I turn on the TV, but she pays no mind to it. She seems lost in her own world. I don't want to go back to this again.

"Babe, no more. What's wrong?" I ask.

"Well … Tobias it's two things. But, can we just worry about the problem now and forget about the other one?" So she's still trying to avoid what's been on her mind ever since that underground fight. I sigh.

"Okay. Fine. I respect that. But what's the problem currently?"

"Well, I want to take a bath, because I'm dirty but … I still have that fear…" She bites her lip. I cup her cheek and pull her lip from her teeth with my thumb.

I give her a small kiss. "If you want to take a bath, you can take a bath. If you just want to soak in it, that's fine. If you want me to help … clean you, just ask. I'm not going to look at you like prey. I'm not going to … touch you like that. I wouldn't do that. I'm not going to take advantage of you. The day you tell me you're ready, I will only please you. The night will only be filled with pleasure then I have you fall asleep in my arms with a smile on your face. But tonight is not the night." I rub my thumb over her cheek.

She nods. "I trust you." I'm not really sure about that, but I promised her I won't touch her like that in any way.

After making sure the door was locked, we made our way to the bathroom. "Are you sure?" I ask.

She sucks in a breath and nods. "I need words, Tris."

"Yes. I'm sure. You won't look, right?" She asks.

"I will only look when I wash you. But I could put soap in to cause bubbles so I won't see your areas…" I say.

"Can you do that?" She asks. I'm sure this made her feel a lot better.

I smile and kiss her forehead. "Of course."

I start the bath and keep my hand under the water until its warm then plug the drain. "Ready?" I ask her. She nods. "Since I don't have plastic bags lying around, I'm gonna go grab some gauze and put it over your wound with some medical tape. I won't get the tape near the wound, though so it won't pull stitches or anything."

I go back into the room and grab the gauze and tape from a drawer. I set it down on the counter then look at the tub. It's halfway filled so I add some soap. I don't want a lot of bubbles, though. I don't want it getting into the wound.

I grab her shorts and pull them down until she can get her leg out of them. Then her underwear. Then I pull the back of her shirt over her head then pull it down so it comes off. I decide to put the gauze on then the tape. I do it carefully. "Would you like to get in first before I take off your …" I clear my throat. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ I have never had this problem in front of a woman.

"Please." She says. I nod and turn off the water. I think she can sit up without having bubbles reaching of to her shoulder or water. I wrap my arm carefully around her waist and help her in, all while keeping my eyes averted from her … parts.

She leans forward a little as she sits in the tub and I put my hand behind her, unsnapping her bra. She intakes a sharp breath of air. Yeah, I know, it's hard for me too. As she leans back, I pull the straps back so she's now completely naked in my tub.

"Mmm" She moans, enjoying the water probably. That did not help my case.

"Move up a little and lean your head back." I say as I stand to grab the shower head that comes off. It has a handle and it can transfer back into its place as a regular shower head. Not sure what it's called. All I know is its handy right now.

I turn on the water a little bit and move to rinse her hair. Once it's all wet, I grab the shampoo and massage it into her hair. "That feels so good." She says then blushes. I chuckle and kiss her cheek. Once it's done, I turn the water back on again and rinse her hair. The water isn't dark but it's darker. I take a rag, spray it, turn off the water, squeeze it, and then put soap on it.

I try to stay away from the top of her left arm. I just clean underneath the wound of her left arm. I start to clean the rest of her body then look at her when I reach her breasts. "I won't touch you like that, okay?" I say and she nods. I smile at how much she trusts me and I start my way down slowly.

God, I want to massage those beauties, even though I can't see them, or really feel them, but I respect her and I quickly finish and clean her stomach and back. Then I move downwards. This is the worst part to touch a woman. I hope she doesn't freak out. I glide my hand up and down once on her clit. She bites her lip and it makes me wonder if it actually made her feel good. But I'm not going to explore that right now. I promised to not touch her at a time like this without her consent. I clean her perfect butt as she rises a little then I clean her legs. I rinse her off carefully, making sure not to get water on her wound.

I unplug the drain then grab the towel from the holder. I hold it up to shield my eyes as I help her up and out. I dry pat the upper half of her dry then wrap the towel around her. I grab another smaller towel to dry her hair.

I let her lay in the bed until she's dry with the towel. When she's finally dry, I help her into some sweatpants and a t-shirt. She didn't want to bother with a bra or underwear. She just wanted to get clothed ASAP. Once she's finally taken care of and rested, I lean over the bed and give her a long – needed kiss.

"I need to go to work." I say with a smile. She pouts and I chuckle. "No fights today. I'll be back. And I'll bring food."

"Thank you for everything, Tobias." She smiles.

"I'll always take care of my girl when she's in need." I chuckle and give her a kiss before making my way out to work, making sure to lock the door behind me.

I can't help but have everything replay in my mind.

First, I could've lost her two weeks ago.

Now, I don't know what happened, but I'm surprised she trusted me so much with the past I have.

And I trust her.


	14. Chapter 14

This story will be continued during the summer! :D Please, follow my account on Wattpad DarkenInRegret. The stories there are easier to upload because I only have 3k words per chapter. On here, each chapter is 10k+.


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